Your Training Camp is HERE! Mid-week Open Thread

So, apparently, the training camps begin today!  ABOUT FUCKING TIME!

Here is the full schedule:

Arizona Cardinals: Glendale, AZ

Facility: University of Phoenix Stadium; Rookies: July 25; Veterans: July 28

Atlanta Falcons: Flowery Branch, GA

Facility: Under Armour Performance Center; Rookies: July 27; Veterans: July 27

Baltimore Ravens: Owings Mills, MD

Facility: Under Armour Performance Center; Rookies: July 22; Veterans: July 27

Buffalo Bills: Pittsford, NY

Facility: St. John Fisher College; Rookies: July 28; Veterans: July 29

Carolina Panthers: Spartanburg, SC

Facility: Wofford College; Rookies: July 27; Veterans: July 27

Chicago Bears: Bourbonnais, IL

Facility: Olivet Nazarene University; Rookies: July 27; Veterans: July 27

Cincinnati Bengals: Cincinnati, OH

Facility: Paul Brown Stadium; Rookies: July 26; Veterans: July 28

Cleveland Browns: Berea, OH

Facility: Cleveland Browns Training Complex; Rookies: July 25; Veterans: July 28

Dallas Cowboys: Oxnard, CA

Facility: River Ridge Playing Fields; Rookies: July 29; Veterans: July 29

Denver Broncos: Englewood, CO

Facility: Paul D. Bowlen MemorialBroncos Centre; Rookies: July 24; Veterans: July 27

Detroit Lions: Allen Park, MI

Facility: Detroit Lions Training Facility; Rookies: July 23; Veterans: July 28

Green Bay Packers: De Pere, WI

Facility: St. Norbert College; Rookies: July 25; Veterans: July 25

Houston Texans: Houston, Texas

Facility: Houston Methodist Training Center; Rookies: July 25; Veterans: July 30

Indianapolis Colts: Anderson, IN

Facility: Anderson University; Rookies: July 26; Veterans: July 26

Jacksonville Jaguars: Jacksonville, FL

Facility: Practice Fields at EverBank Field; Rookies: July 25; Veterans: July 27

Kansas City Chiefs: St. Joseph, MO

Facility: Missouri Western State University; Rookies: July 26; Veterans: July 29

Los Angeles Rams: Irvine, CA

Facility: University of California- Irvine; Rookies: July 27; Veterans: July 29

Miami Dolphins: Davie, FL

Facility: Baptist Health Training Facility at Nova Southeastern University; Rookies: July 28; Veterans: July 28

Minnesota Vikings: Mankato, MN

Facility: Minnesota State University- Mankato; Rookies: July 28; Veterans: July 28

New England Patriots: Foxboro, MA

Facility: Gillette Stadium; Rookies: July 24; Veterans: July 27

New Orleans Saints: White Sulpher Springs, WV

Facility: The Greenbrier; Rookies: July 20; Veterans: July 27

New York Giants: East Rutherford, NJ

Facility: Quest Diagnostics Training; Rookies: July 28; Veterans: July 28

New York Jets: Florham Park, NJ

Facility: Atlantic Health Jets Training Center; Rookies: July 27; Veterans: July 27

Oakland Raiders: Napa, CA

Facility: Napa Valley Training Complex; Rookies: July 24; Veterans: July 28

Philadelphia Eagles: Philadelphia, PA

Facility: NovaCare Complex; Rookies: July 24; Veterans: July 27

Pittsburgh Steelers: Latrobe PA

Facility: Saint Vincent College; Rookies: July 27; Veterans: July 28

San Diego Chargers: San Diego, CA

Facility: Chargers Park; Rookies: July 29; Veterans: July 29

San Francisco 49ers: Santa Clara, CA

Facility: SAP Performance Facility; Rookies: July 30; Veterans: July 30

Seattle Seahawks: Renton, WA

Facility: Virginia Mason Athletic Center; Rookies: July 29; Veterans: July 29

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Tampa, FL

Facility: One Buccaneer Place; Rookies: July 25; Veterans: July 27

Tennessee Titans: Nashville, TN

Facility: Saint Thomas Sports Park; Rookies: July 29; Veterans: July 29

Washington Redskins: Richmond, VA

Facility: Bon Secours Training Center; Rookies: July 27; Veterans: July 27

Shall we run a pool to see how which teams suffer more debilitating training camp injuries?  My money is on the Bucs.

