Your “Imagine Every US Network Saying to Root For the Celtics” Tuesday Open Thread

Before my rant, some brief NFL-related news:

  • Fun times in the WIP listening area:
    • Darren Sproles is not attending OTAs because the Eagles dared to field trade calls after the draft. While it’s not a case of full-blown TO that Sam Bradford has, it just adds more fuel to the 6-10 fire
    • On the trade talk, Bradford has now gone 100% “blame the agent“. Oh, and with no offers available, he now wants to stay.
    • Seahawk Michael Bennett took a run at Bradford in the media, saying Bradford “sets a bad tone of what a player should be”. These birds play each other in Week 11 in Seattle; now I want to go.
  • BOLTMAN CONTROLS YOUR MOM’S CYCLE!

    While on the topic of dumping on other teams, Brandon Mebane says the Chargers have more defensive talent that his former Seahawks. It’s one thing to talk up your new team, but it’s not like he just left the Browns. Also, what he fails to mention is that Seattle has a QB with a higher completion rate, whereas San Diego has a QB with a higher conception rate. IT’S ALL GOOD HUSTLE!!!

  • The Panthers have released Brandon Boykin. This concludes your monthly Boykin update.
  • This week’s “Acela Excreta” has PK musing about Dwight Freeney to the Patriots, and how a two-parent household makes for the best draft-eligible quarterbacks. Oh, and he also pimps his commencement address at Plymouth State. If you want to go mad, go nuts; be sure to stick around for the “Free Brady!” chants.
  • Possibly stealing this from next week’s Crimebeat!, but Alabama players – and projected draft picks – Cam Robinson & Laurence “Hootie” Jones were arrested on weapons & drug charges Monday night. Expect the usual sanctions: Alabama to rip their scholarships, the NCAA to fine Nick Saban $1 as punishment, and boosters to raise $4.8 million in support – to add another storey to his house.

RANT! First, a little history:

https://youtu.be/ajzRS4GATE8

For those of you unaware that the words “Canadian” and “patriotism” can go together in a sentence, this commercial – which seems to be on repeat everywhere I turn today – is part of a heritage project to remind fellow Canuckistanians that we have made other contributions to the world beyond hockey, penicillin and time zones. One of these just happens to be the result of a McGill professor working in Springfield, Mass. That it’s on repeat is because, for the first time, a Canadian team is in the NBA Conference Finals.

As I said yesterday, this matters little to me. But it is also clear that I am in the minority when it comes to national basketball bandwagonning. With no Canadian teams in the NHL playoffs, various (sports) media need someplace positive to turn their attention, and since all major Canadian media comes out of the Big Smoke, it’s gotta be the Raptors. It’s being played up as this:

and this:

When it’s actually more this:

and this:

It’s a Toronto team all of the time; it’s a Canadian team when we are told to care. FUCK THAT NOISE! I remember the ambivalence & hate the Canucks got from the rest of the country in 2011, so colour me unimpressed and apathetic. God forbid the Leafs ever play a meaningful game in May; the media slobbering would be unbearable. It’s going to be bad enough when they sign Stamkos and the projections begin. So, while I’m not rooting for Bron-Bron, I’m also not drinking any Kool-Aid.

No matter how attractive the supplier.

But my simmering hate forced me to find some goodness somewhere, and that brought back memories of the original “Basketball Jones”.

Fun facts:

  1. George Harrison, Carole King & Billy Preston played on the song, and the cheerleaders were Darlene Love, Fanita James, Jean King, Michelle Phillips, & Ronnie Spector. Counting the first-class session musicians who accompanied them (take a look), that is a lot of good music.
  2. It was animated by Paul Gruwell, who also was a contributor for productions like: late-60s Scooby-Doo, the late-70s Godzilla cartoon; mid-80s GI Joe & Transformers; and the bounciest segment from “Heavy Metal”.

[I wanted to use a screencap from the cartoon for the banner image, but quickly realized I’d have to apologize faster than Steven Adams. No matter the context or intent, it’s never a good look. I’m comfortable with my search history being reviled for porn, not Stormfront. Protect the brand!]


Tonight’s playoff action:

NHL: Sharks @ Blues – 8:00 (Game 2)

NBA: Toronto @ Cleveland – 8:30 (Game 1)


Did you know there are primaries tonight? The Republicans have a meaningless contest in Oregon, but the Democrats have stakes in both Oregon & Kentucky. Both states are too close to call. WHY IS BERNIE TRYING TO MAKE TRUMP PRESIDENT?!?!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ALXMAC

D’Angelo – Me And Those Dreamin’ Eyes Of Mine

https://youtu.be/h3y2aP0B4Ic

ALXMAC

comment image

Unsurprised

The strongest, the only substantive, argument I’ve seen for Bernie staying in is so that his supporters will have a say on the DNC platform.

