Your Week 15 Early Slate Open Thread

Chi @ Min: Cutler really likes WR Jeffrey-the latter is targeted 35% of the time on pass plays. The problem today is that Alshon is listed as questionable. Sooo….go Cam Meredith! (who?) SOMEBODY has to help Cutler break his tie with Pheel Simms on the all-time TD list. Eight of the last ten Bears games have been decided by 4 points or fewer. All respect to Minny defenders Barr, Smith and Joseph-when they aren’t on the field the Vikes give up 2 more yards per play. The first two are out today and Joseph looks like a game-timer.

Atl @ Jax: The Falcons are 6-7 but at this point are much lousier than that. Their last win was a 10-7 squeak job versus the Titans. That and a 38-0 humbling by the Panthers last week tells you exactly where they are as a team. I admit I’ve got a soft spot for the pleasantly surprising Jags. The last two years they’ve averaged just 15 points per game-over their last nine they’re scoring 29 and change. Peak Bortles-mania may be a little ways away at this point but if Jax can focus on the D in the draft next spring Florida may finally have something to be proud of in the future.

Hou @ Ind: How does a surging Texans team spell “bourble”? T-J Y-A-T-E-S and his sub 50% completion rate spell bourble. This battle of 6 and 7’s will go quite some way in determining the “winner” of the AFC South but you knew that. I say put QB Whitehurst in there for the Colts in order to level the playing field. Although if Watts and Clowney have their way it may happen at some point regardless.

Car @ NYG: Them Panters are only favoured by a measley 4 points. Why? Perhaps it’s because the Giants love playing undefeated teams after wk. 10 of the season. They are 4-0 in those games. CB Norman and WR Beckham will see each other this game but it won’t quite be a ‘showdown’. You see, Norman tends to stick to the outside while Beckham plays about 20% of the time in the slot. I’m thinking that that percentage will increase as the Giants will try to create scoring opportunities for their star WR.

Ten @ NE: The Lamb Lies Down On Gillette Stadium.

Buf @ Was: The Slurs have allowed the most long TD’s (20 or more yards in the air) and Tyrod has thrown the most in the league this year. If Rex can do the old “2+2=4” then you may want to pull WR Watkins out of your holster if you’re in some fantasy playoff thingy. It’s Pride Day in Buffalo because that’s all they’re playing for. But Washington is playing for something far more important-the honour of being pitilessly stomped into the dirt by whatever wildcard team plays them should they make the post-season.

KC @ Bal: Looks as though the Chiefs will have to do without manbeast Justin Houston for the rest of the regular season. Dee Ford (who?) picked up the slack last week however when he recorded three sacks. With the Jets having won last night pressure is on KC to do the same. This is not an impossible task against a clearly discouraged Ravens squad.

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Gratliff

Oh my god, Bills

John Difool

Tragedy averted

King Hippo

I give up, RZ. Just gonna watch the Panthers game on regular teevee, since you want to show me the goddamned P*ts shitshow in its entirety.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Baby beater is limping

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Talk about a switch!

HEYOOOOOOO

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And Cromartie is known as baby batter.

King Hippo

I would note that the 4:25 window looks much better, but for me, it will include my Donks getting butt-violated by the Yinzers.

King Hippo

OK

Sill Bimmons

I don’t see it.

If there’s a defense that can shut the IROC down it’s the Donks.

Gratliff

A wrestling reference no one under 50 will get. Way to go, CBS

John Difool

What was it?

Gratliff

They called someone an animal, and then stated that they are unstoppable, just like George “The Animal” Steele.

Shogun Marcus

Did someone eat a turnbuckle?

Spanky Datass

My money was on Fritz Von Erich.

http://www.oocities.org/smokyrobmoore/fvecover.jpg

...

The experience of watching these games is so unpleasant that Mike Rowe just authored a 1,000 word Facebook post telling me why I should shut up and watch any football the NFL gives us.

Sill Bimmons

WHEN MIKE ROWE SAYS JUMP YOU SAY HOW HIGH SIR YOU LITTLE FUCKWEASEL

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Slursderp

Sill Bimmons

UGLYBURGERTIME WOO FUCKIN HOO

Don T

What a shitshow. Having to work would’ve been better.

King Hippo

Would you not like a selfie?

Shogun Marcus

Dear CBS,
Drop the Suckhammer on PatsTits. Now. America deserves (and makes) better.
Regards,
JWASNM

Sill Bimmons

Fleener is softer than fucking mashed potatoes.

