Your “We’re Done Here, Back To You ‘Murika” Second Round OF NFL Games Open Thread

So glad all that rainy, drizzly weather that is so conducive to badly-played football is behind us now that we’re back across the pond! What’s that you say? Washington and Chicago are overcast? SHUT UP!!! It’s a different kind of weather for one thing. And another thing, SHUT UP!!! TO THE GAMES!

Ten/Hou-Not sure if you heard, the Houston JJ Watts are without their premier self-aggrandizer today, tomorrow and more than a few days after that as well. Lb Cushing and safety Demps are listed as questionable though I don’t think it’ll matter much against a Titans team that has no discernible identity. Maybe rb Miller chooses this game to break out.

Cle/Was-Rook qb Kessler has a tendency to throw to the right side of the field. 1.) He threw to the left side only 3 times last week 2.) Josh Norman plays the right side if I’m not mistaken. Another reason to turn left? Cb Breeland is out and safety Hall is gone for the year. Hopefully the rook figures these things out otherwise Norman will feast. Wondering how the Browns will use wr/wild-catter Pryor is about as interested as I’ll ever be about anything Cleveland.

Sea/NYJ-Seattle finally got some points on the board last week, putting up 37 vs. San Fran. The Jets did a great job imitating the Seahawks recent O struggles by posting a mere 3 points against KC. Can qb Fitzpatrick Harvard his way back from a six pick performance? If cb Sherman doesn’t get a pick against him I’ll have lost face in all loudmouth cornerbacks forever. It looks like Wilson is ready to go but Graham is a bit iffy. With wr Decker out take a look at Quincy Enunwa-he’s come out of nowhere (Nebraska, close enough) and been remarkably effective when on the field.

Buf/NE-Yet another thrashing of the Bills by the Pats. Will they do it through the air? Will I care? Will they do it on the ground? If watching, will I frown? Maybe they’ll do it by special teams-do you sense a theme? So many uninteresting questions… However it goes down, old Rexy will say it was his fault and that he was out-coached yet again.

Car/Atl-I started Tevin Coleman last week. I just want to get that out of the way. Due in part to their ‘splosion last week the Falcons O is #1 in the league in scoring which comes in mighty handy when the D is giving up an average of 30.3 points per game. Beware Atlanta, following the Saints model will not earn you much success. Their secondary seems okay but they can’t stop the run, cover the TE and pressure the QB. (three sacks total) With Julio not being dominant/having a nagging injury I thought for sure that Sanu would pick up numbers-wise but that hasn’t been the case. 1-2 Carolina desperately needs this game and I’d bet they get it.

Oak/Bal-I’m sure there are more surprising things going on in the world right now but the Ravens being undefeated after three weeks has got to be in the top 5 at the very least. All I know is that they’re not going to shut down a young and frisky Raiders O that has been busy sowing its oats or fondling its humbleberries or however the saying goes. Ravens cb’s Wright and Smith better be shot-gunning Red Bull on the sidelines all game long because they’ll be busy. Silly Factoid Time-The Ravens haven’t won a game by double digits since week 10 of the 2014 season.

Det/Chi-NFC North Snoozefest Alert! Despite what your gut tells you, the Lions have won six straight vs. dem Bears. Wr Jones is listed as questionable but is expected to play as is rook rb Howard because Langford is down. Wr Jeffrey is troubled by both knee and hamstring issues-with that and Hoyer throwing him the ball it may be best to look elsewhere. How about to Kevin White? He was targeted 14 times last week and the only drawback is that Hoyer is throwing the ball to him.

There’s your lowdown. Before you start commenting, for God sake, DO YOUR STRETCHES!

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Doktor Zymm

Three consecutive turnovers in the second half had a detrimental effect on a team’s chances of winning? YOU DON’T SAY!

Glorious Chairman Dan

I’m amazed we ever got out of our momentum-hole.

...

I’m actually disappointed the Bears didn’t lose. What have I become?

Doktor Zymm

You’re already a Cubs fan, how much worse can it get?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

A bitter husk of a person angry your team has 3/4ths of its starting roster on IR? Just guessing based on person experience

John Difool

You’re own sweetest friend?

Dunstan

I hope Cam Newton’s concussion doesn’t mean he misses the press conference. I’ve got $20 on “tricorner hat” for his postgame outfit.

Doktor Zymm

Should have gone with bandage turban.

Senor Weaselo

Even the Jets successes make you go what the fuck!

Jets incompetence results in Jets TD, the fuck?

Redshirt

Only the Jets could score a touchdown on their own fumble.

Senor Weaselo

See, I would have been less surprised if the Jets gave up a touchdown on a fumble they induced.

Dunstan

“So I was onto something after all, wasn’t I?”
— Mark Sanchez

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Ok, I can finally breathe and comment now. WOOOOOOOOO

Gratliff

Time for Chicago fans to kill themselves and/or go outside and get shot as tends to happen

Unsurprised

Only on the Southside

Doktor Zymm

Not this year!

Spur

I thought Steve Smith retired.