I think Bob Dole put it best back in 1996 when he outright stated that he never even read his party’s platform. No one cares. The people on platform committees are the most fucking insane people in the entire Democratic party.

Unsurprised

Well …
comment image

Unsurprised

Shit movie.

Unsurprised

I’m a dickhead

ALXMAC

Tool – No Quarter

https://youtu.be/_ZKIfCJZvZo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

The old (site redacted) crew knows I’ve posted this song about eleventy gillion times over the years. Glad to see I’m not alone.

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE

/slaps ALXMAC on the ass, HARD

Unsurprised

So is Melisandre the girlfriend who fucks his dead corpse?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You must have heard it go by.

Unsurprised

Sorry. Went right past.

Unsurprised

Bernie won Oregon. Hmm.

Unsurprised
WCS

Who knew Zach Mettenberger was such a damned good drummer? Send some selfies of this shit to JJ Watt. Of course, JJ would dominate the bass guitar, better than Jon Entwhistle, Michael Anthony, or Tina Weymouth, but never brag about it.

Unsurprised
WCS

Sir, yes, sir!

comment image

WCS

Unsurprised

GO LOBOS!

ALXMAC

Clipse – Grindin’

https://youtu.be/TjWAWcx4xdE

ALXMAC
WCS

I only regret, that I have but one “this is great” for this image.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can’t get Brad Pitt’s voice outta my head screaming “What’s in the basket????”

WCS

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bitch

ALXMAC

Knee ho ma!!

ALXMAC

The National – ‘Morning Dew’

https://youtu.be/KLVLCXgTx3o

WCS

MMMMMAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEE OOOOOOUUUUTTTTT

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That sazerac I just made was not up to snuff. If it weren’t a Tuesday, I think I’d stay up tinkering.

Brocky

Fire Leap, from the Wicker Man Soundtrack.

Because I freaky music that’s soothing yet haunting:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uklbh6I0Vg

theeWeeBabySeamus

They seem really smrt.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

sigh.

WCS

theeWeeBabySeamus

The pro’s make it look so easy…
http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/1337_02aa11_1053987.gif

ALXMAC
Unsurprised

It’s creepier in the comic because Evie was barely a teenager, and not 24 year old Natalie Portman.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But sometimes, the pussy gets in the way….
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/4264004/stripper-cat-drag-o.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep….still funny.
http://tclhost.com/dTkGeJ6.gif

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Looks like he’s wanting ANOTHER Baby Ruth already.

ALXMAC

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Christmas Ape, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Unsurprised
JustStopDude
Unsurprised

It was hard picking just one photo.

JustStopDude

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the folks that keep giving votes to Martin O’Malley. Especially considering how close the voting was in Kentucky.

JustStopDude

Speaking of which…the Trump Train is stomping through another state.

We are really doing this America? REALLY?!?!?

JustStopDude

comment image:large

WCS

Never underestimate the power of Indiana when it comes to fried “food.”

Gratliff

Not gonna lie, that sounds fucking amazing

Senor Weaselo

What the hell’s lemonade cake?

Unsurprised

Cake made with lemonade.

See also: Coca-Cola cake http://www.coca-colacompany.com/stories/recipes-cola-cake/

WCS

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The most fun part is reading them in Hertzog’s voice.

Unsurprised

For when you need a break from Nihilist Arby’s.

Unsurprised

Or worse — can’t afford Nihilist Arby’s.

JustStopDude

Wow…getting replacement parts list in Yen is hilarious. Every fucking time I have a heart attack when I see like 200 million worth of shit…and then I got to remember to divide by like 110.

ALXMAC

Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out (Live on Letterman)

https://youtu.be/ezvBr1Vq6_Y

litre_cola

How many on purpose?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Get me a car or the dick gets it!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No! Mine’s funnier than YOURS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

ALXMAC

Devin The Dude – Doobie Ashtray

https://youtu.be/ZTKXflPq2fU

ALXMAC

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

https://youtu.be/bQVTyBPJbN4

Covalent Blonde

Fixed it.

Covalent Blonde

Okay, so yes. I do feel confident we win tonight now.

Senor Weaselo

That doesn’t mean you mention the Scottish Play 12 times.

ballsofsteelandfury

Sharks win but don’t score on the open net. Slightly disappointed.

ballsofsteelandfury

Never mind! YAY!