Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Baby Back Ribs. Can I get a “Hell yes!?”

Let’s play a quick game: you have been given one food item and one food item only that you are granted full immunity from any negative health effects it may normally bring. Regardless of fat content, preparation or total calories, you are now free to consume as much of it as you like and as frequently as you like without any consequences.

What would it be?

Feel free to share in the comments section.

For me it’s a tough choice because holy fuck do I love cheese but my choice may be pork ribs.

God. Damn. Do I love ribs. St. Louis style, baby backs, rib tips, short ribs (yes I know they’re beef) and beef ribs. In pretty much any iteration and preparation. When prepared properly they are the perfect balance of tender meaty goodness and the all powerful melty fat content. There is also something incredibly primal about gnawing animal flesh directly off the bone. With ribs you’re not dealing with one single bone like chomping down on a bone-in ribeye (yes I’ve been known to grab hold of that fucker and chomp at it like a goddamn savage) we’re talking a whole bunch of bones. If you’re eating outside you can even channel your inner Henry the VIII and just toss them gnawed-clean bones right the fuck over your shoulder. If you have a dog to toss them to you will have a canine buddy for life!

not sure how old Henry got a bottle of wine with a screw top.
not sure how old Henry got a bottle of wine with a screw top.

Tell me anything more primal than that. You can eat to your heart’s content and pile a massive tower of cleaned bones around you. Your wives will understand I’m sure.

Fun story time!

Back in 2003 or so I went to a metal concert in Devore, CA just north of Ontario. They have this big ass outdoor amphitheater and a huge section of lawn seating behind the permanent seats. This place can hold hundreds of thousands, I shit you not. During the 2nd day of the second US Festival in 1984 they told us that we had over 400,000 headbangers in attendance. Think about THAT for a minute. The lawn seating is ringed by concession stands, food tents. beer tents, cooling stations, water fountains etc. During the 2003 show I was primarily there to see Pantera but there was a nice selection of opening bands too including Slipknot, Static-X and more.

Since the statute of limitations has passed I feel free to tell you that I had dropped acid for this show. That may have been the last time I’ve done any. During their set Phil Anselmo, Pantera’s lead singer was reminiscing about how long the band had been together and he asked the (mostly pretty young) crowd if they remembered where they were “Twenty years ago when we released our first fucking album?”

Look at that artwork! RAWK! ?
Look at that artwork! RAWK!
?

I reflected on this and since it was right around Memorial day it dawned on me… Holy fucking shit I was probably sitting on the same fucking hillside at the US Festival watching bands and tripping my dick off! That was one of those moments of cosmic synergy that really only happen when you’re tripping hard.

To cut to the finish, this concert venue is an absolute cluster of fuckery when you’re trying to leave. Think about 50,000 vehicles all trying to get back to the I-15 freeway to get back home with only one 2-lane road leading in and out.

I’ve literally just given up and spent the night in the car instead of attempting to leave before. The trick here is leaving before everyone else does even if it means you miss a few songs or even a closing band. Sorry Ozzy but I’ve seen you and Black Sabbath about 7 times already so I’m leaving before your closing set.

I was with a couple of close friends and my oldest daughter (not tripping) and son-in-law (possibly tripping) and they each grabbed one of my arms since I was unsteady as a motherfucker and still tripping hard, and they escorted me up the hill to the concession area where it was easier to exit. I looked down as we were walking out and I started to notice what looked like bones. They were bones. Tons of bones. It was like fucking Golgotha! Bones everywhere. It was a “metal as fuck” feeling having just seen Pantera and now I’m getting out by climbing over piles of bones.

There was a barbecue tent at the top of the hill and these were gnawed rib bones. I can’t ever eat ribs without remembering that moment.

Boy did I fucking digress there.

JRs ribs

These ribs are from my favorite barbecue place in all of L.A. JR’s Barbecue in Culver City. If you have heard me talk about them before there’s a reason for that. This place is fucking amazing! The owner is a nephew of Jim Neely who owns Interstate Barbecue in Memphis, TN that I mentioned in my earlier Memphis travelogue. As discussed before, the Neely’s are barbecue royalty in Memphis and the food at JR’s is just as good and prepared “Memphis style” with the correct rub and the darker molasses based sauce.

Not sure why I’m bring this up since that’s not the type of preparation I did for today’s ribs but it’s nice to get the old saliva glands working anyway.

Shit, sorry. That’s not fair to you all.

Here’s what I’ll do to make up for it. My very own proprietary Memphis style barbecue rub.

Memphis Style Barbecue Rub!

I’m going to give you a quick recipe that will yield a small-medium size batch of rub. This can be adjusted to size depending on what you’re barbecuing. The important ratios to remember are 3 parts paprika, 2 parts sugar in the raw and one part of everything else.

