Latest posts by laserguru (see all)
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- Your “Uh-Oh, Company’s Coming” Saturday Evening Open Thread and NFL Broadcast Maps – November 18, 2017
Before we get started I have a couple of quick announcements: This is the final call to join the NFL.com Survivor League. Here’s the link. If for some reason the link doesn’t work the group name is DFO Crack Suicide Squad and the PW is football. Creative! There will be an assortment of glorious prizes for the winner.
Second big announcement! We are going to be having the first ever DFO-CON in Las Vegas!
On a glorious NFL weekend yet! December 3rd and 4th are the primary dates although we have some members arriving sooner and some staying later. The primary area of the gathering is going to be on the south end of the Strip around the 3 M’s, Monte Carlo, MGM and Mandalay Bay. I will be in attendance to offer cooking tips, blackjack advice and strip club etiquette. Will there be strippers and machine guns involved? MAYBE! We have several DFO dignitaries and writers already booked for the event – I will let them out themselves in the comment section. C’mon man! You have three fucking months to make this happen. You know you want some hot Vegas NFL action, especially in December when you can escape your frozen climes for some sweet desert fun. Let’s do this! If you need some ideas or hotel suggestions let me know. I know this fucking town very well.
Welcome back to Sunday Gravy for the season finale. I put the question mark out there because if the Vikings season goes downhill fast – like it very well could – I may get back in the kitchen to avoid the further depression.
Get well soon, Teddy!
For the newer readers, Sunday Gravy runs during the NFL offseason, much like the DFO Request Line. As we are NFL-centric, I step back and let the open threads take over during the games. Not to mention that I would rather watch the games than hang out in the kitchen during the season. So the hiatus is necessary. But FEAR NOT! Sunday Gravy will return! The time off during the season also gives me time to think up new recipe ideas and run them through the yeah right test kitchen so that I only bring you the top of the line recipes! You won’t be cheated this way.
Now back to this one.
Special thanks to Old School Zero for filling in spectacularly last week with an amazing collection of pie recipes. My piehole has never been more pleased! And lest you should think that I took the week off from cooking Sunday Gravy just because OSZ handled the blog post, think again!
That right there is some homemade balsalmic glazed meatloaf, mashed potatoes, peas and a very special mushroom onion gravy. I didn’t post this because I’ve done meatloaf before and I don’t want to give you duplicate recipes if I can help it. Holy good goddamn was it delicious though.
But I digress.
I wanted to end this season with a no-nonsense, guaranteed to satisfy, real authentic goddamn gravy.
Today we are going to make some homemade biscuits and sausage gravy.
Wipe that drool off of your chin! It’s not dignified!
I’m also going to give you my favorite breakfast potato recipe and a tip for scrambling eggs. We’ve got some motherfucking knowledge to drop!
It was our own fearless leader Darkest Timeline Zach Morris who made a casual mention that having breakfast for dinner is all kinds of awesome, and he is right! I think it’s the one time when you can have a beer with your breakfast guilt free but some of the rest of you may disagree with that sentiment. We’ve done the breakfast for dinner thing here before, remember the homemade corned beef hash? Yep, breakfast for dinner.
My own dear sweet Ma taught me the sausage gravy recipe way the fuck back in the day and I still use it. Everyone on the planet loves biscuits and gravy. This is a proven fact. It’s pretty hilarious to do a recipe search for biscuits and gravy because a good two thirds of them give you a gravy recipe and then use store bought biscuits. you know from that fucking rolled up can dealie?
Will we be doing the same today?
FUCK NO! Make your own damn biscuits! You will become a hero in your household when you learn to make a proper biscuit.
Do I make a proper biscuit? Honestly? Not always. I’m telling true here, I bat around .660 with my biscuits. I’ve made some heavenly, transcendent biscuits before and I’ve made some biscuits that make you say “What the fuck happened?”
The recipe that I used for this fell into the “What the fuck happened” realm but I have learned how to fix, adjust, adapt and overcome with my biscuits. The end result of this batch of biscuits was a solid 8.5 out of 10 and I’m kind of OK with that.
Wanting to try a new recipe, I found this one at the NY Times website. I was intrigued enough to give it a go.
2 cups all purpose flour
2 tablespoons of baking powder
1 teaspoon of sugar
1 teaspoon of salt
5 tablespoons of COLD quality butter cut into small pieces – I did indeed use European style butter, it has a higher butterfat content
Milk. Here’s the thing, their recipe calls for 1 cup of whole milk. This was TOO MUCH MILK DAMN YOU! It should be about 3/4 cups of whole milk. Whole milk is key. I drink 1% milk but I cook with whole milk. Big difference in the results.
Mix together all of the dry ingredients, add in the butter and if you have a food processor give it about 5-6 pulses until the butter is incorporated and the flour looks like small pea size. You can also use a fork or a pastry cutter to add in the butter. Remove to a floured surface, add in the milk and combine to make a dough.
Cover with a kitchen towel and let rest, anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes. After the time was up I noticed that the dough I made that had a full cup (goddammit) of milk instead of the 3/4 cup of milk was too wet. Way too fucking wet. As I’ve mentioned before, shit happens in the kitchen. The adept cook knows how to deal with these things and adapt accordingly. Realizing that there was no way I could cut out some lovely circular biscuits that would have made for a lovely photo op, instead I dropped back and punted. After adding in another half cup or so of flour and remixing, delicately mind you, try not to over mix, I made drop biscuits instead.
If your dough was the right consistency you would cut the biscuits out using a round cookie cutter or a floured glass then place the biscuits of a baking sheet and cook in a 425 degree oven for about 12-15 minutes until brown. The drop biscuits do the same but may need an extra few minutes to cook. Let’s say 15-17 minutes. When done cut into squares and they are perfectly delicious, just not round. I actually make drop biscuits when I make the family cornbread dressing so this was an easy adaptation.
