Your “CAN’T YOU DO THIS ONE SIMPLE THING?” Friday Night Open Thread

scotchnaut -
409

David Blatt has been fired. Who is he? Damned if I know. I think it has something to do with the NBA so it really doesn’t matter right now. There are tons of NBA games on this evening that I don’t care about. I must say that as far dominant teams are concerned Golden State is so much more interesting than the “take no prisoners” Bulls teams way back when. The Aussie Open features plenty of tennis balls going back and forth. Fun! The only canuck team on the ice tonight is the Ottawa Sens. SO MUCH YOUNG TALENT GOING TO WASTE BECAUSE UNDER-PERFORMING GM/CANCER VICTIM (BRYAN MURRAY) WON’T GET FIRED. Contracting the cancer was a genius stroke by Murray. Now he gets to hold on to his job because firing him would be bad pub. Men’s college ball features all kinds of lesser-known programs that tend to go one-and-done during the end of the year tourney.

Screw all this-drink/drug/fuck your brains out. START WITH THE TYPING, MONGRELS!

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

“You want to write me into HRTN??? You…monster!!!”

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Doktor Zymm

Damn, those some abs.

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laserguru

I do feel under represented.

I still love you Beastmode.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Oh, you’ll make it in…when the time is right…

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc9jm5TpB81qdhps7o6_r1_250.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s great; did a Friday blitz of her a few weeks back. You were there, so was………….. beer.

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laserguru

Alright, I have reservations for a Tuesday night in Solana Beach, North County San Diego this Tuesday. Gonna relax with my youngin, sample the local wares and just have a good time.

DFO San Diego Chapter unite!!

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Aww… I lived in Carlsbad for a few years when I was a kid. Loved that area.

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Doktor Zymm

Goddamn it.

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Beerguyrob

Que?

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JustStopDude

I bought what I thought was water. Turns out that whatever the hell this is (and it has Arnold Schwarzenegger on it) its not water. I cannot even describe the taste except to say its…harsh.

I think I am just sticking to coke until I get back.

Side note, the fucking 7-11’s here are insane. I can’t even tell what I am looking at.

Other side note…the wifi here sucks.

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Doktor Zymm

You’re in the one Asian country I can’t give travel tips about. Buy some random shit and have fun. Lots of stuff will be shrimp flavored! Also, try to eat some dolphins. They’re assholes.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Dolphins are assholes. More people should be aware of this.

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Doktor Zymm

So true. Eat them Fuckers!

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laserguru

I only eat “Dolphin harmed tuna.”

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Porky Prime

No bottle with Arnold Schwarzenegger on it would ever have plain water inside.

But at least it wasn’t a picture of Bill Cosby.

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Porky Prime

The always underrated, never duplicated, Gina Gershon.

http://www.tsbmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/gina4.jpg

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Croooow

I’m watching Johnny Carson. Seriously, this episode is like 30 years old and its got me rolling. Amazing how well these shows hold up.

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Beerguyrob

Watching old clips on Youtube is a delightful rabbit hole to fall down.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Seattle:

http://57.media.tumblr.com/75fc17153d60f7ddba3ead8d0e9d7e28/tumblr_nwoashn7JA1tbcweeo1_400.gif

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Beerguyrob

New York.

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Porky Prime

Delaware:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Denver:

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0f2wkXQpl1qzxkpfo1_500.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NSFW from one of my favorite shitty movies:

h
ttp://57.media.tumblr.com/1c18f0929160e6cdbc07c4fa0795db09/tumblr_nws0pfc0Rx1qdezf9o1_500.gif

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Strangely enough, I don’t know that movie.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Lifeforce.

http://furiousfanboys.com/wp-content/gallery/sexy-aliens/space-girl-mathilda-may-lifeforce.jpg

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Tobe Hooper! Crap, I haven’t seen that one…I’ll have to see if it’s on Netflix.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Monica……….

http://56.media.tumblr.com/8b852d332a2235d5f27876f9aa6b62de/tumblr_nxlv7rL8b31tb5l95o1_1280.jpg

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’M BACK

/crickets

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laserguru

Dude!

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Don T

Tru Dat
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ti5AkLup1mI

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WCS


‘ello. I nicked your embed. Just while were away. Fer that split second. And I’d do it again.

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Don T

Whatever puts that accent more out there. Jess.

