Your Memorial Day Monday Open Thread

A brief soliloquy:

All my aunts on my father’s side married US soldiers. There was a NORAD base outside Kirkland Lake, Ontario back in the 1960s. I once asked my aunt why she married an American, and she said, “Robert, I looked at your uncle, and then I looked at my choices in Kirkland Lake. I wanted to see the world, and he was a handsome man.” ‘Nuff said.

All of those uncles served in Vietnam, and one served in proximity to Captain America, so that made him a Cowboys fan for life. I gotta respect that, like I respect anyone who’s put on their country’s uniform. I hope all the US DFOers are having a good holiday Monday.

Here’s a couple of good links to history pages about war vets who played in the NFL. Rocky Bleier will never not be impressive.


Continuing the military theme, Keenan Reynolds – Ravens 6th-round pick in 2016 – and Chargers undrafted signee Chris Swain were given permission to defer their service requirements until after the end of their playing days. Cue the old guys complaining kids today have it soft.

The Admiral also has a question or two.

NFL News:

  • Well well well – a former Inglewood city employee is claiming the mayor & pro-football council members cooked the books to make Inglewood look financially stable in advance of the NFL decision on relocation.
    • Because the source for the story is Florio’s lunatic lounge, you can imagine the quality of comments.
  • Also at PFT, they have a breakdown on why certain owners prefer or oppose Vegas for the Raiders.
  • Ryan Fitzpatrick has issue with being paid $12 million to be considered better than Geno Smith.
If anyone can bring back Zubaz, it’s this man.

In this week’s Acela Excreta:

  • Petey decided to let Jenny Vrentas write this week’s episode, while separately penning a letter bravely maintaining his stance of not using “[*Redacted] s”, despite polls numbers showing ambivalence. “THIS IS MY SOAPBOX!” he declared, while not calling it a soapbox. Among her highlights:
    • “No Super Bowl loser has been back to the big game the next season in 23 years. But don’t bet against Riverboat Ron Rivera and the Panthers.” HOT TAEK!!!
    • She also reviews the Raiders-to-Vegas rumours, and covers the dollars and cents which is driving people like Bob McNair to begrudgingly support such an idea
    • A nice segue on all the Jags injuries into a major story about Paul Posluszny and the nine years he has spent in Jaxson De Ville’s shadow hoping for a winning season.
    • Finally, the main portion of the article concludes with a recap of an interview with the Ryan brothers, and what they hope to bring to western NY this Fall.
  • I didn’t care about the rest of the article past there, so I stopped.

I bet he felt pretty smug when they announced the dates for the Cup Finals. Monday, May 30th looked perfect for Gary Bettman – the start of a new week; other sports usually run lighter schedules; major networks have ended their seasons, so there’d be no broadcast competition; and Monday Night RAW ratings suck. After a difficult year, and a playoff season that saw no Canadian teams at all & all the major-US market teams go out early, the best case scenario was what he was delivered.

And then Klay Thompson happened.

If you look closely, you can see pinpoint the exact moment when the souls of the front row left their bodies.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Now all anyone can talk about is the NBA and Game 7, and I couldn’t be happier. Released ratings info from last week show the NHL playoffs not only getting trounced by the NBA (0.6 versus 3.0) but also by the NBA pregame show (0.6 vs 0.7), and Eastern Conference Game 7 viewers were down 23% from last year.

It really doesn’t help San Jose to be opening their otherwise-notable first-ever Cup Final in the shadow of their Bay-area sports brethren. If the Warriors win, and the Sharks get walloped, it’s pretty much lights-out for coverage from today forward.

Brent Burns - 2016playoffs
Brent Burns will always be Covalent Blonde’s favourite.

Tonight’s “Kill or be killed” playoff action:

NBA: Game 7 – OKC @ Golden State – 9:00

NHL: Game 1 – Finals – San Jose @ Pittsburgh – 8:00

  • Prediction: Penguins in 6.

Other stuff, because you are done with sports?

