NE @ Hou: The Gronk is listed as Questionable. The player most statistically invested in him playing is not Gronk, it’s Br*dy. Mike Sando has pointed out that since 2010 when Gronk entered the league, Brady is 182/42 with respect to TD/Int’s when the former is on the field. When Gronk is not on the field that ratio falls to 42/19. And so it goes-Brady’s passer rating falls from 104 to 86.8. His QBR falls from 72 down to 59.5. Brady’s TD rate with Gronk on the field? 6.7%. Off the field? 3.5. Stats-wise, that porno star-boinking tight end is more valuable to the O than anyone else. “That’s all well and good”, says JJ Watt, “but has he ever squealed with delight when meeting Jennifer Aniston?”.
http://i.imgur.com/JxnY8v0.gifv
Fuck yo flags and yo boots!!!
And fuck yo couch!
And fuck your pie!
I’ve always wanted to do this with a rental car…
http://i.imgur.com/xQdBZ.gif
Bleergh. Stahp.
Amendola could be the first Italian American I have ever flat out loathed.
I own many bathrobes. This is a new bathrobe, but it is the best bathrobe. Of the many, excellent, praiseworthy ways to not wear pants, this is a new #1.
This is my bathrobe. There are many like it, but this one is mine. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my bathrobe is useless. Without my bathrobe, I am useless. I must fire my bathrobe true. I must shoot straighter than the enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. My bathrobe and I know that what counts in war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, or the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit.
My bathrobe is human, even as I am human, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will keep my bathrobe clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other.
Before God I swear this creed. My bathrobe and I are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until victory is America’s and there is no enemy.
Oh well done. But I’m not giving my bathrobe a girl’s name and killing myself with it. Damn good movie though. We are all snipers.
HAIL BLEERGH!!
Collinsworth’s breakfast:
1. Small orange, sectioned.
2. Bran muffin: cranberry and orange
3. Cup of almond milk
4. Pint glass of Brady’s jizz.
I assume the almond milk is for his Earl Grey?
Nice float, Brady.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/719thUGYXLL._SX355_.jpg
THAT’S RACI…wait…maybe…
God. Dammit.
How was that successful
What are we gonna run?
The Wildcat!
What does every nfl defense know how to stop?
The Wildcat!
Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, or Julia Louis-Dreyfus?
F, K, M
Yes.
Plus I would to know the name of the anti-aging juice/Doctor they use.
I’m kinda afraid to check my fantasy team, even though I sat Devonta and relegated Julio to the flex, cause I heard a rumor that the Falcons got scorelesshatefucked.
Naw, it’s cool. JORDAN REED! HAIL TO THE [*Redacted] S!
“Now that’s a beautiful tureen”, said no straight guy ever.
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
RE: That picture of Gronk and Anniston, I bet the post photo op was 100% anal.
Chris Ivory also went to Tiffin University. What a pipeline!
WHAT A COUNTRY
http://i.imgur.com/gzFUqAi.gifv
NOOOOOPE
NOPE NOPE NOPE
“Y’know, you can just walk across the roof sir.”
Its less impressive when you see this guys selfie:
http://img.lum.dolimg.com/v1/images/open-uri20150422-20810-r3neg5_4c4b3ee3.jpeg
I wonder how many fucktards kill themselves doing shit like that.
That supports my theory that Intelligent Design and Natural Selection can both be true.
Its the leading cause of death in white people…
doing “Stupid Shit”…
Thing about seeing players live. Some of them are actually pretty small, like Jamison Crowder. Some of them are not, but are also awesome like Knighton. Dude has a gut, is a winner today.
I have beer. I have no sandwich. But this is a super comfy robe. Gronk is in? Gronk should bring me a sandwich.
A MAN sandwich, amirite kthxby?
Specify exactly the sandwich you want.
One wrong syllable and instead of a pastrami on rye, he dry humps your face.
I’m really curious about which syllable leads to this, cause I’m a huge fan of pastrami on rye. With mustard. And sauerkraut.
Perhaps a Manwich?
http://www.conagrafoods.com/images/our_food/brands/page_headers/img_manwich_hdr.png
Hermes is my soulmate. http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7ztulAlwt1rzwedio1_500.png
Peyton Manning? Check.
Andy Dalton? Check.
Tom Brady? …
Things do happen in threes.
Did Nate Washington just say Tiffin University?
Indeed.
The Dragons!
Admit it everyone, we’re rooting for JJ to take out Tawmy
The only reason I’m listening.
Maybe JJ can take out both his own Achilles when celebrating that sack.
Wait…Pats/Texans? THIS is what I fell asleep, woke up, realized I had no clothes on, found a really comfy robe and changed the channel for?!
There’s a “Thanks Obama” in there somewhere…
QUICK, drink before your brain realizes it should be hungover
A brief history into Cincinnati sports fans pain. We don’t produce sadness in a factory; we radiate it from our pores.
http://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/columnists/paul-daugherty/2015/12/13/doc-andy-dalton-injury-latest-history-cincinnati-bengals-heartbreak/77259652/
who is Bro Country Macklemore for Watt?
