Your [gets down on knees] “Please Chiefs, Just This Once!” Playoff Game Open Thread

Reporter: “The stakes are pretty high here, aren’t they?”

Coach Reid: [rolls eyes] “Of course they are-three quarters of an inch at the very least!. [enters trance, talks in monotone] And the twice-baked potato must have bacon in it. The salad must have bacon. The roasted asparagus must have bacon. [emerges from reverie] Mmmmm. Uh, next question?”

Oh, there’s a game with Reid coaching and you thought you might get through the intro without a food reference? Really? Okay, Gronk is questionable. Pats fans shout in unison, THE ONLY THING QUESTIONABLE IS YOUR DESIRE! ALL HAIL SAT-, WE MEAN BELICHICK. APOLOGIES, WE MAKE THAT MISTAKE MORE OFTEN THAN WE’D LIKE TO ADMIT. I’m sure that Gronk’s new “personal assistant” is going to whip him up some sort of special milkshake with extra warthog ovaries that will enable him to play. How important is it for Brady that his fave TE plays? His QBR rating drops from 80 down to 31 without him. The Chiefs front can and must get pressure on the Pats QB-Brady’s O-line has given up 38(!) sacks this year. Speaking of questionable, WR Maclin and his high ankle sprain made the trip but he’s iffy-there’s only so much warthog parts to go around. He and TE Kelce combined for 49% of all pass targets this year. Yet Another Injury Note: WR Antonio Brown has been ruled out of this game as well as tomorrow’s tilt against Denver. KC’s O looks to be on QB Smith’s shoulders but he seems to up to the task. Since the winning streak started he’s passing downfield a bit more, has rushed for more first downs than RB West and six out of ten times his QB rating has been above 100. Perhaps this weird Chiefs mojo will continue-wouldn’t that be great?

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blackroseMD1

At this point I’m wondering if everyone on the Chiefs has forgotten that they’re down by more than one TD…

entropy

Wow, Wilson, you don’t want to try and score or anything, do you? Jesus fucking Christ what is WRONG with this god damn team?!

Smithchez

EITHER GET INTO THE ENDZONE OR GET OUT OF BOUNDS! HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT IS THIS?!

Horatio Cornblower

Chandler Jones “right knee issue” is “withdrawal”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I will end you.
Right after you cook that for me.

entropy

Not again!

Brick Meathook

HASHBROWNS DEFEAT BREAKFAST POTATOES EVERY DAY

...

BRB. Going to iron this and then my face.

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King Hippo

+ Cat Power <3

Smithchez

That’s right, keep going for short yardage over the middle of the field. Make no effort to conserve time or go for the endzone.

Sill Bimmons
John Difool

You’d almost think this is an Andy Reid coached team…..

entropy

Great catch, Avant, but by all means, saunter back to the line of scrimmage as slowly as you’d like, you’re only down 14.

And that hit by Hightower was fucking legal, Fouts, as much as it pains me to defend any NE player. How was he supposed to stop gravity?

Horatio Cornblower

The NFL cares not for gravity.

Sill Bimmons
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does he know they need to score twice?

tundrajim

I guess it’s only a horse collar tackle if you play the Broncos.

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit if Brady was tackled like that it’s 15 extra yards and the defender is out of the game.

makeitsnowondem

Remind me what the fuck a horse collar is if it’s not that.

makeitsnowondem

For the younger folks (so glad I finally get to say this), the horse collar tackle was banned because of injuries to players who went down exactly the same way Alex Smith just did.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As opposed to the way that Bibi Jones went down.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jason Avant: the only competent Chief

Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t help Chief Joseph any.

blackroseMD1

Those two yard pass plays are gonna win the game for you, Alex, for sure.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a real heads up move by the KC receiver, catching the ball on the sideline and then FUCKING TURNING IN AND GETTING TACKLED IN BOUNDS TO KEEP THE CLOCK RUNNING.

I hope KC traveled to Gillette in a convoy of short buses.

Sill Bimmons

TEH SUTPID TI BRUNS

Gratliff

Oh hey. HBO has the new Mad Max. I should get around to seeing that at some point.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Yes, yes you should.

ThePirateSloth

DO IT NOW

If your erection lasts longer than 4 hours, be sure to call a medical professional.

entropy

You really should. It’s fucking great.

indieguy

it’s incredible.

Smithchez

Nice effort to simultaneously gain no extra yardage while making sure the clock keeps running.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This whole game has been making me aneurysm-y

John Difool

It’s as if Andy Reid is coaching an AFC team……OH WAIT

MikeWallaceAndGromit

THESE CHIEFS I CALL THEM THE PEACE PIPE BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING SMOKED BY A WHITE MAN AND THEIR OWNER IS GOING TO PAY FOR IT DEARLY.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT IS SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE….

packman_jon

For those who haven’t seen the other thread HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING BOYS https://twitter.com/packman_jon/status/688514589819060224?s=09

...

