As you may or may not have heard, it’s DAYTONA DAY!
Of course, this is stupid Fox marketing to try to hype up something that shouldn’t have to be hyped up. It’s like saying Happy Super Bowl Day!
Completely stupid.
Anyway, they do call it NASCAR’s Super Bowl even though it’s the first race of the season and doesn’t decide the championship. So, what does the Daytona 500 mean to me?
A while back, a much younger Balls worked with a friend that was really into NASCAR. He invited younger Balls to his house for the 500. I arrived a precisely the time the TV said the race would start. Of course, that was just the start of the broadcast and there was still the anthem, the invocation (They pray at the track?!?), the Gentlemen Start Your Engines, and finally the Green Flag.
As soon as the Green Flag dropped, my buddy said, “Ok, let’s go outside and get some beers and get the grill going.”
The rest of the day was spent eating and drinking in the back yard while occasionally going in to check to see how many laps had been run. Once it got to 30 to go, we went back inside and watched the end of the race.
And yes, there was a Big One.
Now, who is going to win this year’s race?
Your guess is as good as mine. The frustrating thing about the Daytona 500 (and the other Daytona race and both Talladega races) is that luck plays an extremely large role in who wins. There are several drivers that excel at restricted plate tracks, but if they get caught up in someone else’s mess, they are screwed.
With that said, given that this group loves a good drink and a good eating, I suggest you follow the 500 as I did way back when. Consider this the backyard and post funny gifs and videos while drinking and checking in occasionally to see if anyone has wrecked.
But do watch the last 30 laps. It’s the best part.
Amy Schumer would probably feel right at home at the Daytona 500 inside some random motorhome.
The Top-10 Most UNBELIEVEABLY EPIC Amy Schumer Photos From Daytona!
(Number 6 Will Make You #UpForWhatever!)
CLICK HERE
Of course he did:
http://gawker.com/ted-cruz-got-heckled-by-his-own-supporter-when-he-asked-1760413255
Yep, Danica again. She seems to like a good paddling.
/I’m going to hell
//Not a new revelation
http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/tattoo/images/celeb-patrick/patrick_large/danica_patrick_04.jpg
I understand if that kind of woman is in your wheelhouse, and she’d certainly be “real-life” attractive but I’ve never been able to see Danica as “TV” attractive relative to the sex-symbol status into which she’s violently shoehorned. Maybe it’s that sexless Uncanny Valley face of hers.
I pretty much agree.
/Still willing to spank her
Moar fighting SEGA car. Now I wish I still had that Saturn with Fighters Megamix.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/27d62bef9a0a9f3697f716e08a782a31/tumblr_nfdqv5isJi1r7sijxo3_400.gif
See, Man vs. Car was supposed to be a reply to these.
Man vs Car was awesome.
Whitey be keeping us down with the no embed privilege.
Can’t even get 3/5th’s of an embed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpvAR5KqkBQ
Michael Jenkins fights a regular old car.
Ah, so that’s why St. John’s is 1-1 bajillion in Big East play this year. That was a pretty awful finish.
Let’s see:
auto parts store
Ram trucks
Mountain Dew with DALE JUNIOR
Yep, this is NASCAR on Fox.
All I see is:
http://www.gamers.vg/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/night-driver-1.gif
Danica Patrick, committed to excellence….no, wait. Still content with bringing up the rear.
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/4136421/600full-danica-patrick.jpg
Not one of the #BFIB 2/10 WOULD NOT BANG
Yeah Right may now become a Danica fan!
Poor bastard.
Maybe!
http://cdn.meme.li/instances/52330373.jpg
“Take it easy changing those tires. We’ve still got a couple of time-outs we can use.”
-Andy Reid, Crew Chief
You mean I can continue not going to McDonald’s at all for not-breakfast all the time now?
/didn’t Carlin have something about ‘the illusion of choice’?
I would give props to them if they used a slogan like:
McDonald’s…Because You Fat Fucks.
You ain’t lovin’ it.
Come back when you’re ready to love it.
Also John Calvin. And Doug Marrone.
Olympus Has Fallen 2: We Really Suck At Our Jobs
Naationwaade in on yer saaade.