3 tablespoons paprika (smoked Spanish is nice, as is hot Hungarian)

2 tablespoons Turbinado sugar or sugar in the raw. This is key because regular sugar burns when cooking for a long time and burnt sugar is bullshit.

1 tablespoon salt

1 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper

1 tablespoon onion powder

1 tablespoon garlic powder

1 tablespoon chili powder

1 tablespoon of cumin

1 tablespoon of crushed dried oregano

1 tablespoon of cayenne pepper – don’t be a sissy Mary here!

1 tablespoon of dried thyme

1 tablespoon of dry mustard powder – optional

Mix everything together and store in an airtight container in a cool dry place. This should last for months.

If you were smoking these ribs at home, you would coat the ribs with the rub and let them chill overnight. Next day get your smoker up to temp and use a mixture of charcoal and soaked hickory chips. Cook these for about 3 to 3 1/2 hours at a temp of 275-ish and if desired baste with a little apple cider vinegar during the cooking process. Right near the end of the cooking time use a little more rub to coat.

These can be served as is but if you want a true Memphis style sauce I’ve bought from these guys in the past.

corky-s-bar-b-q

I’m not even ashamed to admit that I don’t have a homemade Memphis style sauce recipe to give you.

Now this is the point where you ask “Why in THE FUCK are you going on and on about Memphis style ribs when you ain’t even making them today?”

Because I want you to have options! And I’m a wordy motherfucker too. Just wanted to show you a few of the many different preparation techniques that all lead to a goddamn tasty rib dish.

So what are we doing today? Remember these bad boys? The Korean style wings? We’re going to pretty much duplicate that sauce recipe and slow cook these in the oven.

I had some leftover gochujang that I needed to use up, so sue me.

Spicy Sticky Korean style baby back ribs!

Cut up your ribs into segments of 2-3 ribs.

raw ribs

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees.

Here’s that sauce recipe again.

1/2 to 3/4 cup of gochujang

2 tablespoons of dark brown sugar

2 tablespoons of soy sauce

2 tablespoons of rice vinegar

2 teaspoons of sesame oil

1 teaspoon of grated or minced ginger

5 cloves of garlic minced.

Combine all ingredients to make a gooey paste.

You are seriously going to need a large disposable baking pan for these. SERIOUSLY! I’ll show you why in a second. Coat the ribs with about 3/4 of  the sauce and put them in the baking pan, fully cover the pan with some foil. Place that baking pan onto a baking sheet – seriously! And cook low and slow for about 3 hours. After the 3 hours take the ribs out of the oven, increase the oven temp to about 425, coat the ribs with the remaining sauce and cook in the hotter oven for about 15-20 minutes to develop a glaze.  Now about this picture…

pan o ribs

At first glance you may say “Holy shit those look like some tasty damn ribs!” And they were! Delicious even! Outstanding ribs that really pleased the entire crowd.

Now enlarge the photo by clicking on it.

See that? I absolutely FUCKED that baking pan directly in it’s ass!

I am not immune to a cooking error or two and I promised to be honest with you when I first started doing these posts. That baking pan was thrown out with the leftover bones when the meal was finished. What happened was I piled the ribs a little too deep in the disposable pan before covering with foil and some of the bubbling sauce leaked out onto the baking pan during the cooking process. I did say these were “sticky” ribs after all. The good news is the food was still excellent and I have 3 more baking pans so no big loss there. Trust me on the disposable baking pan.

Dirty secret two: I really wanted to cook these until just tender and finish them on a charcoal grill but they were cooked to fall off the bone state already and that could have been another big goddamn mess if I tried to grill them. Hence the quick glaze and the finish in the oven. If you want to try to finish these on a grill, cook the ribs in the oven for about 2 1/2 to 2 and 3/4 hours then baste with the sauce and finish cooking on the grill.

Since these turned out as tasty as they did, that recipe right up there was what I wanted to share. Besides I was able to save some charcoal for another day.

Here’s the banner image again.

money shot ribs

Yep I went quick and easy with a can of Bush’s baked beans that I already had on hand.

These ribs are slightly sweet, definitely have a smoky spiciness from the gochujang, a tang from the vinegar and a good garlic kick. I LOVE this sauce as should be evident from using the same sauce for the wings. They also reheat in the microwave in just a few seconds and are just as delicious the next day.

It’s totally fine to make an occasional kitchen mistake as long as you don’t incinerate the entire fucking house in the process, just use your adaptation skills that you know doubt now have being the regular Sunday Gravy reader that you are.

So there you have it! Another rib recipe to mess around with since you are now allowed to eat ribs with every meal without any health consequences. Or was that just me?

Thanks for reading fellow headbangers.

Get after it!

