Your “FINALLY! Games That Matter!” Wednesday Open Thread

I don’t believe there’s a person in North America – nay; the world – that feels any sympathy for Gary Bettman. But it does suck that, on the opening night of the NHL’s two-month journey towards winning the best trophy in sports (come at me!), the vast majority of interest is focused on basketball LA and Oakland. At least the league was helped by the Kings finishing ahead of the Sharks, so they didn’t try something stupid like having San Jose play tonight before a half-empty Tank.

Speaking of dancing around, Lynn Swann was named the new USC athletic director today. I’m sure George Atkinson can be found for a word or two about that. Maybe it’s me, but after the 1972 Dolphins, the group of old men I also don’t need to hear from are the 1970s Raiders. If they were that damn good or tough, they could give me the finger and show me a second ring. None of those windbags they show on NFL Network were around in January 1981, when Jim Plunkett showed Jaws how to play in the big game.

In the first hint of the upcoming adpocalypse, the NBA is voting this week on allowing jersey advertising, which would become effective for the 2017/18 season. The union strike about revenue sharing would follow soon after, I imagine. It might be enough to drag Peyton and Brett out of retirement in 2020 when it comes to the NFL.

While we’re on the subject of the NBA, don’t expect me to participate in the hagiography around Kobe Bryant. Good player; awful person. The pregame ceremony will probably make me vomit. Besides, I’ll be rooting for the Blues about that time.

Before I go, have fun doing math over the weekend! Luckily, Big Daddy Drew has some tax pointers for you over at Deadspin.

Tonight’s entertainment:

NHL Playoffs:

  • Detroit @ Tampa Bay – 7:00
  • NY Rangers @ Pittsburgh – 8:00
  • Chicago @ St. Louis – 9:30

NBA: (14 games total)

  • Kings @ Rockets – 8:00 (if Houston loses, then Utah is win & in)
  • Jazz @ Lakers – 10:30
  • Grizzlies @ Warriors – 10:30

Finally, if you recall, last week I mentioned that I was going to see Iron Maiden on Sunday night. Loud? YOU BET! A limited edition tour shirt that sold out in 5 minutes? NATURALLY! Fifteen songs like usual? OF COURSE! But a nice mix of old & new:

  1. If Eternity Should Fail
  2. Speed of Light
  3. Children of the Damned
  4. Tears of a Clown
  5. The Red and the Black
  6. The Trooper
  7. Powerslave
  8. Death or Glory
  9. The Book of Souls
  10. Hallowed Be Thy Name
  11. Fear of the Dark
  12. Iron Maiden

Encore:

  1. The Number of the Beast
  2. Blood Brothers
  3. Wasted Years

Here’s “The Trooper”

VANCOUVER DID SCREAM FOR YOU, BRUCE!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

Pizza for the Chicago pie lovers: “Stuffed Spinach Pie”
“To create this gargantuan pizza, Via Chicago hand-presses their dough into a cake pan, and start with a layer of thick-sliced raw garlic. From there, asiago, mozzarella, and parmesan cheese are layered, with fresh spinach interspersed. A thin layer of dough caps things off, and the pizza is ready for the oven. Before the process is complete, it is removed from the oven, doused with a thick layer of sauce, and placed back in for a spell before being finished with a dusting of parmesan and a mixture of thyme, oregano, and rosemary.”
http://media2.fdncms.com/portmerc/imager/u/large/17878501/viachicago-1000.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I ain’t care ’bout da haters; I’d fuck that pizza.

*Make sure it cooled down a bit first.

http://49.media.tumblr.com/b6f7f9faea75261df684d0d34dfeff8f/tumblr_myr17fUa0I1qhtij5o1_400.gif

ALXMAC

Old Chicago (chain) makes something similar to this, but with spaghetti as the guts. Other than that spaghetti is my least favorite pasta, it’s delicious.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Best Rick and Morty character, or best character ever?

http://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000131941579-k9t4qc-t500x500.jpg

Unsurprised

Next week is Pizza Week here in Portland: $2 slice specials at places that usually charge twice that. Only a couple are in my neighborhood, and I’m trying to decide how much effort I want to put into trying different local pizza. http://www.portlandmercury.com/events/17656074/portland-pizza-week

Unsurprised

One place is doing an individual eight-inch pizza for $2.
http://media2.fdncms.com/portmerc/imager/u/large/17873677/amalfis-1-1000.jpg

Unsurprised

http://www.portlandmercury.com/food-and-drink/2016/04/13/17873517/behold-the-slices

Slices from the three nearest joints:

Nacho Porko
“Their Nacho Porko slice isn’t just smeared with tangy, shredded porcine goodness—there’s also fresh diced tomato, salty olive rings, and spicy jalapeño rings, with all of that drizzled with sour cream and chipotle sauce.”
http://media1.fdncms.com/portmerc/imager/u/large/17873718/schmizza-1000.jpg

Yin Yang Theory and Dagger Moon
YYT: “The Spicy Aardvark tomato sauce wonderfully lifts the sweet hunks of pork that are nestled inside chewy pockets of cheese, while some lightly smoked mozzarella adds a gentle complexity, all topped off with crisp green onions.”