Now timing is tricky when you are doing this entire meal because you will be cooking many, many things at the same time. My key was to have the biscuits, gravy and eggs served as warm as possible you can keep the other items warm while finishing up with these. Next thing to get started are:
yeah right’s favorite breakfast potato
1 potato per person cut into fairly thick slices, probably just shy of 1/2″ each.
Onion – rough chopped
Salt and pepper to taste
Paprika, cayenne, thyme to taste, maybe a 1/4 teaspoon of each, or just use a sprinkling of some homemade “essence.” We’ve had the “essence” discussion before. Please note that the linked recipe makes for a shitload of Essence that can be stored in your cupboard for months. Please don’t be a dumbass, like some of the reviewers and use it all at once.
Butter and oil for cooking. I use equal amounts of each. Say 1 tablespoon of each but it may vary depending on the amount of potatoes you are cooking.
Preheat a skillet over a medium heat and add in the potato and the onion and season as you would like.
These are not a fast prepared potato. They are going to take about 25 minutes or even more to prepare. Turn them over with a spatula after 12-15 minutes. You don’t want the center of them too raw and they should cook to a nice golden brown.
I don’t even know what the fuck to call these things. Home fries? Cottage fries? Motherfucking goddamn fried potato slices? Whatever, they are fucking delicious and go amazingly well with some bacon and a couple of fried eggs on top. Oh shit yes. I ended up needing 2 pans to cook these because I was cooking for three people and everyone loves these things. They’re tender, soft on the inside with an oniony bite and a little kick from the cayenne. Oh my.
Next thing, let’s get that gravy going.
1 roll or 1 pound of ground breakfast sausage. Yep, you guessed it.
If you can find the sage variety use it. I tend to use the regular sausage since the sage kind is hard to find and I would rather use regular instead of hot but fuck it, it’s your gravy.
2-3 cups of WHOLE milk.
1/3 cup of flour
1/4 teaspoon of cayenne – says the guy who used regular instead of hot sausage.
1/4 teaspoon of NUTMEG
1/4 teaspoon of sage – if you can’t find the sage style sausage.
Salt and pepper to taste.
Tear some of that sausage into chunks and bits and get it browning over a medium heat in a deep skillet or dutch oven. Go ahead and use all of it or if you want to save some to cook some sausage patties, knock yourself right the fuck out and make it fucking so.
You will notice that I’ve got about every goddamn skillet in the house going at this point. Sausage browning on the left, bacon sizzling just above it and two pans of potatoes. You can do this. If the potatoes finish first that’s cool. Pile them all into the same pan, cover with a lid and let them stay warm until everything else is done. Back to the gravy.
When the sausage has browned add in the 1/3 cup of flour. Do we drain the sausage fat from the pan first?
Stir the sausage and flour and cook for a few minutes to cook out the floury taste. Next add in the milk. Start with about 2 1/2 cups and reserve some in case the sausage gravy thickens too tight. Season with all of the spices and bring to a slow gentle boil. About 15 minutes or so. Don’t heat it too fast or it could scorch. Take your time and build it right.
The trick is to start with less milk than you need and add it as required. You want to avoid adding additional flour if the gravy is too thin. Technically you could but it brings back that floury taste that we are trying to avoid. Cook to the proper gravy consistency and get ready to party.
I also made some scrambled eggs. I’m not here to tell you how to cook scrambled eggs but I would like to make a suggestion. The key to an amazing scrambled egg is not to be in a race to cook it. I’m of the opinion that a good pan of scrambled eggs should take at least 5-7 minutes to cook. I know I know. If you are happy with the way you make your eggs I ain’t gonna fuck with you but I will tell you if you cook them over a very low heat, while stirring pretty constantly to get a slightly soft, fluffy batch of eggs you will notice a huge difference. Fast cooked eggs over a high heat tend to be a little more rubbery and rubbery is bullshit for scrambled eggs. Soft, light and fluffy is what we are looking for. I also add a sprinkle of some black truffle salt to finish because I have some in my cabinet and why the fuck not if it’s there.
Let’s build this completely amazing, utterly appallingly unhealthy and cholesterol filled plate of deliciousness shall we?
Get some of those potatoes down as a base for the plate. Cut a couple of biscuit squares and place them on the plate next. Top the biscuits with the sausage gravy. Oh will you look at that? Some of the gravy got on the potatoes too. Damn the luck. Toss on your bacon or sausage patties if you made them and finally top with the scrambled eggs.
There’s no real point in making a pretty plate here because this motherfucker is going to be gone in about 3 minutes tops. For some reason I’ve noticed that I consume breakfast much faster than any other type of meal. You just want to grab a small shovel or just use your fucking hands and piledrive this shit right into your face.
And you know what?
Beer goes famously with this stuff.
The sausage gravy has that sage hint, also a porky rich deliciousness that compliments the fluffy homemade biscuits just perfectly. The potatoes bring a very slight heat from the cayenne but are rich and succulent along with the soft fluffy eggs. Some bacon or a sausage patty alongside makes this just an over the top indulgent meal. You are going to eat this, you will go back to see if there’s more and you will be ready for a fucking nap about 15 minutes after dinner is over.
Feed some family or friends and recruit them to wash all of these fucking dishes. Win win!
And there we go!
Thanks to all of you for reading these over the past year or two and again, I promise to be back when possible to keep the Sunday Gravy train rolling.
Good luck to you during the upcoming NFL season. May all of your bets cover and may you dominate your fantasy league.