Den @ SD: QB Osweiler has won his first two starts (tries to beat pundits to the punch) thanks to the extraordinary coaching he’s getting from The Peyton. The Chargers beat the Jags last week to halt a six game skid. Now they’re up against Denver and it’s time to embrace another L. Perhaps the Bolts fan site that I visited should take a cue from a Niners site-start examining the teams that are jockeying for the #1 pick in the 2016 draft and see which player they should covet.
KC @ Oak: The Chiefs are nothing if not inconsistently consistent. A five game losing streak has been followed by a five game win streak. During the W run QB Spaghetti Arm has the highest QBR rating. (103) Take that, all you rifle-armed bastards! Of course he’s only thrown 6 TD’s in that time but you can’t have everything, can you? There’s good news for Oakland-the Chiefs leading sack-meister has been ruled out and Berry, Halia and Bailey are all beaten up. The Raiders squeaked by the lousy Titans last week. This young (Woodson is excluded of course) team is still learning all about that whole “consistency” thing.
Car @ NO: As far as up-and-coming stars are concerned you could do worse than dialing in on CB Josh Norman battling with WR Cooks. As for the Panthers WR’s they can’t wait to be matched up on Saints CB Browner, PFF’s worst-ranked at his position. Under HC Payton the Saints have never been a 7 point dog at home. That speaks well of the job he has done and the perceived advantage that NO has at home.
Phi @ NE: RB Murray gets the start because Matthews is out. [peruses a number of Eagles-related sites] There’s not a lot to like about Philly right now. The D has collapsed and the O is stuck in neutral. It would seem as though HC Kelly has lost the team and is playing out the string. The Gronk is out so TE Chandler becomes a nice play at that spot. Despite being banged up everywhere I doubt the Pats will have much trouble dispatching the Eagles.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Zach Ertz!
Zach Ertz who?
I just dropped that onside kick, so my Zach Ertz!
What the fuck are you doing Philadelphia?
Being Philadelphia?
http://giant.gfycat.com/PrestigiousEnergeticDeviltasmanian.gif
Zach Ertz, shithead
Oh. Shit.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/1531ab84bd025014f24636725c031f65/tumblr_ntre9nQW8S1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/267f91bcd6b77103fba656d37f7ad543/tumblr_nsiai0CcK41u9mlrzo1_500.gif
“So…come here often?”
Fuck you so fucking much Eagles. YOU HAD ONE JOB!
http://49.media.tumblr.com/06bad03bd556e1ccbf476bdfce915a55/tumblr_nsrk7nxsrP1rob81ao4_r1_250.gif
Fucking Eagles derp on the onside kick
Ruh Roh
Not watching the game, I fully expect the officials to go into full on “protect New England” mode.
This Carolina D…
http://i.imgur.com/vJ17R.gif
Just sat on that pass…
http://40.media.tumblr.com/97dad42ade2bbdbcf1c2496eba65a4b8/tumblr_naq0vvzeXG1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Red Zone has failed me. What glorious thing is happening in Patriotsville?
Sadly, for me, cue the comeback.
Fucking Drew Brees….
http://45.media.tumblr.com/44278f04d177043b1b816711e253b3b7/tumblr_nsrk7nxsrP1rob81ao9_r1_250.gif
BREESCEPTION!
Holy shit there’s TWELVE MINUTES LEFT in the Car/NO game.
NE is two touchdowns away from Philadelphia burning to the ground.
http://i1.tribune.com.pk/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/880033-Wall_of_Fire_by_JJenkinsPhotography-1430600351.jpg
Uh oh. It begins?
Having a defense is a nice feeling.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just came back from picking up my daughter. It was 21-14 Eagles when I left. What the hell happened?
Also Brady is my FF QB and I’m sure this is costing me a win but God help me I’ll take this every time!
Yup. You’re going down.
Carolina’s the new SB favorite, right? This New England team isn’t doing dick at this rate.
Carolina’s schedule has been a joke. That they have one loss shows they are not for real.
They’ll be aggravating again if/when the get Gronk back.
When they get Gronk and Edelman back they’ll be a much different team. It kills me to say that.
