Your Early Afternoon Slate Open Thread

Oak @ Det: The Raiders have given up more than 400 yards rushing their last two games. They have a chance to get things under control against a Lions run game whose best individual performance this year is 56 yards. (6 QB’s have done better than that so far) The Lions stunned the Pack and pretty much anyone that has a functioning cortex last week. The secondary came up big but they’re banged up this week. You may want to start TE Ebron this week-the Raiders have given a TD to opposing tight ends in 8 out of 9 games this year.

Ind @ Atl: Both of these teams can’t stop anyone at this moment in time so I think that this tilt will be a high-scoring affair that leans towards the home team. Look for the Colts O to adopt more of a West Coast look to in order to better exploit Hasselbeck’s skill-set. That means short crossing routes galore and a heavy dose of the Gore. Atlanta has gotten lucky this year. They’ve played against 4 QB backups so far and sport a 3-1 record against them. They get their fifth in Hasselbeck.

NYJ @ Hou: S Pryor is back for the Jets and the team couldn’t be happier. With him in the lineup opposing QB’s had a 3-6 TD/Intercept ratio. Without him it’s 12-4. Of course injuries to Skrine, Bailey and Cromartie (that’s just the DB’s) may have been a factor as well-I’m not a scientist. If your running game consists of handoffs to the likes of Grimes, Polk and Blue, I’d guess that you’re in a world of trouble going up against the Jetski’s massive D-line and capable ‘backers. Here’s something you don’t usually associate with a 4-5 team. Houston hasn’t allowed a touchdown in 10 straight quarters. JJ Watt will be the first to condescendingly tell you that it’s a team effort but the first to think to himself that it’s all because of him. Yee Haw! TJ Yates gets fed to the wolves today.

TB @ Phi: Tampa is 3-2 in their last five which doesn’t seem like much until you compare it to being 3-23 before that. (slow) Progress! We do like to make fun of HC Smith’s in-game decisioning but his D has responded very well as the season has progressed. The talent was there all along-LB’s David and Alexander, DE’s McCoy and Smith and S McDougald all have above average talent and it’s beginning to shine. Lock up your daughters-it’s Sanchez time. Pedo brings his awesome 4-4 record to bear on an adequate offense that is having trouble scoring. Versus last year at this time the Eagles are down a full converted TD per game. Have teams figured out what HC Kelly is putting out there or is the system held down by god-awful QB play? I’m leaning towards the latter myself.

Den @ Chi: Methinks this is the game that will grab the attention of the majority of zee commenters. I mean, it’s got everything. It’s just that it would take too long to list them all. This one doesn’t look good for Denver, does it? The D has fallen apart and now they’re up against a cool cat at the QB spot that has a scorching 82.6 QBR since week six. Can Osweiler throw beyond 15 yards? A guy like WR Sanders might end up appreciating someone doing that. Denver hasn’t lost three in a row in 4 years until now. Langford has done much more than just fill in for Forte. Jeffery is a game-time decision as is Forte. Don’t you think they’ll keep both out of the game so that they’re good to go against Green Bay in 5 day’s time? If the Bears can get these two wins their season can be turned around in very short order.

StL @ Bal: HC Fisher must be desperate, turning to QB Case Keenum and his 34.5 QBR. His Rams coaching obit will most likely have “Against all common sense, he gave the reins over to Keenum” figuring prominently. Which brings us to the question of “how long will it take for Sean Mannion to get a look-see?”. If you are a Balti-moron (sp?) and are at the game you will get a commemorative coin today! You can use it to not-buy an imitation McCrab cake at your local McDonald’s.

Dal @ Mia: “Huzzah, Romo’s back!” say Cowboys fans and certain fantasy owners much like myself. What? At least I’ve still got my…..uh, thing? [checks] Yes, I still have my thing. Dallas is -2 and I’d jump on that like a Texas hick would his cousin. Suh sure does like his Campbell. He’s more than doubled his tackles, has 4 sacks and has disrupted 8 passes. It’s just a matter of time before he feels like his old self and steps on someone’s face.

Was @ Car: Cousins helped himself to the N.O. D and yours truly to a blow-out fantasy win in my money league. The Slurs have allowed 150 rush yards in 5 straight and it looks to be 6 after today. In PFF overall standings the Panthers have jumped ahead of the P*ts as the number 1 team. This means very little. Ginn bounced back last week but pre-season fantasy darling Devin Funchess gets his very first start today. At 6’5″ and 230 he’s a load.

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bourb0nblues

Halftime snacktime – preparation is key.

http://i.imgur.com/k2ht5b6.gif

Doktor Zymm

Welp, that whole “keeping up with Carolina” thing was fun while it lasted. My pessimism wins again!

Bortleback

Skins gonna Skin

blaxabbath

::Checks fantasy team::

“Oh good, I’m playing against Cam.”

::Puts gun in mouth::

Redshirt

So how is Not Peyton?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Depends on if the defense tries on a play, mostly good/ok-ish

Doktor Zymm

Hey guys, did you know that Tiny Darren is short?

Gratliff

Holy shit. Did he just say “Gets a false start….thing” as a professional broadcaster?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Ok, Romo. I see ya.

Gratliff

Save us, Tiny Darren!

Doktor Zymm

Huh. This horrible pizza is actually slightly better cold. Either that or it’s my choice of $8/bottle wine pairing.

entropy

Probably the wine.