Have at it.  It’s Wednesday.  Hump a loved one if you can.

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Sharkbait
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Sharkbait

They say invest in what you know right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Who’s got two thumbs and will spend the bulk of the next week on a jury?

Fuck.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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Clearly you didn’t listen to Homer’s wise words.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

With my work tasks right now I’m up for a murder or armed robbery jury ride.

Sharkbait
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Sharkbait

Suppose it’s too late to say the magic “nullification” word?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Heh heh, I literally just finished my online jury orientation. I wish I had thought to watch justice- system-themed porn during the video presentation part, instead of just watching regularly ordinary porn.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

One more Tenacious D song. Cosmic Shame

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dad is watching a marathon of the old Tenacious D HBO show. I can’t believe he just basically called the show shit and “he can’t believe Jack Black became famous for this”. First, he is watching a marathon of it and second, sacrilege. It was during Kyle took a Bullet for Me too…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am watching Bernie Sanders convention speech now because I missed it the other day, and the contrast between him and Hillary is very apparent again. He passionately believes in the issues and wants to fix them, she focus tested them and passionately believes if she says these things she will get elected. That being said I still hope she gets elected because the other option is Trump.

King Hippo
Member

She believes strongly in what she believes, too. Otherwise, she wouldn’t still be doing this shit, and lots of the work she did was way less than glamorous.

Yeah, she focus tests her political speeches because (1) she’s NOT a gifted public speaker; and (2) she acts with the understanding that you can’t do squat that for the issues you care about unless you get elected (and have power). The LBJ comparison is apt, and I recommend Robert Caro’s excellent book series on his “path to power.” He surprised lots of people – especially some of his big money backers – with what he did once he hot it, too. Particularly with respect to the poor and on civil rights.

But yeah, she is a deal maker, and if she truly believes the best she can get at the end of the day is a B+, she will take it instead of dying on a hill to make a point for purity. Personally, I prefer that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Also, I had seen a ton of articles how Bernie supporters were booing whenever Bernie brought up supporting Hillary. There were like 30 people booing and it was only like 2-4 times in a 30 minute speech

Sharkbait
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Sharkbait

I just watched my boss spend the last 15 minutes calling and harassing Indian phone scammers.

Highlight of my day so far.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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I get to spend my lunch calling ATT and listening to them tell me that my home internet is SUPPOSED to be that slow, because you don’t understand technology, you idiot.

The last call ended with them telling me just to restart my router every time there’s an issue.

“That’s like once every ten minutes. And it takes about that long for my connection to come back.”

“I’m glad we resolved your issue!”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

http://i.makeagif.com/media/6-03-2015/Y9ayHk.gif

Meh, at least they’re sending a “technician” out tomorrow.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Theme song from jury duty so far:

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Bloody Lethal
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Bloody Lethal

Probably off topic and maybe in the category of HOT TAKES but I can no longer bite my tongue.

FUCK the Alamo Draft House and their hipster, fake ass, chain movie theater that is somehow worse than a normal theater experience. This is supposed to be better? This is why you act superior? Oh you firmly warn me about cell phone use! What a novel concept. You really champion the right way to watch a movie.