It’s been a rough day for kickers
When you got to perform…you just got to play through it…
WOW. Ted Ginn is one frustrating player.
He used to piss me off so bad, because no matter what shitty team he was on, he would find a way to make great plays against the Jets. The rest of the team could drive a short bus straight to a lobotomy, but Ginn would suddenly became a hall of famer.
Butterfingersdown!
GINNDOWN 2: This again
Old sure handed Ted Ginn….
BOO. Donks don’t attempt meaningless FG to help my fantasy situation. Instead boot 12 yard punt.
Ahahhahaha, motherfuckers! Timbers are MLS Cup champions!
(So how are the afternoon games going?)
You keep your football out of my football!!!!
Timbers almost outscored the Rams. So that’s good.
Good fundamental tackle by NO there.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/barkpost-assets/50+GIFs/1.gif
I’m back…I fell asleep…
Too bad she smokes. Aren’t her lungs going through enough?
She smokes? 0/10, would not bang
Super hot red head can do whatever she wants
Wait – I thought Tom Brady was on a mission this season?
Perhaps he needs Dr Guerrero to up his PED dosage?
Bill Simmons is probably drafting angry tweets comparing this decline to the last season of Scrubs or some shit.
The last season of Scrubs was dogshit, but so were the previous three or four.
This just in: Matt Damon has gone back to Mars. Film at 11:00.
Darren Sproles in year 2 of the “Fuck New Orleans” tour.
FACK YOU
FACK YOU
FACK YOU YOU FACKIN FACKS
YOUR TEARS YOUR SWEET SWEET SALTY TEARS
THEY ARE LIKE MANNA FROM HEAVEN TO ME
WEEP, BOSTON! WEEP, WORCESTER!!! WEEP ALL YOU LITTLE RACIST ENCLAVES OF NEW ENGLAND!!!!
(I can’t really remember, isn’t that how it went when the Pats were fucking everyone over the past few months?)
y u so jelly
http://jelly.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Jelly_strap9cm.jpg
Kansas City has learned it’s lesson. Successful two-pointer!
The steelers came to a similar conclusion at the start of the season when their kicker was also complete dogshit
I wonder if we should change our name from Door Flies Open to NO ONE DENIES THIS!
I wouldn’t deny it.
Not sure how the numbers crunch exactly but it sure seems that:
NFC East > AFC East
If the scores hold, the Pats fall from the #1 seed to the #3 seed.
Please Donks and Bungles do the thing. The good thing.
They can’t both in out though, they play each other in a few weeks (in Denver).
Tie?
Plausible considering all the “football” we have seen this year
NO WAY! Tie is the only way P*ts get the 1 seed back! Donks must win out.
Does Chip Kelly keep his job after this?
No, but this delays the fans firebombing his house by one week.
My god this is just too good to be true. The Jets win in the most Jets fashion I can imagine, and the Eagles are destroying the goddamn Patriots, at home, no less. I watched the second half of the Jets/Giants game at that Giants bar I mentioned a month or so ago, and for much of my time there, I was the sole Jets fan, and the object of much derision.
When things started going downhill for the Jints, I put away my phone and just began to enjoy things. I have been doing exactly that since the end of that game, and basically the start of this one. Today is glorious.
CARRPICKSIXCEPTION!
Did Carr have a stroke at halftime?
They swapped him for his brother
David Carr is never a good idea
derek carr you unbelievable fucktard
http://afrossip.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/cristina-hendricks-frazierharrison-gettyimages1.jpg
That poor dress…
Just saw the clip of Brady as a receiver.
How the fuck was he not destroyed by the PHI secondary? Those fuckers. I hope their plane goes down after they beat NE.
I want incompetent Bradford back
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqihaEPq_lY
NOT TODAY!
Incompetent Bradford never left.
Competent D/ST showed up.
Damn you and your correctness
http://i.imgur.com/62LG5xy.jpg
I NEVER DOUBTED YOU CHIP
/reads post from beginning of game, hates self more.
http://i.imgur.com/6PlRXhI.gif
Just because they got by the de-Gronked P*ts doesn’t make him any less of an idiot.