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Doktor Zymm

Bonus of unemployment. Pats dude is a chef, and as such has stupid goddamn time off. Can now do weekday sexy time. This is actually pretty shitty, since I’ll be less motivated to find anyone decent to date, but meh. I fucking hate dating anyway.

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JustStopDude

Yeah similar problem where I keep hooking up with my ex. We should never be around each other. Put us in a room for 30 minutes and we just enable each others destructive behaviors.

My problem is that I travel so fucking much for work that unless I just want casual hookups (which I explain repeatedly to the older engineers that growing up during the advent of AIDS tends to make one reluctant to do that), I tend to just hook up with her.

Its completely not healthy at all. Plus her girlfriend and I have a mutual hatred of each other.

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Doktor Zymm

I rationalize that it’s better than nothing, but the truth is I it’s not hard for me to get sex. This is particularly good sex, and with someone who, while incredibly bad for me, I actually like. It’s deadly. I’ve been trying to stop for the past few years and never made it past 4 months.

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laserguru

I have this crazy redhead who keeps stalking me.
It’s mostly for my chicken burritos but I like to think my penis is the real reason.

I may be wrong.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

All of this convinces me that I would have been terrible at dating, and was wise to marry young.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-WvJ_wqSMM

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JustStopDude

Underrated Bill Murray performance in that flick.

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JustStopDude

Here is how complex the hotel toilet is…the seat has two settings for the heat. As I have mentioned, this bugs the hell out of me because you can’t have a cold seat…and it reminds me of when you take a shit right after someone else just took one (I’m weird I fucking know already). It automatically turns on a bowl fan as soon as you sit down to make sure your stank never reaches yours or anyone else’s nose. It has a remote flush, bidet feature, and a shower feature that I am too terrified to try.

For the bidet feature, the water is warmed prior to hitting your ass.

I’ve commissioned large industrial drives that were less fucking complex than this shitter.

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Doktor Zymm

All this, and you only have 8 TV stations? You sir, are not in a foreigner’s hotel.

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JustStopDude

Yes it is kind of nice, but the breakfast is fucking scary.

I ended up eating a chocolate crusant and grilled mackerel.

I thought I ordered the eggs and sausage but fuck it…

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Doktor Zymm

Seems aigh’t

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Senor Weaselo

But did it give you happy poopy time?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE0sddhCIdE

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Porky Prime

NO YOU ARE NOT WEIRD.

Cold seat all the way, I don’t care what time of year it is. I work in a post office with some of the most disgusting crap makers known to man. Best feeling in the world is when I go for a deuce and the water is blue because the custodian cleaned and the bowl is rejuvenated a virgin once more.

Of course, it could just be a squirt of cleaner, and the bitch didn’t bother to scrub, but…I dont like to think about that…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t like seat warmers in cars either…”Did I just piss my pants?”

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JustStopDude

As soon as I arrived, I needed to shit. Basically all that crappy airplane food, along with a complete unwillingness to use either the airplane or the bus shitters (side note…why the fuck is the “mile high club” thing even exist? Its akin to trying to make a port-a-john only the fucking thing is shacking all the time and even smaller). As soon as I sat down, I freaked out for a second, thinking I walked into the wrong room (keep in mind, I had been awake for over 26 hours at this point). A moronic scenario ran into my head where I somehow got into the wrong room, stumbled into the shitter and used it right after some poor old Japanese women who is now huddled on the bed, awaiting the cops to beat the ever loving shit out of me for B&E.

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JustStopDude

Sweet Jesus I am so tired I can’t even talk sense no more. This is what I sound like in person. Just fucking gibberish.

I was trying to make the point that sex in an airplane bathroom is utterly and completely disgusting…its also impossible with the current dimensions of them.

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Beerguyrob

Sounds like someone has a story for Big Daddy Drew’s Pooparoo next week!

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Doktor Zymm

Now those are some legit, real, not photoshopped boobs. I approve. Fake ones kinda creep me out.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Me too, and having dated a woman that had them they are not…. as nice. There is also thing idea of “I need these plastic things in my chest to legitimize me as a person, to make me whole and wanted.” That has bothered me a bit.

