Your “Portugal/Wales” Wednesday Morning Open thread

Good morning!

Before we get into sports, I just wanted to quickly vent.

Today is day three of the Summer boot camp classes that I’m teaching at an educational center. It has been an aggravating shit show so far. Here are some things that have rubbed me the wrong way:

A) Prior to the boot camp, parents (in general, not my students’ parents) complained that their kids weren’t remembering the vocab they learned. VP tells me in a (seemingly) patronizing way to make sure I emphasize the importance of vocab terms they learn and to encourage them to use the terms in their writing assignments. . .Not only is that something I have always done, but I make it a rule that my students have to include at least five new terms used in their homework responses. Short of holding a gun to their head, I think I’ve done my part. Yet, it definitely felt like VP didn’t believe me, which is a piss off.

5) They gave me 7 hours of material for the week. That would be great, except I need 20 hours of material for the week. Now I have to scramble every night and come up with a ton of crap on my own time.  If I wasn’t losing money, I’d find this kind of funny with how out of touch those who designed the courses are with what goes on in the classroom. (They aren’t teachers). These kids have a final essay that is only 250 words long. They’re dreading it and will also have to present their essay using powerpoint. I asked VP how long these end of bootcamp presentations should be in terms of time. VP said 5-10 minutes(!) for an essay that’s 250 words. I have been giving these kids topics to present in class as practice. These kids are struggling to get to one minute, let along ten minutes.

IV) Parents. They pissed and moaned about the importance of vocab terms, wanting their kids to do research projects and presentations. As a result, that’s what their kids are doing (at least in my class). Want to take a guess how long it took for some of them to complain about their kids having “difficult” and slightly higher amounts of homework? ONE. F*CKING. DAY. It’s almost like doing an intensive two weeks of material into one week would require doing more work! What is this, some sort of boot camp? Oh . . .

If you’re into European sporting events, today is a great day for you! We have:

Wimbledon at 5AM PST: Canadian Milos Raonic plays today against an American. I can’t be bothered to look the American’s name up, so, I’ll assume it’s Andre Agassi or Andy Roddick. (MMMMMM. Mandy Moore).  Due to some major upsets, people are saying this is probably Milos Raonic’s best chance at winning the Stanley Cup of Wimbledon. More importantly, is that when Milos wins, Seinfeld fans everywhere can rejoice and proudly declare “Another game for Milos!”

Tour de France at 5AM PST: Lance Armstrong is going for his record breaking 17th straight Tour de France title this year. He is such an inspiration! #Livestrong.

We also have Canada playing Senegal in an Olympic Qualifier at 4 AM PST. If Canada wins, they advance to the regional semi-finals. And if they win that, Nationals will be right around the corner!

/pours one out for Cory Monteith.

Five time Tip O’Neill Award winner, Joey Votto, and the Dirt Bengals play the Dirt Cubs during the day. But really, who gives a shit? I just wanted to mention Joey Votto is a five time Tip O’Neil Award winner. I wonder if Mark Prior, Kerry Wood and Carlos Zambrano are still a murderers row for opposing teams when they play the Dirt Cubs.

Semi-Final #1, 12PM PST: An Upset in the making?

Portugal

The Adamastor: A mythical, monstrous antagonist to Portuguese navigators. He threatened to ruin anyone trying to pass the Cape and penetrate the Indian Ocean, which was his domain

v

Wales

Y Ddraig Goch: Wales’ Red Dragon

Thoughts:

This is a really bad matchup for Portugal. I really like Wales’ chance at winning this game.

Going into this tournament, the narrative was that it was a shame the players surrounding Ronaldo could not rise up to the occasion and give Ronaldo a chance to win a major international soccer tournament. That narrative has done a 180, as Ronaldo has only scored in one game out of five. It’s not that he’s playing bad, it’s just that he’s not hitting the net or he does his best Charlie Brown impression when attempting to kick the ball in scoring position. For Portugal to have any shot of winning, Ronaldo has to get out of this weird and unlucky funk he has been in this entire tournament. Portugal can’t just rely on 18 year old sensation, Renato Sanches, to do all the scoring and create energy.

Defensive midfielder, Lee William Carvalho is suspended (accumulation), leaving a void through the defensive-middle. Portugal defender and possible undercover Alien, Pepe, has been a beast for Portugal this entire tournament. Unfortunately for Portugal, he has a thigh injury that saw him miss practice on Monday and did a light workout on Tuesday. Despite some rumors, I don’t expect him to miss this game. However, he’s guarding Gareth Bale and the fact that he’ll presumably be slower could lead to disastrous results for the Portuguese side.

To be honest, if the Welsh had Aaron Ramsey and Ben Davies (yellow card accumulations) in their lineup, I would have picked Wales to win. Leicester City’s Andy King and West Ham’s James Collins are decent players, but, they aren’t good enough to fill the shoes of the guys they’re replacing.

