Your Daytona 500 Open Thread

As you may or may not have heard, it’s DAYTONA DAY!

Of course, this is stupid Fox marketing to try to hype up something that shouldn’t have to be hyped up.  It’s like saying Happy Super Bowl Day!

Completely stupid.

Anyway, they do call it NASCAR’s Super Bowl even though it’s the first race of the season and doesn’t decide the championship.   So, what does the Daytona 500 mean to me?

A while back, a much younger Balls worked with a friend that was really into NASCAR.  He invited younger Balls to his house for the 500.  I arrived a precisely the time the TV said the race would start.  Of course, that was just the start of the broadcast and there was still the anthem, the invocation (They pray at the track?!?), the Gentlemen Start Your Engines, and finally the Green Flag.

As soon as the Green Flag dropped, my buddy said, “Ok, let’s go outside and get some beers and get the grill going.”

The rest of the day was spent eating and drinking in the back yard while occasionally going in to check to see how many laps had been run.  Once it got to 30 to go, we went back inside and watched the end of the race.

And yes, there was a Big One.

Now, who is going to win this year’s race?

Your guess is as good as mine.  The frustrating thing about the Daytona 500 (and the other Daytona race and both Talladega races) is that luck plays an extremely large role in who wins.  There are several drivers that excel at restricted plate tracks, but if they get caught up in someone else’s mess, they are screwed.

With that said, given that this group loves a good drink and a good eating, I suggest you follow the 500 as I did way back when.  Consider this the backyard and post funny gifs and videos while drinking and checking in occasionally to see if anyone has wrecked.

But do watch the last 30 laps.  It’s the best part.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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laserguru

The site got a little wonky there for a bit but it seems to be better now.
Not fun when you’re a few hundred words and photos into a post and it did not save your work.

Maybe it’s just the doobage.

Anyone interested in a new Sunday Gravy?

Unsurprised

Holy shit. Distractions took more toll out of me than Sonny at the Turnpike.

Beerguyrob

Either Don Mattingly became self-aware, or we really are through the looking glass, people.

http://deadspin.com/don-mattinglys-marlins-take-a-lesson-from-mr-burns-ba-1760453246

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Horatio Cornblower

I spent the day hiking and saw two bald eagles. Then I drank beer with a couple of friends, one of whom had a kid making his D-1 debut in baseball. We listened to the game and the kid went 3-4 with two doubles and an RBI. Now we’re going out for Mexican.

You’ll notice that at no time did I say “and then I watched men drive real fast in a circle” because fuck NASCAR.

scotchnaut

I read it as “now we’re making out with a Mexican”……..fuck NAFTA.

jjfozz

You know, after watching this epidsode of Mickey Mouse Funhouse for the 124th time, I have to say it, Minnie is a real bitch and Daisy kind of a slut.

entropy

I’ve always harbored a real dislike for all of the Disney characters, except Daisy. Now it makes sense.

Senor Weaselo

It’s now 4-0 Ice Vikes over Ice Bears at College Vikes Stadium.

Horatio Cornblower

Now it’s 5-1

jjfozz

My sister talking to me about the guy she would eventually married, after their first date.

Her: “He’s really nice and he loves NASCAR.”
Me (voice juicy with sarcasm): “Oh yeah, he’s gonna fit in around here, no problem.”

Then she cried. Sorry, older sister.

jjfozz

Mrs. Fozz has never, ever said that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Which part?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Woooo!!!! Lisa gets new lips after all.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn my inability to approve my own comments awaiting moderation.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, how did my comment need to await moderation? Can we not say “strippers”?

comment image?b64lines=IFllYWgsIEknbSBnb2luZyB0byBnZXQgbWUKIHRoZSBjcmF6aWVzdCwgc3RyaXBwaWVzdAogbW9zdC4uLiBHb2QuLi4=

Unsurprised

I think you need to rehost them because of WordPress’s shitty embedding dealie-thing.

Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m getting thrown into moderation on multiple posts.
Maybe I need to stop cursing so much.