 

 

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yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. He is into self denial and still harbors hope. Loves to cook, read and drink. But he doesn't plate.
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[…] a tribute to baby back ribs with a few different preparation […]

JerBear50

Trying to decide if this would work on the smoker but I think the mess might be too much of a deterrent.

Sill Bimmons

As far as Korean BBQ goes, I live near a ton of those places.

All-You-Can-Eat BYOB at Picnic Garden in Edison is one of the best things in the world. $16 for weekend lunch.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CQrizchIrGo/T1dt9_P-gnI/AAAAAAAANRE/TVroAQKhuN8/s1600/pic2.jpg

http://s3-media3.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/ApTtYqlGQMx48IZcjwqNpQ/o.jpg

blaxabbath

That’s awesome! You should do a review of this place or something!

Sill Bimmons

The only place I’ve ever lived that had good barbecue was Denver and I only lived there for a year, so I don’t know as much about it as the rest of you. That said, I fucking LOVED this place.

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http://archive.castlepinesconnection.com/pages/news/2013/qtr3/cpc2/YazooBBQ_194_2col.jpg

Unsurprised

OBTBN …

May I suggest “Old Dirty Brother?”

Senor Weaselo

I have heard good things about it and will demand Trio Cellist to take me there during my day off when I go play musicals upstate next month.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Cooperstown is kind of awesome.

Unsurprised

I’m not standing in that fucking line unless a giant pork rib fellates me the entire time.

I love ribs, I love BBQ, but that’s fucking insane.

Unsurprised

Yeah …

No fucking way is any BBQ worth it. I am 100% certain it’s all hype and there are equally if not better places that I can visit in the Austin area where don’t have to worry about suffering heatstroke only to regain consciousness to be told that they ran out of food.

Unsurprised

I have a high tolerance for BBQ because it’s fucking BBQ. Unless it’s that NC vinegar-based shit, I’m almost certain to eat it no questions asked.

Unsurprised

I wish I could remember the name of the places my brother’s taken me to. You’ve mentioned places that kind of sound familiar.

There’s also this place that’s apparently only open on Saturday that is fucking bonkers good. I don’t even know if it has a name.

rockingdog

Speaking of Ribs,
Who here has also eaten at Phills BBQ in San Diego ……Say Yea!!!!
http://www.fluidsound.biz/images/phils_bbq_san_diego_1-4.jpg

King Hippo

who’s jelly?

/Hippo soooooooo jelly

ballsofsteelandfury

Well, I’ve been to Pecan Lodge in Dallas, TX and that shit was amazing.

rockingdog

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Gratliff

I eat fried chicken like once a year because I don’t want to die. I want to not have to care about the dying part.

Porky Prime

A properly made Western Bacon Cheeseburger from Carl’s Jr. is the pinnacle of all major chain burgers. If I could eat them eternally without consequences, so would it be.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is a true statement and would have been my second choice.

Sill Bimmons

Never had one.

rockingdog

lazy sunday woke up and then spent wayyyy too much time on twitter.
https://twitter.com/Shitty_Future

also, nice work on the ribs. yum yum.

Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

Those ribs looks fantastic. I felt my coronary arteries seize up just a bit just looking that them.

But speaking as an at least part time redneck….we need to get those beans out of there. Not that I don’t love me some beans. Rednecks do love ’em some beans.

But when it’s ribs, it’s gotta be black eye peas.

Spanky Datass

Love me some black-eyed peas but my time-saver canned beans are usually Ranch Style.

rockingdog

ahahahahahahahaha
-Donald Trump is the perfect candidate for american guys who secretly believe they can come out of the stands and score a touchdown. / twitter Musky Lozenge

WCS

Obligatory “DAAAWWWW” photo:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Fronkenshteen

That swaddling business really works, huh?
Congrats man. Did you get her Penguins footy-pajamas yet?

WCS

Andy Reid ate his computer reading this.

Senor Weaselo

I agree that out of the chains Popeyes would be a good choice for “Eat all of it without consequence forever.” Otherwise… shit, why can’t I find the “Tacos!” gif, Google?

Sill Bimmons

I think I speak for everyone when I say that I’m glad this little thought exercise is rhetorical.

You couldn’t choose poached eggs. You just couldn’t.

But try and imagine a world without the 6-12 Eggs Benedicts you have at the brunches you’re forced to go to instead of lying around without pants on.

An egg-white omelette? A yogurt parfait? OATMEAL???

comment image

That’s no world I want any part of.

Spanky Datass

I had Eggs Benedict with grilled pork loin and asparagus at the unfortunately-named Chez Zee in Austin back in Feb.. It was damn tasty!

Don T

I just saw “8:00 PM Giants @ Cardinals”. That was cruel.

