![[DOOR FLIES OPEN]](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DFO-MC-Patch.png)
"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio
It’s Championship Sunday in the EPL. Another long 9-month trek comes to an end today. Leicester City secured the title a couple of weeks ago. Top flight mainstays Newcastle United and Aston Villa were relegated, same with Norwich. There are a few teams trying to secure berths for the Europa and Champions League. There is also the possibility of a St. Totteringham’s Day.
See you again in August.
blob:https%3A//vine.co/70c74c41-5c49-420a-a022-4e8f3502908e
im late to the party all.
I feel like more happened in this episode than in the last season and a half. They’re just rushing towards the goal line now, aren’t they?
I think so. The forces are gathering.
Something about ice and fire?
Especially with the previews for next week. Shit’s getting lined up.
Also happy to see that the rumors that Dany had negotiated a no-nudity clause in her contract appears to have been somewhat overstated.
It doesn’t really matter.
Hits the like button 14 more times.
Uccccch, all those damn flights have given me a cold or something. I slept ten hours last night and napped today and still feel like shit. Aaaaaaand ive gotta get healthy for another work trip Thursday. Someone cure me.
Here ya go!
Fuck yes, Khaleesi boobs!
That was fucking cool.
I need to find a way to tape this gif onto my wall during this week of bachelorhood.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/89be6af01c9695e3c333400112573505/tumblr_niv873DxAj1qz9wlpo1_500.gif
Based on your first….
(checks watch)
…10 hours on your own, I’d recommend taping emergency numbers, next of kin and CPR instructions on the wall instead.
/changes bet to two days
Well, your prediction about me taking a bath with an electronic device is about to come true, but it’s an e-reader, so I probably should be okay.
Hell….you could drop that in on purpose and not have enough juice for a raging semi.
You could buy a digital picture frame on Amazon.
Okay, so I’m watching the shot that Roughned Odor put on Joey Bautista and a) it’s awesome and b) it blows my mind that some people are calling it a “sucker punch”. Back on the rough streets of Wethersfield, Connecticut, a “sucker punch” means that it’s an act that’s pretty much unprecedented. As far as this Odom-Bautista business, I mean, when a guy gives you a good hard blast in the sternum with two hands, it’s generally a pretty solid indicator that a punch might be following.
they just showed a nice slo-mo of it during the Cards/Dodgers game. FUCKING GLORIOUS. Now THAT is how you’ns FIGHT, kiddies.
Haven’t seen it yet.
But I do wonder why Joey Bats can’t seem to get along with anyone?
Ohhhhh!!!!! Just finally saw it.
Jose…what’d the five fingers say to the face???? SLAP!!!!
Hehehehe….that was awesome.
I only wish it had been Darren O’Day to land the blow….giggity.
http://a4.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2016%2F0515%2Fr83531_1296x729_16%2D9.jpg&w=570
Well after taking a bean ball to the ribs, he really wasn’t in a good mood. Can’t say I blame him, really tired of these unwritten rules “you bat flip and I will bean you next chance I get”, how about not giving up a homer in the first place.
Now now, it’s wasn’t “bean you the next chance I get”, it was more “bean you the LAST chance I get” so as to avoid retaliation.
/that’s simply based on what I’ve read, which has been shaped by what seem to be very strong opinions on the subject. I myself have a similarly strong opinion on the subject, in that I find it strongly hilarious. I mean, just look at the way his helmet AND sunglasses go spinning off!
Inorite?
Not saying it isn’t funny, it actually looked like something from the My Hero Academy manga I am reading and therefore hilarious. And I know they waited till the last chance, but I was talking more in general in how it usually goes down. Actually, I think to wait till the last chance was cowardly as fuck.
It’s also not a sucker punch when the guy getting punch just happened to be slower on the draw.
I also really enjoy how Odor follows it up with a Ralphie-style flail of his glove hand.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/1546797/ralphie-fighting-o.gif
Aaron Rodgers also has a funny story about the time someone double-dog-dared him to put his tongue on a Pole.
Stanislavin’ it.
Correction: Stanislavin’ all over it.
