Well….so…..yeah. That was a Week 4 of NFL football. I watched a depressing amount of the London game and pretty much the entire depressing America’s Game of the Week (which could actually be one of multiple games, depending on your location) so, upon initial glance, this week wasn’t as great for highlights. However, with New England scoring 0* at home against the Wolfman D, the Saints ripping off their first win after San Diego watched their lead Lennay Kekua in the 4th quarter, and Cleveland remaining as the sole 0-fer in the NFL — things do seem about on schedule.
I was pretty damn impressed by the comments section from Week 3 so I’m going to go ahead and just deliver this edition without the forms and the entries/results posts. Also, it’s already Wednesday and, as mushy brained Carson Palmer knows, time slows for no man. And finally, I have work obligations killing my time and I want to be amused now. NOW! So do it! Amuse me now!
Bills/P*ts:
“But is it chippy out there?”
For a defensive mastermind, especially one already suspicious of anything involving jets and New York, Pete Carroll sure dropped the ball on this one. Perhaps it was …
An inside job?
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“What are you doing? You have to put your carry-on in the overhead compartment!”
Trevor Siemian (as John Elway hums/sings to self):
“That-will-make-a-lot-of-glue!”
PARTICIPATION TROPHIES FOR EVERYONE!
James Harrison is just going to take them away
1) That’s an ELITE way to kill your receiver.
2) Clinton McDonald just threw a monkey wrench into Siemian’s plan to make it through the season in one piece.
3) After this hit, Cam was feeling a little Fozzy (Whittaker)
4) nothin’
5) nothin’
6) NO, YOU’RE DA QUEEAH!
7) nothin’
8) Dude, you forgot your butt pad.
9) I’d slap you five, but I don’t want to break your spine, too!
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A “newton” is how much force is required to make a mass of one kilogram go faster at a rate of one meter per second² but sometimes the force inexplicably stops before the whistle.
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It was really sweet for Make-A-Wish to let that blind ginger coach the Cowboys.
This is fucking perfect. This should be on a wall somewhere.
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Haven’t seen a Siemian go down this hard since Harambe.
/whips dick out
//gets escorted from KinderCare again
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I imagine this isn’t the worst instance of a Carr backing into someone at a Raiders game.
The Seahawks D got fucking punked by the JETS. That’s shameful.
Also:
Indeed
I don’t get the Floyd joke. That was a brutal hit and I can’t imagine how he could’ve held onto the ball.
There is nothing funny about Michael Floyd’s 2016.
THIS GUY, CLINTON MCDONALD. I CALL HIM MULTIPLE MIGGS BECAUSE HE CAN REALLY THROW SIEMIAN
That is VERY good.
That final play is more depressing than that Ravens fan getting hospitalized
Oh my.
My brain is not working quite right.
Trent Green, everybody!
“Really, where?”
-Trent Green
That joke will never get old. Just like Trent Green.
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“Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!”
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Think of all the contract money that gets left on the table because of this play.
I mean Gregg Williams would pay good money for a concussion.
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The last time a Buccaneer lineman threw Seaman that hard, he got fired.
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“Whhhheeeeeeee” *CRACK**POP* “OwieOwieOwieOwie”
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See that’s a hard worker that uses his fundamentals. Show off me-first types never use the bounce pass.
Flacco: “If I would have put just a bit more mayo on that pass we could have had a chance.”
I will Poupon this comment!
*Well done.
Someone needs to teach Clinton McDonald how to ride the sybian.
The New Sybian Prostate Buzzer!
Somebody went to milking school!
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“I’d like to apologize for my role in this incomplete pass.”
-Janay Rice
I was really looking for a GIF that I could caption “The Age of Man is over. It’s the Fire’s turn.” but nothing quite fits.
http://www.ohiohistorycentral.org/images/5/5a/Cuyahoga_River_Fire_Nov._3,_1952.jpg
This also works.
Oh no, it’s too big.
That’s what she said.
?w=1000
Garrett: High fives are like back up quarterbacks; best when they don’t have to connect
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Looks like somebody got into Tony Montana’s stash again
Ravens/Raiders: Flacco’s internal thoughts: Buck Showalter will put Ubaldo Jimenez on the mound in a couple days in a do or die playoff game, so I don’t have to worry if this play works or not…Triple Coverage Here I Come.
(yes, I’m still pissed and will be for a while)
KEEP THE HATE! FAN THE EMBERS!
Balto: Only the truly Elite can lead receiver into such a big hit.
Denver: Looks like Bucco Bruce is about to give Trevor a taste of his surname.
Carolina: Helmet to helmet rules don’t apply to any of those glory boy QB’s.
-PK
Dallas: Do you honestly believe I would touch any of you squalid people (and I use the term loosely) from the B1G.
Raiders/Ravens: “Sarah Thomas would have ruled that as a catch followed by a fumble followed by a recovery by the Hackensack Bulls.”
Siemian: “Listen, I’m just trying to get you prepared for Hurricane Matthew.”
—
Dolphins: “Did you really just push down someone smaller and weaker than you? We are the Miami Dolphins! We don’t do that sort of thing here! Anymore.”
—
Patriots/Bills: “Fake tough guys from New York and Boston ineffectually pushing each other around? If it weren’t for the shoulder pads I would have sworn I was watching a baseball game.”
Cardinals: “Man, Floyd’s urine is gonna be pink after that one.”
Del Rio/Carr: “I haven’t seen a quarterback go flying ass-first into rejection since Aaron Rodgers something something.”
Garrett: “Do none of these simpletons know the Foxtail Society handshake?”
We have to try again before we have last week’s results? What are we doing here, trying to get pregnant?
“People TRY to get pregnant???”
– Antonio Cromartie
Everyone’s a winner. Whatever. My team is 1-3 in a SB or bust year. Why should I care about any of this?