Your Daytona 500 Open Thread

As you may or may not have heard, it’s DAYTONA DAY!

Of course, this is stupid Fox marketing to try to hype up something that shouldn’t have to be hyped up.  It’s like saying Happy Super Bowl Day!

Completely stupid.

Anyway, they do call it NASCAR’s Super Bowl even though it’s the first race of the season and doesn’t decide the championship.   So, what does the Daytona 500 mean to me?

A while back, a much younger Balls worked with a friend that was really into NASCAR.  He invited younger Balls to his house for the 500.  I arrived a precisely the time the TV said the race would start.  Of course, that was just the start of the broadcast and there was still the anthem, the invocation (They pray at the track?!?), the Gentlemen Start Your Engines, and finally the Green Flag.

As soon as the Green Flag dropped, my buddy said, “Ok, let’s go outside and get some beers and get the grill going.”

The rest of the day was spent eating and drinking in the back yard while occasionally going in to check to see how many laps had been run.  Once it got to 30 to go, we went back inside and watched the end of the race.

And yes, there was a Big One.

Now, who is going to win this year’s race?

Your guess is as good as mine.  The frustrating thing about the Daytona 500 (and the other Daytona race and both Talladega races) is that luck plays an extremely large role in who wins.  There are several drivers that excel at restricted plate tracks, but if they get caught up in someone else’s mess, they are screwed.

With that said, given that this group loves a good drink and a good eating, I suggest you follow the 500 as I did way back when.  Consider this the backyard and post funny gifs and videos while drinking and checking in occasionally to see if anyone has wrecked.

But do watch the last 30 laps.  It’s the best part.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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WCS

The Top-10 Most UNBELIEVEABLY EPIC Amy Schumer Photos From Daytona!
(Number 6 Will Make You #UpForWhatever!)
CLICK HERE

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep, Danica again. She seems to like a good paddling.
/I’m going to hell
//Not a new revelation
http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/tattoo/images/celeb-patrick/patrick_large/danica_patrick_04.jpg

Porky Prime

I understand if that kind of woman is in your wheelhouse, and she’d certainly be “real-life” attractive but I’ve never been able to see Danica as “TV” attractive relative to the sex-symbol status into which she’s violently shoehorned. Maybe it’s that sexless Uncanny Valley face of hers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I pretty much agree.
/Still willing to spank her

Porky Prime

Moar fighting SEGA car. Now I wish I still had that Saturn with Fighters Megamix.

http://45.media.tumblr.com/27d62bef9a0a9f3697f716e08a782a31/tumblr_nfdqv5isJi1r7sijxo3_400.gif

Senor Weaselo

See, Man vs. Car was supposed to be a reply to these.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Man vs Car was awesome.
Whitey be keeping us down with the no embed privilege.
Can’t even get 3/5th’s of an embed.

rockingdog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpvAR5KqkBQ

Michael Jenkins fights a regular old car.

Senor Weaselo

Ah, so that’s why St. John’s is 1-1 bajillion in Big East play this year. That was a pretty awful finish.

WCS

Let’s see:

auto parts store
Ram trucks
Mountain Dew with DALE JUNIOR

Yep, this is NASCAR on Fox.

Porky Prime
theeWeeBabySeamus

Danica Patrick, committed to excellence….no, wait. Still content with bringing up the rear.
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/4136421/600full-danica-patrick.jpg

King Hippo

Not one of the #BFIB 2/10 WOULD NOT BANG

theeWeeBabySeamus

Poor bastard.

laserguru

Maybe!

scotchnaut

“Take it easy changing those tires. We’ve still got a couple of time-outs we can use.”

-Andy Reid, Crew Chief

scotchnaut

You mean I can continue not going to McDonald’s at all for not-breakfast all the time now?

/didn’t Carlin have something about ‘the illusion of choice’?

Porky Prime

I would give props to them if they used a slogan like:

McDonald’s…Because You Fat Fucks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You ain’t lovin’ it.
Come back when you’re ready to love it.

Don T

Also John Calvin. And Doug Marrone.

Redshirt

Olympus Has Fallen 2: We Really Suck At Our Jobs

scotchnaut

Naationwaade in on yer saaade.

scotchnaut

Naationwaade also thinks you got a purty mouth.

Redshirt

Have I missed a right turn yet?

theeWeeBabySeamus

CLYDE!!!!!!!

scotchnaut

Super Bee!

Porky Prime

What’s the big deal? I’ve been able to do that since I was 11.

Porky Prime

Watch out, Danica!
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh my god, there’s an elephant on the track!!!!!
Now that I’d watch.

The Maestro

Holy shit… Victory Run for TurboGrafX-16.

Now that is a fuckin’ game.

Still got my old one set up here, and play it from time to time.

Porky Prime

I sold a lottttt of video game stuff during a period of unemployment. It’s just below selling my Apple stock on the I’m regrets list. Turbografx, Dreamcast, Virtual Boy, Saturn, N64, Genesis+32x+CD, Philips CDi, PS1, SNES (actually think an old gf swiped that)…granted, my wife would’ve probably convinced me to dump some of it but…whew. So much stuff. Wish I at least still had the TG and DC.

WCS

VRROOOMM

[turn left]

VRROOOOMMM

[turn left]

VROOOOMMMMMM

[turn left]

[crash]

Senor Weaselo
Porky Prime

May the best car win!
comment image

scotchnaut

How are they going to fit the car into the ambulance?

The Maestro

I grew up a city slicker, but I’ve always had an affinity for (and decent skill with) camping, hunting, shooting, fishing, rural lifestyle stuff in general.