Dagger Moon: “a vegan-friendly delight, with succulent flavors and a terrific blend of spices. A look at the vegan pizza evidences plenty of green, crisp spinach, which is cut by orange-yellow chunks of tofu cheese and some bright stabs of color from the banana peppers. The white bean base is filling and creamy, and some red onion and stick dust makes this a rounded marvel in your mouth.”
http://media1.fdncms.com/portmerc/imager/u/large/17873730/sizzlepiewest-yinyangtheorypie-1000.jpg

The Green Dream
“This slice is vegetarian, tangy, and beautiful: The thickness of the white mozzarella base works in balance with the lightness and snap of green peppers, banana peppers, and a tasteful pesto swirl, while a dusting of parmesan adds some welcome salt.”
http://media2.fdncms.com/portmerc/imager/u/large/17878497/sfnywestside2-1-1000.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d love too, but I’m not that flexible so I’m just afraid I’d cramp up before I finished.

http://45.media.tumblr.com/1dc1f2f38e8b2f59f559d934e537f092/tumblr_o3fk8ufzvq1qa70eyo3_400.gif

WCS

This is second only to your Egyptian queen gifs. I lovepizza. So, you know, keep posting both.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fucking skillet pizza looks damn good and is not hard to make.

http://49.media.tumblr.com/6ed97dc6e3795d454a6c2ad08f0bbdc9/tumblr_n4fb6cLttw1tv6xlbo1_500.gif

ALXMAC

Is there no dough? How does it stay together out of the skillet?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve made it both ways and without crust it is more of a casserole I guess, but is was so good I didn’t give a shit. Another time I over sauced it (because I was over sauced), but it still tasted great, just burned a little. You can use the crust kit, but be careful because the skillet holds the heat. There is a lot of recipes on the interwebs for it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Love me some Tonya, in particular leather bikini riding in Sheena.

WCS

So… within the same ten months, there’s been a Triple Crown Winner, and a team broke the Bulls’ 72-10 season. This means Danny Willett will sweep the golf majors, right?

Senor Weaselo

All the Grand Slams?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought it meant Willett has a shot at the Preakness

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe I’ll get that blowjob now.

Senor Weaselo

Shit, THAT was the joke to make, Redshirt and me getting laid!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Unsurprised: Remains alone

Senor Weaselo

18/46 for 51 points. That is a lot of shots.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Kobe has always been such a good team player, he deserves the chance to for once be a little selfish and shoot a bunch before he retires.

ALXMAC

Hey Guys Hey! Remember that time Kobe bought his wife a $4 Million dollar ring out of pure love? What a sweetheart!

https://youtu.be/jYNBrZnxw_Q

Cuntler

Slappy McFaceStick comes back next game. Better hit your wives/black people for luck, Blues fans! #policelivesmatter

Shit, I missed you guys. ?

Brocky

comment image

So yeah, here’s a gif that took far too long to post.

WCS

I just “approved” 20-odd something comments* “awaiting moderation.” I have no idea how that works on someone else’s post; check and see if your’s is there now?

*I was not aware of this until now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aren’t most DFOers awaiting moderation?

WCS

That’s what the bartender and/or pill dealer usually says, anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well that ate a dick.

Senor Weaselo

Kobe has 43 with 7 left. The Lakers have 80. He has taken 40 shots. This is about right.

Brocky

booooooooooo

Cuntler

All my comments are awaiting moderation. Totally setting up McButthole69 tomorrow, you guys.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I vote for “Assface McButtface69”
But then again, I’m just a old softie at heart.

Senor Weaselo

Oooooh-weeeee!
comment image

WCS

Of course this game ends in an own-goal. In overtime. With a 1-0 final.

Senor Weaselo

If only those counted as negative to get 0-(-1), the score it would deserve.

Brocky

Okay, lemme try this:
https://en.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/4e98lx/harley_what/

just look at the source

Brocky
Unsurprised

Imgur links don’t work here.

Brocky

thank you! finally it makes sense

Unsurprised

I think the others were fucking with you.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Just tell people to right click, copy image address and post in a new tab.

/This works only in Chrome, if you are using something else that is on you

Brocky

Lets try this one more time: http://i.imgur.com/qXPv1KG.gifv

WCS

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehe…I bought two big ass boxes of Chimichangas at Sam’s Club today.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sadly, the pharmacy was fresh out o’ crack.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow….double moderation.
Is that like double penetration?
Yeah, you drunk fucks have no idea what I’m talking about because you can’t yet see my posts which both got thrown into MODERFUCKINGATION.

WCS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How many OTs can this go before someone fucking scores?

Cuntler

Kane will force it in there shortly. He doesn’t need their consent.

Brocky

You know, I can respect someone not particularly caring for superhero movies, off topic gifs, or not even finding Margot Robbie that attractive.

