Your [gets down on knees] “Please Chiefs, Just This Once!” Playoff Game Open Thread

Reporter: “The stakes are pretty high here, aren’t they?”

Coach Reid: [rolls eyes] “Of course they are-three quarters of an inch at the very least!. [enters trance, talks in monotone] And the twice-baked potato must have bacon in it. The salad must have bacon. The roasted asparagus must have bacon. [emerges from reverie] Mmmmm. Uh, next question?”

Oh, there’s a game with Reid coaching and you thought you might get through the intro without a food reference? Really? Okay, Gronk is questionable. Pats fans shout in unison, THE ONLY THING QUESTIONABLE IS YOUR DESIRE! ALL HAIL SAT-, WE MEAN BELICHICK. APOLOGIES, WE MAKE THAT MISTAKE MORE OFTEN THAN WE’D LIKE TO ADMIT. I’m sure that Gronk’s new “personal assistant” is going to whip him up some sort of special milkshake with extra warthog ovaries that will enable him to play. How important is it for Brady that his fave TE plays? His QBR rating drops from 80 down to 31 without him. The Chiefs front can and must get pressure on the Pats QB-Brady’s O-line has given up 38(!) sacks this year. Speaking of questionable, WR Maclin and his high ankle sprain made the trip but he’s iffy-there’s only so much warthog parts to go around. He and TE Kelce combined for 49% of all pass targets this year. Yet Another Injury Note: WR Antonio Brown has been ruled out of this game as well as tomorrow’s tilt against Denver. KC’s O looks to be on QB Smith’s shoulders but he seems to up to the task. Since the winning streak started he’s passing downfield a bit more, has rushed for more first downs than RB West and six out of ten times his QB rating has been above 100. Perhaps this weird Chiefs mojo will continue-wouldn’t that be great?

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JustStopDude

You know…ISIS is just Arabic for “New England Patriots”…look it up.

John Difool

Bill Bellichick with the pick and eat

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go Chefs!

King Hippo

oh shit, my brain just processed that Pheeel and Jeeeem will be doing the Donks broadcast

makeitsnowondem

Dislike

Sill Bimmons

Because of course they are.

Firing up WDVE and my Bluetooth speaker for that.

blackroseMD1

RIP IQ points

theeWeeBabySeamus

And you shall love every fucking minute of it goddammit.

Sill Bimmons

Oh how I hate that big dumb sex idiot.

Spur

Why is the CBS camera angle so low and close?

nomonkeyfun

So they can show us the cute Brady butt. Runs to bathroom to get sick.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Hello all!

King Hippo

HAI

Kungjitsu

Wow! It’s almost like Tom Brady is a better QB than Brian Hoyer.

Spur

So how long until a Chief DB hits Edelman in the head?

Kungjitsu

NOT SOON ENOUGH, BITCH!!!!!

-Vontaze Burfict

Spur

Afternoon Folks.

JustStopDude

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!!

JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Considering the flow in Norman, WCS is awfully quiet at the moment.
Hoop that chit up, dude.
Tracksuit U, motherfucka’s.
I think they might be my Shadowpack this year (hat tip to Hippo for that particular term)

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

Spur

Why is the CBS camera angle so low and close?sup

JustStopDude

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Sill Bimmons

GodDAMN the 49ers are stupid.

JustStopDude

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CBQUE

An omen perhpas: Duke lost at home to Notre Dame.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Duck Fuke.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Which annoying fanbase is the Pats in that equation?

Sill Bimmons

It is said that there are those who hate Mondays.

Ordinarily I do as well, except for the Mondays after the Masters, the Open, the US Open and the PGA Championship.

I love those Mondays because I know I won’t have to hear about fucking golf 24/7 for the rest of the week.

CBQUE

Hey Andy remember opening day in Dallas 2000, the onside kick. Don’t be afraid to try it again

ThePirateSloth

I’m not allowed to watch the game inside the house, but I can watch it thru the patio doors while I “sit my ass outside and think about what I’ve done”.

So I fired up his grill.

WHOOOO GO CHIEFS

Doktor Zymm

Pats fans are so goddamn insecure. YOU ARE CHEFING UP HIS GRILL! WOOO!

theeWeeBabySeamus

If his cat wanders too close….ehhh…nevermind.

nomonkeyfun

You need a wok if you’re going to cook cat.

CBQUE

What a shock Boomer took New England. Boomer no matter how much you kiss their ass they still hate you

Gratliff

C’mon, Andy. Try not to fuck up this time.

