Reporter: “The stakes are pretty high here, aren’t they?”
Coach Reid: [rolls eyes] “Of course they are-three quarters of an inch at the very least!. [enters trance, talks in monotone] And the twice-baked potato must have bacon in it. The salad must have bacon. The roasted asparagus must have bacon. [emerges from reverie] Mmmmm. Uh, next question?”
Oh, there’s a game with Reid coaching and you thought you might get through the intro without a food reference? Really? Okay, Gronk is questionable. Pats fans shout in unison, THE ONLY THING QUESTIONABLE IS YOUR DESIRE! ALL HAIL SAT-, WE MEAN BELICHICK. APOLOGIES, WE MAKE THAT MISTAKE MORE OFTEN THAN WE’D LIKE TO ADMIT. I’m sure that Gronk’s new “personal assistant” is going to whip him up some sort of special milkshake with extra warthog ovaries that will enable him to play. How important is it for Brady that his fave TE plays? His QBR rating drops from 80 down to 31 without him. The Chiefs front can and must get pressure on the Pats QB-Brady’s O-line has given up 38(!) sacks this year. Speaking of questionable, WR Maclin and his high ankle sprain made the trip but he’s iffy-there’s only so much warthog parts to go around. He and TE Kelce combined for 49% of all pass targets this year. Yet Another Injury Note: WR Antonio Brown has been ruled out of this game as well as tomorrow’s tilt against Denver. KC’s O looks to be on QB Smith’s shoulders but he seems to up to the task. Since the winning streak started he’s passing downfield a bit more, has rushed for more first downs than RB West and six out of ten times his QB rating has been above 100. Perhaps this weird Chiefs mojo will continue-wouldn’t that be great?
WAS THAT A FOOTBALL MOVE?
I like how the NFL is slowly coming around to “if he’s injured, maybe it isn’t a catch”
If it’s a catch initially, then how is it clearly an incomplete catch Dan Fouts?
Can’t spell CTE without D.A.N! … no, wait…
BOOOOOOOOOM
This game is so goddamned boring I can hardly stand it. Thank Jeebus for narcotic cough syrup.
/Jamarcus’d
Opiates are teh bestest.
(sigh)
That’s right, Chiefs. Show no sense of urgency. Walk slowly up to the line and waste 30 seconds between plays.
American Ultra was pretty good.
Never saw it.
My biggest problem with the pats isn’t the insufferable fan base the cheating or the bitchy tommy boy. It’s that they’re boring. Like they play as though winning is a forgone conclusion theirs no excitement when they play. No ‘anything can happen’ feelings.
To be fair them winning often is a foregone conclusion.
Like this game since last quarter for instance.
And yet, their fan base is always nervous about them imploding.
It’s a weird projection from their Red Sox fandom.
And the Patriots sucking for a few decades…
Batman vs. Superman is going to be Ishtar bad.
Jesse Eisenberg is unwatchable. And the hair is even worse.
Star Wars was good. Deadpool is going to be the greatest thing ever filmed. And Batman vs. Superman is going to be not Christian Bale as Batman and English dude who can’t quite get the accent right in a dark and moody downer of a movie.
That Coen Brothers trailer was the best part of this game
WHY ISN’T SCARJO THE TOP TALENT ATTRACTION FOR THAT FILM???
http://www.joblo.com/images_arrownews/scarlett-johansson-esquire.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v74/Nickasinsaltlick/hititbob.bmp
I had some doubts about ‘Hail Caesar’ and then I saw “Coen Brothers” and now I’m all in.
Scarlett Johansen’s cleavage helped too.
it ain’t hurtin’
I would watch a remake of “Manos” if the Coen brothers were directing it.
Yes, I’m a Pats fan, but that’s illegal contact.
Nah, they were both going for the ball, the defender has the same right to the ball as the receiver and the defender’s head was turned towards the ball. That’s just solid defense.
At least as I understand the narrative that I hear half the time, because the honest truth is that I no longer have any fucking idea what is and what isn’t pass interference anymore.
http://cdn.hitfix.com/photos/5863960/Charlie-Brown.jpg
I guess you’ve made it to the couch?
Only because I CHEFED the steaks.
Taek a shit on the floor before you leave. I dare you.
Dan Fouts yammering about Amendola running “north-south” at the same time the replay shows Amendola cutting hard for the side line.
Alex Smith in….. Things To Do ‘Cause You’re Not Going To Denver ‘Cause You’re Dead
Positively Andy Reidian.
FRIST POST-PCP CHANDLER JONES SACK SNORT
“And verily I wrote ‘game over’ in my notebook and tightened the belt around my neck whilst lowering my drawers…”
And so it ends foar GREGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
This week in “If David Carradine were a sports journalist…”
Deelightful.
The only thing better than a slow developing run play up the middle is a slow developing pass play 3 yards behind the line of scrimmage.
I never liked the Poles.
Too much German and Baltic blood to be true Slavs.
You and Hitler. And Stalin. Dude, lay off the Poles.
SLAV FIGHT!!!!!
Nah, I’m a Cossack.
Can’t stand anyone who isn’t from the Asian steppe.
So you gon’ steppe to dis?
http://img.pandawhale.com/102333-fuckin-A-gif-office-space-imgu-zSXE.gif
These here are awesome horses, but I can’t take you seriously when this is what you rampage on.
http://animals.mom.me/DM-Resize/photos.demandstudios.com/getty/article/151/65/87717826.jpg?w=600&h=600&keep_ratio=1&webp=1
She’s available:
http://beach-news.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/gulnara_karimova.jpg
To Uncle Joe’s defense, he hated Ukrainians MUCH worse. And he really kinda sorta hated everybody who wasn’t Uncle Joe.