I was at this game when I was a kid when Jack McDowell got the piss knocked out of him for going inside. I always thought it was Devon White that did it but apparently it was Mark Whiten. I was pretty amused since I was not a Sox fan and McDowell was a fucking tool. This was when the field was still referred to as New Comiskey, later to become known as “that giant concrete shitbox that’s already falling apart after only a couple seasons.”
“the rough streets of Wethersfield, Connecticut,”
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-breathes-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-forgets to breathe, dies.
I figured you’d appreciate that.
Ahoy-hoy
Getting mentally ready for Game of Thrones.
I like to have a massive glass of red wine when I watch to channel my inner Cersei Lannister.
I’m hoping they can pick it up this week. It has been really slow this season.
Pace wise it has but this is the most the story line has advanced in years.
I actually think it may slow down if the Kingsmoot goes forward as written and then they follow that story line even half-way, and then we still have to deal with Sam at Maester University.
And now Highgarden and the Church gonna brawl.
I agree that the main storylines, (especially Dany’s), are moving along nicely but these side stories aren’t really doing much for me.
I read some tumblr post through Vulture or something and read about the Eldritch Apocalypse and I hope it just kills everyone.
Is that an incest joke?
/doesn’t watch GoT
?w=680&fit=max&v=1462589963&q=92&s=f114c8d7498ea163098577a4fc62de9b
What the hell?
Is there anything better than taking a drunken nap while cuddling with your dog? No. But playing frisbee with LeBron James could make a case for second place, according to the dream I just had.
Oh wait. I forgot about crushing your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the women. So I guess LeBron James dream frisbee is third, at best.
Additionally, a hard punch thrown by Rougned Odor on Bautista leads to a massive delay in the Jays-Rangers game. Followed up by Prince Fielder getting plunked. Madness.
That was a hell of punch. I hope they see each other in the playoffs again, will be epic.
How many games for Odor? I have no real idea of the protocol on this kinda thing.
I have no idea, I don’t remember the last time I saw a punch like that. Plus, I think they are going to be harsher now than they would in the past because they are trying to remove so much of the violence. Will be interesting to see what MLB does.
After a very quick search, the latest one I saw was a 7 game suspension for just throwing a punch back in April of 2015 in a game between White Sox and Royals.
Yep, no idea on the number for Rougy but I bet the Dirt Argos manager gets games too for coming back onto the field after getting tossed.
Looks like I need a temporary 2nd baseman for my fantasy team. Odor has been killing it this year too.
The Dirt Cowboys are playin’ the feud with the Dirt Argos in Arlington.
WOOOOOOOOO!!!1!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiemLSJVY3U
Odor punched the sunglasses off the head of Bautista… fuck.
An actual punch in a baseball game? Holy shit, when’s the last time that happened? On the field, I mean. In the stands I know.
Oh man he fucking CONNECTED on that shot.
Bet it costs him 10 games but I think punching Bautista in the face that hard would be worth every minute of it.
So it appears that the suspicious package that forced the cancellation of the Manure game today was a leftover package from a security exercise earlier in the week.
I know I’d feel safer!
“I’ve got your leftover package RIGHT HERE!”
– Todd Marinovich, cheerfully announcing to tentmate Ryan Leaf that spending the evening camped out in front of Outback Steakhouse had paid off in spades.
A former Duke player getting called for a flagrant against the Raptors?
Sweeet.
Hate never dies.
Twenty points? Seven minutes left? I got drunk for THIS?
I’m just as shocked as all the other drunks.
Listen, Nightcrawler was my favorite X-man (my only real exposure to the franchise prior to the movies being through the arcade game) and I don’t mind seeing more of him but it really bugs me that they’re retconning his introduction to the team in the new movie.
You can’t spell Bismack Biyombo (of the Toronto Raptors) without Yo, Bimbo!
Also – boob cam
“No, YOU take that comment down!”
DTZM, responding to an order from Erin Andrews’ lawyers
Dinosaurs up 6 at halftime. Time for beer.
Coffee time! Except, you know, with beer.
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/coffee_time_futurama.gif
My ground nutria taco meat is ready! Go ahead and build your own taco. Plenty of veggies, sour cream and FIVE different Tabasco varieties to choose from so dig in! Beware the salsa, it’s hot!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d65e667b45c9f025652de481f1a37e23/tumblr_nhoq5umKRa1syvjuco1_500.gif
Hi Judy Greer!!!!1!
