Yes sports fans, you read that correctly.
Sexy Friday is back!!!!!
And for some inexplicable reason, the upper management of DFO has decided that I’m a good choice to bring it to you. A month ago I stated that those guys were some smart fellers. Sadly, I’m no longer so certain. Even I wouldn’t choose me. But here we are, they did, and I will do my best to not make them regret it.
It’s going to be a learning process. A work in progress, as it were.
Most of you are aware that this was Martin’s baby for quite a while. And the last thing I want to do is disrespect him and his fine work by being a copycat. I honestly don’t yet know what format this will settle into under my management. As others already know, but the rest of you fine folks are included in, I want this to be something we can all have fun with. I welcome any and all suggestions/criticisms in the comments. I might even read them in between bong hits. Time will tell. 😉
There will be dick jokes. There will be news and notes as any good open thread has. And there will be SEXAY!!!!
We’ll find the balance, together. Please bear with me as we find it.
–
So what’s going on in sports?
The MLB playoffs are in full swing. The Jays were gifted their ticket, in spite of their fans trying to gift O’s leftfielder Hyun Soo Kim with a beer. You stay classy Toronto. The Giants earned their ticket. Mad Bum is still a thing. Love that guy, but hate that he tosses for that team. Like any of you cares.
By the time this thread goes live, it appears the Jays will have taken a 2-0 series lead over Tejas. Up Yours Toronto. Josh Donaldson especially. But I’m also looking at you Joey Bats and Troy Tulowitzki. Edwin Encarnacion, you are permitted to live. For now.
The rest of tonight’s games:
- Sawx @ Injuns: 4:38pm…Game 2, Injuns up 1-0
- Trolley Dodgers @ National Disgrace: 5:38pm…Game 1 (yes, when first in existence in Brooklyn, that was their name)
- Gigantic Douchnozzles @ Mini Bears: 9:15pm…Game 1 (Go Meteor!!!! But spare Zymm’s house plz.)
Buck Showalter still hasn’t been fired yet. I’m the only who is still holding onto that apparently. And I will continue to until he’s canned. Or I die. Whichever comes first. Buck, sorry…I like you. But you can no longer be trusted.
Hockey is almost back. Which will be a welcome distraction from NFL, CFB and (future) NBA crap.
Cam Newton’s head finally said screw this noise.
Blaine Gabbart’s head was never in question, which is why he’ll pull up some pine himself it appears. But at least we’ll have the chance to make fun of Kappuhrnikk some more. Not to mention Chip’s Ahoy. As an aside….all black unis with gold helmets is not a good look.
Tiger Woods still thinks he can swing a club. That’s as riotous as….well, me still thinking I can swing a club. But at least Safeway will be well represented. No word yet if he’ll play at the A&P Open. But it does look good for the Kroger Invitational. SMGDH.
OK, that’s enough of that.
–
So for the SEXAY this week, I had a hard time deciding on the theme. What I finally settled on was “Getting to Know You”. Errrrr….you getting to know me, that is. Since this is my initial foray into this particular….thing. I figured I’d tell you all about myself. No, I’m not going to show you sexy pictures of me, don’t worry.
As I alluded to above, I love golf. I play it regularly…and also quite poorly these days.
I also play the drums. Also quite poorly these days.
But my true love is photography. I do that rather poorly as well. But it has allowed me to meet some very interesting people.
ProTip: If you want to meet girls, buy a damned camera. Trust me on this, hot girls love having their picture taken. Like a really lot. Like a REALLY REALLY lot.
Anyway, I’ve been fortunate enough over the years to make friends with some very good photogs and learn from them. And some very lovely models as well. Sadly I’ve learned nothing from them. I’m still totally ugly and junk.
But, all of these folks are either models I know, or the photos were taken by photographers I know. I’m not going to name names. If you’re stalkery enough, you can probably track them down anyway. But please don’t. These people really are my friends. And if you stalk them, at least don’t tell them I’m the catalyst please.
–
(Note: All of these photos are posted publicly somewhere or another…I’m not betraying anyone’s privacy here…but still don’t stalk them please)
This is my newest model friend. She works with some great photogs, a few of whom I know. But not well. But I do admire their work….
She also is rather more playful these days….
–
This young lady is Italian/Filipina, an interesting mix, no? It works well I think. And she lives in Canadia. Holee Molee…
More of her? Yes please….
And yes, even more….
