Today’s highlights begin and end with France-Germany in the UEFA semifinals. France and Germany have played each other many times, including Germany’s elimination of France from the last World Cup. They also fought each other three times in 75 years, in the Franco-Prussian War, WWI and WWII, resulting in millions of casualties and, ultimately, the formation of The European Union, which has been a stunning success and ensures that nothing again will ever go wrong in Europe.

The winner of this game gets Ronaldo and the Portuguese in the finals. Which will be decided by penalty kicks, because of course they will.

In baseball tonight, (ducks), the Yanks play, (and no doubt lose to), Cleveland. Cleveland recently won 14 games in a row and is on fire to such an extent that you’d think they were a local river.

The Nationals play the Mets, in what should be a good game, the Cubs play the Braves in a game that should probably be stopped after 6 and San Diego plays the Dodgers in a game that some poor network is contractually obligated to broadcast.

In other news if you bought the pay-per-view for UFC 200 hoping for some resolution to the Jon Jones-Daniel Cormier rivalry boy are you screwed. It turns out that Jones’s rivalry with Cormier is secondary to Jones’s fondness for putting banned substances into his body, and he’s been dropped from the card. Cormier has no one to fight and therefore no reason not to stuff his face with as much cake and ice cream as he can get his mitts on. It totally wasn’t Jones’s fault however, as he can’t even pronounce whatever it was that they found in his system.

Dwayne Wade is going to the Bulls as a free agent, which would be big news in 2010.