Sill Bimmons

I hate this already.

...

So, in reading about the Rams ditching The Loo for L.A., I discovered an interesting fact. The previous Patriot’s owner had actually planned on moving the Patriots to St. Louis. Seeing as there was basically nowhere in Boston to build a new stadium, it’s entire possible that a team wouldn’t have returned to the Boston area or even Massachusetts. That’s right: if not for Bob Kraft intervening, we could have smothered the Patriots in their proverbial cradle.

Who wants to build a time machine?

nomonkeyfun

That was a… whips off sunglasses… close shave for Massholes..

JustStopDude

Sorry I am late to the party…

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Cleaning up my place before I leave for Japan on Thursday.

CBQUE

So what’s the over/under on how many PI & holding flags The Chiefs get called for on the opening drive? I’d say 60 yards worth of flags.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

I need a Pats Schadenfreude Day, and I need it bad.

CBQUE

Okay since Vontaze & the state of Ohio killed The Steelers, can the state of Missouri do us a solid and ruin New England’s season? HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS!!!!

WCS

HHHEEEYYYY BUDDY

CBQUE

Hey Bro. How are you? Been checking in and out recently.

King Hippo

HAI anthropamorphic orange and as a Donks supporter your plan sounds fucking awesome to me

Kungjitsu

Every time Giselle’s bitch throws it to Gronk in double coverage, the safety needs to hit Gronk in the knees.

...

You all should be proud of me. I could be among the frightening-obsessed, emotionally-fragile Cubs fans at their annual convention this year. Instead, I’ve chosen to embrace my true fandom: hating NFL teams.

Horatio Cornblower

Christ the irony of a team from Massachusetts flying the “Don’t Tread On Me” flag, favorite of the Teatards, is enough to make one vomit.

King Hippo

of course, even that usage is ironic, as it was used by John Adams, Ben Franklin, etc. as a “join or die” argument to get the colonies to act as one “federalist” block instead of single, self-interested entities that the crown could easily piss all over.

nomonkeyfun

A couple of years ago I saw a pickup truck flying the American flag upside down. It took all my powers of self preservation, to not ask him if he needed help. Or try to punch him in the face and get the shit beat out of me.

This happened in NYC, literally within 2.5 blocks of where the North Tower stood.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s what’s great about living in Redneckville….those fuckers can’t screw up the stars n bars even if they try.

JustStopDude

I realize this is highly unlikely, but the Gadsden flag has been co-opted by Libertarians from its original military usage. Its still commonly used on US naval vessels.

Perhaps the individual was a surface weenie?

ballsofsteelandfury

Does “Fearless at 50” = “Condomless at 50”?

...

Now this is the GIF I should have used for the ball shaving reaction.

...

I hope today that we find a rightful heir to the noble legacy of Bernard Pollard as Destroyer of Bradys.

Horatio Cornblower

Going the the gym, (so I can criticize other people’s form of course), for a bit. See you folks for the second half.

Go Chiefs!

/single tear for Otto Man

ThePirateSloth

You people (!) enjoy yourselves! Don’t break DFO today!

My Pats fan friend informed me that I was not invited to drink beer at his house to watch the game so that he doesn’t hate me for the rest of my if the Pats play terribly. He actually admitted he is worried.

So the order of the day is…..
//surprise PirateSlothing
I’m wearing all red. And knocking on his door in 2 minutes. WHOOOO GO CHEFS! I mean GO CHIEFS!

Doktor Zymm

WOOOO! CHIFFY CHIFFY CHEFFY CHIEFS!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m so proud of you. Well done!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You People????

nomonkeyfun

Pats fan friend?

You are an open minded Sloth.

Horatio Cornblower

Knock on his door and then run away, leaving a flaming bag of synthetic marijuana on the doorstep.

Senor Weaselo

Go Chefs!

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Horatio Cornblower

Message approved!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bring back the Friday night fight…. err discussion, really.
http://56.media.tumblr.com/c6b692db2e97e28921cc6b2344a22eaf/tumblr_nuj4ilKAyb1qi711zo1_1280.jpg

COME AT ME BROS AND BROESSES

theeWeeBabySeamus

Do not start that shit, LOL.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck that looks good.

Horatio Cornblower

Actually this is the perfect time to start that shit. it’s when he’s got me rummaging through the fridge at 11:00 pm that’s morally wrong.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s the worst for that shit, I agree.