I once showed up to a movie at Alamo a minute late and they wouldn’t allow me access into the theater. That’s how hardcore committed to a great movie experience they are!! That’s a load of malarkey. I’m not allowed into your movie late because I might interrupt the viewing for others but meanwhile you’re busting through the door in the back like it’s the swinging kitchen door of a packed restaurant in Midtown Manhattan, making it smell like microwave cheese throughout the theater. Your wannabe employees acting like they are a roadie at a Morrissey concert or some crap. Kicking me in my ankle as they go to get a check and then arguing with the stuck up woman who can’t eat that one ingredient. Meanwhile the hero is touching on a major plot point and some dickhole is holding up his menu in front of the screen. GO SCREW. Your theater is shit.

And I’m sure this all started as a brave concept for the right way to watch a movie (beer and a movie is good), but at this point it’s so diluted that it feels like an insult. Some of us already went to the movies and sat quietly and enjoyed themselves. I’d rather pirate the small film I want to see then encourage this bullshit. And screw you for making me appreciate the $20 ticket at a normal movie theater where I don’t have to deal with the self righteous, gratuitous crap you think passes for a fun night at the movies.

/end hot taek

jjfozz
Member

Hey man, if you’re not doing anything tomorrow night, want to go see a movie?

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Soon you’ll find me catatonic in a recliner watching “the entertainment”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I liked the IDEA of Alamo Draft House, but when I experienced it in person (in Austin in 2000, BEFORE it was cool) I found it rather disappointing. Definitely not an ideal viewing experience when seeing a movie for the first time.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That is what I assumed about Alamo Draft House theaters, I still might want to check one out at least once for the experience but otherwise I am fine with getting someone else to drive me to the theater and sneaking a flask of whiskey in to mix with my 90 ounce soda. Or like you said, just pirating it so you don’t have to deal with the theater at all. They have assigned seating in our theater now. I thought that went away in the 80’s when I was like 3

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Are you kidding? Assigned seating is GREAT. Except here in America, where illiteracy reigns and apparently people can’t comprehend the difference between J-14 and H-10.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To be fair; J and H look similar in the dark when comic sans is used.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I still have tabs open of MST3K gifs from last night and it would be a crime just to close them down and not share

http://66.media.tumblr.com/62c20c20d9df6f9a90f19968061f9bde/tumblr_nlpnoegA1X1tpmdwro6_400.gif

yeah right
Member

As far as the movie poster at the top of the thread?

I would rather chop off my own foot with a rusty hacksaw than watch whatever the fuck that is.

/shudders

jjfozz
Member

You really don’t chop limbs with a hacksaw as much as you saw through them. After that, you can throw them into a plastic barrel with quicklime and they’ll boil right down. If you don’t have a plastic barrel, the bathtub makes a good alternative. Be ready to shovel bones, hair, teeth, and assorted offal into a ten gallon bucket. From there, you can drive about 50 miles from your house, and find a decently wooded area. Spread the contents of the bucket in different areas, animals and insects will take it from there. Leftover teeth should be pulverized with a hammer, the contents can be scattered easily.

What? Oh. I read a lot of crime novels . . .

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed on most; I prefer to put the bones, hair, teeth, and assorted offal into a ceramic bladed grinder that will turn them into a coarse powder for distribution into the wooded area you suggest, or some random old lady’s garden.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This grinder should be cleaned with a mixture mainly consisting of bleach.

blaxabbath
Member

Fuck that. Grind that grinder up in an even bigger grinder.

Gotta destroy the evidence.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d watch it.

*By watch I mean; fast forward to the part where there is any bikini or wet women; obviously a PG-13 so only a hint of nipple allowed, well that and extreme violence and torture.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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What if I told you Rachel McAdams gets naked in it?

/changes address and phone number in anticipation of Yeah Right watching the movie and finding out that Rachel McAdams does not, in fact, get naked in it.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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Somebody asked in the open thread a couple days ago what’s the deal with the Chargers not signing Bosa yet?

There are two things: Bosa wants a somewhat ridiculous guarantee that if he gets cut for either injury or performance, he makes all of his monies, even if another team signs him, which is the main hang up. “Double dip” contacts seldom exist anymore, but I think the Jags negotiated one last year for a rookie. He also wants all of his signing bonus up front, instead of dispersed over a period of time, which is not unreasonable, but helps the team manage the cap. None of this matters unless he starts missing camp though.

