Your Sexy Monkey, Gif-Crazy, Preseason Football And Other Assorted Shenanigans Open Thread

What a week, huh? So many highs and lows. And the in-betweens! [nudges non-existent buddy with elbow] Don’t get me started! I’m thinking that all you folks out there are simply scanning these words as you hold your snifter of Amaretto and saying, “Geez, Get this crap over with, get to the games and then shut your hole”. Well I can take a hint. TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Panthers-This should be the best game of the soir. Carolina is trying to figure out which ragamuffins are going to play behind rb’s Stewart and Tolbert. Fozzy “Wokka, Wokka, Wokka” Whitaker, Cameron Artis-Payne and Brandon Wegher get to show their wares against the Pats top 10-ranked rush D. As far as the passing game is concerned the Panthers seem set at qb and wr Ted Ginn Jr. will prove to all those doubters that last year was indeed an “outlier” year for him.

Will Sir Tom of Brady play? Reports indicate that he’s traveling with the team but why wouldn’t he? No one outside Greater (HAH!) New England gives a rat’s ass. The Pats traded for the Browns lb/de Mingo, thus strengthening an already dominant unit. [sighs]

Bills/Redacteds-Rob Ryan’s prodigious belly travels to the nation’s capital to sample some food trucks. By this I mean he’ll be licking various windshields after the peyote kicks in. He’s such a character! I am curious to see how his D- (phrasing!) fensive backfield of Gilmore, (a rising star) Darby and others handles the likes of wr’s Jackson/Garcon and te Reed.

Browns/Bucs-Josh “Gosh, how long ’til he gets suspended again?” Gordon should be on the field tonight. Will the Cleveland O be sneaky good this year? The possibility exists. Some of that “Big If” is dependent on te Barnidge duplicating his very not Barnidge-like stats from last year. Like I said, “Big If”. Will wr Evans lead the league in drops again this year? I’ve got a ton of faith/money laid on Ted Ginn (and tonic, RIGHT BOOMER?) bobbling the title away from Mr. Evans.

Steelers/Saints-I’d forgotten that lb. Laurinaitis had been signed by New Orleans. They do need all the help they can get, don’t they? [looks at team stats, sees that they were  middle of the pack in a number of categories] Hmmm…actually they didn’t stink up the joint nearly as bad as when the Wolfman was at the helm. WEIRD!

Huh. It was the Steelers that had the 30th ranked pass D last year. It’s time to hitch up them britches Allen, Allen, Mitchell and Gay. This backfield should call themselves “The Lawyers of Milloy”.

Packers/49ers-This is your one and only chance to see the likes of qb Rodgers, de Peppers, lb Matthews, cb Shields and the like. Are all those guys over 30? Seems like it. That sound you heard was a window slowly closing. I came across someone yakking that San Fran players shouldn’t be overlooked fantasy-wise because Chirp Kelly O’s create huge volumes of plays no matter how lousy they are. Lots of plays mean tons of opportunities for the likes of Hyde, Ellington and Smith. Using this logic it seems that they will surpass their projected numbers. Me? I’m not sure.

Okay, I’m off to man the grill for my son’s birthday. I’ll be with you guys in spirit(s).

 

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Porky Prime

Ok I have a choice here for $3…Wild Bunch or Excalibur? I can only get one.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Holy crap…that’s a hard choice. I would lean toward Excalibur because boobs. Medieval boobs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wild Bunch. How is this even a question?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Because boobs! Weren’t you listening?!?

WCS

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Sup, G’s?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Hai….yup, not stalking you or anything like that.

Unsurprised

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Brocky

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Brick Meathook

“It’ll knock BOTH your eyes out!”
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Now WP is moderating me. This isn’t good for my rage.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Come with me if you want to live.
(Don’t have to tell me twice….where ya want it?)
http://img4.hostingpics.net/pics/156098summerglauterminatorbyjohnboothd5zy6yo.jpg

Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Great fucking film…I happened to catch it again (AMC?) recently.
Still holds up.

Brocky

THWACK!!!

The sound you just heard is brocky realizing gifycat had an option for small gifs, and promptly stepping on to a rake sideshow bob style.

I’d like to thank brick and unsurprised for their assistance. Slaps on the ass for everybody!

Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Blood diverted.

Brick Meathook

SHE SEEMS NICE

Unsurprised

Maitland Ward. She knows her audience and delivers the goods extremely well (like getting a full body paint job at SDCC last month and then just standing in the shots to look hot and show off essentially full-frontal nudity).

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Just imagine how bad off I’d be if I was drinking.
I need to start doing that again I think.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKuc3faQAEs

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

Good editing job.