If you weren’t two hours away, I’d come up there, mock your extra-thick people, and probably have one of your state’s women drink me under the table.

Sill Bimmons

Pimp.

Doktor Zymm

Huh, this is not a bad cheap Bordeaux.

Horatio Cornblower

Tomorrow I am heading to the Boston area to go to some BBQ place called ‘Red Bones’ that my brother swears is the best.

On the one hand, great BBQ. On the other hand, happy Massholes.

Truly a Sophie’s Choice of epic proportions.

The Maestro

King Hippo

Today is a good reminder of why/how much I truly fucking hate life. Not that I fucking NEEDED a reminder, really.

Gratliff

Only thing that can make this better is belgian waffles

Sill Bimmons
...

HOW IS THAT NOT INTENTIONAL GROUNDING

Horatio Cornblower

Andy Reid only challenges calls he’s sure to lose.

Sill Bimmons

Can’t challenge intentional grounding for some reason.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Because Brady

John Difool

Because…..TAWM FUCKING GRITTY

makeitsnowondem

A touching David Bowie tribute from Dee Ford there, introducing Major Tom to Ground Control.

entropy

Fuck New England, and fuck the announcers just sucking away on that P*tr**ts cock.

“heh heh heh, even when they lose, they win! Those New England Patriots…. they are incredible.”

FUCK YOU

...

I’ve popped at least a couple blood vessels listening to these dopey commentators.

entropy

I have done my damnedest to ignore them, but I am ready to have an aneurysm now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And again, fuck the NFL helping NE every which way.

jjfozz

It’s hard to watch certain games, against certain teams and deny that there’s favoritism. I am sober, by the way.

makeitsnowondem

God, the Pats even get bailed out for stupid interceptions.

The Maestro

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSS

...

OH GODDAMN IT FUCK THIS FUCKING TEAM

tundrajim

Belichek is going to fine Hayden 50k for that interception.

nomonkeyfun

Sill,

My phone shut down.
I’ like to continue our discussion.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh great, they’re combining their shares and selling us to UPROXX.

Goddammit I knew I should have shorted this one.

Sill Bimmons

About what, specifically?

Brick Meathook

WHAT A PUNT!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

makeitsnowondem

Pats giving up 30 yards by intercepting that. I’m okay with Denver getting a shot at this team.

tundrajim

Nice punt by Smith.

blackroseMD1

Yeah, that’s about right.

WCS

Shitty punt, Alex.

Smithchez

Why would you idiots want it to be an interception?

The Maestro

Haha welp, ah well

...

Why the fuck are the Patriots celebrating that?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Booooooooooooooo

Sill Bimmons

What is the worst part of Large Boom Postulation?

I mean, apart form this:

http://cdn3.whatculture.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/bazinga.jpg

...

Upon seeing this, I almost reflexively punched my computer.

Smithchez

I’m sure that lack of an extra challenge will come into play later on.

Horatio Cornblower

“The call on the field is 15 yards for hitting a defenseless receiver who had grabbed the ball and taken one step but had yet to complete the process of the catch by taking a second step and turning in, in triplicate, a notarized essay on the effects of the Gadsden Purchase on Mexican-American relations through the 20th Century and how that may effect future NFL expansion plans in the international realm.

Touchdown Seahawks!”

Sill Bimmons

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jjfozz

I’m sure one of the lost books of the bible will identify Patriots fans as one of the original plagues on Egypt. Fuck every last one of them. And fuck that bitch Brady.

I’m packing for a trip to Disney with the Fozz brood, so I’m not in a real cakey mood right now.

Still, fuck New England in the ass with a broken bourbon bottle.

ThePirateSloth

If Flarahduh, I highly advise the Epcot Around The World Beers for your enjoyment…. and sanity.

jjfozz

I have that marked on the Disney app as a “favorite.”

Is puking on Mickey Mouse in front of your family a bad thing – or is it the stuff that memories are made of?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Get a photo and post it, and we’ll let you know.
I vote memory as of now though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Extra $10 if you punch Cinderella in the tits.

Kungjitsu

I can’t spend that much money on Stella and Carlsberg.

Sill Bimmons

Bourbon + Bottle = Bourble

Be careful!

jjfozz

Pouring the first bourbon after dinner.

Last night I had a bottle of Flying Dog Breweries’ “Naughty”, which is brewed with habanero peppers. Interesting.

King Hippo

That must shit something fierce the next morning.

Recovery Whiskey

All playoffs we’ve seen hits like that be flagged as illegal hits on defenseless receivers. But since its the Patriots….

...

I think what infuriates me most about Patriots fans is that every time a penalty is called on the Patriots, the reaction is not only negative but has a certain outraged quality to it as if the very idea the Patriots could commit a penalty is unthinkable.

John Difool

NOONE DENIES THIS

jjfozz

Every flag that hits that turf is like a daggah in owah hahts!