Yup.
Totes Ukrainian oaver hear.
I read Quiet Flows the Don and Bloodlands last winter/spring. Happy reading, fo sho.
Just listen to your G-Paw who fought at Stalingrad and Kursk.
An ex-girlfriend of mine took a short-term job in Kiev before the country exploded into chaos and she would tell me about how there so many gorgeous women who wanted American men.
When I now think about it, I realize she was probably just fucking with me.
Nope.
They are real and they are spectacular.
Oh, I don’t doubt her comments about the nation’s women.
I just think she was taunting me since she had already found a new boyfriend by that point.
Many scam dating sites based on that kernel of truth!
But AnastasiaDatedotCom is real though….right?
RIGHT???????
Leon Trotsky likes this +1
BAH! TROTSKYITES!!!!!!
LMFAO
I work with entirely too many Poles and the women tend to be quite hot.
They are.
That’s why their blood is so polluted.
What the fuck kind of ‘Mein Kampf’ book club is going on here?
AND SOA I REVEAL MY PLANS FOAR WOARLD DOAMINATION
A male Polish coworker would explain to me how in Poland the husbands would all go get hammered in town each night at the bars and the wives would have to pick them up off the streets and drag them home.
Such a proud people.
“I work with entirely too many poles”
Which club do you work at?
I had a Polish Spanish professor in college. She was a trip. I wish she had needed a green card.
Let’s go England, if your fighting against the.most powerful country in Europe.
Your what?
Andy is relieved because now a FG is an option for him again
THANK GOB
Back to a four field goal game.
Sean Penn’s secret trip involves acid and the savage beating of a 16 year old hooker.
You say that as if it were a bad thing.
+ Deadwood
Inorite?
LaFell: WTF you talking ’bout white boy?
Sean Penn is a snitch.
I can’t wait to see him in stitches ,, no ofence
None of this would have happened if Otto were here.
Did we ever find out what happened to Otto?
Pretty sure he’s running for office in Missouri, actually.
Good fucking luck with that.
Disagree.
They were shitty the whole time we knew him.
Don’t dick-step my narrative with your “facts” Sill; this is the NFL we’re talking about.
I’ll happily sell my $12 share of this site for a Brady pick-six.
SOLD!
/rubs hands together
Patience Horatio, soon all of the shares will be yours!
You can have my shares when you pay me a buck apiece for them.
How would you describe that band?
dunno. Phish, but funny?
Screw you, Dok, unless you were fucking with me Dok.
When am I ever NOT fucking with people?
True enough brilliant Frau. I was going for the joke of how do you dedesribe them, “Well there Fruvous”
Two icepicks or Thirteen Hours?
http://rlv.zcache.com/i_love_ice_picks_two_tone_coffee_mug-r9bbc37898e1a4931bab54a32df03d07e_x7j1l_8byvr_324.jpg
I’d settle for some Brady picks.
Going for a little snooze. When I wake up everything is going to be nice and shiny!
“Goodnight you prince of Maine, you king of New England!”
Wait, that’s not right…
Off-topic, but worth noting:
http://gawker.com/texas-patriot-movement-member-killed-as-militia-drama-t-1753359950
Facebook kills yet another.
Couldn’t happen to a more Murkan patriot faking USMC credentials!
There’s a loss to the gene pool.
DEADPOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111ONE!!!!
That touchdown was merely to give us the tiniest sliver of hope so we may be crushed when the Patriots roll the Chiefs for three more touchdowns.
Tragedy = Comedy + Andy Reid
Interestingly, the following is true: Comedy = Tragedy + Andy Reid.
Because Andy Reid has no value.
I don’t understand, scarfs cheesestakk
“The ruling on the field is an incomplete pass. The receiver slid in the end zone before catching the pass and then failed to rise to his feet, make a ‘football move’ and then recite the annotated version of the Treaty of Utrecht.”
But us Yanks still get to keep New Orleans.
/Ahooooooooow
It’s the Treaty Of Brest-Litovsk, you jackass!
If the Chiefs are on the comeback trail, it’s just going to lead to a lot of tears.
damn
Oh and needless to say, he said needlessly, this is clearly a top candidate for the tag line next week.
welp
What…what just happened?
I don’t even care anymore. Just keep it within the point spread, Chiefs.
Seconded
Back within 3 field goals!
Touch-down?
Touch Down?
TINYHANDSDOWN!!!!!!!!
http://deadspin.com/andy-reid-has-his-challenge-flag-taken-away-1753398285
Hahahahaha
Who is Jason Avant and why is he footballing in an okay fashion?
Good thing Avant answered before Todd Pinkston.
Why are the Chefs running this 1986 Bill Parcells ball control offense when they’re down by 15?
Because Andy Reid is a GREAT coach.
Watch, he’ll go for the FG here.
I’ll be a son of a bitch.
Andy obviously had his mouth full of ribs, so tiny hands just went for it
No disagreement here.
The way Dan Fouts talks up Alex Smith, you’d think Smith was the white mans Russell Wilson.
Moar leik the white man’s Clayton Bigsby AMIRITE
Blink-182?
Yep, it’s official, I hate everything about the Pats. The sound guy just confirmed it.
They did play Maiden earlier…
90s music is the most forgettable of the real musics.