Apologies for the brevity and the lack of scotchy-level humour and insight…
Rams at Bucs (4:05, Fox)
Rapey Jameis and palz host the team that cannot offense. RedZone will surely show at least 5 plays from this thriller.
49ers at Seahawks (4:05, Fox)
So far, the SeaTruthers have looked awful shitty. That hypothesis will be put to the test in this one. First team to 10 wins. You can see why Fox is happy not to have double header coverage this fuckin’ week. Jeebus.
Jets at Chiefs (4:25, CBS)
One always wonders how the Jets will manage to Jets this one up, especially given the Chefs penchant for pulling undeserved wins out of their collective butthole. As far as I can tell, every Gang Green WR is injured, presumably with consumption.
Chargers at Colts (4:25, CBS)
BOLTMAN! is no doubt well-pleased with the early season competence, and viewers will no doubt be entertained by this defense-free matchup. Barn-raiser extraordinaire Andy Luck has to be feeling older than King Laserface of late, playing behind his tissue paper OL.
Steelers at Eagles (4:25, CBS)
Here’s the broadcast game pretty much everybody gon’ get. Which will mostly be DeAngelo and Antonio Brown carving the Iggle D a new asshole or seven, while Jeeeem and Pheeeel splooge all over each other about Carson Wentz’ poise. You’ll be very thankful for RedZone Channel, like you should always be.
Offensive line has total meltdown resulting in sack/fumble/touchdown? Time to bust out the kiss cam!
24-3 C-Hox. You’d think this would be the time to bring in Kaep to see what he can do.
Chip Kelly won’t stand for that
Funnily enough, based on his comments since Sitghazi, I genuinely believe Kelly is being told not to put Kaep in.
Naw, he’d rather sit this one out too.
He can take the knee into halftime.
If I’m willing to leave my house, then I’m not willing to eat Domino’s
FAT GUY TD ALERT! FAT GUY TD ALERT! SOMEONE PUT UP THE DRUDGE LIGHT!
http://rs270.pbsrc.com/albums/jj107/ChoklitReign/Siren.gif
geez
Thank you for putting up the drudge light. I appreciate it.
Damn that Lions WR with 205 yards.
Coincidentally that is also Chip Kelly’s prefered distance from the nearest black guy.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Shit, Florida doesn’t have an Aurelio’s Pizza. One of my favorite memories of living in the Chicago area.
http://www.trbimg.com/img-55688f75/turbine/ct-arh-aurelios-arlington-heights-tl-20150528-001/650/650×366
I miss Aurelio’s too. They finally expanded to Indy area but it’s still a ways a way from me. Might be worth the drive again.
Why you no post?
Contrary to most people, Fantasy Football actually reinforces my belief in a higher power.
Because in my opinion, the statical probability that I would be so uniquely unfortunate is far less likely than a giant vengeful sky man with a hit out on brocky
At least we’re almost to the half when Mike McCoy will make his adju… adjus… heh. Never mind.
They’re gonna fellate Wentz to the point that I’m gonna start hating him
Just wait until Collinsworth gets ahold of him again.
I love how they penalize players for celebrations but show them doing their celebrations in advertisements.
Terror bull, O-line. Just terror bull.
Fucking Colts, man.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Full Steelertard has resulted in an 83-point deficit thus far.
http://acronymsandslang.com/acronym_image/2316/76cff6b083a3f1ef413b80de91c5ccf8.jpg
Doug Pederson is a poise truther!
Like the bladder pads?
Stillers injured list looks like a casualty report from Verdun:
http://images.travelpod.com/tw_slides/ta00/9dd/7dc/verdun-ossuary-verdun-sur-meuse.jpg
I listened to a really good podcast series (Hardcore History by Dan Carlin, Blueprints for Armageddon series) and, jeez, Verdun was insane.
Yup.
Inside that building are the jumbled bones of over 130,000 unidentified combatants from both sides, blown to pieces and scattered over No Man’s Land by over ten million shells.
Bethlehem Steel basically made all their money during the war by illegally selling artillery, ships, and shells to both side of the conflict in violation of both US and International Law.
NEVER 5GET
http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111007235924/battlefield/images/3/3c/VerdunPreview.png
Yeah. It said when you start to hear the MASH theme song in your head when you think about your team.
Does Maclin still think he is playing for the Iggles with all these drops?
Standard Eagles D. Monster front line, servicable secondary, and what I assume are trainers dressing as LBs.
Oh Christ NSZ is here.
Hide yo beers!
FINALLY A FUCKING PLAY
Bold offseason prediction: The Colts and Jags fire Pagano and Bradley respectively…then the Jags hire Pagano and the Colts hire Bradley.
Only if the Jags take Grigson too
Next Sunday I’ll be in San Diego for Chargers v Saints.
I will be giving live updates.
Boots on the ground!
STOMP
STOMP
CLAP
Also, I like your biscuits recipe. A can’t miss one that I use for things like biscuits and gravy is equal parts self-rising flour and cream (by weight). Easy magic.
Sounds more like a scone to me…*side eye*
I’ve used a cream biscuit recipe but it’s a little less basic and requires buying extra stuff at the store. Still delicious though.
