Your [gets down on knees] “Please Chiefs, Just This Once!” Playoff Game Open Thread

Reporter: “The stakes are pretty high here, aren’t they?”

Coach Reid: [rolls eyes] “Of course they are-three quarters of an inch at the very least!. [enters trance, talks in monotone] And the twice-baked potato must have bacon in it. The salad must have bacon. The roasted asparagus must have bacon. [emerges from reverie] Mmmmm. Uh, next question?”

Oh, there’s a game with Reid coaching and you thought you might get through the intro without a food reference? Really? Okay, Gronk is questionable. Pats fans shout in unison, THE ONLY THING QUESTIONABLE IS YOUR DESIRE! ALL HAIL SAT-, WE MEAN BELICHICK. APOLOGIES, WE MAKE THAT MISTAKE MORE OFTEN THAN WE’D LIKE TO ADMIT. I’m sure that Gronk’s new “personal assistant” is going to whip him up some sort of special milkshake with extra warthog ovaries that will enable him to play. How important is it for Brady that his fave TE plays? His QBR rating drops from 80 down to 31 without him. The Chiefs front can and must get pressure on the Pats QB-Brady’s O-line has given up 38(!) sacks this year. Speaking of questionable, WR Maclin and his high ankle sprain made the trip but he’s iffy-there’s only so much warthog parts to go around. He and TE Kelce combined for 49% of all pass targets this year. Yet Another Injury Note: WR Antonio Brown has been ruled out of this game as well as tomorrow’s tilt against Denver. KC’s O looks to be on QB Smith’s shoulders but he seems to up to the task. Since the winning streak started he’s passing downfield a bit more, has rushed for more first downs than RB West and six out of ten times his QB rating has been above 100. Perhaps this weird Chiefs mojo will continue-wouldn’t that be great?

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Horatio Cornblower

“What a chess match between these two great coaches.”

Um, I’m gonna need a recount on that one Dan.

makeitsnowondem

Give Alex Smith this: He sometimes throws a swing pass that would be a loss with any other quarterback and it somehow goes for five yards.

Bortleback

So far I’ve missed the entire first quarter and half of the third quarter due to driving my better half to various places…..I don’t think she appreciates that I would like to see the game

nomonkeyfun

You’ve gained more yards than he Chefs.

Horatio Cornblower

Unless you’re a Patriots fan she’s doing you a favor.

JustStopDude

I’m out. Heading over to the ex’s hotel room.

...

That’s fitting since the Chiefs are also getting fucked.

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, aren’t we supposed to talk you out of these things?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see you are making Andy Reid caliber decisions tonight.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, that was ridiculous.

Sill Bimmons

“Avant” means “before” in French.

indieguy

so then avant guard is before the guard

Sill Bimmons

Yep.

WCS

THAT’S the Alex Smith no one knows!

...

We were *so* close to seeing Smith sacked by his own O-lineman.

Gratliff

THE IGGLES LIVE

makeitsnowondem

Alex Smith is like Low-Stakes Eli Manning.

Sill Bimmons

HOLY SHIT A FOOTBALLING PLAY BY TINY HANDS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Only down five field goals…

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

Ass’t Coach: ‘Andy we gotta get Knile outta there, he’s got butter fingers, bad”

Andy Reid: “BUTTERFINGERS!? WHERE!?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

KC residents should turn this off and youtube World Series highlights instead.

Smithchez

Oh yeah, I forgot those two teams play in the same city. This is slightly less painful now.

tundrajim

This is why you want a game manager like Alex Smith who can make sure you only lose by 3 scores instead of 5.

The Maestro

You can’t hate this guy. It can’t be done.
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...

The only appropriate punishment for the Patriots is voiding Gronk’s contract and forbidding them from resigning him.

nomonkeyfun

Maybe he’ll get rabies.

,No clue if can Cats can tranfer it.

Sill Bimmons

SO MUCH FUCKING HATE

Spanky Datass

Big Dumb Sex Idiot has is drawers on inside out …

Sill Bimmons

yo

Spanky Datass

sup

saw ep. VII this morning

Sill Bimmons

i liked it a lot

Spanky Datass

me too
felt VERY familiar
nice re-set

blackroseMD1

God, I can’t wait until the Pats suck again.