But the one thing I CAN’T figure out, for the life of me, is why these folks are so damn obsessed with NASCAR.

It makes no fucking sense.

3 and a half hours of turning left.

Is it that you can put it on your TV or radio and get some productive things done, as like pleasant background noise? Because fuck sitting down on a couch and actively watching that. (Actually, that’s not true. I’d watch Ronco infomercials if there was unlimited beer on supply).

But going to Daytona Speedway… 100000 people or whatever. Just sitting there all goddamn afternoon, getting fried in the sun. For what? What is the purpose?

What does it mean?

Why are we here?

Porky Prime

As I understand it, it’s a nice loud way to get drunk in the sun and say WOOOOOO without getting arrested on the freeway divider.

scotchnaut

Can’t believe they cut to a commercial. smgdh. What if I miss something?

scotchnaut

For the 16th consecutive year, no driver has finished the G.E.D. 500.

scotchnaut

“Send Those Grease Monkeys Back To Greece Where They Came From!”

-D. Trump

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s only just starting for Chrissakes?????????

Porky Prime
scotchnaut

I’ll bet Chase Elliot never wins. It’s right there in the name.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice

Porky Prime
theeWeeBabySeamus

So, did Danica crash yet? Goddamned women drivers.
/ducks to avoid the clock thrown by Dok Zymm
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/22700000/Danica-Patrick-danica-patrick-22773368-497-666.jpg

Porky Prime

I haven’t watched NASCAR since Cole Trickle retired.
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dick Trickle. Always funny.
That Cole bastard tho….what a dick THAT Trickle is.

Porky Prime

Thank you. I always feel like I derail the thread for a few minutes when I update.

Porky Prime

I’m going to be pretty ubiquitous (using that correctly? IDGAF) for a few minutes while I wait on wifey. Like Moose at 2am, but less skillful and more PG-13.

http://movieguy247.com/iMovies/images/blog/Hidden%20Treasures/six-pack.jpg

Porky Prime

Back to it.

comment image

Porky Prime

Obligatory…

comment image

Porky Prime

Update, in case you were wondering. Hospital had us in a holding pattern for the angiogram and getting the tube out of her throat, and the only upside here is they were only putting us off because she was responding so strongly. It didn’t make me feel any better, but when a place gets 3 ER strokes 2 days in a row that pulled away all the techs, it’s hard to complain. Waiting on angiogram, crossing fingers, back to talking vaguely about a sport I would only watch with a controller in my hand.

scotchnaut

Why doesn’t NASCAR have a draft? Actually the drivers do, come to think of it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll have a draft, if you’re buying.
I’ll get the next round.

packman_jon

Kyle Busch “did 9/11”

theeWeeBabySeamus

In the south, one gets asked this more often than necessary.
It’s always interesting to see the look in response to “I don’t have one”.
Now I know, in passing, who most of the drivers are. And I could pull out a name. but confusing rednecks is way more fun.

makeitsnowondem

Busch is disgusting pisswater.

Don’t know anything about this Kyle guy though.

scotchnaut

These same folks were saying that about 12/13 American kids were going in the first round of the draft this year. I thought “Bananas!” and did some homework. Turns out that it looks like about 9 or so will be grabbed. That’s very impressive, actually.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Obligatory:

comment image

packman_jon

I assume this is one of Douglas Ladd’s comics?

Porky Prime

Daytona USA was the shit. That theme song just reverberates in your skull.

ROLLING STAARRRRRRRT

scotchnaut

NBC’s Hockey Day In America is doing a feature on veterans putting together a hockey team. Apparently it’s all about the healing. DOES EVERY FUCKING THING HAVE TO BE ABOUT THE MILITARY? CHRIST!!!!!!!!!

packman_jon

“I can’t be the only one who thinks if the troops wanted to they could put together a football team and dominate the NHL”
– @YoungCons

scotchnaut

I bought some Doritos ketchup-flavoured thingies against my better judgement because I’m nothing if not an experimenter. I think that at some point during this race I will indulge. Stay tuned.

scotchnaut

Isn’t there a Herr’s ketchup flavour?

/also, if condiments are being done, why not Mayo?

laserguru

But the Riviera is on? !?!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Funny you should mention “restrictor plate” cause the wife and I are actually planning a nice little trip to Ikea today.

laserguru

I really don’t enjoy going to Ikea.
Maybe it’s because I can’t put anything together for shit.
It’s like taking a slow, crowded shuffle through Hells showroom floor.

laserguru

Well that settles it, I’m not going!
Yes I am.

Porky Prime
King Hippo

Also relevant:

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now I’m picturing a red-faced man in a Chevy careening around corners and screaming “YEEE HAW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”

King Hippo

Living in North Cakalaky, this is my everyday commuting existence ,, smgdh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fashion nuggets are what Peter King was looking for when he went to the Versace show. Also chicken nuggets.

King Hippo

Now he’s turning left. Left. LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

packman_jon

Theres the door

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I came to say this. I can’t watch a bunch of cars turning left for any amount of laps.

laserguru

Do car races only make right turns south of the Equator?

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

Had to test the embed. FAIL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asQDJBraj-c

Unsurprised

Daytona 500, you say?

https://youtu.be/1G03xA3SMKo

packman_jon

I used to be really into NASCAR starting in the late 90s. Now, I pretty much just watch the 500 and maybe the Coke 600? NASCAR is like the NFL minus CTE, except somehow Brian France is more competent than the Rog and DW and Larry Mac is like Phil Simms and Collinsworth combined.

Now that I’ve got that off my back WOO GREEN FLAG GREEN FLAG GREENGREENGREENWOOOOO