  • DISXD: BattleBots – 7:30. You’re learning what the fuss is about. Watch some in prep for the June 23 premiere.
  • History: Roots – 9:00. We don’t get the new series in Canada, but I hear this remake’s not bad.
    • I remember watching the original. I don’t think the new one will have the same “shock value”, but hopefully has accurate history.
  • TCM:
    • Where Eagles Dare – 8:00
    • Kelly’s Heroes – 10:45

The kid in me who grew up watching Jack Sikma is rooting for the Warriors. WHO YA GOT?!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Sill Bimmons

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WCS

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

I will be one of you one day.

Mario and Sid.

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You all should be on our side.

Sill Bimmons

Live threads like this one…

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http://sjpknight.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Ill-Never-Quit.jpg

…because of live threads like this one!

ThePirateSloth
Brocky

just because it will never stop being funny:

remember that the buccaneers traded up in the second round to draft a kicker?

Unsurprised
Spur

I feel Golden State just ended the Durant era in Oklahoma City.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was saying to your mom I mean my wife that I hope this is the game that sends him to Boston.

Senor Weaselo

Dagger.
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Spur

Durant should apologize to lil B

Unsurprised

I feel like I should give OKC this Ginn Coin for letting victory slip through their fingers.
http://116.imagebam.com/download/559ghAHzwN9D-dJQq1-K9Q/47916/479158026/US_One_Cent_Obv.gif

Sill Bimmons

Perhaps the Tarkin Medallion?

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The Maestro

Steph just killed the Thunder.

They died.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But Russell couldn’t fly…Russell died.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[holds up hand for Hi-C]

– Eli Manning

Unsurprised

Juice boxes are for Super Bowl champions.
— Peyton being a colossal dickhead

Covalent Blonde

Well, I will be watching GSW shit the bed in the privacy of my own drink.Congrats, WCS and Sill. We’ll see next time.

Good night, chickadees!
http://i.imgur.com/kjMExxT.gif

Sill Bimmons

Bonne nuit, mésange!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/jsqtfpuuvl7kn34lf6ri.gif

There is only 2 min left in the game, so like only 30 minutes of real time left. Stay

Senor Weaselo

This got interesting again.

Covalent Blonde

Much closer than I find comfortable.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Was hoping this would be closer.

Brocky

if i’ve learned one thing from penguins fans, its that any hockey game in history magically doesn’t count, so i guess their win tonight don’t count either.

Ha ha, I’m using circular logic against a fan base, who’s average body shape could be described as circular.

Yeah i worked pretty hard for that joke. Pretty proud of myself

Horatio Cornblower

/Holds up hand for Hi-5
//takes it away and yells “whoops to slow” when Brocky goes for it
///gets kicked in the balls

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Brocky is Draymond Green?

Brocky

Apparently.

Who the fuck is Draymond green again?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Unsurprised

Ridiculous how a $5 milkshake was in 1995. I’d kill for one that’s $5 now.

Horatio Cornblower

Kelly’s Heroes is on. Clint Eastwood is talking to a chair, but at least this time there’s someone sitting in it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

WCS household tonight, sans the awesome moustache.
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Horatio Cornblower

And + 3′ of baby shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Haha…at least.

Covalent Blonde

I just aged 8 years in two minutes.

Horatio Cornblower

I died inside when the Whalers left Hartford, so, you know, tomato tomahto.

Sill Bimmons

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Goal Pens!

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My stream isn’t that laggy, just slow on the gif

Horatio Cornblower

-sigh-

Where’s a hungry leopard seal when you need it?

Unsurprised

SABOTAGE

WCS

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Covalent Blonde

You know damn well there is nothing for you to be smug about just yet in this series

King Hippo

well, this 6-on-4 will be butt-clenchy

Horatio Cornblower

Unless, say, the Sharks can’t control the puck for the first minute…

King Hippo

yeah, that was pretty uneventful

Sill Bimmons

Unclenching…

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Covalent Blonde

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sill Bimmons

When is enough enough, Ellie Kemper?

This is grandma’s quaint little art collection:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mildred_Lane_Kemper_Art_Museum

And this is daddy’s local investment club:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commerce_Bancshares

You really need Chase’s Peter’s pence on top of all that?

Horatio Cornblower

“Ain’t nothing I’d rather do right now than just go on home and lay around
But that ain’t never an option for a working man like me
How much is enough you ask
I’ll ask the man when I get a chance
All I know right now, there’s somewhere else I’m suppose to be”

Drive-By-Truckers “Shut Your Mouth & Get Your Ass On The Plane”

Sill Bimmons

I didn’t ask the Drive-By Truckers…

Horatio Cornblower

Or Lynrd Skynrd either I guess.