Oh god, it’s about to matter!

http://digitalmediazone.ryerson.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/larrydavid2.gif

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Oh god, it’s about to matter!

– Unnamed celestial laboratory assistant, attempting to alert Jehovah that something weird is happening with that singularity He’s been fiddling around with, circa 13,799,000,000 B.C.

blaxabbath
Member

What’s going on here with RTD’s comment? I’m in Kansas and the state appears to have put a black bar across this comment.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

First round picks can now have their rights held for 7 years before they get a chance at negotiating a real contract, asking for his money to be guaranteed and a signing bonus shouldn’t be a big deal. Are they really that worried their pick is gonna be a bust, because they should be fired if they already have buyers remorse before actually seeing him play.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

7 years? I thought it was only 4, with the 5th year option.

It’s not that his money is guaranteed, which much of it is, it’s the whole double dip part, where if another team signs him, the Chargers would still have to pay all of his remaining contract, while the new team pays him what they signed him at. I get the hesitation, even though it’s rather unlikely it gets to that point.

Hey, Mike McCoy thinks that Tom Telesco is the best GM, and is doing what’s best for the team, bub.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I was including 2 years of Franchise tagging him in the 7 years. Which makes it more than twice the average length of NFL careers where he has no say in how he is paid or who he plays for. And I know it is the double dip language they are arguing over which was my second part of my comment, are they really worried they suck so bad at drafting that it would matter at all what happens if they have to cut him?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

I think it’s the whole “not wanting to set a team precedent” thing rather than…

comment image

Telesco has actually drafted pretty well over his few years as GM. His free agency signings, not so much…

blaxabbath
Member

I guess you could say Chargers camp won’t be Bosa’s first time missing a….Fiesta.

(forced, sorry)

comment image

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Please God, no more Bernie talk!

King Hippo
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Life ALMOST has meaning again. WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/I am all concussion-y again, don’t mind me

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Going downtown on a hot summer night gave my life some meaning ….

or a boner

or both.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
jjfozz
Member

Fucking Ravens used to have open camp in this cool little town in Maryland. They stopped that a few years ago. It was great. Could watch them in drills, talking shit, kids could see their heroes close up.

Ray Lewis had a knife sharpening and dry cleaning clinic set up. Ed Reed would show the kids how to make hobo chili out of an onion and an old sock. Flacco handed out vanilla ice milk in perfectly white bowls.

Good times.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath
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Do any teams charge to attend their camp? ARI is free parking/admission (even the NFL can’t make you pay to stand around in 110 degree heat and watch Robert Nkemdiche NOT kill Jimmy Garropolo) but I could see any of the NFC East standbys get away with charging fans to see their players in 2016 threads before they go down with season-ending injuries again.

Cuntler
Member

[*Redacteds], of course.

blaxabbath
Member

Would have been my specific guess (followed by Jerruh) but it just felt cheap…

yeah right
Member

On Tuesday August 9th the premier of Hard Knocks.

Goddamn it’s really getting to be football season!

blaxabbath
Member

What happened? The Rams couldn’t cut a deal with the league to draft the first LGBTQIA player in order to avoid being featured again?

blaxabbath
Member

The Raiders actually train in Napa?

I wonder in Winchester will be available to make it out before rookies arrive.

blaxabbath
Member

I really wish the Rams had overlooked their training camp contract or something when they bailed on MO and would have had to go back to St Louis for the next couple weeks.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Member
jjfozz
Member

THIS EXAM, I CALL IT THE KARDASHIANS, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT, I WANT IT TAKEN DOWN AS HARD AS POSSIBLE!

Good luck – slaps ass HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

Don T
Member

Kick that exam’s ass, U. Rootin’ for ya HARD.
/artist’s rendering
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bO3Yc8wc88M

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