Ugh this leftover salmon tastes terrible.
[eats leftover salmon]
DEFINITELY eat the fish that tastes kinda funny. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG??
Nothing, as long as I make my stomach into a hostile environment for bacteria through the judicious application of ethanol.
Hmm. Mai tai? Would have a dark and stormy but don’t have any limes.
Pace Yourself Goddammit. We’re living vicariously thru you.
http://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com/files/2014/09/07/635457169950685132-270519318_iggy%20azalea.gif
Does “setting up the Roomba” count as pacing myself?
I have the makings for dark and stormies sitting next to the sink RIGHT NOW! Just deciding if I’m going for a fourth taco or mixing a drink …
A multivitamin should cover all my vegetable needs for the week my wife is gone, right?
Can I change my pick to “three”?
I wouldn’t; the spinach dip should probably get me over the hump.
Dude, you might not make midnight tonight.
In which case, zero would win.
You’re crazy, man. My ex-girlfriend offered me all the unfinished beer from her party last night, would I really not hold it together long enough to collect on that?
I literally have no response.
Fifty-two years old. I mean come on.
Ya gotta love a gal who is still as hot at 52 as she was at 32…and prolly 22 also, but I have no supporting evidence. 12? No…no.
http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Family_73896d_5498284.gif
Tears of the Sun starring Bruce Willis? I hate myself today. Why not?
Bodies of murdered individuals? Check.
Images of torture? Check.
White guys being pensive about the slaughter they just committed? Check.
“Somewhere, off the coast of Africa…”
Cause we know the potential audience for this film is too stupid to know where “Somalia” or “Senegal” or “Angola” is. Shit, for all they know, those are countries on Mars.
There’s probably more hate to come … Raptors tip off soon.
“Raptor? No, man, I…you know what, my lawyer said I shouldn’t comment on this.”
– Jameis Winston
I predict that in the end the white people save the day.
It really pisses me off that Del Scorcho is now “medium”. It used to be, fittingly, their hottest sauce. What on earth happened; did a bunch of idiots order Del Scorcho and then call up to complain that it was too hot?
So, the wife is away for 7 days huh?
What’s the o/u on number of days before RTD unintentionally offs himself.
I’ll put a G on four.
Why would I…oh, UN-intentionally. Yeah, four’s a good over/under.
I fully expect that on day four, you will be both hungry and soiled. At which point you will attempt to make toast in the bathtub.
I did my research.
Your wifey is away for a week and you *treat* yourself to corporate tacos?
I DON’T KNOW YOU ANY MORE! TREAT YO’SELF FOR GOD SAKE!
What, with like In N Out or something? I don’t have to wait for the wife to leave for that kind of stuff.
Fun fact! Barstow also used to have a Del Fried Chicken.
And I can report that it was pretty tasty too.
What the fuck, Del Taco? I asked for SOFT TACOS, not these palate-shredding monstrosities.
Hmm Del Taco, what is the translation for that?
That just gave me an idea; you know which retired NBA star should open up a chain of Indian-themed fast food restaurants?
KURT RAMBIS!!!!!!
no?
Tiago Splitter? He could call it, “Split Yer Ass, To Go.”
I’ve always had a thing for Del Taco.
I just don’t let that thing loose very often.
Usually just in Barstow at DT#1 on the way back from Vegas.
I can’t remember the last time I started drinking before noon (and I don’t intend to remember this time, either).
This is great.
You know what? I’m done. I’ve been following Tottenham since I became aware that the Premier League was a Thing, and all I get is shat upon. I have to keep with my Bills, because that’s how it works, but I don’t have to get pissed on and ask for more. I’M SWITCHING TO MILLWALL!
Afternoon. To reply to Unsurprised last night, I had to drive home for an 8:30 soundcheck for a 10 AM recital, so everything I wrote here was from my phone in bed trying to sleep so I could get up at 6:30. I told my triomate that if she wanted to tear into the girl like she’s been wanting to do, she had my blessing as long as I had plausible deniability. Which she did. I’ll see what happens Monday, how long it takes her to realize “I have outdone myself and monumentally fucked up, what have I done.”