Gratliff

I wonder if Elizabeth Hasselbeck believes in concussions

Sill Bimmons

Lotta early blowouts here.

King Hippo

ok, 21-3. NO MOAR OF THIS FUCKING SHITTY GAME

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Jefferydown!

Sill Bimmons

Fuck you Bills D/ST.

You could say that it’s because I was stupid enough to take them with the 22nd overall pick.

You could say that it’s because they suck incredibly, particularly in relation to all the preseason hype.

Yes to both.

Spanky Datass

What the fuck is reflecting off the turf in New Joisey? Sky-cam? UFOs?

nomonkeyfun

Heavy metals.

Sharkbait

Swamp gas.

John Difool

JPP’s fingers re-entering earth’s atmosphere?

Sill Bimmons

Gotti’s body.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

The rout is on in Landover, Slursdown!

John Difool

Never underestimate Washington’s ability to lose this game.

King Hippo

Dok is gonna have to spend the day after Xmas driving to Philly now. SHE HAS NO CHOICE.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So Ginn leads the league in passes defended, no?

King Hippo

An oxycodone nap would be nice. But there’s only so much NFL left. We must cherish even the shitty shit.

...

So then this is the equivalent of drinking the rubbing alcohol in the medicine cabinet when prohibition is coming?

King Hippo

YUP, quite apt

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Maclindown. Fucking Ravens.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, that was fast.
I only flipped to Panthers/Giants for like a minute.

Sheeesh, now I really am gonna go browse cat memes I think.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hmmm…maybe Ginn should become a DB.
Then he wouldn’t have to catch it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well….now that the Rat Birds have taken derp to a whole new level, I think I’ll go browse cat memes. No, that’s not a euphemism for porn.

Well…not right away, at least.

Sill Bimmons
Spanky Datass

Rob Schneider.

Sill Bimmons

comment image

King Hippo

FULL TED GINN

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Leonard Little Driving at You bad.

Sill Bimmons

oh fuck you titans

Gratliff

Holy shit. Cameraman got his ankles broke in New England.

King Hippo

Man, Buffalo sure turned to poop fast.

Sill Bimmons

Nah. They were poop all along.

King Hippo

They were just hiding their poop under a bushel?

Sill Bimmons

Rex Ryan’s diminishing gunt.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Titansderp

ThursdaySkyGoddess

COUSINSDOWN!

Sill Bimmons

SLURSDOWN

King Hippo

Simultaneous Hump/G-MenDOWN!

Senor Weaselo

Delayed handoff… got the first down?

Bortleback

That will be the first play that OCs show at training camp next year, to try to make out that their shit play call on third down fails because the players don’t execute, rather than because they don’t have a clue how to call a play for third and medium or long

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Stupid Ravens

Cortland Finnegan has a habit of picking fights against vastly superior physical opponents, doesn’t he.

Sill Bimmons

He’s the crazy short fucker at the bar with the Napoleon complex that wants to fight every big guy that walks in.

Bortleback

Small Man Syndrome is a hell of a thing

Sill Bimmons

Tiny Irish guys in Philly can sense my presence and home in on me.

They’re like leprechauns with box cutters.

Gratliff

People just LOVE hitting Finnegan.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Rat Birds giveth,
….and that’s about it.

King Hippo

Tis the season for giving!

theeWeeBabySeamus

They are in teh spirit.

Senor Weaselo

Personal foul on Cortland Finnegan, DRINK.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Buck and Aikman, if you ever wondered what Jim and Phil were like on methadone.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I miss the shit out of Madden/Summerall, sigh.

Rest easy, Pat.

Sill Bimmons

The funny bone isn’t a bone, you know…

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/2083590/nudge-nudge-o.gif

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DREAMBOAT SACK! That will probably be Tennessee’s only highlight of the game.

Bortleback

Does drop kicking rather than punting change the rules on recovery by the kicking team at all?

Sill Bimmons

Dropkickin’ in DC.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Texan Fumber

American Pie Story

Mike Adams fumble recovery woooo

The only certainties in these life are death, taxes, and stupid penalties by the Bills on 3rd down.

Senor Weaselo

*stupid penalties by a Rex Ryan team on 3rd down.

FTFY, as we well know.

John Difool

This will be a huge hit with the Cromartie lids.

John Difool

Erm, kids.