–
This lovely lady is a friend, though not a very close friend. Which makes me sad. The photographer is an acquaintance at best, but damn…nice work dude.
–
Now we’re getting to the meat of it….don’t say phrasing please. This photo is of a lovely young French national. I know her in passing. But this photo was taken by my VERY good friend. More on her to follow…
And this young French national is the young lady who took that photo above. She is my French little sister (no not my biological sister). She works on both sides of the camera. And if you stalk HER, I will have to inflict pain upon you. This is one of the most special people in my life. Don’t make me regret posting her here. Seriously.
And now, it’s time for equal time for the ladies. I don’t know this guy or whomever took the photo. Boyz, avert thine eyes….
–
So there you have it. Feel free to comment below, respectfully please, about my friends (or this douche who seems way too proud of his pubic hair). Feel free to chime in with suggestions/criticisms about how/what I can do better next time.
But most of all, please have fun.
And here…have one of my not sexy, but kinda pretty and calming photos. This is a tWBS original, fwiw, taken just a couple of months ago at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. Drink it in, relax….and have a beer…
–
tWBS said I needed to get SUPER SERIAL about the depressing music. So…here goes my personal magnum opus…
The nice thing is that this is likely the 300th or so time Matthew Hauck has performed this little ditty…and you can still watch his heart break all over like it’s a brand new wounding.
I feel that way. Every. Single. Day.
You see the cage it calls. I will not open myself this way again.
/Sees bongo drums in a supposedly “serious” song
I’m out.
I was turnt off by the Kevin Hart movie ad, but this song made me want to slit my wrists even more – mission accomplished??
Just gonna listen to the Silversun song from sooner, again. Are they the only band where the male vocals are higher pitched that the female vocals?
just last week I was explaining to one of my kids that not only was that lead vocalist a dude, but a straight dude, with a kid and a full beard (not the Aaron/Olivia kind) and everything. She almost crashed the car.
Shit, am I gonna have to pull out the post punk?
Depressing movies?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/384b993d8daada3f3c84322242f0c2e7/tumblr_odu9wowNmi1u66f05o1_400.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/25b138e2827ff953bbf78f6a6e3de32e/tumblr_oejx4u3t9V1unt9vko1_1280.jpg
Pants *yeah* UGH, what are they good for?
Absolutely NOTHING!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/24b676c2d011d23cb998dcad863037d4/tumblr_oe09o9VQKl1rlvq3to1_540.jpg
It’s a simple question Doctor, if the moon were made of spare ribs would you eat it.
No, because the gravitational disturbances would kill us all
http://67.media.tumblr.com/4c341e5e16917128bfa2b07f7a5d20ad/tumblr_mpn2swdpPI1rome1po4_250.gif
Why did you bring that episode up? WHY? Because now I thought of this monstrosity. EVEN BY COURAGE STANDARDS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFDldk9D_Qc
EUGH. GIANT BUD LIGHT SQUEEZEBACK AD.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f199b60a40db1be76412988ddda384c1/tumblr_mn4ohyylNE1qh9o2do1_400.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/3b802d6d39037782da5e41e9ef22a632/tumblr_mxx5i1Laaf1qg8i80o6_500.jpg
The Zarkons finally captured Planet Donut!
My day was spent dealing with contractors – another 4-6 weeks! – and spending $700 on car maintenance.
I am three beers into a dinner of wings & riblets, flipping between the baseball, Caddyshack and Office Space.
And it’s Sexy Friday?
I like historical structures, and Wrigley Field certainly qualifies. It’s a great building. It’s a shame so many Cubs fans congregate there. I just heard cheering, singing and sirens. I assume a Cubs good?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/914fc73b9ce5f05398feac6a010e8fa5/tumblr_mtmur2bgGI1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Push…(not pull)
Midvale!
I like the Republicans renouncing Trump’s “grab her by the pussy” comments as if they could ever be clean again after wrapping their arms around this shit.
http://crooksandliars.com/files/imagecache/node_primary/primary_image/16/10/cum11uhwaaa7ay1.jpg
This is going on the Facebook wall of several hyper religious female conservatives I know
Hehehehe. Kitties.
I like how even the “apology” was “But Bill Clinton’s worse!” That is some impressive audacity right there.
