Some of you may have become fathers in the last couple of years, but there’s still only one of us that came back from the legendary Super Bowl orgy as a mom: the fantastic VontazeMeBro, now the proud mommy of a Bengals baby. I reached out to her for her take on the previous and the upcoming Bengals seasons. I said she could keep it brief, as I know kids and work and family do take up a lot of time, and here’s what I received:
At first I couldn’t tell if that was the preview for the next season or the recap of their disastrous playoff loss to Joey Porter’s mouth and their own perfectly timed implosion, but it seemed to work either way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
However, for those non-fluent in emoji, here’s her full thoughts on next season:
“This season is going to be like your sophomore year in high school when you were caught dry humping your girlfriend right at climax: messy, embarrassing, still mildly satisfying, and you’ll keep coming back for more to see if the Red Rocket’s gonna penetrate. ?”
Prediction: Oh, come on, does it really matter if we put numbers to it? You know how this goes. You’ve seen it before. You’re going to see it again. Just sit back, get drunk, body paint yourself up some tiger stripes, and enjoy the ride.