The last two days without footy have been pretty shitty, haven’t they? HELL, THE BRITISH ARE SO BORED THEY DECIDED TO LEAVE EUROPE!
I wonder how this will affect their qualification to the next Euro….
Well, despair not for our man on the ground has been out there ON THE SCENE and has another sterling report for you. Take it away, Litre_cola.
[gview file=”https://www.doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Dispatch-3-UEFA-needs-your-money.pdf”]
This will be an excellent game between two fluent, attacking teams. CHOCK FULL of douchebags (on the pitch and/or in the stands).
/switched to baseball like an hour ago
//ducks the rotten fruit/vegetables thrown by the masses
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/2253130/you-missed-me-bitch-o.gif
I’m interested to see who will win between the team with the best player against the best team (through 3 games of the Euros).
On the one hand, Portugal’s defense first system has looked like swiss cheese. On the other hand, Ronaldo looks like he just began the scorekakke on the Euros.
This game feels like it’s going to penalties. I’ll say Portugal wins in Penalty kicks.
I’m not even sure if he’ll play, but, if he does, watch out for Renato Sanches. Portugal should put him in the game to give them some energy.
Croatia’s short passing attack is giving Alex Smith a woody.
THE DFOCTOPUS HAS SPOKEN
A depiction of what the Maple Octopus thinks will happen with Ronaldo and the Euros from here on out:
Maple Octopus sounds delightful.
I’ll bet they have it on the sushi trains in Vancouver.
http://insidescoopsf.sfgate.com/files/2010/09/sushitrain.jpg
Lens–my favorite city in France!
I prefer Retina, Spain.
/totally made up
//no such place as Retina, Spain as far as I know
///too lazy to google “city of Retina” to make the joke really valid
http://67.media.tumblr.com/f8a34f27147ef1e0ef2af1d1150c5748/tumblr_o5bezdYoTC1qc5dpuo1_500.gif
I saw Independence Day 2 yesterday (don’t bother) and I appreciated the timeliness of the part where parts of Asia were inexplicably dropped onto London. Don’t want the rest of the world in your country? TOO BAD WE’RE LITERALLY DUMPING IT ON YOU.
Does Vivica Fox’s daughter follow in her footsteps and become a space stripper in the sequel?
Dear god, I trust we’re all hoping for “yes” on that one.
/knows nothing about the daughter thus the above comment should not be taken out of context as pedophilia if said daughter is underage
http://surgerystars.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/vivica-fox-boobs.jpg
This one takes place like 20 years later. We’ve gotta be in the clear.
*Please be in the clear — else Sill will report me the Feds for Jarreding*
Well, considering that her character had a son and not a daughter, you might be disappointed. (And no, the son doesn’t become a stripper either. Double dukes!)
The first daughter is in the movie but again, no strippering. You may also appreciate the chance to use Arrested Development’s “Her?” joke as that character was recast.
Is someone’s son – would not bang! 4/10
Egg?
Why did they replace Ann Hog?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/fb3b0e1480b55acd341f9d71daba7b32/tumblr_nyg34iXeEb1s8gtxto1_500.gif
This should be a 20-foot high permanent video installation at MOMA.
Perpetual Busey: Actions Have Consequences
I can’t be the only one chuckling at the bafflement of the British people as they realize votes actually do count.*
*Yes, I know it’s a non-binding referendum but Parliament is going to honour it so it might as well be.
If Parliament still honors it, then the entire body needs to be shitcanned into the Channel
I think the next few months will be interesting. We’re already seeing people who voted Leave saying they’re having second thoughts and there’s plenty of time to voice that before any actual exit actions. The more I read about this, the more I think it won’t actually happen and that this will dissolve into a spectacular clusterfuck before we end up at status quo antebellum.
The Crown will intervene before the UK leaves the EU.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/2aeb5012cde835e61f2e35cd49960971/tumblr_nko4xfypus1tpmgf1o1_400.gif
http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y511/lightgiver1/kC3pW_zpsf6074ea0.gif
FFYCIN YN CYMRU AM BYTH
SOMEONE CALL 911 FOR SILL! HE MAY BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK!
Looks more like a stroke to me. Regardless, medical attention seems required.
OH GOD. DO YOU SMELL TOAST?
Oh great. Now he’s going to lean even more to the left.
Some say all the stroke puns are mean, but they only leave the person numb. Maybe speechless.
There’s also drooling sometimes.
Stroke victims love basketball. Their dribbling is amazing.
::Discretely places vile back in pocket and backs out of the room::
Vile what? VILE WHAT
Vile ve poison you thanks to ze doktor Zymm
It’s a regional spelling. Don’t worry aboot it.
And it’s “discreetly,” not “discretely.”
This isn’t fucking math class.
What’s the difference?
