Your [gets down on knees] “Please Chiefs, Just This Once!” Playoff Game Open Thread

Reporter: “The stakes are pretty high here, aren’t they?”

Coach Reid: [rolls eyes] “Of course they are-three quarters of an inch at the very least!. [enters trance, talks in monotone] And the twice-baked potato must have bacon in it. The salad must have bacon. The roasted asparagus must have bacon. [emerges from reverie] Mmmmm. Uh, next question?”

Oh, there’s a game with Reid coaching and you thought you might get through the intro without a food reference? Really? Okay, Gronk is questionable. Pats fans shout in unison, THE ONLY THING QUESTIONABLE IS YOUR DESIRE! ALL HAIL SAT-, WE MEAN BELICHICK. APOLOGIES, WE MAKE THAT MISTAKE MORE OFTEN THAN WE’D LIKE TO ADMIT. I’m sure that Gronk’s new “personal assistant” is going to whip him up some sort of special milkshake with extra warthog ovaries that will enable him to play. How important is it for Brady that his fave TE plays? His QBR rating drops from 80 down to 31 without him. The Chiefs front can and must get pressure on the Pats QB-Brady’s O-line has given up 38(!) sacks this year. Speaking of questionable, WR Maclin and his high ankle sprain made the trip but he’s iffy-there’s only so much warthog parts to go around. He and TE Kelce combined for 49% of all pass targets this year. Yet Another Injury Note: WR Antonio Brown has been ruled out of this game as well as tomorrow’s tilt against Denver. KC’s O looks to be on QB Smith’s shoulders but he seems to up to the task. Since the winning streak started he’s passing downfield a bit more, has rushed for more first downs than RB West and six out of ten times his QB rating has been above 100. Perhaps this weird Chiefs mojo will continue-wouldn’t that be great?

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Sill Bimmons

Just when you think it simply isn’t possible to hate the Patriots any more than you do, you hear them blow the foghorn after in incomplete pass.

Die.

You.

Fuckers.

Die.

...
WCS

Alex Smith can throw a ball more than eight yards?!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is this a good time to ask who backs up Alex Smith?

The Maestro

Chase Daniel!

Horatio Cornblower

Andy Reid’s halftime adjustment? The QB sneak from his own 25.

Pats may as well put Garopolo in.

Smithchez

Designed QB run to start the second half=playing to fucking WIN

...

♫ Belichick is Satan’s spawn ♫

Horatio Cornblower

Dan, what has to change for the Chiefs to defeat the Patriots today?

The score mostly.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hopefully the laxative they put in Tom Brady’s Gatorade will kick in.

Sill Bimmons

Harsh reality.

The Maestro

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s a sharp weiner

The Maestro

makeitsnowondem

Don’t worry, guys. The Broncos beat the Patriots with Brock Osweiler. There’s no reason they can’t beat them with

oh

oh. fuck.

Gratliff

Hah. Mike Mularkey.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Up yours, Sooners.

Sill Bimmons

ha ha

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn you and your upcoming #1 ranking, and your makeout parties.

Sill Bimmons

Not me, just not the cousinfuckers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was still talking to the Sooners in general, in spite of my apparent reply motivated reply.

Mostly, I’m pissed that my jinx ability is still intact.

/Go Pats!!!!

...

Oh you….

Kungjitsu

Bruce Arians is the pimpinest pimp in NFL coach history.

indieguy

arians looks like a racist pimp

Sill Bimmons

Oklahoma vs. West Virginia.

Basket balling game or worst state to live in contest?

Kungjitsu

Toxic dust contest in 3…2…1

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alabama would like a word.

Horatio Cornblower

Arkansas and Mississippi demand recounts

Recovery Whiskey

Can we close the book on Alex Smith’s career? How many more years of interminable play-it-safe “just good enough to lose” can people take

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dave Krieg played 19 seasons.

WCS

68-up, 20 seconds to go, OU ball
http://i.imgur.com/sJQbq90.gif

Kungjitsu

Marcus Allen helped OJ. Or was it Ray J?

Sill Bimmons

Hospital/doctor shows are BY FAR the stupidest shows on TV.

...

There’s no way at this point that they are anything but recycled plots anyway.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m gonna make the bold statement that Tea Leoni is not unattractive.

Sill Bimmons

We’re old.

Kungjitsu

She was at her peaky peak in Bad Boys.

nomonkeyfun

That is real gotdammed HOT TAEK.
Watch You Kill Me with her and Ben “mother fucking” Kingsley.

nomonkeyfun

So, I spent the las 40 mins on the phone with my Aunt. Are the the. Pats still up 7-3?

Sill Bimmons

no

nomonkeyfun

Just heard. Gotttttttdammmmmmned.

Sill Bimmons

Everclearing my bongs.

Expecting resin hitting to commence T — 1 hour.

Kungjitsu

I down shifted from rum to beer.

WCS

68-66 OU with 1:20 to play

Sill Bimmons

BOOMER

King Hippo

WOO Cousinfuckers!!!

...

♫ Bernard Pollard: Save us now! ♫

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Actually it’s a two possession game since they’re incapable of scoring a touchdown.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(I’m banking on a safety)

WCS

Chefs now only three field goals away from taking the lead!

Horatio Cornblower

I question Andy Reid’s “Trading a TD for a FG” strategy.

makeitsnowondem

You’ll look awfully silly when the touchdown bubble bursts.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
...

The Big Short (Kick)

King Hippo

3 more FGs to a win!!

Smithchez

That was only uncatchable by about 10 yards, Alex.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

New England can put in their backups now

Claymaker

“Don’t force the ball and risk an interception here” will be on Alex Smlith’s tombstone.

Horatio Cornblower

It sure as hell won’t be on Rothlisberger’s.

Recovery Whiskey

something something forced the ball

entropy

Fucking P*tr**ts.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why you hatin’ on the vowels?

...

♫ This is why I drink so much ♫

Sill Bimmons

Used to be why I drank too…

blackroseMD1

This team has won 11 straight games? Are we sure about that? Are we sure that we weren’t just part of a hive mind hallucination?

Sill Bimmons

They got to play Laundry Jones in his first pro start at Arrowhead.

That’s how they beat the Stillers.

King Hippo

It was the worst of PeyPey’s foot owie. That’s Denver’s excuse. Serious, he threw like 5 INTs and the defense held ’em to FGs almost every time.

indieguy

speaking of hive mind how great would a Borg invasion be right about now

King Hippo

The most Chefs drive ever and the most Andy Reid drive ever. All we need is the QB to vomit.

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Christ Chiefs, don’t fucking help them beat you.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Andy Reid: Too late

Kungjitsu

Andy Reid: I miss cheesesteaks

JustStopDude

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Smithchez

Textbook execution, KC.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Amazing

King Hippo

Lovie Smith vs. Andy Reid, clock management. WHO YA GOT??

Sill Bimmons

SWEET DEATH

Sill Bimmons

goddamn you tiny hands

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A touchdown here is critical to my cover bet.

...

At least the Chiefs have two more timeouts to use to ensure they can score this half.

HAHAHAHAHA OF COURSE THEY DON’T FUCK ANDY REID

JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

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Smithchez
The Maestro

I legit had no idea that Jason Avant was still playing football.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good thing KC hasn’t wasted any timeouts this half…

King Hippo

Andy’s not worried, they are already in FG range.

Smithchez

I don’t know. Field goals are risky. Best to just punt from this far out.

Japanimal

Jamie Collins is the best porn name ever

The Maestro

Guy or girl, for that matter.

makeitsnowondem

Pretty sure Jason Avant is ineligible to receive a pass since he’s not still in the league.

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