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This one goes out to balls. One of my favorite human type people, but still a bigger instigator than he’ll ever admit to.
Dick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iAYhQsQhSY

Brocky

Note to self, find a better host site:

https://gfycat.com/PassionateMixedEmeraldtreeskink

Brick Meathook

postimage.org

Brocky

post image won’t host mp4s or webm files, and won’t go over 20 mb

ezgif conversion seems to only spit out absurdly large gif files

Brick Meathook

Because those are both too huge. Learn to make your own gifs (it’s easy and you can use free software, or photoshop), and then store them for linking on postimage, along with found gifs, jpgs, etc. Small files are key. Or direct links to YouTube.

Brocky

figures i’m being lazy, let me try something else here…

Unsurprised

Gfycat is great, but you can only embed their gifs and the really good gfycat videos are such huge gifs that you need to use the small-gif version.

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Unsurprised

More Summer

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Summer is almost over.”

“YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?!?!”

Ho, no, I mean the season, the season.”

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

EAST COAST, MF’ERS!!!!!!!!!
(know it, learn it, live it….but Puffy can still fuck right off….a more personified penis there never was)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phaJXp_zMYM

ballsofsteelandfury

Did someone mention Serenity earlier?

http://i3.dvdl.net/s/s/e/serenity_big.jpg?2011-07-26

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, that helps.
Thanks for that.
*smgdh*

Unsurprised

Brie Larson is Summer Glau with an Oscar

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Yeah, I deserve this.

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brick Meathook

Oh, one more addition to that list from earlier: if you could also bring some dynamite or plastic explosives, that’d be great. An instruction manual would be appreciated also.

See ya soon!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I feel……….

hungry…..

Porky Prime

HYPNO BRA!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Have a snack.
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Porky Prime

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Unsurprised

Simpler Times, a cheap ($4/6pk) canned beer from Trader Joe’s. Not bad lukewarm. Their Vienna was only good warm, but they didn’t have it and I was kind of hoping for it.

...

I’ve been tempted a couple times to try their private label beer, but am leery of it. I should just take the dive.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t buy the Sierra Nevada autumn 12 pack. Trust me.
Here’s my Kommentist Beer Barrel for that. It sucks.

Porky Prime

Also, Sam Adams Cherry Wheat. How that gag-inducing Robitussin-laced monstrosity made the regular rotation I’ll never know.

Insert Jamarcus Russell joke here.

Unsurprised

I saw the Sierra Nevada Oktoberfest sixer and I remembered you wrote about it, but I couldn’t recall whether it was good or bad. So since most Oktoberfest brews suck, I just figured not to chance it.

Porky Prime
Unsurprised

Is Albuquerque still overrun by Warsteiner since it’s a Balloon Fiesta sponsor?

Porky Prime

Not so much lately.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Everybody in the house is asleep so of course it’s time to add alcohol to the mix and really get depressed.
And probably also wake everyone up via poorly played drums.
/serenity now!!!!!!!!

Porky Prime

You should also watch Serenity now.

Brocky

Hey everyone, anyone got plan’s for the weekend?

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/GreatWelltodoBeardedcollie-mobile.mp4

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

I do now, Bernie.
(totally doesn’t involve masturbating to that gif)

Unsurprised

Hi, Mr. Hankey!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Niners try to pull a Niners.
Packers pull a Packers instead.
Pre-season sux.

Senor Weaselo

Evening everyone. Today’s show was enough of a shitshow for me to go buy a 4-pack of 90 Minute which I am starting. Also I have leftover churro. How goes it?

Brick Meathook

Hey guys! I need a pistol (with ammo), some rope, a crowbar, maybe some mace, and two ladders. If any of you could get that to me tonight I’ll pay you back on Monday. Please bring to:

Men’s Central Jail
120 N Los Angeles Street
Downtown L.A.

Just wait outside the north wall; you’ll here from me. Don’t worry, this is all completely legal.

Brick Meathook

I know where the cassette is hidden

theeWeeBabySeamus

Considering that in the last month I forcibly removed from an NC DOC facility, and it was suggested I not come baxck (yeah…ok), that’s nothing.
What calibre? And how much rope?

Brocky

I got one of those giant martian drill things from total recall.

Can I use that instead?

Porky Prime
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NOTHING IS NEW.

Virna Lisi in How to Murder Your Wife (1965)

http://66.media.tumblr.com/a9ebf966e38f8a942de2f781662d9067/tumblr_nn1b3q9cQH1qzgwh4o1_250.gif