Bear with me, folks. I am REALLY crunk.
This has almost happened before. The Hippo Bowl. My favourite team, since I was two years old (the Denver Broncos – it makes no logical sense, but my mom will attest that it is indeed true), and the team that represents my hometown of Charlotte, North Cakalaky. But instead of both sides losing, both emerged victorous this icy January Sunday. I am content with whatever fate brings my way in two weeks time. Cam vs. PeyPey. Riverboat Ron vs. Strokey Kubes. This is ALL. GOOD. SHIT.
I will not lie to you good people. I died a thousand deaths in the early matchup. PeyPey was masterful in the first drive of the game, and virtually invisible thereafter. Fortunately, Von Miller and Wade Phillips came to play, and they brought their A games. AND THEN SOME. It took every last inch of effort they had, but they JUST BARELY held on in the end, as our Canuck seer Litre_Cola predicted, 20-18.
FACK YOU, Brady. FACK YOU, Barstool Sports. FACK YOU, Jeeeeeeeeeem Nantz, blatantly cheering for the Pats so obviously that even Dick Vitale would ask you to tone it down a bit. The Denver Broncos and Gary Muthafuckin’ Kubiak are going to Super Bowl L, whether you like it or not.
And they just might be running into a Mack truck. A smiling Mack truck led by Cam Newton, having humiliated the supposedly evenly matched Arizona Cardinals, 49-15. If you want to find something to be pessimistic about, you just hope Cam and company didn’t peak too early, for it’s hard to imagine anyone playing better than Carolina did Sunday night.
On the flip side…Carson Palmer. Yeesh. Way to give credence to every ginger/daywalker stereotype out there. There is shitting the bed, and there is what Carson Palmer did in Charlotte on 24 January, 2016. Jesus Tapdancing Christ. Burn that film without reading.
I apologized in advance…this is not a long writeup. It’s an emotional night for me, when lots of shit could have gone very wrong, but didn’t. And I am grateful, as I am grateful for you, the DFO readers, for putting up with me all season. Thanks to each and every one of you.