Pinch Hitting Late Games Post

Apologies for the brevity and the lack of scotchy-level humour and insight…

Rams at Bucs (4:05, Fox)

Rapey Jameis and palz host the team that cannot offense. RedZone will surely show at least 5 plays from this thriller.

49ers at Seahawks (4:05, Fox)

So far, the SeaTruthers have looked awful shitty. That hypothesis will be put to the test in this one. First team to 10 wins. You can see why Fox is happy not to have double header coverage this fuckin’ week. Jeebus.

Jets at Chiefs (4:25, CBS)

One always wonders how the Jets will manage to Jets this one up, especially given the Chefs penchant for pulling undeserved wins out of their collective butthole. As far as I can tell, every Gang Green WR is injured, presumably with consumption.

Chargers at Colts (4:25, CBS)

BOLTMAN! is no doubt well-pleased with the early season competence, and viewers will no doubt be entertained by this defense-free matchup. Barn-raiser extraordinaire Andy Luck has to be feeling older than King Laserface of late, playing behind his tissue paper OL.

Steelers at Eagles (4:25, CBS)

Here’s the broadcast game pretty much everybody gon’ get. Which will mostly be DeAngelo and Antonio Brown carving the Iggle D a new asshole or seven, while Jeeeem and Pheeeel splooge all over each other about Carson Wentz’ poise. You’ll be very thankful for RedZone Channel, like you should always be.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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evilbeaver8

Offensive line has total meltdown resulting in sack/fumble/touchdown? Time to bust out the kiss cam!

Wakezilla

24-3 C-Hox. You’d think this would be the time to bring in Kaep to see what he can do.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Chip Kelly won’t stand for that

Wakezilla

Funnily enough, based on his comments since Sitghazi, I genuinely believe Kelly is being told not to put Kaep in.

Romonobyl

Naw, he’d rather sit this one out too.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

He can take the knee into halftime.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If I’m willing to leave my house, then I’m not willing to eat Domino’s

Sill Bimmons

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New School Zero

FAT GUY TD ALERT! FAT GUY TD ALERT! SOMEONE PUT UP THE DRUDGE LIGHT!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

geez

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New School Zero

Thank you for putting up the drudge light. I appreciate it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Damn that Lions WR with 205 yards.

Coincidentally that is also Chip Kelly’s prefered distance from the nearest black guy.

American Pie Story

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Romonobyl

Shit, Florida doesn’t have an Aurelio’s Pizza. One of my favorite memories of living in the Chicago area.
http://www.trbimg.com/img-55688f75/turbine/ct-arh-aurelios-arlington-heights-tl-20150528-001/650/650×366

American Pie Story

I miss Aurelio’s too. They finally expanded to Indy area but it’s still a ways a way from me. Might be worth the drive again.

Romonobyl

Why you no post?

Brocky

Contrary to most people, Fantasy Football actually reinforces my belief in a higher power.

Because in my opinion, the statical probability that I would be so uniquely unfortunate is far less likely than a giant vengeful sky man with a hit out on brocky

New School Zero

At least we’re almost to the half when Mike McCoy will make his adju… adjus… heh. Never mind.

Gratliff

They’re gonna fellate Wentz to the point that I’m gonna start hating him

John Difool

Just wait until Collinsworth gets ahold of him again.

New School Zero

I love how they penalize players for celebrations but show them doing their celebrations in advertisements.

New School Zero

Terror bull, O-line. Just terror bull.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fucking Colts, man.

American Pie Story

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sill Bimmons

Full Steelertard has resulted in an 83-point deficit thus far.

http://acronymsandslang.com/acronym_image/2316/76cff6b083a3f1ef413b80de91c5ccf8.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Doug Pederson is a poise truther!

litre_cola

Like the bladder pads?

Sill Bimmons

Stillers injured list looks like a casualty report from Verdun:

http://images.travelpod.com/tw_slides/ta00/9dd/7dc/verdun-ossuary-verdun-sur-meuse.jpg

New School Zero

I listened to a really good podcast series (Hardcore History by Dan Carlin, Blueprints for Armageddon series) and, jeez, Verdun was insane.

Sill Bimmons

Yup.

Inside that building are the jumbled bones of over 130,000 unidentified combatants from both sides, blown to pieces and scattered over No Man’s Land by over ten million shells.

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JustStopDude

Bethlehem Steel basically made all their money during the war by illegally selling artillery, ships, and shells to both side of the conflict in violation of both US and International Law.

Redshirt

Yeah. It said when you start to hear the MASH theme song in your head when you think about your team.

litre_cola

Does Maclin still think he is playing for the Iggles with all these drops?

Gratliff

Standard Eagles D. Monster front line, servicable secondary, and what I assume are trainers dressing as LBs.

laserguru

Oh Christ NSZ is here.

Hide yo beers!

Sill Bimmons

FINALLY A FUCKING PLAY

evilbeaver8

Bold offseason prediction: The Colts and Jags fire Pagano and Bradley respectively…then the Jags hire Pagano and the Colts hire Bradley.

American Pie Story

Only if the Jags take Grigson too

laserguru

Next Sunday I’ll be in San Diego for Chargers v Saints.

I will be giving live updates.

Boots on the ground!

New School Zero

STOMP
STOMP
CLAP

New School Zero

Also, I like your biscuits recipe. A can’t miss one that I use for things like biscuits and gravy is equal parts self-rising flour and cream (by weight). Easy magic.

Doktor Zymm

Sounds more like a scone to me…*side eye*

laserguru

I’ve used a cream biscuit recipe but it’s a little less basic and requires buying extra stuff at the store. Still delicious though.