Sounds like you aren’t the great educator that you clame to be.
Fine.
Something that is “discreet” is done in secret.
Something that is “discrete” is non-calculus mathematics and/or an individual part of a given set.
Mmmm….that doesn’t sound right. Can you reference reputable sources?
At this surprisingly slow coffee shop there are two chicks at a table near me doing some kind of medical/science studying. Given our location, I’m assuming it’s for a community college class. I see now that they are putting together a PP presentation and really working hard on it. The one is starting to get pretty stressed about it, even though they seem to understand the material, she’s just freaking out about layout specifics or deciding how to cut down the text on the slide. I just want to be like, “hey — you’re doing a presentation for a community college class. If you understand the concepts, you have NOTHING to stress about.”
Not to brag, but I’m pretty sure I was in a community college class with Jared Lee Loughner.
One time when I was studying for the previous exam these two girls were working on a biology or math project, sort of like what you’re talking about, and complaining about how much harder it was than high school and I just started laughing because I’m an asshole.
This one time at band camp….
WALES ON WALES VIOLENCE
It’s always fun to watch the colonies get together and play our game.
hey guys
Hello Sill!
yo!
Welshy GOALLLLLL!!!!!
http://america.pink/images/4/7/5/5/8/1/1/en/1-welshy.jpg
No one could have ever seen this coming!
Is Northern Ireland where the IRA is from? If so, I’m rooting for them.
That’s an affirmative. I’m also rooting for them to tell the UK to fuck off and join Ireland.
I’m in a surprisingly slow coffee shop that has the game on both televisions. The employees seem pretty interested in the game but none of the patrons seem at all interested.
I wish someone would score so I could comment on the ‘nice strike’ really loud and maybe get a free shot of espresso.
Imagine how much we *could* reduce the cost of global energy if industry companies didn’t have to spend so much money on commercials, stadium naming rights, and athletic sponsorships.
Reducing costs is why the Columbia River is now filled with oil, though.
Of course, there are negative consequences.
Afterall, without spending these necessary millions in sponsorship campaigns, how else would the board of directors of our local publicly-protected monopoly utility provider secure a skybox for every single NFL/NHL/MLB/NBA game plus CFB Playoffs/March Madness/Super Bowls when they come to town?
It’s funny that the Rose Garden was officially renamed by a company that earned all of its revenue from the government, except it didn’t actually receive any of that money and now the Moda Center is a reminder than naming rights are stupid decisions by poor businessmen.
http://www.thehumanmarvels.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/circus-freak-Francesco-Lentini-three-legs.jpg
WTF?
3rd leg.
#nothingtoseehere
THAT’S NOT HIS LEG!
I noticed on my local subreddit that there is a meetup this afternoon at a bar I can walk to. On one hand, I have zero fucking desire to ever meet anyone from the internet in person (that includes you folks as well). I like my worlds completely separate.
On the other, I would not mind getting shitfaced in a corner and just watching the shit show from a distance that is internet dweebs meeting up in real life.
I would definitely avoid interacting with redditors at all costs, but watching could be fun.
I bet you won’t live tweet that shit.
I get that, but the DFO folks are pretty cool peeps. If you’re ever in LA, we’ll be happy to buy you a drink.
Remember you said that when I drain your bank acct next month.
Just saying.
Alls I know is that if you pass by LA without letting us know and having a drink with us, I’m gonna tell King Hippo to kick you in the nuts.
Hippo’s the one with the bum knee, right?
Yeah Right (CA) has the knee issue. Hippo (NC with yours truly) has a bum neck.
He should send yeah right the bum’s knees
though I have in fact had my right knee scoped. Thought my meniscus was tore up, but was just frayed with way-too-early-FOAR-38 arthritic changes.
Considering that YOU are one of the few folks on here who wouldn’t disparage me for being a native Baltimoron, I’m now sad that you won’t ever plan on raising a glass with me.
I don’t disparage you nearly as much as I pity you.
No need, I had the best of both worlds growing up.
Howard County, Maryland. God’s country (you know, if there actually was a god and all)
One of the great things about the final stages of moving… trying to empty the contents of your fridge and bar into your stomach. Who wants to box up 1/8 full bottles of booze? NOT THIS GUY!
Tequila and ice tea works, right?
No Squirt?
Fresca
Soccer is the best background noise sport there is. I’ve got to spend a lot of time in the kitchen today and having this on in the background is perfect.
I despise all commercials with a passion so the continued interruptions in baseball is a pain in the ass but this really works.
And for you kids coming to the get together today, the forecast calls for mostly sunny and a high of 72.
Very nice.
1 PM show up time?
Yes indeed.
