Hey folks! Gather round-I’ve got an admission to make. I’m going to watch this game. I can’t help it. I was born this way. I didn’t *choose* to be a fan of the NFL. Sure there are other options like preseason hockey, preseason basketball, NASCAR, college football and hell, if yer desperate enough, playoff baseball. But me? I am who I am. TO THE GAME!

Cards/Niners-Two 1-3 teams are trying to save their season but there can be only one because ties don’t exist in the NFL, right Donovan? That poor guy will never live that down in my addled brain-space. JOHNSON! HYDE! GABBERT! STANTON! CATANZARO! DAWSON! The star’s names just roll off the exclamation marks, don’t they? The Niners are now down starting cb Ward, dl Buckner and now inside lb Bowman who has shredded his Achilles. This is a D that ranks dead last, worst, not-best at stopping the run. Given that perennial backup qb Stanton is up to bat(?), I’m thinking that hat-hungry hc Arians lets loose the Star That Is David (Johnson) [fantasy owners everywhere fall to their knees and wail] This seems like a not-brainer. Although Stanton does love him the deep ball. When he plays wr Floyd ends up with more targets than the most obvious guy. #SitFitz is what I’m trying to say. Cards, this is your game to lose-don’t do that.

A word to our fellow commentists that may be in the line of Hurricane Matthew fire. Stay safe. That is all.

Now, TALK TO ME (and others), PEOPLE!