Sill Bimmons

Or Ellie Kemper for that matter.

Still…

When Mee Maw has her own art museum and Father runs Commerce Bank, maybe it’s time to leave the blatant whoring to your lessers.

http://static.wixstatic.com/media/dbf609_3ce759e9528e40d2a3f6364cf761be49.png/v1/fill/w_257,h_129,al_c,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/dbf609_3ce759e9528e40d2a3f6364cf761be49.png

The Maestro

Man, when Anderson Varejao gets going against you, that’s when you know your team is completely toast.

Covalent Blonde

Even if you hate both teams, this is an exciting fucking period

Covalent Blonde

Those better be some damn thrilling pads

theeWeeBabySeamus

They’ve got wings.
/has no idea if that’s good or not

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hammerhead motherflubbers!!!!!!
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King Hippo

you suck, #72

Sill Bimmons

On that chance, no doubt.

Covalent Blonde

Oh, fuck yes, Jonesy!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pens appear to have smoked up at the 2nd intermission.
Just saying.
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Unsurprised

ARE YOU OKAY!?!

Sill Bimmons

Listening to Mike Emrick call this SCF makes me want to stab harp seal pups in the eyeballs with a ball-peen hammer.

http://www.quaker.org

...

Welp, the Thunder are fucking this one up.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am only paying attention to the game by occasionally checking the score, but wasn’t OKC up 8 at half?

Covalent Blonde

Heeeeeeeey!

...

I really loved reading the articles about the fat Libertarian candidate who stripped down to his undies and did a dance on C-SPAN not because of the video itself, but because there is certain to be one Libertarian dude in the comments explaining why you really don’t understand his ideology and will get super pissy when you accurately describe his politics are simplistic, pollyannaish bunk.

...

Also: the Libertarian Party is one giant No True Scotsman fallacy.

Unsurprised

Also, Gary Johnson is a piece of shit and incapable of governing.

The Maestro

CHEF CURRY COOKIN’

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey guys, somebody dropped their stick on the ice.
Guys…guys? Whose stick is this?

Covalent Blonde

Don’t worry, Rust will run over to take a dive on it soon enough

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well it’s always fun when someone takes a dive on a stick.
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King Hippo

There are few things sadder than an Ice Stiller power play. Might as well sit down on the ice and read aloud from The Diary of Anne Frank for two minutes.

Horatio Cornblower

“STAY OUT OF MY FUCKING DIARY!!!!”
-A. Frank

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Thorton’s beard reminds me of someone

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Unsurprised

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Horatio Cornblower

I wonder if he can get me a good travel deal…

Unsurprised

The deal’s good, but actually shipping off is a bit of an exercise.

theeWeeBabySeamus

In case it’s not clear, this is a pair of pugs. One in a shark outfit, the other in a penguin outfit.
If you don’t like this then in all likelihood you have no soul.
(I’m looking at you, Hippo)
http://www.pugslope.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/IMG_5023.jpg

King Hippo

all I can think of is all the pug snot

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hahahaha….
Go eat some cheese.

Covalent Blonde

Oh hush your mouth! That snoring is like magic.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You like snoring.
Shit, we need to talk.

Covalent Blonde

I prefer my farts in the brachycephalic variety, thank you

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hmm….I was under the impression that Fahrenheit 451 was the thing. So to speak. Guard your groin, Big Spoon.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I might have missed this posted earlier. I didn’t go all the way back on the comments. But Happy Memorial Day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1RbBHMeX80

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

Really puts into stark contrast the mascot ferocity disparity, no?

Covalent Blonde

But dem shark biceps, tho

King Hippo

It is also hard to take a sporting franchise seriously that always make me think of this:

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH.
/loves that song

Brocky

the franchise is not making you do anything….

some unresolved trauma involving 80’s soft rock there King?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Halftime = Steaktime

King Hippo

did your wife not hit you in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper and make you sleep in the garage when she got home?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Keep an eye on Curry, it’s really interesting, he’s very deliberately making sure that Adams get stuck on him.