American Pie Story

Are the Humps actually trying to play defense today?

Wakezilla

This 49ERS DEFENSE I CALL Mylan Hicks BECAUSE THEY’RE FULL OF HOLES.

litre_cola

After the concert last night we considered going to that bar. We did not, and I am alive.

Wakezilla

I never thought Marquee had that kind of clientele. Calgary must be taking that shooting hard. That’s unusual for youse. Glad to see you’re fine.

litre_cola

It used to be the Back Alley, nicknamed crack alley, they tried to classy it up a bit, but it can bring in gangsters from time to time.

Gratliff

“Eagles D isn’t showing the speed and urgency it usually does.”

Very next play: “Eagles are just FLYING around down there.”

Fucking hate Pheel and Jeem so bad.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Hodor?

MOAR LIEK NODOR AMIRITE

Doktor Zymm

Ugh, okay, I have to go downtown…on a fucking weekend, because I have a friend in town who is doing tourist shit and while she is awesome and we’ve had a fun weekend, I really don’t want to go have deep dish pizza right next to where I fucking work, on a goddamn Sunday, but I have to. Fuck.

New School Zero

On a Sunday?! ON A SUNDAY?!!?

Romonobyl

Show her a real Chicago pizza, not the casseroles they make for tourists.

Doktor Zymm

No can do. She insists on staying down in the Loop, cause then she can get right on the blue line to the airport. I get her point, but she also has a 3 day pass and I pay per ride because the monthly pass is a fucking rip off and I don’t usually go fucking downtown on the fucking weekend. Fuck.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Language, young lady.
I mean, fuck!?

Wakezilla

Oh man, that’s always the worst. If it makes you feel any better, Prince William and Duchess Kate is here right now, causing going out anywhere an absolute nightmare.

Gratliff

Phil has a point. Pederson has a storied career watching QBs succeed.

litre_cola

He taught Donavan everything he knows about one hopping it to a receiver.

Gratliff

I can not put in to words how much I miss the McNabb era

American Pie Story

There are two possible ways we can win:
Gore runs more
All the SD penalties

New School Zero

Why not both?

American Pie Story

Keeping my chicken fingers crossed

John Difool

Anthony Chikilo sounds like a character who made at least one appearance in an episode of Happy Days or Laverne and Shirley

John Difool

Or maybe a cameo on Welcome Back Kotter.

Dunstan

I think he was the guy Joanie dated to make Chachi jealous.

Romonobyl

We’re old.

Sill Bimmons

Or the worst serial killer in the history of the Soviet Union (government officials excepted):

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrei_Chikatilo

New School Zero

I thought he starred in The Shield… and was also The Thing in some bad Fantastic Four movies.

New School Zero

Rivers looking like someone bad mouthed Mary Magdalene.

Sill Bimmons

YOU GOTTA DO TEN HAIL MAAAARRRRRRAAAAAYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSS

litre_cola

I think I drank all of the beer at Millencolin last night. Or maybe the bottle of Kraken before was a bad idea. All this pizza talk has made look to a grease wheel for the cure to this headache.

Romonobyl

Is there a real Mexican joint anywhere near you?

litre_cola

A couple but I would not classify them as “real” I think they are run by Hondurans

Romonobyl

If they have good Caldo then you need that for a hangover. Works every time.

litre_cola

Thank you kind sir. Just looked, and they indeed do deliver. As does a latin place, so decisions decisions.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Graham lighting it up! Of course, he’s on my wife’s bench, so there is much swearing going on.

Doktor Zymm

If it makes her feel better, I sat the Vikings D

Doktor Zymm

Also, I want to hang out with your wife at some point, preferably when we aren’t playing each other. I’ll buy her a shot to apologize for the whole Cam Newton in the playoffs thing.

John Difool

That’s hawt…

Beastmode Ate My Baby

We’re both eying your new team with dread & apprehension.

Redshirt

Wow, 49ers. Wow.

John Difool

“No One Out Pizzas The Hut”

A CHALLENGER APPEARS

http://www.johnnyfit.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/pizza-the-hut.jpg

litre_cola

All hail bleerrrghhhh

American Pie Story

Who needs defense amirite

Doktor Zymm

Wentz…wearing a compression sleeve in an attempt to be stylin? I’m gonna wear this bandaid to make me look badass!

Gratliff

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litre_cola

Is it a Hello Kitty bandaid?

Doktor Zymm

Hello Nurse?

Oh dear

Sill Bimmons

welp

Romonobyl

I’m surprised THE BEN doesn’t get more delay of game penalties, considering his experience with anything involving stalls.

Gratliff

But Ben has a massive advantage in total court dates.

New School Zero

Mmm, tasty hodorception.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Of course, because guess who started him this week?

New School Zero

followed by a bitter holding call. And not good bitter like Campari.

Doktor Zymm

Rapeyburger’s jersey has excellent tensile strength

Bortleback

Stops any pesky fiber evidence being left behind……

Sill Bimmons

NAWT PILLY

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s Rapey McGrayPenis to you.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn…WCS isn’t here is he? He’s in *snicker* Cleveland.
Dammit.

Sill Bimmons
Gratliff

Fall down, you fucking oaf tree

JustStopDude

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Doktor Zymm

I have no idea why she was trying that while standing on the sink of a public toilet, but she’s lucky the whole thing didn’t come unglued. They aren’t designed to hold the weight of a human.

Romonobyl

I suspect the involvement of alcohol in some form.

Gratliff

Goddamn, Malcolm Jenkins can go when he wants to

Sill Bimmons

Jarvis Jones is made from popsicle sticks and wet newspaper.