Your Monday Night Football Double-Header Open Thread

[feels a bit icky making a baseball-related reference]

Damn, I like this 7:10 (eastern) starting time. Sometimes my extraordinarily strict post-work beer, scotch, cider, wine and martini regimen catches up to me and the world starts spinning and the games (yes, the games) lose their focus and I have to find out the score the following morning. This way I’m guaranteed to be coherent all the way into the third quarter of the first tilt. Enough about me-TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Redacted’s-I feel as though Pittsburgh without the services of rb Bell and wr’s Bryant and Wheaton is a team playing with one arm tied behind their back but it won’t make much difference in the end. I think it has a lot to do with not being able to judge the prospects of Washington objectively because Dan Snyder has come to be the embodiment of a number of shitbags I deal with in my work setting. [takes a deep breath] Everyone is yakking about the Norman/Brown showdown but doesn’t the former play just one half of the field? I’m sure Brown will get moved around a bit and they will cross paths but I think it’s cb Breeland (with help from Hall?) that does the heavy lifting. It’ll be a tiny bit interesting to see who among Coates, Heyward-Bey and Rogers gets the majority of catches. Cousins’ pursuit of a long-term deal would benefit from a home win here.

Rams/Niners-As hc Kelly prepares for the game Jim Tomsula (“we hardly knew ya”) prepares for the coming hobopocalypse. A wasteland of discarded bindles and can-openers awaits mankind-he’ll be the first to tell you! STAY AWAY FROM THE SWITCHYARDS, PEOPLE! The game? Gurley runs roughshod on the Niners and qb’s Keenum(what?) and Gabbert(who?) try their damnedest to keep their combined giveaways below 7. Fantasy-wise, if Hyde goes for 35+ I may just squeak out a not-earned victory.

There she be. Now…LET’S WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!

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Unsurprised

The banner quote isn’t as funny as it could be because Jimmy Garoppolo is white.

WCS

Just had a student ask me if they could choose “Alaska” as their semester-long, country geographical research paper.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ask him/her why is Alaska so cold when it’s right there next to Mexico?
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Fronkenshteen

“Wyoming” & Pacino’s subsequent lines were ad-libbed. You can barely see Pacino start to crack, but Lumet said the real miracle was that he was able to stifle his OWN laughter behind the camera, which would’ve destroyed the take.
Cazale was a fucking genius.

Unsurprised

Make them do Russia as penance for being stupid.

Porky Prime

So I think I lost a cat over the weekend. Just thought I’d share the ongoing winning streak that is my 2016.

WCS

That’s a real pisser. Sorry, man.

Porky Prime

Also, I have to be up in 5 hours and somehow my otherwise awesome little boy has managed to fall asleep firmly across all four available pillows, and fuck if I’m going to risk waking him up.

WCS

Guess it’s time to sleep in the car. Or, tell the kid to “GIT A JERB AND GETSS’ERSELF A HOTEL ROOM. BOOTSTRAPS, MURICKA, TRUMP!”

Porky Prime

Thanks. Obviously it’s a lesser priority at this point than, oh, frantically scrambling to keep the rest of my shit together…but yeah, real pisser.

makeitsnowondem

Shit, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry to hear that Porky. Sincerely.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuuuuck. Sorry, man. You deserve some of Bruce Bochy’s even numbered years luck.

Horatio Cornblower

One of our cats once disappeared for 11-12 days during a really cold winter. We’d given up and then there was a snowstorm and she came trotting across the back yard. she’d been bitten by something and eventually lost her tail to amputation but is still around and remarkably ungrateful to be alive.

The point is I wouldn’t give up unless you find the body, and even then I’d give it a day or so. Cats are evil and you can never really kill evil.

Unsurprised

That’s awful. I hope it comes back or someone finds it.

Sill Bimmons

I know this is only a fake internet lucky nickel but I really hope it works…

http://www.hobonickels.org/lucky/1927r.jpg

Brocky

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Porky Prime

Yo.

Porky Prime

Thanks for your nuts and holes, Moose.

WCS

You’ve come to the right place for… uh… I dunno. I’m only still because no one would give me a ride.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Keenum was taking a knee to commit football seppuku, right?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Beerguyrob

I might be exaggerating, but Canadian viewers on TSN have been subjected to about two dozen Toronto Argos ads during the entirety of the broadcast.

If I’ve committed to watching this much NFL, I’m clearly not watching the CFL. I’d rather read Hustler for the articles.

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Ooh – the REAL Belushi.

Don T

From which Yes album cover art is Berman’s tie?

Croooow

Somehow, St. Louis won.

Senor Weaselo

That’s gotta be a new one, the losing team taking the knee to end it.

WCS

I went for a 30 minute walk with the baby to shut her up. I see I missed about as much as I expected to miss. Perhaps less.

Don T

Oh please review it!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Skipping the last couple min to watch Party Down

Sill Bimmons

Case Keenum is Sage Rosenfels 2.0

makeitsnowondem

Berman just called this game a “whitewash,” in what I can only assume was an attempt to suck up to Chip Kelly.

Beerguyrob

Needs Chris Hansen gif-ing in from the side.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Alex Trebek’s look is fantastic.

Beerguyrob

Oh, agreed. It would just be a pleasant surprise.

Brocky

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Senor Weaselo

And then he still won by a bajillionty thousand dollars.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Sill Bimmons

Remember when Ice T was writing songs about killing cops and every white person in America was afraid of him?

Simpler times.

Beerguyrob

Hail BLEERGH, the Seahawks game in LA looks easier next week.

Brocky

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The Maestro

It’s nice to see that the LA Rams decided to empathize with Tre Mason’s struggles this offseason by having their offense go missing entirely in this game.

makeitsnowondem

They threw out the wrong Donald.

Senor Weaselo

That’s actually part of the stunt, right? For comedic effect?

Don T

Yep, that’s a Jeff Fisher team alright.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

/afraid to This Is Great it
//Oh my God

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Well that settles this, I guess.

Croooow

Was LA ever really that excited to have the Rams back?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Pretty sure they still don’t know

Senor Weaselo

“Wait, what are the Rams?” -A solid quarter of LA

Brocky
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

Chip Kelly needs to go to Stan Sitwell’s eyebrow guy ASAP.

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