This will be a tight match, something Portugal is accustomed to and are seemingly fine with. Meanwhile, Wales is playing with house money. Forgetting that Portugal is the International Lesser Footy equivalence of the Andy Reid era Eagles, I want to say Wales is going to win this because of just how well matched up they are against Portugal (in terms of how they play). However, there’s just no way Ronaldo is going to be held scoreless in another game, right? . . . .Right? I’m guessing Portugal wins 2-1 with Ronaldo scoring both goals. But don’t be shocked if Wales wins.

Lets hope it’s a good game.

 

 

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Moose -The End Is Well NighUnsurprisedWakezillascotchnautRikki-Tikki-Deadly Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I cannot wait for all of the gif mashups of Russell Wilson and King Tommen on his wedding night.

scotchnaut

Looks like Wales is all washed up!

/probably the best joke I’ve ever written

scotchnaut

[lets dove fly out of hands]

“Time to die.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You can never set the bar too low….

HEEEEEYOOOO! BAM!

scotchnaut

Stupid Wales and their stupid “We think we can win” game strategy.

It was never going to work. I just knew it. Stupid Wales.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Stupid sexy Wales.

scotchnaut

Wales think their blow holes are all that and phat as a bag of chips but I know different.

scotchnaut

WALES FAILS TO DOUBLE DOWN ON A BETE NOIRE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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.

scotchnaut

[feels a bit woozy]

scotchnaut

WALES FAILS TO DOUBLE DOWN ON A BETE NOIR!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

It’s down to this…France is the good guy left. FRANCE!!!!

scotchnaut

Gitanes you! Gitanes you straight to hell for pointing that out!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re serious? What have the Germans ever done to anybody?

Oh. Right.

scotchnaut

Realistically, this is about as far as Wales could go, right soccer dudes?

King Hippo

you rite

King Hippo

It’s a good thing dragons aren’t really for real.

scotchnaut

“You take that back right now!” [sobs]

-President of the Puff The Magic Dragon Society

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In Colorado you are legal.

scotchnaut

Guh. That looks like a game right there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fuckshitdamnitbitch

scotchnaut

I don’t like Ronaldo.

scotchnaut

I liked Cedric The Fullback way more when he was Cedric The Entertainer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Soccer would probably be better if it were more like hockey. You know, line changes, penalty boxes, people getting punched in the face…

scotchnaut

“I love getting punched in the face!”

-Masochistic boxers coming out of the closet

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass
scotchnaut

“In a single sentence, what would you say Ronaldo’s legacy is?”

“He Lost To Wales.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But enough about his exploits playing beer pong against women in Indianapolis.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

So there I was on the couch with the game on at a very low volume blissfully sleeping and dreaming of tacos. THEN A DAMN CUNT-BOT BLOWS UP MY PHONE TO “GIVE” ME A FREE CRUISE IF I TAKE A STUPID SURVEY. SURVEY SAYS … FUCK YOU!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d65e667b45c9f025652de481f1a37e23/tumblr_nhoq5umKRa1syvjuco1_500.gif
(Door slams shut because I going out for fuckin’ tacos)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Judy Greer is #2 on my list of women I would want to sleep with simply because they are funny but also rather attractive. Maribeth Monroe is #1.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

While not ranking them, I too have a comedy boner for many funny women. I’d fuck Kevin Hart too, but that is just because he’s petite.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Seeing that gif of Judy Greer post instantly cut down my rage by 90%. Love that gal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you ever have shows that you like so much that you actually put off watching them? Mr. Robot is like that for me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, to bing. This, Orphanblack the white dress scene in Basic Instinct, etc.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*binge, but could also be bing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Todd Flanders has declared his support for Portugal.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

Christian Bale is a way better at soccer than I thought.

scotchnaut

Ronaldo is raising his arm so often you’d think he was in a Leni Riefenstahl documentary.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or a Right Guard commercial.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Though it’s probably more likely he’d be promoting an Axe Body Spray product.

scotchnaut

Oh look at you in your cute pastel kit with your cute back-heel pass that went directly to the Wales defender!

scotchnaut

“Huzzahs” are in order-

Subway has introduced a processed sugar-soaked, watered-down, white people-populated taste test prison-approved, ill-conceived, lousy approximation of a Korean BBQ sub!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

Cycling must be super-good for you except for the whole “inhaling vehicle exhaust the entire time” thing.

nomonkeyfun

On the plus side, all of the “medicines” the pros take will give you ball cancer long before you get lung cancer from the exhaust.

scotchnaut

I only watch the Tour de France as far as cycling is concerned only because back in aught ’10 or ’11 some comment-taters on Deadspin filled me in on the strat-terajizzing that was involved in any race of this sort.

/fascinating stuff

nomonkeyfun
blaxabbath
scotchnaut

[reads monkey’s comment, sees a crash]

Now I totally lost my NASCAR-themed joke to the ether.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think there is now a Faces of Death box set you can get since you are into that type of thing.