N. Ireland vs Wales.
o/u on how many 80s/90s IRA pipebombs explode? GO!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zz-DJr1Qs54
A lot of people don’t realize that when the peace process finally got some traction, much of the violence committed afterward was due to the illicit drug trade. A lot of these paramilitary groups on both sides, Unionists and Nationalists, were basically heavily armed criminal gangs.
You never see in the movies the two groups banging it out, killing civilians, and shit like that over a crate of Yugoslavia methamphetamines but often times, that is what it was.
Yup.
Related note, one of the most important factors is lowing the violence was heavy investment by the EU into Northern Ireland to lower the terrible unemployment rate. To this day…well for now at least, the EU was still helping with investments. Along those lines, Northern Ireland has maintained open boarders and trade with Ireland.
That all has been thrown out thanks to the Brexit vote. Ireland is already dropping feelers that it will negotiate for open boarders, but only for Northern Ireland. We could actually see Northern Ireland become closer to Ireland than England in the next couple of decades.
And of course Scotland is pissed as fuck because the whole reason they didn’t leave the United Kingdom was because the EU, at the request of England, basically told them they could not remain in the EU. So pretty much Scotland is prepping to immediately withdraw if England continues down this pass.
I honestly expect the breakup of the UK if they actually try and due this Brexit formally.
I totally agree and I look forward to it.
Woo human type entropy!!!
I don’t really get the point of the UK. I mean, you’re all different nations but then you’re like the UK. I mean, I get the need for standard border/trade agreements between neighboring countries — but that’s as simple as sitting down and hashing out the details. The UK seems more beneficial to outside nations who find it easier to negotiate with the UK than the member countries respectively.
But I’m probably wrong on all this. I’m American, you see.
to the tune of PeyPey’s “cut-that-MEAT!”
“bomb-that-CHURCH!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRpeEdMmmQ0
Ah Europe… of course shit is being thrown on the pitch…
WHOOOOOOOOO! POLAND!!!!
Woooooo Poland!!!!
(also, not being a pro goalkeeper I admittedly don’t know what I’m talking about here….but it seems that randomly jumping in one direction or another on a PK is a poor method of defense…Just saying)
It is seriously the dumbest fucking way to end a sporting event.
Here is what I would do if I was the head of FIFA. One, oh dear god the bribes would be awesome…but two, I would take a page from the NHL. Basically every 10 minutes, each side loses a man.
Everyone is exhausted of course. But with the drop in the number of people on the pitch, things would open up considerable. Just keep playing until someone scores or its one on one with the goalies.
/would watch that
It would never happen because FIFA is all about cash. They generally know, down to about 20 minutes, how long a match will go so its easier to sell TV and commercial rights.
Its the whole reason that baseball and softball were pulled from the Olympics. Anything that doesn’t have a set time limit is going to get cut.
Goalkeepers lose their gloves for extra time.
ONE KICK AWAY
Losing on OT shootout would really suck.
Thank goodness the goalkeepers have those huge puffy gloves to stop like 4 shots per game.
Pussies.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/777e40fdbba9c5318af077291ce5bb31/tumblr_nzmpwn7QNU1r16mi8o1_400.gif
He hath spoken.
Oh FFS!!!!!
Poland….missing out on the point blank opportunity since 1939.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/cf7969a07c0cc0430e15e65ba763a840/tumblr_mxmefb9NyV1qhtij5o1_500.gif
Eric Andre is a total enigma to me.
Hate his show on Adult Swim. But also think he’s a great comedic character actor.
/so confused
http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/03/Confused-GIF-3.gif?gs=a
(dammit…let’s try again)
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Staring-Confused-Ron-Swanson.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/ab3a314cbb15884859ea44e0998189ab/tumblr_o5qpcuP5661qf0u3po5_1280.jpg
So, being somewhat unedumacated on the finer points of FUTBOL internationale, I must ask….
Is this Shakiri asshole some sort of problem child a la JFF? Couldn’t help but notice the announcers (yes this is a rare occurrence when I actually didn’t have TeeVee sound muted with music in the background) talking about him being a huge penis (paraphrased) but also being kinda good sometimes.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/661587c89772892331b5cc40116d28e2/tumblr_o5aoyaFJ361qf0u3po5_500.png
He plays in the Priemere League…meaning he gets paid an ungodly amount of money. He’s been kicked around from Bayern Munich and Inter Milan.
Basically a really talented player…but I would not say top tier. I mean you don’t build a team around him.
Side note, as a Muslim, its illegal for him to build a house in Switzerland as his neighbors could claim he is trying to build a mosque, which is illegal.
YAY! DIRECT DEMOCRACY!!!
