Your Week 15 Early Slate Open Thread

Chi @ Min: Cutler really likes WR Jeffrey-the latter is targeted 35% of the time on pass plays. The problem today is that Alshon is listed as questionable. Sooo….go Cam Meredith! (who?) SOMEBODY has to help Cutler break his tie with Pheel Simms on the all-time TD list. Eight of the last ten Bears games have been decided by 4 points or fewer. All respect to Minny defenders Barr, Smith and Joseph-when they aren’t on the field the Vikes give up 2 more yards per play. The first two are out today and Joseph looks like a game-timer.

Atl @ Jax: The Falcons are 6-7 but at this point are much lousier than that. Their last win was a 10-7 squeak job versus the Titans. That and a 38-0 humbling by the Panthers last week tells you exactly where they are as a team. I admit I’ve got a soft spot for the pleasantly surprising Jags. The last two years they’ve averaged just 15 points per game-over their last nine they’re scoring 29 and change. Peak Bortles-mania may be a little ways away at this point but if Jax can focus on the D in the draft next spring Florida may finally have something to be proud of in the future.

Hou @ Ind: How does a surging Texans team spell “bourble”? T-J Y-A-T-E-S and his sub 50% completion rate spell bourble. This battle of 6 and 7’s will go quite some way in determining the “winner” of the AFC South but you knew that. I say put QB Whitehurst in there for the Colts in order to level the playing field. Although if Watts and Clowney have their way it may happen at some point regardless.

Car @ NYG: Them Panters are only favoured by a measley 4 points. Why? Perhaps it’s because the Giants love playing undefeated teams after wk. 10 of the season. They are 4-0 in those games. CB Norman and WR Beckham will see each other this game but it won’t quite be a ‘showdown’. You see, Norman tends to stick to the outside while Beckham plays about 20% of the time in the slot. I’m thinking that that percentage will increase as the Giants will try to create scoring opportunities for their star WR.

Ten @ NE: The Lamb Lies Down On Gillette Stadium.

Buf @ Was: The Slurs have allowed the most long TD’s (20 or more yards in the air) and Tyrod has thrown the most in the league this year. If Rex can do the old “2+2=4” then you may want to pull WR Watkins out of your holster if you’re in some fantasy playoff thingy. It’s Pride Day in Buffalo because that’s all they’re playing for. But Washington is playing for something far more important-the honour of being pitilessly stomped into the dirt by whatever wildcard team plays them should they make the post-season.

KC @ Bal: Looks as though the Chiefs will have to do without manbeast Justin Houston for the rest of the regular season. Dee Ford (who?) picked up the slack last week however when he recorded three sacks. With the Jets having won last night pressure is on KC to do the same. This is not an impossible task against a clearly discouraged Ravens squad.

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Shogun Marcus

Raycessdown!

Horatio Cornblower

This Giants season, while pretty much over, has been wildly entertaining.

I say this as a Cowboys fan who’s had nothing to live for since Week 2.

Senor Weaselo

CALLED IT.

Smithchez

Womp womp, Giants.

Gratliff

Huzzah

Sharkbait

Im no giants fan, but a miss would be hilarious

King Hippo

WHY LEAVE IT UP TO GANO? JESUS FUCK.

John Difool

[*Redacted] s fans don’t call him Bat Guano for nothing…

Horatio Cornblower

“Pass caught by Ted Ginn!”

There’s something you don’t hear every day.

King Hippo

He’s like, been making HARD ONES all over the field today. It cray-cray.

Horatio Cornblower

Must be a full moon.

Smithchez

G-reg with the g-rab

Senor Weaselo

+3 legs

Horatio Cornblower

So I went and had some quality time on the throne with the paper and then took a shower. At the time I left the Giants were down 21-7 and my FF team had, aside from Tawmmy, combined for one TD, and that was from the KC defense. I come back and the Giants are down 35-28, I see ODB catch a TD and check the score and the FF gang has combined for a total of 5 more TDs.

If anyone needs me I’ll be in the bathroom.

Senor Weaselo

That’s a long shit, shower, and shave.

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, how did you know I shaved?

Gratliff

a Browns TE I’m not familiar with just broke a record held by a Browns TE I’m unfamiliar with.

Romonobyl

Watching Ben Carson on the pre-recorded GOP candidate debate. He has all the charisma of a junior high Social Studies teacher with Alzheimer’s.

King Hippo

Less coherence, though

Sharkbait

He’s the celery of people.

Sill Bimmons

Word ’round the neuro community is that he’s now out at Hopkins because he had become so erratic in the OR that he was a danger to his patients.

Politics is one of the only career choices that can contain an ego like Carson’s, so here we are.

Senor Weaselo

Odell Beckham’s had enough of this shit.

So, cue the game-winning field goal drive?

Gratliff

Way to waste a circus catch, Bortles.

Sill Bimmons

Bortles gon Bortle.

John Difool

MANING GETS ALL THE STAR WARS TOYS AND PUDDINGS

Sill Bimmons

UNLIMITED MOTT’S REAL FRUIT SNACKS FOAR EVERYBODY

Senor Weaselo

Welch’s Fruit Snacks all day.

Sill Bimmons

MY NIECE EATS THE MOTT’S I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WERE OTHERS

Senor Weaselo

Beckhamdown!

Sill Bimmons

ODB SEZ FUCK YOU JOE & TROY

Smithchez

D-R-A-M-A DRAMA!

Sill Bimmons

WHAT A FUCKING CATCH OH PLEASE LET THAT STAND

Gratliff

HOLY SHIT JAGURAS

King Hippo

Doesn’t it also have to be grounding, then?

Sill Bimmons

Seems like it should.

King Hippo

Rivera needs to be in their ear about that

Sill Bimmons

IN COM PLETE

Sharkbait

Incomplete pass.

Smithchez

The fuck was that, Eli?

Senor Weaselo

That’ll get overturned.

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