King Hippo

turns out there were babies still to be punched…

Doktor Zymm

I swear, between the penalties and the injuries, Skins games take 10 – 20 minutes longer than most other games.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I should have stayed watching Luke Cage. I was happy back then

King Hippo

I REMEMBER THAT FLIPPER ANDERSON GAME!!!

/am old as fuck

...

Oh God it would be something if the Bears fucked this one away.

The Maestro

looks like i’m drinking infinity beers today then

Unsurprised
John Difool

That’s still not enough

Doktor Zymm

Klein bottle beer, it’s the beeriest

Dunstan

Hello my fellow degenerates. I see the Bills are serving up a little appetizer portion of Patriots Schadenfreude — don’t mind if I do!

Doktor Zymm

Josh Norman spits a lot.

John Difool

Aaron Rodgers does not approve

Col. Duke LaCross

Horseballs is in?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Horseballsdown?

Christ on a stick Jets

Doktor Zymm

Like a Jesus Roman Candle? Neat!

Spur

Fritzcetption

Doktor Zymm

Oh FUCKING HELL TRIPLETTE….how is imaginary archery unsportsmanlike?

herodotus450

Tell me about it!

herodotus450

Crap

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I got the Bears game open in one tab, and Redzone in another (actual legit streams) What happened after the TD in yours? They cut away

Doktor Zymm

Not after a TD, after Josh Norman got a pick, he mimed shooting a bow and arrow. The call was “Unsportsmanlike Conduct, number 24, shooting a bow and arrow”

Redshirt

A [*Redacted] got flagged for “shooting a bow and arrow”. He pantomimed it, but it would’ve been awesome if he literally shot a bow and arrow on the field of play.

Doktor Zymm

It’s probably the same penalty, and maybe a small fine additional….WORTH IT

Doktor Zymm

So, was anyone smart enough to start the DC D? Cause WOOO!

Col. Duke LaCross

Does anyone on Earth even have the Bears D rostered?

John Difool

Ummm, [*Redacted] s never used bows and arrows?

Doktor Zymm

Browns are at maximum Browns

Glorious Chairman Dan

JOSH FUCKING NORMAN BABY

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I see the Bears actually made a field goal, so Conner Barth has made 2 in 4 weeks now, good pick up.

herodotus450

I think the secret to eternal happiness is to have enough fantasy teams so that no matter what happens in a game, it benefits you in some league

Senor Weaselo

All sports is good sports.

The Maestro

I’m in 3 leagues this year, and I honestly wish I was in more.

herodotus450

If you have a million teams on autodraft, in a million seasons you’re bound to win something.

The Maestro

Gonna have to call at least one of my teams the Thousand Monkeys next year.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am stopping in after switching to Luke Cage. Much better use of my time. How is the Bears game going? And Zymm how was the Opera last night? I never asked

Doktor Zymm

It was excellent! Great music, kick ass sets, just overall fantastic production quality. If you’re ever down in the city I highly recommend.

ThePirateSloth

For a minute, I really that you were talking about Luke Cage and I was totally gonna agree with you.

Spur

Raiders scored a TD.
That touchdown is on Harbaugh. What a dumb fucking move to accept that fucking penalty.

herodotus450

Conspiracy taek: John is trying to get fired so he can take the Michigan State job when Dantonio goes to LSU. Just so he can show little bro how it’s done

Unsurprised

I hate doing manual labor

Col. Duke LaCross

“Matt Jones! Nice hole!”
~Aaron Rodgers

Doktor Zymm

Is there a secret clause in the NFL rulebook that says the Browns have to just randomly give the ball away if they hold the lead at any point in a game?

herodotus450

Oh yeah, the Browns Chapter. How come nobody talks about that?

yeah right

On the trolley from Old town to the house of Boltman.
Thought for a second we were going to see a reenactment of Fruitvale Station.

Unsurprised

It’s amazing it hasn’t happened yet down there

Doktor Zymm

Browns doing their damndest to KEEP ON BROWNSIN’

John Difool

Thank God the Browns are finally realizing they’re The Browns.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Uraa! The foul Brownshirts have given the forces of revolution the momentum! We will march to the Burning River!

Doktor Zymm

Another player on the D injured…Skins are in talks with Cody Parkey to see if he wants to play linebacker

Doktor Zymm

The Bears game may be stupid as all hell, but it is a nice day for football. Warm, and super cloudy.

ThePirateSloth

That’s some great Jetsian clock management.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you, Flacco.
That is all.

Spur

Raiders!!!!!!!!!

Spur

This is the Bills version of winning the Super Bowl huh?

Doktor Zymm

Is Cam Newton dead? Seriously, what the hell is happening with that game?

Doktor Zymm

I knew a guy in high school named Matt Jones. Smoked some Josh Gordon levels of pot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds like the beginnings of another quality limerick.
Just saying.

Doktor Zymm

I could rhyme something about a bowl with the phrase “nice hole” which they are using frequently in this particular broadcast

Spanky Datass

Texans punt return with a minute left to break the tie.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kpybalvdgy1qa1apeo1_500.jpg

Spanky Datass

What the hell happened to my “And the cheerleader rejoiced!” quip/comment?

ThePirateSloth

How the fuck did Graham catch that?