Naationwaade also thinks you got a purty mouth.
Have I missed a right turn yet?
http://www.energyburrito.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/right-turn-Clyde.jpg
CLYDE!!!!!!!
http://klipd.com/screenshots/0ebee4c77d49f3ee957f13cae1b390a7-2.jpg
Danica get rear-ended yet? (giggity)
http://www.dotsauce.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/08_danica-patrick_behind_10.jpg
http://www.desipio.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/archer-phrasing.jpg
Super Bee!
http://cdn01.dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/@swedishfishrule-Tumblr.png
What’s the big deal? I’ve been able to do that since I was 11.
Watch out, Danica!
Oh my god, there’s an elephant on the track!!!!!
Now that I’d watch.
Better than the room.
Holy shit… Victory Run for TurboGrafX-16.
Now that is a fuckin’ game.
Still got my old one set up here, and play it from time to time.
I sold a lottttt of video game stuff during a period of unemployment. It’s just below selling my Apple stock on the I’m regrets list. Turbografx, Dreamcast, Virtual Boy, Saturn, N64, Genesis+32x+CD, Philips CDi, PS1, SNES (actually think an old gf swiped that)…granted, my wife would’ve probably convinced me to dump some of it but…whew. So much stuff. Wish I at least still had the TG and DC.
VRROOOMM
[turn left]
VRROOOOMMM
[turn left]
VROOOOMMMMMM
[turn left]
[crash]
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/09/09d84bbca6a802b8063db8a16a3d15fb30c29d7133367fec147f96f2d814de84.jpg
Man vs. Car!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpvAR5KqkBQ
May the best car win!
How are they going to fit the car into the ambulance?
I grew up a city slicker, but I’ve always had an affinity for (and decent skill with) camping, hunting, shooting, fishing, rural lifestyle stuff in general.
But the one thing I CAN’T figure out, for the life of me, is why these folks are so damn obsessed with NASCAR.
It makes no fucking sense.
3 and a half hours of turning left.
Is it that you can put it on your TV or radio and get some productive things done, as like pleasant background noise? Because fuck sitting down on a couch and actively watching that. (Actually, that’s not true. I’d watch Ronco infomercials if there was unlimited beer on supply).
But going to Daytona Speedway… 100000 people or whatever. Just sitting there all goddamn afternoon, getting fried in the sun. For what? What is the purpose?
What does it mean?
Why are we here?
http://cdn-2.motorsport.com/static/img/mgl/700000/780000/789000/789300/789312/s8/nascar-cup-daytona-500-2009-the-lovely-blu-frog-girls.jpg
As I understand it, it’s a nice loud way to get drunk in the sun and say WOOOOOO without getting arrested on the freeway divider.
http://img.ifcdn.com/images/0ce7ec202e5fa8d1e9ed4131e432a1be9c36f573c24e33f6428b0abaf194e5cf_1.jpg
Can’t believe they cut to a commercial. smgdh. What if I miss something?
For the 16th consecutive year, no driver has finished the G.E.D. 500.
“Send Those Grease Monkeys Back To Greece Where They Came From!”
-D. Trump
http://memecrunch.com/meme/2CKJ1/mexican-nascar/image.png
AND, AWAY THEY GO…
Wait, wrong sport. They still turn left, though.
It’s only just starting for Chrissakes?????????
http://www.meredy.com/gleasonjackie04.jpg
I’ll bet Chase Elliot never wins. It’s right there in the name.
Nice
?
http://whatvinniethinks.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/E.T.-Bikes.jpg
So, did Danica crash yet? Goddamned women drivers.
/ducks to avoid the clock thrown by Dok Zymm
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/22700000/Danica-Patrick-danica-patrick-22773368-497-666.jpg
I haven’t watched NASCAR since Cole Trickle retired.
Dick Trickle. Always funny.
That Cole bastard tho….what a dick THAT Trickle is.
http://turtleboysports.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/nascar-meme-generator-in-5-miles-turn-left-recalculating-1ec273.jpg
Thank you. I always feel like I derail the thread for a few minutes when I update.