Any and all of those so-called “musicians.”
F***, Marry, Kill
Tom Brady, Cris Collinsworth, Donald Trump
GO!
F,M,K:
Brady, Trump, Collinsworth.
He’s the prettiest; he’s rich and old; process of elimination.
Are we the top or bottom?
Power bottom.
You HAVE to show interest. No going limp…
Assuming I get to top,
F Donald Trump, but using unlubricated condom.
M Brady, he’s got lot’s of money, and I’m assuming this is a polyandrous society, I’m married Giselle.
K Collinswirth
Hemlock.
Kill Collinsworth. No jury on the planet would convict me.
Fuck Donald Trump. Granted I have technically done worse things…just imagine the payday to keep your mouth shut about it!
Marry Tom Brady. I would put up with his playboy ways because he could afford my lifestyle. Plus my god man…if I got to fuck someone once a year on his birthday…he is the easiest of the three on the eye…
http://firsttoknow.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Tom_Brady_NFL_Shirtless_Photos_445.jpg
Sunday Night Football in America broadcast manages to capture everything I detest about football and America.
Its kind of majestic in a way…
Relevant
https://youtu.be/FAI8it97MxE?t=1m52s
Not really watching football today. Did Watt kill T*m yet?
Cap those oil wells
I want the Texans to demolish the Pats just for the pure drama that would ensue in the NFL world.
I just watched a bunch of Klingons attach some Nazis. I have a feeling this will be the highlight of my night.
Sounds like Bob Costas is losing his voice. Perhaps God has a touch of mercy in Him/Her after all?
For dinner, I am going with an authentic and artisan poppy tea, closing out the evening drooling and laughing at my living room wall…
(from my Pillow Fort of Sulking)
Patriots suck!
I read that as Fort Pillow.
http://i.imgur.com/uc03HNk.gif?noredirect
I think this is in really poor taste…
http://wheresmh370book.com/
Homemade red sauce and meatballs will take the sting out of losing in fantasy playoffs
This was written during this actual season:
http://thecomeback.com/thisgivensunday/2014-articles/is-philip-rivers-the-best-quarterback-from-the-2004-draft-class.html
I read it whenever I’m depressed.
Or last actual season.
Reading is hard.
To be fair, Rivers is a good QB.
http://www.footballoutsiders.com/film-room/2014/film-room-philip-rivers
Its going to be one of those games…
http://i.imgur.com/q2U1kPL.gif
Old Vice: Alcohol
New Vice: Dr. Pepper
Still not sure which is worse.
The Flaming Dr. Pepper Shot Cocktail:
Add the amaretto to a shot glass and top with the rum. Set the rum on fire and very carefully drop the shot glass into the beer.
http://cdn3.foodviva.com/static-content/food-images/shot-recipes/flaming-dr-pepper-shooter-cocktail/flaming-dr-pepper-shooter-cocktail.jpg
Just Sill, hangin’ with his new buddy Li’l Sweet.
http://shop.spaceshipsandlaserbeams.com/content/blog-posts/@content/dr-pepper-ice-cream-float-for-summer.jpg.jpg
If only I had shitty furniture or woodworking projects. This game would sand them mirror smooth. Grit for the gritgods!
I have a dream that one day, JJ Watt will be described as explosive, plain and simple.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Isn’t that Bam’s dad Phil?!?
No wonder he is crazy!
Doesn’t that mean that Jesus has forgiven the sin and that you should not sit in judgement?
No I think that Jesus would still call out San Francisco. Its “Live Offensively”…not “Live with ineffective check downs”
Jesus died because we all sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God and his blood was the price that allowed us to enter Heaven.
There’s no need to elevate abortion above any other sin. Every sin is equal. The penalty is the same.
So there must have been a Merchmandate from on high today.
THOU SHALT, NAY MUST, WEAR THY TEAMS METAL LOGO HAT!
–
Oh, NOW I see the video. Fuck you WordPress.
Not that anyone cares, but what the serious fuck happened to Robbie Gould?
http://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/101323-Famous-Choke-Sign-By-Reggie-Miller.png
Guess we are all just gonna hang out until this game starts…
THIS GAME I CALL IT VENICE BECAUSE TWO WHITE DREAMBOATS ARE ENTERTAINING DRUNK AMERICANS
0. 0 points from Cooper.
Sigh.
Man what a pair of tits.
Aniston isn’t half bad herself.
I have eaten so much smoked meat, (PHRASING!!), and had so much beer that I could not care less about the Cowboys disgracing themselves this afternoon.
Which they are. They’re a gotdammed disgrace Jerry. A G.O.T.D.A.M.M.E.D disgrace.
THIS GAME I’M CALLING IT AN RAMEN JOINT. PHO THERE WILL BE SLURPING.