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Doktor Zymm

That’s not cool. I kinda get it for strippers, it’s like…a career thing. But I hear about women getting these huge self-esteem boosts and…no. If it makes you happy, then by all means, it’s worth it, but that shouldn’t be your source of self-value.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also in Hollywood it has made some careers, which is also not cool to me. I don’t think it is necessarily the women, but, and I hate to say this cliche, but society and American (and other) cultures that put this one them and they are tremendously affected by it. I don’t want to see a woman endanger her health for that.

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Doktor Zymm

I don’t really know what it’s like to be an A cup, but it’s not really going to affect your prospects as to dating. For film, yes, there is an expectation of a certain body, and even in other careers it can be an advantage. Although, I avoid wearing anything low cut to work, it seems unprofessional, and in my field at least I want to think my boobs play no role. I don’t know. It’s one of those weird things where I’m aware of how it works, but….

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure if you were saying what I said was not cool or that women getting them for that reason wasn’t, but anyway. I agree; it’s a “free” country; if you want them get them, I’m just saying that from my perspective.

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Doktor Zymm

The insecurity is not cool. I’m of the opinion that doing something just because it makes you happy is excellent, and so from that POV I support whatever, I just hate that people have that as a thing that makes them happy.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Got it, you said it more succinctly than I.

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JustStopDude

Dolemite II is right up there with the Godfather Part II as being one of the few sequels that were necessary and just as good as the original.

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Doktor Zymm

Eh, I’m medium drunk, seems like a time for full disclosure. I’ve mentioned previously that I dated a Pats fan for awhile. What I didn’t mention is that I still see him probably about once a month and it’s just a sex thing. I’m pretty sure I had a reason for sharing this, but I can’t quire remember it now….

Oh, right. So, I have a use for the GoPro in mind, more wondering about picture quality.

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Beerguyrob

http://i.imgur.com/sy1zBq6.gif

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WCS

FACK YOU! FACK YOU! FAAAAAACCCKKK YOOOOUUUU!!!!

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Sharkbait

How to fix telemetry in 2 easy steps:

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/eb/eb1949ae950bd0bdebbe4def9257955d313fc526bf9c2e9bab4b2fa33fb998b3.jpg

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Sharkbait

New York is fixed! WOOO!

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Senor Weaselo

Huzzah!

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Beerguyrob

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx9cfy5wiL1r15ox6o1_1280.jpg

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, Monica……

http://56.media.tumblr.com/c642cf5a3c4b30901d6510f478858254/tumblr_nyhz5suBT71rtb0moo1_1280.png

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JustStopDude

Politics hot teak time…

The whole Palin shit and her dirtbag son just pisses me off. For one thing, no one ever brings up the fact the whole reason he ended up enlisting was to get out of a legal charge. So the kid has been a piece of shit for a while. That isn’t to say I didn’t serve with folks and technically, I was damn close to being in the same position, that had serious charges against them…but they did the work to make themselves better.

The other thing is that she is building this all up on the bullshit notion that people with PTSD are just violent assholes. Most of us aren’t fucking violent…at all. We tend to struggle with dealing with our problems and we tend to learn very bad coping mechanism in the military (primarily ignoring the base causes and slamming booze), but we sure as shit don’t go around beating the shit out of spouses.

The important thing…its all Obama’s fault.

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Doktor Zymm

The people I’ve known with PTSD were generally more of a danger to themselves than to anyone else. And the military is a good place to get your shit together, I’ve seen it help a fair amount of people. Plus, dudes with good posture are way sexier than dudes without. But yeah, Palin is full of shit, has always been full of shit, and I’m honestly entertained as all hell about the money she’s made off of it. She may be batshit crazy, but she has a sound business head.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have some family in Alaska; yes she has always been an ignorant piece of shit. Just think if a few people didn’t make it to the poles that year.

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Doktor Zymm

I had family in Alaska, but they fled to California as soon as it was financially feasible. I think they missed out on the Palin era.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Homer is one of my favorite places ever…… in the summer.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I have family in Homer (though since I’m entering this way, way after the fact, you’ll likely never see it).

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JustStopDude

Oh totally. We are more likely to hurt ourselves through a number of means rather than hurt anyone else. One of the reasons (I volunteer on a message board for PTSD and vets) I always recommend to folks to remove all firearms from a home. For a lot of people, they get pissed when you mention it, but its extremely effective in cutting down the rate of suicide by requiring a few more steps to go through with it.

To be clear, I am not trashing Trax or whatever the fuck he was named, for having PTSD. He could very well have it. But using PTSD as a justification or explanation of violence makes as much sense as using alcoholism as a defense.