Are the Humps actually trying to play defense today?
This 49ERS DEFENSE I CALL Mylan Hicks BECAUSE THEY’RE FULL OF HOLES.
After the concert last night we considered going to that bar. We did not, and I am alive.
I never thought Marquee had that kind of clientele. Calgary must be taking that shooting hard. That’s unusual for youse. Glad to see you’re fine.
It used to be the Back Alley, nicknamed crack alley, they tried to classy it up a bit, but it can bring in gangsters from time to time.
“Eagles D isn’t showing the speed and urgency it usually does.”
Very next play: “Eagles are just FLYING around down there.”
Fucking hate Pheel and Jeem so bad.
We need one of these but for sports:
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdpkgahzJo1ryq77fo1_1280.jpg
Hodor?
MOAR LIEK NODOR AMIRITE
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/315/896/cd3.jpg
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/2016/01/high-five-face-hit.gif
Ugh, okay, I have to go downtown…on a fucking weekend, because I have a friend in town who is doing tourist shit and while she is awesome and we’ve had a fun weekend, I really don’t want to go have deep dish pizza right next to where I fucking work, on a goddamn Sunday, but I have to. Fuck.
On a Sunday?! ON A SUNDAY?!!?
Show her a real Chicago pizza, not the casseroles they make for tourists.
No can do. She insists on staying down in the Loop, cause then she can get right on the blue line to the airport. I get her point, but she also has a 3 day pass and I pay per ride because the monthly pass is a fucking rip off and I don’t usually go fucking downtown on the fucking weekend. Fuck.
Language, young lady.
I mean, fuck!?
Oh man, that’s always the worst. If it makes you feel any better, Prince William and Duchess Kate is here right now, causing going out anywhere an absolute nightmare.
Phil has a point. Pederson has a storied career watching QBs succeed.
He taught Donavan everything he knows about one hopping it to a receiver.
I can not put in to words how much I miss the McNabb era
There are two possible ways we can win:
Gore runs more
All the SD penalties
Why not both?
Keeping my chicken fingers crossed
Anthony Chikilo sounds like a character who made at least one appearance in an episode of Happy Days or Laverne and Shirley
Or maybe a cameo on Welcome Back Kotter.
I think he was the guy Joanie dated to make Chachi jealous.
We’re old.
Or the worst serial killer in the history of the Soviet Union (government officials excepted):
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrei_Chikatilo
I thought he starred in The Shield… and was also The Thing in some bad Fantastic Four movies.
Rivers looking like someone bad mouthed Mary Magdalene.
YOU GOTTA DO TEN HAIL MAAAARRRRRRAAAAAYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I drank all of the beer at Millencolin last night. Or maybe the bottle of Kraken before was a bad idea. All this pizza talk has made look to a grease wheel for the cure to this headache.
Is there a real Mexican joint anywhere near you?
A couple but I would not classify them as “real” I think they are run by Hondurans
If they have good Caldo then you need that for a hangover. Works every time.
Thank you kind sir. Just looked, and they indeed do deliver. As does a latin place, so decisions decisions.
Graham lighting it up! Of course, he’s on my wife’s bench, so there is much swearing going on.
If it makes her feel better, I sat the Vikings D
Also, I want to hang out with your wife at some point, preferably when we aren’t playing each other. I’ll buy her a shot to apologize for the whole Cam Newton in the playoffs thing.
That’s hawt…
We’re both eying your new team with dread & apprehension.
Wow, 49ers. Wow.
“No One Out Pizzas The Hut”
A CHALLENGER APPEARS
http://www.johnnyfit.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/pizza-the-hut.jpg
All hail bleerrrghhhh
Who needs defense amirite
Wentz…wearing a compression sleeve in an attempt to be stylin? I’m gonna wear this bandaid to make me look badass!
Is it a Hello Kitty bandaid?
Hello Nurse?
Oh dear
welp
I’m surprised THE BEN doesn’t get more delay of game penalties, considering his experience with anything involving stalls.
But Ben has a massive advantage in total court dates.
Mmm, tasty hodorception.
Of course, because guess who started him this week?
followed by a bitter holding call. And not good bitter like Campari.
Rapeyburger’s jersey has excellent tensile strength
Also elasticity.
http://www.thetrc.org/pda_content/texasphysics/e-BookData/Images/SB/58/LR/Elastic%20and%20Inelastic%20Collisions.png
Stops any pesky fiber evidence being left behind……
NAWT PILLY
That’s Rapey McGrayPenis to you.
Damn…WCS isn’t here is he? He’s in *snicker* Cleveland.
Dammit.
WR SCREEN GODDAMN YOU BOSS TODD
http://www.iroc-z.com/wreckedirocs/wreck12_small.jpg
Fall down, you fucking oaf tree
?w=750
I have no idea why she was trying that while standing on the sink of a public toilet, but she’s lucky the whole thing didn’t come unglued. They aren’t designed to hold the weight of a human.
I suspect the involvement of alcohol in some form.
Goddamn, Malcolm Jenkins can go when he wants to
Jarvis Jones is made from popsicle sticks and wet newspaper.