Fuck the Swiss
well, I’m certainly happy to see HER as well!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/9e9edb4271f267588820433cebf6be9d/tumblr_nwdn99PSkz1s5qhggo4_1280.gif
Christonacracker…holee fuckballz…and also, wow.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loakidGMQR1qzls9yo1_500.jpg
Swiss guy scored? With Shakira? It’s always the rich banking sort.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdbvpk4GE01r6f12do1_500.gif
hips (and overhead bicycle kicks) don’t lie ,, ppl forget that
Fuck you Switzerland.
That was pulling some fine shit out yo’ ass, lemme tell ya.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUT5rEU6pqM
http://66.media.tumblr.com/3efdae311a7f61bb8ac6184ce1c0099c/tumblr_o8flj4ntID1uldbexo3_400.gif
/also would cut down on the amount and/or quality of that Robin roadhead, I’m guessing
http://67.media.tumblr.com/dea4ee1558d16d92d7db6e28a6318ea5/tumblr_o7ss6lkx621s9bqq4o1_1280.jpg
Doodie bubble like?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpgR-2CVJPE
Mark Clattenberg is the fucking WORST
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f118d79849dd3bd4a884c62a4ede5404/tumblr_o8izx5at2v1qzhjh2o1_500.jpg
This Lesser Footy match is reaaaaaaly lesser. So much so that I have started working on a Lease markup.
/don’t be all jelly
Farewell, my pretties. I must go to a place with *gasp* no internet.
/when I speak of you, I will do so fondly…
We’ll miss you (as far as you know).
http://65.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqgoel1cyu1qzlnx8o1_1280.jpg
Quick, time to crank up the Anti-scotchnaut posts!
Whatever will the EU do without the influence of England…
http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/large_lightbox/hash/d6/ba/d6ba4e9d964b0423fdec929f241d39a0.jpg
Eat it you Nazis Bankers!!!
“Now, now. The Nazis’ money was just as good as anyone else’s.”
-Prescott Bush
Poland! Poland!
Gooooooaaaaaalll!!!!!
The dirty Poles score!
The dirty Swiss are really taking it to the dirty Poles!
/I call every nationality “dirty”-that way no one can call me prejudiced
Rapid response to Brexit. So the company I work for is based in the US and in Japan…with the Japan office being the Big Daddy. We then have various field offices through the world. One of our bigger “small” offices was in town outside of London (like just outside of it). Basically that office handled the trouble service calls (field engineers) and sales (sales application engineers) for Western Europe. We have another office in Poland which handles Eastern Europe (and used to handle Russia until shit got too hot).
Well with the Brexit, we basically have ad office filled with people that potentially can’t work in the region they are suppose to work in. The Polish office has been handling a lot (along with what the British office does, they also have been taking on commissioning jobs). So pretty much with this Brexit, its deal breaker. Its been announced that the London office is closing. The Polish Office is taking over our entire EU operation.
I still cannot fathom people voted for this Brexit. Then again, I don’t get Trump so what the fuck do I know..
ESPN is STILL trying to whore out MLS like it’s anything close to the caliber of high-level international Lesser Footy (liek if’n you like this…)
PLEAZ STOP. You are embarrassing Ian Darke.
“Football is football, right?”
American CFL viewers, muttering to themselves
Fuck you Switzerland, you fence sitting assholes.
GO POLAND!!!!!!!!
I know I’ve posted this a few hundred times but FUCK YOU Imma do it again. MOVE OVER AMERICA, there’s a new asshole on the map!
Another glorious report. Europe will no doubt soon be conquered by DFO fever.
This is in line with what I have heard from others who have traveled in France. You have an open mind and dive into the experience, they are really more than happy to have you. I’ve even had rightist-minded friends say the same thing. Italy has always been more touch and go, reputations aside.
Also, fuck the LePens, with the world’s rustiest, germ-infested dildoes.
Oh God do I want Iceland to beat the English, it would be so good.
I think they will. I’ll still trying to figure out how England before this tournament, was given the 4th best odds to win this tournament.
It is dumbfounding how every fucking major tournament…its “Wow…England wasn’t as good as we thought”…
Its like the collective football world has Alzheimer.
I really don’t understand the point of these stupid fanzones. I mean, if they were giving away free tourney-related shit as part of marketing campaigns and everyone was getting free samples like it was a Trader Joe’s that would be one thing, but they usually make you PAY for shit in these things. WHAT’S THE FUCKING POINT THEN?!?!?
Fans are idiots.
*People are idiots
http://66.media.tumblr.com/65a6033f2b48542cbbbbc15169468b77/tumblr_o65ka548MO1upq5kto1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/ea13bbe1ac02671f9c27bc07d3a4713a/tumblr_o95mivMJz91v49r65o1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/5b78152ddf458ae29be63db2b3c10056/tumblr_n3oiccrsjl1qikcuzo1_500.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btOyj3qM_Dk
(yeah, it’s a repeat from earlier thread…but it’s a GOOD repeat)
Well it’s about goddamned time.