Romonobyl

Oh so we’re too good for boxed wine are we?

Doktor Zymm

I buy it in bulk via the internets.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Gonna lean toward the wine. What $8 wine did you choose to pair with it?

Doktor Zymm

It is apparently “Burke family reserve cabernet” vintage 2013

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I didn’t know Robert Turbin still existed.

Doktor Zymm

I dated a guy named Matt Jones once. Not the same guy.

John Difool

Did he drop a lot of shit?

Sharkbait

She said Matt Jones, not Najeh Davenport

...

The day Najeh Davenport poop jokes are lost to history is the day I know I will die because life would have lost its meaning.

Doktor Zymm

Just acid.

entropy

If you have to drop something, that’s probably the best thing to drop.

John Difool

Hola Amigos….. and fuck you Matt Jones.

Brocky

I know right. He had such potential to be a great receiver for the jaguars

blaxabbath

Kuekly (sp?) looks like his hair is sprayed with Halloween Black Hair Spray.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Slurs Fumbre

entropy

Look, FOX, I will watch your Lucifer show mostly to see how you handle Mazikeen and her half-rotted face, but Jan 25 is two god damn months away. Settle down on the advertising.

Doktor Zymm

My desire to see Jameis Winston fail is at conflict with my desire to see the Eagles lose to the Buccs in hilarious fashion.

Romonobyl

Romo sacked on the 4 yard line, his left arm is still in the endzone. SAFETY!

blackroseMD1

Having a 12 foot long arm would make Romo an amazing QB in my opinion.

Gratliff

The way the Bucs are moving reminds me of the first game played in the Linc. First game after losing to the Bucs at the Vet in the NFC Championship. 20 minutes of fireworks, AC/DC laser show…blown out of the fucking water by the Bucs.

King Hippo

Hey, I got my BradshawDOWN!

King Hippo

INFINITE NFC East

Sharkbait

It’s perfectly acceptable for me to shun my finace if she makes the playoffs in our league and I don’t right?

King Hippo

It would be weird if you didn’t.

Sill Bimmons
entropy

Required, I believe.

Gratliff

Holy jesus fuck, Eagles. Run D is supposed to be the thing you don’t suck at.

Romonobyl

Gotta dress warmly for those those winter games!
comment image

Doktor Zymm

It’s probably worth challenging any incomplete pass call nowadays, since they basically just flip a coin to determine the result of the challenge.

Sill Bimmons

WHY ISN’T THAT A SAFETY

Brocky

Because manning.

…wait a second

Gratliff

Poor Zack Ertz. Looks like he’s destined to be a never was.

Sill Bimmons

It’s the scabies.

Sill Bimmons

Ted Ginn, Jr.: Doing less with more since 2007.

Doktor Zymm

Are the Skins just seeing how many half the distance to the goal penalties it takes before that distance is too small to be measured with current NFL technology?

entropy

The “Zeno’s Paradox Defense” in action.

Sill Bimmons

1st and goal on the Planck Length.

blaxabbath

“Look, Roger Goodell saw the readout of the mass spectrometer, we didn’t. His decision to place the ball on the 20 and spot 20 points to the Seahawks cannot be questioned because we did not see the readout.” – PK

::TMS obtains readout three weeks later showing Johnny Manziel punching his girlfriend in the back of the head while driving drunk::

“I had a good source, I think. Now for my MVP picks!…”

Nuts

entropy

Is this the 3rd 1st and goal due to penalty Carolina has gotten?

Brocky

Bolden faking an aneurysm. Smart play

Gratliff

Is he also an Eagles fan? It may not be faking.

blaxabbath

Are the Slurs only playing with 9 Defensive Slurs on the field? When CAR is on the 2, they shouldn’t be able to lob a floater to the middle of the end zone and the WR is wide open.

bourb0nblues

Here comes your Cam Newton 1 yd TD run…

King Hippo

NAWT Funchess AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Sill Bimmons

Well! I happen to like enjoying board games of skill!

Doktor Zymm

At least all these flags make a Jay Gruden firing more likely.

King Hippo

why grab Ginn? Not like he gon catch it.

blaxabbath

I like how Ted Ginn Jr looks all pissed that he got PI’d. Like he was gonna make that catch anyways.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I haven’t seen CBS Limitless. Is it as stupid as it sounds?

entropy

Come on. It’s a CBS show. It’s probably DUMBER.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I watched it first out of weird interest. Actually turned out good enough to keep watching. Ads are fucking terrible but it is CBS

Glorious Chairman Dan

The last time [*Redacted] s got robbed that hard, South Dakota became a state.

Sill Bimmons

The Gadsden Purchase would like a word.

Sill Bimmons

Might as well say, “I hate you and you’re awful but there’s nobody else to do this, so don’t fuck it up so badly that it can’t be fixed by a competent person later.”

entropy

Does the phrase “meat raffle” make anyone else laugh and cringe simultaneously?

Sill Bimmons

That call against Culliver is the worst call I’ve ever seen.

Sill Bimmons

Greg Olsen go so owned on that Culliver’s great-great-great grandkids will be collecting.

Ryan Fitzpatrick wants to die.

entropy

“I can’t take going to an 8th team next year, I just can’t.”

Doktor Zymm

THE BALL IS THE HOT POTATO

entropy

Holy shit that was amazing, Slurs.