I’m going to be pretty ubiquitous (using that correctly? IDGAF) for a few minutes while I wait on wifey. Like Moose at 2am, but less skillful and more PG-13.
http://movieguy247.com/iMovies/images/blog/Hidden%20Treasures/six-pack.jpg
Back to it.
Obligatory…
I expect many of these today.
Update, in case you were wondering. Hospital had us in a holding pattern for the angiogram and getting the tube out of her throat, and the only upside here is they were only putting us off because she was responding so strongly. It didn’t make me feel any better, but when a place gets 3 ER strokes 2 days in a row that pulled away all the techs, it’s hard to complain. Waiting on angiogram, crossing fingers, back to talking vaguely about a sport I would only watch with a controller in my hand.
I’m glad to hear everything is going along a good path. My mom had to have brain surgery. It sounds like you don’t have to deal with that, which is good. I’m pulling for everything to go well for you and the Mrs.
Why doesn’t NASCAR have a draft? Actually the drivers do, come to think of it.
I’ll have a draft, if you’re buying.
I’ll get the next round.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but my favorite driver is Kyle Busch.
Go ahead and skewer me.
Kyle Busch “did 9/11”
Which one is your favorite?
In the south, one gets asked this more often than necessary.
It’s always interesting to see the look in response to “I don’t have one”.
Now I know, in passing, who most of the drivers are. And I could pull out a name. but confusing rednecks is way more fun.
Busch is disgusting pisswater.
Don’t know anything about this Kyle guy though.
These same folks were saying that about 12/13 American kids were going in the first round of the draft this year. I thought “Bananas!” and did some homework. Turns out that it looks like about 9 or so will be grabbed. That’s very impressive, actually.
Obligatory:
I assume this is one of Douglas Ladd’s comics?
Daytona USA was the shit. That theme song just reverberates in your skull.
ROLLING STAARRRRRRRT
NBC’s Hockey Day In America is doing a feature on veterans putting together a hockey team. Apparently it’s all about the healing. DOES EVERY FUCKING THING HAVE TO BE ABOUT THE MILITARY? CHRIST!!!!!!!!!
“I can’t be the only one who thinks if the troops wanted to they could put together a football team and dominate the NHL”
– @YoungCons
I bought some Doritos ketchup-flavoured thingies against my better judgement because I’m nothing if not an experimenter. I think that at some point during this race I will indulge. Stay tuned.
God, I miss the Canada and ketchup flavored potato chips!
Isn’t there a Herr’s ketchup flavour?
/also, if condiments are being done, why not Mayo?
We don’t get them here in Baja Canada…
But the Riviera is on? !?!
This one?
Funny you should mention “restrictor plate” cause the wife and I are actually planning a nice little trip to Ikea today.
I really don’t enjoy going to Ikea.
Maybe it’s because I can’t put anything together for shit.
It’s like taking a slow, crowded shuffle through Hells showroom floor.
But Hell doesn’t have little meatballs!
Or so I’ve been told…
Well that settles it, I’m not going!
Yes I am.
http://youtu.be/cq73MTjSdtY
Also relevant:
Now I’m picturing a red-faced man in a Chevy careening around corners and screaming “YEEE HAW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”
Living in North Cakalaky, this is my everyday commuting existence ,, smgdh
Fashion nuggets are what Peter King was looking for when he went to the Versace show. Also chicken nuggets.
Now he’s turning left. Left. LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres the door
I came to say this. I can’t watch a bunch of cars turning left for any amount of laps.
Do car races only make right turns south of the Equator?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnutXjBt6LU
Had to test the embed. FAIL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asQDJBraj-c
Daytona 500, you say?
https://youtu.be/1G03xA3SMKo
I used to be really into NASCAR starting in the late 90s. Now, I pretty much just watch the 500 and maybe the Coke 600? NASCAR is like the NFL minus CTE, except somehow Brian France is more competent than the Rog and DW and Larry Mac is like Phil Simms and Collinsworth combined.
Now that I’ve got that off my back WOO GREEN FLAG GREEN FLAG GREENGREENGREENWOOOOO
Larry Mac may not have CTE, but a couple of wrenches may have fallen on his head at some point.