The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where the DFOers are recovering from New Year’s Eve. Moosemas Gorilla is passed out on the floor with a (mostly empty) bottle of banana daquiri in his paw. Covalent Blonde is sitting on the couch next to Old School Zero, while Marc Trestmans Windowless Van reclines across them. Darkest Timeline Zach Morris is still leaning against the wall, grinning and comatose, wearing sunglasses, a Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts. He also strangely has a tan.

OSZ (changing the channel): Another Bowl game? How many are there now?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Two-hundred and twelve, man. They added the Viagra Washington Monument Bowl this year.

Covalent Blonde: And yet, still no Bob’s Backyard Deals Weed Bowl. It’s just not fair.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I know, right? Like, that’s a natural, man.

OSZ: I still can’t believe all the stuff that happened this year. I mean, 2015 was pretty eventful for the DFO.

Covalent Blonde: Especially since we went indy. Remember how that happened…

Cut to: A huge skyscraper with an Uproxx logo. Inside, Covalent Blonde and OSZ, dressed all in black, are working a locked office door.

Covalent Blonde: C’mon…hurry it up!

OSZ (picking the lock): Give me a break…this isn’t really my field.

Covalent Blonde: Oh, for…

Covalent Blonde steps back and kicks the door open.

OSZ: Hey, I could’ve done that!

Covalent Blonde (skeptical): Really?

OSZ: No.

They go into the office and log onto a PC.

OSZ: Now this is more up my alley! Just give me a few minutes and…voila! I just downloaded the KSK user database!

Covalent Blonde: Nice.

OSZ: And now…wait a minute…I’m getting the With Leather users, too…

Covalent Blonde: What? Shut it down!

OSZ: I’m trying…oh, crap…

Covalent Blonde: What?

OSZ: It’s Warming Glow…it’s overwriting everything!

Covalent Blonde picks up the monitor and smashes it on the floor.

OSZ: That…really doesn’t help.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van wanders in, holding his ears.

OSZ: What are you doing in here? We told you to wait with the car.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (shouting): Sorry, man, but I like, got the munchies, man, and this place has righteous vending machines.

Covalent Blonde: Why are you shouting?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (still shouting): Sorry, man, I can’t hear you over the silent alarms, man.

OSZ: Silent alarms?

Covalent Blonde: Crap! Run!

Cut to: The present day, back at the DFO clubhouse.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I remember that, man. Those were, like, the best corn chips ever, man.

OSZ: OK, that was pretty stressful. But we’ve had some good times, too. Remember when we went to see Mad Max: Fury Road…

Cut to: A movie theater on the opening night of Mad Max: Fury Road. There are the sounds of action and carnage as OSZ and Marc Trestmans Windowless Van watch in awe.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Oh, wow…this is, like, amazing, man.

OSZ: No kidding! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a better action movie. Hey, CB, what do you think?

Next to OSZ, Covalent Blonde is watching the movie. A tear running down her face.

Covalent Blonde: It’s…it’s so beautiful.

Cut to: The present day, back at the DFO clubhouse.

Covalent Blonde (wiping away a tear): That…that was the best experience of my life.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: We know, man.

Covalent Blonde: I mean, Furiosa tore Immortan Joe’s frickin’ face off! How cool was that?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Not as cool as that time ninjas took over our clubhouse, man.

OSZ: Well, sure, that was…wait, what?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Oh, sure, man, don’t you remember…

Cut to: The DFO clubhouse, where several ninjas are surrounding Marc Trestmans Windowless Van.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (speaking slightly out of synch): So, you finally found me. Well, just know that your ninjutsu is no match for my kung-fu.

The ninjas attack, but Marc Trestmans Windowless Van backflips out of the melee, whips off his shirt mid-flip, and uses it to snag and toss a ninja through the window.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (lifting his eyebrows, still speaking out of synch): So, you want to fight, eh?

The ninjas again attack en masse, but Marc Trestmans Windowless Van ducks, bobs and weaves, throwing thunderous kicks and lightning-fast punches. Ninjas go flying.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Kiiyahhh!!!

Cut to: the present day again. From his reclining position on the couch Marc Trestmans Windowless Van is waving his hands and feet, simulating either a frenzied martial arts display, or an early stroke.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: And then we were, like, all kung-fu fighting, man…

OSZ: Yeah…Marc, I don’t think that happened.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: What? No way, man, I totally remember it…

Covalent Blonde: I think that may have been that time when you got all of your Mushroom of the Month back-orders at once, Marc.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Really? Aw, man…

OSZ: It’s okay, Marc. We’ve all been there. Hey, by the way, Happy New Year, guys! Let’s hope 2016 is just a bit more laid back.

Covalent Blonde: Happy New Year, OSZ. Hey, could you turn the lights on? It’s getting dark in here.

OSZ gets up and walks over to the lamp, which is actually a ninja with a lampshade on his head.

Ninja (as OSZ twists his nose): Click.

OSZ: Better?

Covalent Blonde: Yeah, thanks.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Hey, wow…Happy New Year’s, guys! Out with 2012 and in with 2013! Wooo!

Covalent Blonde: Never change, Marc.

To be continued…