Year in Review: 2015 as an Acid Flashback

Jesus, this shit is strong! Hopefully this doesn’t lead to one of those horrible introspective nightmares that last 4 hours or so. I need strong drink and music to level this angry bastard out.

/lies down

//puts on LP

Holy suffering Christ what a strange year this past one has been. I don’t even know where to start but I guess my brain is going to be making the trek whether I want to tag along or not.

Egads man. May as well dive in head first and chase this bastard down the rabbit hole.

I remember last New Years eve sitting at home and live blogging with my imaginary friends on the old site, what the hell was it called again? If only I could remember. Shit. it’s right on the tip of my tongue, no actually that’s the remnants of this nuclear strength blotter acid.

/closes eyes

Wait, I see a light up ahead. It looks like someone is walking this way.

“How the fuck you doing Stoner Boy?’

Holy shit! That’s rex Ryan Greatest coach ever! That’s right, the old site was KSK. It’s all coming back to me. I was Kommenting along with Moose, and Balls of Steel and a bunch of the old folks. We made it past midnight I think. Oh shit there are more people here.

“Greetings fellow traveler. Welcome to my fine establishment. Would you care to see our fine selection of ladies this evening!”

Holy Jesus! That’s Silky Garrard. I would recognize him anywhere. Who’s that heading this way?

“Gleetings rong time Kommentel Yeah Light, Why are pupirs in youl eyes arr fucked up?”

Goddamn! That’s Hines Wald! It’s all coming back to me in a crazed mixture of sensory overload and recollection. Could that be?

“Strange looking man must have owie in his head spot. The Ben has been concussed too. Harf Harf Harf!”

Leaping lizards the whole damn crew is here!

Fuck! Leaping lizards was just a figure of speech!

“Forsooth and disengage your maddened mind fair gent. Please join us all for consumption and imbibe in a selection of the finest potables and we shall greet you with a most affecting cordiality”.

JT is right. A beer will help calm the raging explosion or spatial duality overloading the brain.

/cracks beer.

“Got any crackers?”

“Motherfucker! I am higher than June Cleaver and this cat looks more stoned than me. What the fuck?”

“Have you seen my carboat?”

“Dis here son is high as fuck! He need to drink. Cuz we gon drank til dey ain’t no drink left to drank. Chuh Chuh. Bullee dat!”

“If’n you drink up all mah alcohol reserves I’m going roll you in flour and fry your fat ass up like a donut you tubby bucket of lard. Yee-haw! this boy is tripping’!”

“Look at this stoned out fuck up! Hey space cadet, druggies don’t make it in life. You didn’t know that? Huh? What? Huh? Fuck you!”

This is goddamn surreal. They’re all here like they never left. I don’t exactly remember what happened. Why are they not still here? What ever did become of that glorious site?

That’s right! Somebody wrote a post and somebody else was worried that it might be offensive to a sponsor. The details are still a little blurry. Gods this horrible drug! Why did i have to eat all of the acid? If only I could rememb…

Jesus Christ, man! That’s it! The new overlords thought that would be inappropriate to a new sponsor. Suffering fuck what a bunch of cowards. They killed it they brought it all down. I don’t know if I can take this. The sorrow! The loss! It was an amazing site. What did those evil greedheads do?!

/breaks out in tears

//closes eyes again.

Oh dear God. The Horror! I can smell the rancid petals of death! Oh gloom! Oh tragedy! My chest is tightening. I..I..don’t think I can make it!

Oh despair! Oh the great finality! What if I’ve actually really died and I am doomed to suffer this loss over and over? NOOOO!!!

It’s all gone. Only nothingness remains. A vast emptiness void of NFL news and dick jokes. It’s all gone!

Oh god! There’s a light! What if that’s the gateway to Hell. What if that’s my death and I am forced to suffer it time and again for all eternity. Oh god! I see something moving!

“We live!”

Oh sweet mother of God and all that is holy what in holy hell is that?!”

What’s this? It’s another rabbit hole! This may be my only chance at salvation. I..I have to find out what lies beyond.

NOOOO!!!! What in all of God’s creation is this?!”

What the fuck is that?

I’ll say that again.

“Follow me if you want to live. Asshole!”

I’ll be damned that looked like…

My mind. It feels like it’s starting to coalesce. What could this possibly be?

AHHH!!!!!! They’re still here!

Mother of fuck!

“Hey fuck nuts! Is that your coffee cup?”

Who…

This is all new yet somehow familiar.

I can’t… What? Is that our Rikki Tikki Deadly?

Curiouser and curiouser.

It’s Sexy Friday! I think We’re still alive!

Thank you dear God and Sonny Jesus. I don’t think I’m dead after all! They just moved!

Yes! It’s Catler and he’s dressed up like???

They’re alive! It’s called Door Flies Open now. And look there’s Rikki, and Balls, and DTZM and Covalent Blonde, and Doktor Zymm, and Enrico and Mike Wallace and Grommet and Why Eagles Why and King Hippo and Beastmode ate my baby and WCS and scotchy and sunrisesunrise and Low Commander and Make it Snow and Blaxabbath and Horatio and JJFozz and Sill and Son of Spam and Old School Zero, he didn’t bring NSZ too did he? And Reverend Electric Mayhem and the Right Honorable Lord Revis and Don T. and way too many to remember! They’re still here! Zounds what an amazing discovery! And lots of new friends too! Look! It’s Moose! Moose made it too!

/cries tears of relief

/Wakes up in nervous sweat.

Dear sweet insanity that was a fucked up trip. I’m not sure I could handle too many more like that. Well, I survived that horror and it’s a new day. It’s a new blog. The rest was just an acid induced night of insanity. That was a little too real.

/front door bell rings

Who in the name of God could that be?

[door flies open]

“Hey there Doctor Trips! Where are all the hot bitches at? I feel a great steamy batch of gravy just weighing down my man sack! Let’s impregnate everyone!”

“Did you ever find those crackers?”

Happy New Year folks. Let’s keep this train right on chugging in 2016.

Peace!