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Doktor Zymm

It’s actually probably the only good argument against guns that I’ve heard. It’s not that they cause bad shit, it’s that they make it easier and more effective. Those extra hours can absolutely matter.

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

So I’m drunk, just getting home from having gone bowling with my 2 younger sisters (NOT AS WEIRD AND YET JUST AS WEIRD AS IT SOUNDS) and Steph Curry is a god damn video game that has gained sentience and walks among us.

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

Also, completely underrated aspect of living in the same town as two younger sisters who don’t drink: PERMANENT DESIGNATED DRIVERS, CALL ANYTIME!

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Doktor Zymm

That is a fantastic perk. Cheers to sober family! Let’s all do a shot!

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

10 Barrels Apocalypse IPA by the way.

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Beerguyrob

Watching “Blazing Saddles”; having a beer.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/4722663/blazing-saddles-white-women-o.gif

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Never a bad choice.

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laserguru

Stand back.

Things are starting to get crunchy in here.

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Sharkbait

Hippy crunchy?

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JerBear50

Gotta wash your shorts before it gets to that point man.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Young Julia.

http://56.media.tumblr.com/871a3263eb1800f2ca2c2aaaee6c6acf/tumblr_o0n8habOqW1s9bqq4o2_r1_1280.jpg

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WCS

She’s interested..
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Porky Prime

In shpashe no one can hear you shcream.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Kinda wondering if anybody else saw that movie. Now I know; I still enjoyed it at the time.

http://56.media.tumblr.com/efdb9d74539fb5862c6ed1ad020b0208/tumblr_mrwt819rSL1s9bqq4o1_1280.jpg

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Porky Prime

It was decent, and it was the kind of paycheck role people forget Connery took between his last Bond and Untouchables.

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Doktor Zymm

Any of you assholes have a GoPro? Opinions?

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Sharkbait

I got one for a company christmas gift last year. Used it once playing hockey. I haven’t found another use for it since.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t have one, been thinking about making the purchase as I am a bit of a camera whore.
Haven’t been able to rationalize the purchase yet though.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have seen assholes filmed with GoPros.

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Sharkbait

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCniMXdbO6c

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JustStopDude

I feel black here…like “Black Dynamite” bad ass black. People part when I walk towards them and women clutch their purses.

Could be the considerable height difference.

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Porky Prime

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://56.media.tumblr.com/482e1110952f1933b1157d3a20222eb7/tumblr_nz5swln20b1u7vqw8o1_1280.jpg

Liz Hurley in her younger years.

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JustStopDude

Will never understand Hugh Grant…

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Porky Prime

The man couldn’t resist the call of wild chocolate.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee….well phrased.

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Old School Zero

Been cleaning my old apartment all evening, and during the drive back, ran a hand through my hair only to feel like I had a clump of cobweb on top. Now every little itch or whatever on my head makes me think there’s a spider on me. ON MY FACE.

Also, per previous discussions, I drive a Prius C. It may not be a car for SERIOUS CAR DRIVIN’ FOLK, but I fucking love it–it’s a tiny car with tons of room on the inside, a tank of gas costs me less than $20 and gets me about 400 miles, and I get realtime data feedback so I now basically play the MPG game every time I drive (“60 MPG MOTHERFUCKERS! I JUST LEVELED UP THIS SHIT!”). Sure, it’s not made for haulin’ ass or road trips or conquering steep hills, but it’s an absolute steal of a commuter car for $20k or under.

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Old School Zero

Nooooooo

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Admittedly, if I drove a lot, or in heavy traffic, there’s no way I’d have the Challenger. I mean, I’m not that stupid. Quite. It’s mainly a weekend car that we put a few thousand miles on per year, with the lion’s share of driving being on the Kia Soul.

That said, they are a fun few thousand miles.

http://imagehub.mangoads.vn/2014/04/2012-Dodge-Challenger-Rallye-Redline-Rear-Angle-588×441-34a83d6f4ce11ce3cde39e54acc6682d.jpg

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I had one as a rental once, very nice. One thing that struck me was it seemed the visibility was not that great, but that is common with newer cars with more protective doors.