I hope she says she’s sorry. Because I know she’s not. Loyalty’s a two-way street, and what I’ve been showing isn’t loyalty, it’s blindness. And her being unattached (whether to me or whoever that guy even is) means she doesn’t feel like she needs to abide by it or something. Trying to have her cake and eat it too.
(Don’t have a song with enough vitriol in it, but looking for one.)
Maybe this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ6pLKlU-8Q
If I were writing a shitty Art History 101 essay I would call this song a masterpiece of reductionism worthy of John McCracken himself since it is the natural progression of music towards an eventual and finite directness; no ambiguity of metaphor just a direct statement. The idea of a crazy bitch is just bluntly presented to the listener to subvert and exceed their expectations. But then I remember it’s a pop song that was written because people would think it’s funny that it has the word bitch in the title.
Current leader in the clubhouse, it was either this or Sweeney Todd.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fVUU7Drv2I
How about this one?
Baseball stadium upgrades anyone?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RTdfqV1AiQ
Isn’t that how every stadium is sold now? “Oh, and sports.”
PLUSH COUCHES
it takes some pretty big balls to claim that the NFL experience is more exciting than a baseball game when your home team is the fucking Browns.
About to drive the wife to the airport. She’ll be gone for a week. So the question is: one three hundred dollar hookerbot, or three hundred one-dollar hookerbots?
It’s easier to bury one body than three hundred.
you should get 7. one for every day that she will be gone.
Why pay? Earthbots are easy.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v174/spooked/00023530.jpg
Jesus, Geena Davis in her prime….
But Arse-nal’s place isn’t any better, goddamnit.
Manure need a point to finish 5th ahead of Saints, who can finish no worse than 6th now.
West Ham have now officially choked and will finish 7th. No Europe for you!
Huzzah, Swans only getting a point means Everton get 11th on goal differential. The best possible end result in the table today means a net difference of 6.2m pounds sterling vs. the worst case scenario (16th).
Merry St. Totteringham’s Day
This is just too delicious. Against Barcodes. WITH TEN MEN!!!
Why do I always root for these teams?
And Newcastle couldn’t beat Villa either time this season?
Newcastle running up the score? What universe have I landed in?
Goooo Chelsea!
– Bill Clinton in 1994, trying to impress his daughter’s sexy youth soccer coach
Newcastle down to ten, but still up 1. It would be very Spursy for St. Totteringham’s Day to happen under these circumstances.
Now up 2, Christ Spurs
Tottenham got jobbed on that call… and I love it.
Stoke now level with West Ham, a result that could send Soton into Europe.
FWIW, the goal differential tiebreaker in the event of a WHU draw and Saints win (also possible 3-way with Manure loss):
Soton > WHU > Manure
OK. Cherries beat the Devils, van Gaal fired, and Mourinho underwhelms for two years. After that and Rooney retires, yeah, I would stop hating them.
Well, you offer van Gaal a severance package, expect one back.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3590755/Manchester-United-legends-tried-sacked-Louis-van-Gaal-remains-defiant-Champions-League-hopes-lie-line.html
As long as City at least draw, they will lock up 4th (on goal differental – Manure would have to win by like 18). But 5th would be in doubt, and maybe even 6th with the Hammers and Saints both winning.
Simplest thing would be to just play tomorrow or Tuesday.
This is only my second season following Premier League, but seeing Man U v. Bournemouth has abandoned, will they play tomorrow, or is that it? I know Man U was in position to finish top 4, so do they still get a shot at that, or is it pretty much tough titties for them?
They’ll probably have to play it, there is a lot of positioning at stake for them and a few other teams to outright cancel it.
Question is when, Man U plays in the FA Cup next week.
Spurs want their St. Totteringham’s Day presents.
Hearing that the Manure match has been abandoned due to a suspect package in the stadium. Humanity can eat all the ass.
Mourinho’s box full of dead rats addressed to Van Gall didn’t go over very well it seems.
“Mourinho’s box full of dead rats addressed to Van Gall didn’t go over very well it seems.”
That would hardly qualify as a suspicious. More like “Oh, the mail’s here again.”
I found Esquire to watch the Everton U-21 side get their run out!
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