All we need is one of these:
http://66.media.tumblr.com/3acd01638fed60b4ad62733ba97c6c34/tumblr_oenqzdl5xN1unt9vko1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3084e1709e7b9787f0172676499d4d63/tumblr_nqp81wors91unt9vko1_1280.jpg
I enjoy looking at this, as Trump’s 2% odds at the Presidency burn into ash.
His loyal 40 million ain’t care, don’t relax.
yeah, ain’t enough though. He won’t get less than 40% which is embarrassing for our democracy, but that’s all.
Scoreless baseball is nerve-racking as fuck.
Not if you want both teams to lose.
Oh how fitting: New Sondre Lerche?? NEW SONDRE LERCHE!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaonucRt898
http://68.media.tumblr.com/12b6e55f261e0ab42d61e67a47a29a13/tumblr_mtyiqjIYaw1ric2iqo1_500.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/c962688167af4c87eed3e7c86b05a312/tumblr_mtyiqjIYaw1ric2iqo2_400.jpg
The last guy definitely wants to #MAGA.
The glass is completely full because air is a thing. Also, I ordered a vodka soda.
The glass is mostly empty because what we conceive and perceive of as “stuff” is mostly empty space.
The glass itself is empty! Wake up sheeple! Oh no you can’t because you’re also mostly empty space!
Nature abhors a vacuum, NATURE HATES US ALL!
Actual Facebook post:
Fucking cubs bandwagon fans, where were you all year long? Youll come out for playoff times, youll be gone when they choke
gosoxgo
You dumb asshole, I didn’t even know you were a sox fan. I only know the Cubs won 103 games because theres a dozen people I know who post about it every game.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, is better than a bitter as fuck South Sider who knows a Cubs World Series will mean people literally forget his team exists.
Goodbye the one thing that the WS had over the juvenile bears?
People already forget about the white sox.
I am not exaggerating, I had to convince my mother they won a title 11 years ago.
She was living up north then, and she still didn’t know
Welp, new fonts in…need to add some logos, and a bit of other detailing but it’s about done. So, pretty much this:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Z3xqgV35rRg/VBVF2i78ieI/AAAAAAAAAcM/gHZUz_9vbWM/s1600/Andrei%2BArlovski%2BVictory%2BCelebration%2BDance%2BShake%2B-%2BUFC%2BFight%2BNight%2B51%2BBrasilia.gif
That is an admirable attempt to shake tits he doesn’t have. Hooray!
I need food. Leftover Kung Pao Chicken seems like the best option. And yes fucktards, it’s homemade, spicy as fuck, and you can’t have any. I will also replenish freezer vodka.
Dicks
Freezer vodka is the best vodka.
Speaking of which…
http://67.media.tumblr.com/6f5d90d10ecf75d4d85c807817a8c6ce/tumblr_inline_oenj7r3DKg1ry9j6f_500.gif
Despite their admirable scatter method, sloth poop is still more interesting
smgdh
da Fuq is up with you tonight?
It is MUCH sloooooooooooooooooooooower.
TEH SONG OF MAH PEOPLE
http://68.media.tumblr.com/faeafddb6f5b3f5b77136f16c3102f03/tumblr_ncqvquqqRl1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Chanel padlock. Nice.
Also the nekkid girl ain’t bad neither.
Huh, Chanel has branched out in ways I had no idea about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A68j28KQaik#t=1m41s
The Oilers are losing former number 1 overall picks faster than a mule with a spinning wheel.
Heh heh heh! “Mule!”
http://67.media.tumblr.com/e9dfaa723d05964c508730adf4dece4c/tumblr_odktk8qsxk1qh59n0o1_540.png
I missed the “Bart gets a goiter” episode
Wineglass : full
Pants indicator : negative
Bra indicator : negative
Pizza indicator : positive
Cubs game indicator : positive
Life is 80% good!
I’m still surprised you got a pizza delivered tonight.
So…you got the thing you sentcha
Wait… which is the missing 20%?
That’s for me to know and for you to probably guess pretty easily!
I was thinking the wineglass, but that means you still have wine!