But all 3? C’mon man
comment imagev

Sill Bimmons

That is a person whose ideas are not intriguing to me, and I have no interest in subscribing to their newsletter.

Brocky

Let’s try one more time..

comment imagev

WCS
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What’s this about not liking off topic gifs??

They must FUCKING HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE me.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

NSFW-ish, broken link to be safe

h ttp://i.imgur.com/QBp2ZHM.jpg

WCS

What happens if the Warriors get upset in the playoffs? Goes the Earth’s magnetic field suddenly shift 25 degrees?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That is already happening, global warming is melting ice and changing the poles because of changing weight distribution with the water relocating.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I don’t that’s how that works.

Unsurprised

“Earth has settled in the last 20 million years into a pattern of a pole reversal about every 200,000 to 300,000 years, although it has been more than twice that long since the last reversal.”

http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/2012-poleReversal.html

theeWeeBabySeamus

WCS specifically said magnetic pole.
You’re talking about pole/axis of rotation.
Huge difference.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit…why are all of my comments falling to moderation.
Fuck this. I’ve got shit to do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

*think

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it really “bonus” hockey if it’s barely watchable?

WCS

It’s the same kind of “bonus” as herpes, as in, it’s awful, and never fully ends.

Cuntler

Sounds like being a Pirates fan!

/self high-five

ALXMAC
Croooow

There it is. Steph’s got 400. Incredible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Psssh, at the rate Kobe’s heaving shots, he could do that in another twenty games tops.

Brocky

So my dog just vomited basically it’s entire dinner on the hardwood. I’m assuming it’s in response to the scoreless game

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Of course OT. It is the Hawks, I shouldn’t have assumed anything else

Senor Weaselo

Kobe’s gonna go for 40. The Lakers will score 65, but Kobe’s gonna get 40.

Sill Bimmons

The universe owes the Blues an Yzerman moment.

Sill Bimmons

Oh well.

Cuntler

Fuck that. The universe is repaying this shit town for years of smug Cardinals bullshit. #BFIB

Brocky

“Man these stupid as hawks fans so fair wether”

-the one penguins fan I know

ALXMAC
Sill Bimmons

OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN

Senor Weaselo

Little Caesar’s Stuffed Crust? Why can’t a GOOD pizzeria do that? Come on, joints in NYC, make that a new specialty slice.

Sill Bimmons

Most of my local Jersey thin slice places do a stuffed crust.

WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The blazing white of watching hockey on tv is only matched by watching BYU play basketball.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have seen the same amount of offense in the Blackhawks–Blues game as I had when the Rockies game was on this tv.

Sill Bimmons

TIGHT CHECKIN’

LOW SCORIN’

AND TIES?

NOT ANYMORE!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whore

Croooow

Curry now has 399 3-pointers on the year.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That stat about him shooting 48% from 30+ feet is amazing. Rest of league: 7%

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s 1,197 pts.
/good at multiplication tables.

Sill Bimmons

I just got this forwarded to me.

It’s supposed to be the exact recipe for Hattie B’s Nashville Hot Chicken sauce.

comment image

1/2 cup melted lard
4 tablespoons cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon white vinegar

Whisk it all into the melted lard and pour it over your fried chicken.

The lard makes it seem legit.

Unsurprised

Didn’t this get posted on Twitter by a disgruntled ex-employee?

SonOfSpam

Ok, thought exercise, what with Kobe retiring: Top 5 NBA players all time. No right answers, plenty of wrong ones. In no particular order…

Jordan, Magic, Kareem, LeBron, Chamberlain.

COME AT ME BRO

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I feel bad about not having Bill Russell but can’t argue him over Wilt or Alcindor. Can I have Dr. J over Lebron because fuck that guy?

SonOfSpam

No rules, so “fuck that guy” is allowed. Dr. J is a fine sub.

Cuntler

Honestly, would you take LeBron over Bird? Bird was ruthless. NOONE DENIES THIS.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As a Celtics fan I’d find a way to fit Bird in there, though not sure who I’d bump out.

Brocky

Of course you would

Cuntler

Jordan, Bird, Magic, Duncan, Curry.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s a little high for Eddie Curry

Cuntler

Wait this isn’t competitive eating? Nevermind,.

ALXMAC

Was Shawn Bradley ineligible?

Senor Weaselo

No Brian Scalabrine? Where’s the love for the White Mamba?

Unsurprised

No Christian Laettner?

Cuntler

I watched the Shittsburgh Polar Flightless Ratbirds tonight, and had an epiphany. Their goalie, no matter who, is the Jay Cutler of hockey. The fans either love or hate him, he can be spectacular, but he will never take them to a championship. This applies mostly to Fluery, but it applies to them all. Eat shit, Shittsburgh! Sarah Sprague sucks!

Cuntler

Also, unfortunately, my attempt to create a new account, McButthole69 failed spectacularly. So there is nothing left to do but troll divorced recovering alcoholics with anger and ego issues. Night, fellas!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re missing Bob’s Burgers!!!!!!!!