Senor Weaselo

Do I want to know what strat-terajizzing is?

scotchnaut

“Strategic masturbating” as near as I can tell. After all, these men have ‘needs’, yet they’re on a bike for most of the day.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to “strata-terra-jizzing”, which loosely translated means “to spill seed onto the earth” and is forbidden by the Catholic Church.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m a very bad Catholic.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
nomonkeyfun
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Every sperm is sacred.

blaxabbath

As long as we’re all quickly venting….

I get the overall argument about Millennials being coddled etc and, in general, I buy it to a point. I just don’t get why everyone is so concerned about it. Life’s a zero-sum game so shouldn’t we be happy that an entire generation is not all fired up to come after our jobs with their computer understandings and youthful drive? Think how fucked 50 year olds would be if an entire generation of graduates was entering the job market with their tech skills PLUS the gritty work ethic of an old farmer? They’d automate the entire middle management class out of their professions in five years.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is a very true statement.

Also, them wanting to be coddled makes it easier for us 40-somethings to slack off at work.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Yes yes, “slack…”

scotchnaut

I was at a conference and some speaker yapped about this millennial work force (generally speaking) is one that doesn’t buy into the careerism of their predecessors in that they drift from job to job to acquire the means to do what they really want, ie. travel, not work, take time off to “discover” whatever.

I thought that was an interesting response to the millions of Mcjobs, Starjobs and Waljobs that stared them down upon graduation…

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, I’m not sure it’s a chicken egg thing. I mean, if you are faced with no job security, you adapt your goals.

scotchnaut

I met one of their forefathers back in the mid-80’s. He became an accountant because, “I can get a job anywhere, anytime.” His real passion was to cycle the world in order to meet people and venture to various places. He used his job as the means to do so.

blaxabbath

I don’t blame them one bit for that. I wish I had traveled and “discovered” more when I was younger and unemployed but, hey, that was my choice and that’s my problem.

And, to be fair, the people who are ‘worried’ seem to be managers who want Millennials as entry-level employees (how am I supposed to man my workforce with cheap labor if my experienced people are earning more and immigrants aren’t proficient in AutoCAD?). But, to the point of ‘adaptation’, many of them are capable of learning a function, automating it, and moving on to the next task — which basically means they’re doing the manager’s job (simplifying tasks and making them less error-prone) once they have an understanding of the duties. It’s no longer necessarily a linear career path where experience = competence.

scotchnaut

“It’s no longer necessarily a linear career path where experience = competence.”

YES!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I find the concept of “generations” is a false categorization, with the exception of the influences of certain economical conditions, technological advances and the intuitiveness in which people use them. The same types of humans exist across these manufactured generation lines and building teams to function you pick certain types of people regardless of age. I know older people who feel they need to be coddled just as much as stereotypical “millennials”, and millennials that are goal driven, task oriented like the supposed 60s population.

scotchnaut

I think we sorta addressed that in our comments, Mr. Derrida.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not really, but whatever makes you feel good.

scotchnaut

Not to be completely Canadian, but that was supposed to be jokey.

/is probably completely Canadian

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Eh?

I am a pedantic so I only took the Mr. Derrida part as a joke because I’m not dead.

scotchnaut

So you’re saying that Derrida is the original Dr. Feelgood?

/I couldn’t disagree more

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dr. Holyshityouwantmetoreadallthismaterialbecause “there is no out-of-context” ?

blaxabbath
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

The yellow card accumulation rules are fucking stupid.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s kind of like the SEC compliance rules. Commit too many transgressions and they make you take a paid vacation for a week, then you’re back in action like nothing ever happened.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Senor Weaselo

Speaking of, Pokemon Go now available for Android, still waiting for iPhone.

Senor Weaselo

(But not in the U.S. or U.K., those bastards.)

blaxabbath

How fucking hard is the EU going to lobby to have the the latest phones/movies/Yu-Gi-Oh released in member nations 3 weeks before the UK now?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seinfeld fans everywhere can rejoice and proudly declare “Another game for Milos!”

Personally, I’d go with “I won another game? Looks like everything’s coming up Milos!”

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

http://www.nfl.com/videos/minnesota-vikings/0ap3000000672949/Which-NFL-team-is-in-danger-of-having-an-overcooked-2016-season

I didn’t notice this the first time, but Bridgewater had more than 183 yards/game and 6.54 yards/attempt.
http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/B/BridTe00.htm

Get your shit together, NFL Network!

Senor Weaselo

What the hell are regionals?

nomonkeyfun

How can you root against these guys?

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maeq7dvrIp1qiwf8po2_500.gif

The star sheep is also known as a Welsh girlfriend.
http://i.imgur.com/RR8YShV.gif

These guys are the villain in Independence Day.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I really liked those Adventures of Milos and Otis films

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

TL;DR

whorootbeerdatbe
whorootbeerdatbe

Time to make the paella.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Only make paella with fish stock.