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Old School Zero

Oh, I don’t doubt it. I also love those sorts of cars, but I’m just not in the market for them yet. Someday…

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Porky Prime

I will someday drive a Man’s Car. The closest thing to a powerful car that I’ve steered is a Dodge Magnum V8 that was inexplicably given to me as my rental for a weekend in SF with my then fiancee. SF is a rough city to drive in for a first timer as it is, and then they give me a goddamn station wagon that steers like the Titanic, except it goes 0-60 if you accidentally flex your toe.

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Croooow

Golden State is really fun to watch.

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JustStopDude

The Japanese have an interesting take on Italian food.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Why did you……………..?

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JustStopDude

Shits and giggles. Once I start work on Monday its going to be nonstop Japanese food. My coworkers will be taking me out the whole time. Plus, I am in an area with very few foreigners. I’ve been walking around for hours and only spotted a Russian dude. I don’t feel like bugging some poor waiter to deal with my lack of Japanese and stutter.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Canine Parmesan?

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Porky Prime

Rasagna?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wrong country, but usable….. very usable.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, as I was typing and hitting post I thought…KOREA

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Some other South Asia countries too, keep it handy.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The usefulness is limited unless JSD’s company sends him even futher into Asian hell. But yeah, just in case.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_kk8mGqBj8

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Porky Prime

BUDWEISER YOU CREATED A MONSTER
http://www.joblo.com/newsimages1/stallone%20cowboy.jpg

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ay yo Dolly…yuh know youze got some nice cans dere.
Why thank ya Slyyyyy….buht did yoo just drewl own me?

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Beerguyrob

Texas has a whorehouse in it!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts-VG-JmT6g

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Doktor Zymm

That, my good sir, is a damn arousing looking burger.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed with Dok. It made me wet….errr, I mean hard.
No wait…wet.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Go with both, man!

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Doktor Zymm

Guys can be wet, but you should probably clean up pretty quickly. A friend of mine from high school had an entertaining story about the first time he jerked off. It was through his pants and he just sort of left things and his cum dried and stuck his underwear to himself, resulting in an awkward and uncomfortable scenario.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmm…..thanks for that?
😀

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Porky Prime

That’s just Wank 101 right there.

Well that and for the love of god don’t ever use Dial Antibacterial Soap as lube.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do a slow dance to the point of precum soaking through one’s slacks at a company party…… it’s a good look if you can …………..pull it off.

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Doktor Zymm

Hah! Also, it’s probably not a significant amount, but there are totally a few drops that come out before the big show. Not enough to be a pants problem I guess?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQBVBJoAePs

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JerBear50

Does this mean all the Art Bell callers are right?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She was once my top celebrity crush.
Mercy me.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That movie was essentially the remake of “Rawhide”.

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Doktor Zymm

I had lunch with a couple of my coworkers who also got let go. It was pretty excellent. We shared a bunch of gossip we couldn’t really talk about when we were still working for place, and we compared interviews. Also, just general BS. We were a good group and I’m glad we’re keeping in touch. I organized the lunch, and now someone else is organizing an anti-company holiday party get together, hopefully with another guy from our team who couldn’t make the lunch. We could still go to the company holiday party, but the general sentiment was HELL no. We might be going out to the suburbs for our anti party, and the fact that I’m willing to leave the city just demonstrates how not shitty I think these people are 🙂 There’s a reasonable chance we end up working together again, since we all got set up with interviews at a sister company. I would be totally cool with that.

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Porky Prime

When my previous ‘career’ decided to wipe out 2/3 of the staff including myself, the get togethers were awesome as we had 3 months to wind down (also, so the company could avoid layoff buyouts to the people who couldn’t wait to get another job.) The bar around the corner had a Mexican cook who made the best steak you could ever get for 8 bucks with a shitload of beans and rice on the side, and giant goblets of brew for 3 bucks during happy hour. Good times.

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Doktor Zymm

Cheers to that!

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Porky Prime

I do miss that place. Papi’s in Commerce, CA, probably gone now.

Hope you land on your feet, though it sounds like you’re already optimistic. You could always just invest heavily in DFO stock and ride the wave to financial freedom.

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makeitsnowondem

Tried the beer that basically got me into drinking beer, Leffe Blond, for the first time in awhile tonight. It’s okay. It comes off a little cough-syrupy to me now.

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JerBear50

Not big on the blond, but Leffe Brown is not bad.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You still talkin’ beer?

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Porky Prime

Did you try lighting it on fire?
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