KidFlash

We who root for AFC East teams agree with you.

Horatio Cornblower

That is not a catch, because Edelman did not make a “football move” after catching the ball but before falling out of bounds, tapping his toe twice in succession on the Gatorade jug and then reciting the opening three verses of Edgar Allen Poe’s ‘The Raven’

Touchdown Seahawks!

makeitsnowondem

I’ve read the rulebook carefully and this is correct.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

MIGHT AS WELL CALL THIS GAME CASIMIR PULASKI DAY BECAUSE THIS POLACK IS GETTING THE RECOGNITION HE DESERVES

makeitsnowondem

do you even coverage

Moonbatting Average

That’s not helping

The Maestro

TOUCHDOWN GRONK WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game feels like it’s 30-6

...

Soon, it will be.

Sill Bimmons

OH GOODY ANDY REID CHALLENGE MAINLINE DRANO

Smithchez

How did this shitty fucking team win 11 games in a row?

Kungjitsu

The Landry Jones and Brock Osweiller were the only playoff teams they beat until they beat Brian Hoyer last week.

The Maestro

Hahaha holy shit I can’t even believe that was a catch

Sill Bimmons

Solid food and coherent thought are not in Edelman’s future.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why couldn’t Edelman and Gronk have exploded when they collided?

Doktor Zymm

Yeah. I checked in. Checking back out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tough but fair

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Moonbatting Average

Oh man. Fuck this game

Smithchez

Yeah, that seems about right.

Brocky

Looked down to me

makeitsnowondem

If the Chiefs somehow come back and win this, the worst thing will be Bill Simmons talking about the Ewing Theory.

...

I̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶C̶h̶i̶e̶f̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶, the worst thing will be Bill Simmons t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶E̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶o̶r̶y̶.̶

FTFY

WCS
The Maestro

FUCK YES KNILE DAVIS WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

...

Where is that fucking eye twitch gif when we need it?

Sill Bimmons

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Gratliff

SIGH.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This Knile is giving it up easier than Cleopatra.

Horatio Cornblower

Chandler Jones mention! Everyone drink and then drive to the Foxboro PD and ask that the records of your visit be deleted!

Sill Bimmons

REASONABLE DOUBT

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve always liked Knile Davis, apparently a lot more than the Chiefs.

Horatio Cornblower

Aaaaaaaannnnnnnd fuck Knile Davis.

theeWeeBabySeamus

BadTouchU up 1-0 on Wiscy in OLD TIME B1G HOCKEY.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Make that 2-0

Sill Bimmons

PSU Hockey: a tradition since 2013!

Sharkbait

And yet they’re ranked and Wisconsin isn’t

Sill Bimmons

MOAR STUPID

nomonkeyfun

ABecause the Delaware is the first place I think of for frozen water.

Sill Bimmons

PSU is nowhere near the Delaware…

nomonkeyfun

Close enough for Eastern Jersey. You’re close to the Delaware, in Pitts, or Pennsylytucky.

nomonkeyfun

Or Philly.

nomonkeyfun

Andy Reid is a strategic genius that her chose to defer the first possesion.

Moonbatting Average

I’m taking bets as to whether we’ll all be reading about Sill in the newspaper tomorrow. Let’s start the money line at -140

Sill Bimmons

Nah.

All my havoc will be wreaked on my own possessions.

Smithchez

A penalty on New England? In the second half? At home?! WITCHCRAFT!

Kungjitsu

I remember when Steve Spurrier invented the WR screen in the late 80’s, and I thought it was awesome. Now it’s the biggest chicken shit play call in football.

Sill Bimmons

BOSS TODD SEZ FUCK YOU COCKWALLET

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Everyone in the league takes advantage of the “throw it deep and get interference called” move…except Tiny Hands

Sill Bimmons

He’s not all that great at the “throw deep” part.

Horatio Cornblower

You spoke too soon. “Deep” in Alex Smith’s case being a ball thrown 12 yards downfield.

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