The Maestro

Oh, man. Just read a great article on the history of the Tecmo Super Bowl Tournament. It was played for the last time this weekend. Enjoy.

http://www.polygon.com/2016/2/20/11077626/tecmo-madison-last-tournament-tribute-chet-josh-holzbauer

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did I just hear a cover of the classic “Roadrunner” in a goddamned target ad?

Horatio Cornblower

Could’ve been my iPod.

Unsurprised

I much prefer this Rocky to Sly’s.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Just clicked over to the race during golf commercials.
Saw that Harry Hamlin was leading.
Awesome.
http://cineplex.media.baselineresearch.com/images/312162/312162_large.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit Harry….you pit and lose the lead? How the fuck you gonna pay for Lisa Rinna’s new lips now????
SMGDH

Unsurprised

I don’t know what annoyed me more about doing MBE questions at Starbucks. The shitty music that got louder as it got more crowded, the fact that the college student next to me was half my age, or the incredibly hot other student studying right in front of me. I only mention that because she looked like this model I noticed when I was going through liked Instagram photos.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Did you rub your junk up on her? If not, don’t even speak to me.

Unsurprised

Never even crossed my mind.

herodotus450

Molecular Beam Epitaxy?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, I am back from Ikea, and I am amazingly satisfied with the things we got. Also I was amazingly satisfied by my lunch, which consisted of a burger with cheddar, bacon, jalapeno slices, avocado, and green chile salsa.

WCS

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Unsurprised

Former Cowboys player arrested on battery charges. What a shock.

WCS

Sun rises in the east.

WCS

They leave that to their fans.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go, Daddy.
/don’t have to tell me twice
http://www.hondapedia.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/danica3.jpg

Beerguyrob
Porky Prime

Seriously half my links are coming back busted. Weeeeaaaaak

theeWeeBabySeamus

Avoid imgur….they no good.

Senor Weaselo

Oh, so I survived my first bachelor party–uh, I mean I died and this is Zombie Weaselo and I want all your tasty Internet brains–yeah, that’s it.

Senor Weaselo

Whiskey bar, arcade bar, Korean BBQ, karaoke, cigar bar. Glad there were no strippers for my sake, I’m of the opinion that you (read: I) have to earn seeing the first set based on your own merits and charms.

scotchnaut

MY KINGDOM FOR A FRESH TIRE!

Unsurprised

i’ll Have What Phil’s Having is pretty good. He’s infinitely more likable than Anthony Bourdain, for damn sure.

Unsurprised

Netflix

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is the race still ongoing?
/watching golf
/yes, really

WCS

Adam Scott and Matt Kuchar are giving my fantasy team a nice boost this week.

/is hit by flying garbage can thrown by Porky

Porky Prime
Unsurprised

I can’t watch this without playing the old NBA on NBC theme song in my head.

theeWeeBabySeamus

One guess where that douchebag went to college.
*sigh*

The Maestro

Wait, they have fantasy golf??

Unsurprised

Man, nerds will do anything not to actually play real sports.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dustin Johnson’s head looks too big.
http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250×250/15361829.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Looking ripped, but even in my 40s now, I bet I could take her out with a single punch.
Greg Hardy likes this +1
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Porky Prime

“I’d hit that.”
– J. Manziel

Unsurprised

His girlfriend is lucky JFF throws punches as well as he throws footballs.

Porky Prime
scotchnaut

“For The Love Of God, NASCAR Fans, Apply Some Goddamn Deodorant Once In A While!”

-Advanced Autoparts Pit Performance Report

Porky Prime

Hey, that Tim McGraw cologne don’t hold up past noon.

scotchnaut

Why does Cialis discriminate against guys with high blood pressure?

/that ain’t right

WCS

#HypertensionLivesMatter

scotchnaut

#NotAllDesperateWhiteDudes

theeWeeBabySeamus

#BonerPillzForEverbody

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU get a boner, YOU get a boner, YOU get a boner…..
http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/oprahyouandyouandyoulego.gif

Porky Prime