Sill Bimmons

THE BURNT ENDS ARE FOAR TEH BURNER

Sill Bimmons
Don T

Pork. If too general, roast pork, from ears to tail. But I’d take the ribs first.

The Maestro

I think my immunity meal would have to be fried chicken. Specifically Popeyes. Holy mother of god, a 3-piece spicy platter with 2 biscuits, mac’n’cheese, and cajun fries has me sleeping like a baby exactly 45 minutes after I finish it. I want to be productive, damn it!

JerBear50

Yeah right, have you ever cooked smoked fried chicken? I’ve been wanting to experiment with it but I wondered if you had any experience/input you could pass on.

Sill Bimmons

My chain addiction is Chick-Fil-A.

Their side lost, so it’s OK again.

Actually, it never wasn’t OK for me because I’m bad and I feel bad.

The best day of my fast food life was learning that having two Original sandwiches is better for you than one Original sandwich and the waffle fries.

http://www.chick-fil-a.com/Media/Img/catalog/Food/XLarge/ChickfilA-Spicy-Chicken-Sandwich.png

Remember when you used to ask for extra pickles and they gave you the little tub with like 20 pickles in it? Now they just put them on directly and you’re lucky to get more than five or six. What a world.

JerBear50

My god do I miss this place. The one I used to go to had a soul food place right next door and they even had a pass-between. You could go to Harold’s to get your chicken, then walk through the pass-through to Supreme to get some corn bread and peach cobbler.
http://s3-media3.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/g8JjufzAmAPFbllB47nQaw/o.jpg

The Maestro

Having ribs today with Lady Maestro at my Ma & Pa’s. I’m stoked as fuck already. This is the perfect thing to get me all hyped up for dinner tonight. Apparently there’s homemade gelato for dessert tonight too, so that’s just an added bonus on top, really.

Fronkenshteen

I’d eat “The Dagwood” breakfast sub from the deli in NY where I grew up.
12″ sub of really nice Italian bread, eggs, sausage, provolone, bacon, roasted red peppers, and homemade home fried potatoes. 2 Yoo-hoos.

Fronkenshteen

Wrapped in deli paper, the thing felt like it weighed 5 lbs. when they’d hand it to you. Hard to believe there was EVER a time I could finish one & then cut lawns all day. Now, I’d probably finish half, and it’d put me down till supper.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I thought about beer too, but here’s the thing: I’m going to drink the beer regardless. I may as well pick something that I wouldn’t otherwise consume as much of.

King Hippo

I will agree with the ribs vote. My favourite thing EVAR, though my digestive system disagrees vehemently. The bastard.

Fronkenshteen

[looks down angrily at own stomach]
MINE IS ALSO NOT A TEAM PLAYER!!!!!

Unsurprised

Pizza

Gotta have my carbs.

ballsofsteelandfury

Donuts. All day donuts.

Btw, I had a burger with a glazed donut as the bun. Holy Shit that was amazing!

The Maestro

Paula Deen heartily approves of the self-destruction of your arteries.

(I think she may have actually invented this thing, seriously)

ArmedandHammered

Bacon. If I could eat bacon without any health consequences, every meal I cook (which is at least one a day) in some way would have bacon incorporated, even the side dishes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can the answer be whisky? Because I don’t want this hangover or any of the other adverse health effects from last night.

Unsurprised

The answer is always whisky.

Unsurprised
Senor Weaselo

That reminds me, someone check if Brocky’s still alive.

Kungjitsu

Ribs are great, but I’m a burger addict. My death row meal would be a charcoal grilled burger with American cheese on a bun, a fried burger with American cheese on a bun, a patty melt, and six cheese Krystals.

https://youtu.be/f0AEF6kgm3I

Your metal adventure reminded me of this. You Tube suggested a video for me a couple days back: 10 Greatest Bands With No Original Members. The headline got me. I was thinking maybe Skynyrd, maybe Earth Wind & Fire, or maybe Kool & The Gang because of the word “Greatest”. Nope, at number 10 was Neuraxis. I’d never heard of Neuraxis, but I thought “No Original Members” might be tougher to narrow down than I had expected. Nueraxis is some kind of growly metal — Death, Black, Grindcore, there’s totally a difference. Christian Death came in at number 9, and I was like oh, this is a metal thing. They were all growly metal bands, except for Quite Riot, which was somewhere in the middle. Number 1 was Opeth, who apparently is emo growly metal.

The comments section is everything you think it is. One dude was getting flamed for not knowing who Cattle Decapitation is, and not understanding why someone would pay money to see Cattle Decapitation if none of the original members of Cattle Decapitation were in the band anymore. This dude’s lack of enlightenment is due to his homosexuality. That was the consensus in the thread anyway.

indieguy

I have to agree with you burgers are the best. Toss in some fatty bacon and I’m set