WCS

Is this where we all watch #11 WVU at #2 Oklahoma, with a shot at doing something that hasn’t been done since 1990? Yes?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hells yeah….and fuck ‘dem Jayhawks still.
Assholes.

Horatio Cornblower

“with a shot at doing something that hasn’t been done since 1990?”

Graduate an entire starting five?

/knows full well UCONN has never done that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

The bags under her eyes says she’s tired; her nipples says she’s wide awake!

ballsofsteelandfury

What eyes?

ThePirateSloth

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Moonbatting Average

Since I’m having to root for the fucking Cheifs in this game, I have decided to ritually shave my balls as penance. I’ll see you fine people in a bit.

...

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King Hippo

talcum powder helps ease the ball sack owies afterwards ,, ppl forget that

...

It also makes your balls look like succulent powdered sugar doughnut bites.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

STAY AWAY FROM THE DOG!!

*Don’t ask how I know.

King Hippo

well, it’s not like anybody ever SEES mine ,, no ofence

ballsofsteelandfury

If you get owies, you’re doing it wrong.

ThePirateSloth

Did your dad make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark?

http://cdn.hark.com/images/000/105/843/105843/original.jpg

...

So, my guilty pleasure is watching bar and restaurant “rescue” shows. Yes, I know they’re staged and mostly bullshit, but I can’t get enough of that forced redemption narrative.

Sometimes you get a few great moments, such as an incredibly sleazy, sexist bar owner who proceeds to list a bunch of reasons why women can’t be good bartenders before getting absolutely smoked by an experienced female bartender in a head-to-head match-up.

Plus, they also yell “fuck you!” a lot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
nomonkeyfun

1 out of 10 wouldn’t bang. She’s drinking out of the container. SMGDH

theeWeeBabySeamus

Container? Oh yeah, there it is.

...

Nice… jug?

Horatio Cornblower

You’ve confused her with Christina Applegate.

/I was already going to hell

...

So I see your super power is awkwardly silencing everyone at the party with a single sentence.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

I like the vibe out of Denver this week. For the first time since the Elway repeat season. Optimism kind of makes my ass itch, though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What dey be smoking? Oh yeah…I almost forgot. 😉

...

This lion’s chances of winning > Detroit Lions chances of winning

theeWeeBabySeamus

Caldwell standing in a dark corner, likes this +1

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

From my extensive viewing of the NGW channel each has the advantage on there home field.

King Hippo

Also, the EPL is the most corrupt motherfucking league you will ever see. Makes the NFL look like a bastion of goodness, truth, and light by comparison. You will NEVER see a complete assfucking like the officials gave Everton at Stamford Bridge today, to let Chelski come away with a draw and deny the Toffees their first double over those shit sniffers in like 40 fucking years.

You folks know how angry I get, and this may be the angriest I’ve ever been in my entire life.

theeWeeBabySeamus

From the other thread, yes. But I don’t wanna have to click back over there to look at it later…..
http://31.media.tumblr.com/319da2e1f8d08af02c645ef9090a247a/tumblr_mqngsskUC41s2a2cho1_400.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A bi-threadal gif indeed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I really hate her music. But dayum…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Music? I didn’t get that far.

Kungjitsu

The Chiefs have to win. They have to find a way NOT to Andy Reid the clock or challenges. I can’t deal with New England finding a way into a seventh Super Bowl, and there’s no way whichever corpse of a QB wins the other AFC game will be able to beat the FACKIN’ GREATRIOTS next week.

What’s weird is I’m totally cool with whatever NFC team makes it. Carson Palmer and Cam Newton have great stories. I love Beast Mode and the Legion of Boom. And I’m not sick of Discount Double Check (yet?)

King Hippo

I can ALMOST promise you that Denver will beat them if they come out of tomorrow’s game healthy at DL and in the secondary.

King Hippo

Even better, the Chefs could lose, but cripple Brady in the process (Donks fan who doesn’t like the ensuing matchup). But failing that…yeah, go Chefs go. Christ, that feels dirty to type.

Kungjitsu

If the Broncos lose more slowly than the Steelers, they should sign Bernard Pollard and Vontaze Burfict.

nomonkeyfun

Go double achilles tear. That should keep Tawmmy out, what 4 months with his HGH, I mean modern day surgery, rehab, and his imomintable will.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which ever wins I am routing for double over time with a VERY physical game (anal bleeding type hits).

King Hippo

Tomorrow, I want an early DemaryiusDOWN, a pick six, then 40 handoffs to CJ and Juwan.

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