The wineglass is at acceptable levels, with reserves. I also have an emergency gin drill that I can implement if needed.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/eaebb574d62b99e5f7453af1bb83e0a2/tumblr_oec9zfpcpS1unt9vko1_1280.jpg
Elizabeth Olsen politely laughs at my “joke.”
http://66.media.tumblr.com/87ead637b12672aeb8a7643d6e6e40d6/tumblr_odz1yv4fW11qazma4o6_250.gif
*only in my head.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOqmR3ob2iYt=1m33s
We can rebuild it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOqmR3ob2iY#t=1m33s
OH LOOK YOU ALL WANTED TO TALK ABOUT LESTER HOLDING ON RUNNERS AND ROSS KEEPS CUTTING DOWN RUNNERS ON THE BASES HAHAHAHAH
http://66.media.tumblr.com/41e8a0219752a603607e211452226436/tumblr_oe1oksrdxm1u66f05o1_400.gif
YES IT IS EXACTLY LIKE THIS
Yes, yes….
(shit, who has the straitjacket and the commitment order?)
http://68.media.tumblr.com/2077963edb7f86ff5e2529e5696c4d5a/tumblr_nuswetz8i41uc2s2co1_400.gif
She seems nice.
this…is…substantiallly better than el beisbol
Funny thing is, this song has been going through my head for a few weeks. It’s oddly appropriate in light of today’s Trumping.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlE0bX5qB5Y
Cubs did a good
The IT Crowd is awesome, but….I’m just posting this to make y’all look at it. Over. And over. Until it falls off the screen.
Comic sans is good with y’all, right? Sure, what am I thinking? EVERYONE loves comic sans!
If you don’t… you’re gonna have a bad time.
http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/sans_sprite.jpg
Hooray for font nerd jokes!
Was gonna make a “grab her by the pussy” joke.
Oh well
Would she notice?
Those hands are not really big enough to grab.
without being un-gentlemanly…he ain’t gettin’ anywhere good
Y’all are fun
Oh, so that ball six inches off the plate is going to be a strike for Cueto tonight?
/drinks
“You call yourself an offensive coordinator, you son of a bitch?”
Hey MacDonald’s; they had pancakes at night in Russia…. in 1908.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsbnpeRxEt1r3sn0vo1_1280.jpg
Strong leader! Strong country!
Tzar, Tzar, little boy.
Are we all still jelly when we watch the Pats play?
https://youtu.be/GIAu9xQp-zo
nowhere left to go…stay with me
Ummmm….if you want me to load the shotgun and put my toe on the trigger, just keep it up smarty pants.
oh, we can take this a LOT LOWER…
/I tryin’ to be all socially acceptable and shit
I will cut you.
Welp, back from suspension!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1b39e9dc2c90e9e22726b0a3c9e7cb64/tumblr_nvkc9gszpY1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
I don’t normally mix benzos and booze, but, my niece and nephew tearing our place apart requires desperate measures.
fuck it, worst case scenario, you’ll die and teach those two shitbirds a life lesson
Can you set them against each other in an underground bare knuckle boxing match and act as bookie?
Oh jeez louise…you too?
The niece tearing stuff up I mean. Not the pills/booze mix. I won’t be that lucky again until November.
I hate life sometimes.
In reply to Buddy Cole from before:
I think the code is “embed” inside brackets. [ ] (<–Those guys), before the start of the video then "/embed" also inside brackets for wordpress. You might just not have embed privileges which is insane. You have like 5 comments that made the top of the page.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/9eb3917a0c54b363b83faac6d1fc6831/tumblr_oebg2fWgAu1vzm6bco1_400.gif
#BuddyPrivilegesMatter
I love this movie.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIel6cBzQkI&w=854&h=480%5D
It might be you try to use youtubes embed links, just use the normal link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIel6cBzQkI&feature=youtu.be
Damn it all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4PE2hSqVnk
OK, making last-minute font changes on the poster. That OK with you guys?
/talking to self
http://68.media.tumblr.com/86c5915cd2ee1a8537ceb1ae5f16c268/tumblr_oe3ulnPqCm1tezjkso2_400.gif
This is pretty much what it’ll look like at the Dok’s place as she tries to pass the time until the Cubbing stops.
Nah, Tuesday is laundry day
As long as you do it one day a week, everything is great.
Ass dimples.
Nice.
Why didn’t Mr. T’s musical career take off? This shit is gold.
So, I know a bunch of y’all are lawyers. Is this one of ya?
Looks suspiciously like Hippo.
Just saying.
muthafucka, I didn’t start rockin’ tha sideburns until COLLEGE. Cause I’m a REBEL GODDAMNIT
If you search for internet on the internet will that break the internet?
I would love it if I saw this question in a google faq
That sounds like a Yahoo Answers question if I ever heard one.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nAd3-Gg9ho&w=560&h=315%5D
Ugh, fuck this.