Your AFC South Monday Night Quotation Marks Showdown Quotation Marks Open Thread

I’ve been thinking/mentioning recently that there’s a ton of stuff going on that should give all of us pause for a bit. Perhaps we should reconsider our willingness to indulge our baser instincts when we cheer for our favourite large person to hit that other teams large person. Shouldn’t we be expending our commenting energies elsewhere? This is trivial crap after all isn’t it? KIDDING! For me, this place is a refuge from all that shit out there-and for that I thank all you crazy monkeys. TO THE GAME!

TB/Car-It’s unfortunate that qb Newton wasn’t available for this one. He and Winston could have had a “Intercept-Off!”-they have 13 between them. One of these 1-3 teams is writing off the season after this game. My money is leaning on Carolina pulling this one out despite the fact Derek Anderson is starting. Sure, his work with the Browns in the late 70’s was impressive but he’s near the end of the line. Wr Evans don’t give even one care about his qb’s problems-with 360 yds and 3 TD’s so far he’s gonna get his no matter what. He might do something awesome tonight because the Panthers were the team that surrendered 300 to Julio Jones last week. Say a prayer for TB’s running game-journeyman Jacquizz Rogers gets the start and he’s subbed by undrafted Peyton Barber.

There she be-STRIKE THOSE KEYS WITH A PASSION!

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Doktor Zymm

Were special teams better before “special” became a euphemism for whatever the currently accepted term for mentally slow is?

Spur

Games like this prove NFL is not rigged. If the NFL was rigged, they wouldn’t make people tune out.

Gratliff

I’ve had probably 10 people I actually reasonably like block me on facebook in the past 6 months for calling them out for posting bullshit political memes, with the pledge ones and “DEMOCRATS DIDN’T VOTE TO FREE THE SLAVES” ones being the ones that usually get me running off at the mouth. Do I need to be more lenient on stupidity or get less stupid friends?

...

That’s their problem. I had an aunt post an All Lives Matter meme today attacking Obama. I just unfollowed her and won’t ever have to see that shit again without her ever knowing.

Gratliff

I am a victim of the deeply flawed belief that otherwise-decent people should be teachable. And then the further deeply flawed belief that I should call them a cunt when that fails.

Doktor Zymm

Avoiding Facebook is also an option

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So is euthanasia for your aunt

Horatio Cornblower

Dude my mother told my 15 year old daughter that Trump was better than Hillary and there’s a 50-50 chance she never sees my kids again until they’re 18, so fuck your Facebook friends.

Gratliff

Mine is also stupid like that, but I got to tell mine that I don’t want her coming anywhere near me for Thanksgiving this year. It’s possible my snark is related to the mood that conversation put me in.

...

Before this series, someone asked Jake if he wanted the Mets or the Giants? His answer? “Who gives a shit?”

GOD YOU GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKER YOU TRULY GIVE NO SHITS

trollsoharduniversity

Good suggestion for making the game more interesting – Stipulation.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nawt a catch.
/deja vu?

...

Jesus, this team may be the true Destroyer of Narratives.

God help us all. The Age of Man is Over. It’s the Fire’s Turn.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Arrieta to all the sports media fluffing Bumgarner:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yM0r8sPuDBQ&app=desktop

Spur

So the Red Sox are dead, the real team the Massholes care about. The Celtics have enough to be a playoff team but they have no chance against LeBron. All that leaves are the Patriots, we’re at the mercy of Wade Phillips to kill them come playoffs.

Senor Weaselo

Hey ICRM, THERE’S the back-breaking Favreception.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Would love to see a base knock from Arrieta here

...

I’LL DO YOU ONE BETTER THAN THAT.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

WOOOOOOOO

Doktor Zymm

Is Cubs World Series riot damage covered by my homeowner’s insurance, or would it be considered an act of God?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d search for act of Beelzebub first.

Romonobyl

I’m not sure any recognized form of God would actually allow the Cubs to participate in the Big Show. I used to live there, I know such things.

...

HAHAHA JOKES ON YOU WE HAVE A PACT WITH SATAN NOW

Romonobyl

It’s too cold there for Satan. Even his car would get stuck on the Dan Ryan in November.

...

That was a nice AB by Javy.

...

I’m slightly sad there will be no Cubs vs. Red Sox World Series, but then I think of all of you who would rather Lucifer was fireblasting your genitals for eternity than have that collision of insufferables happen.

Spur

what’s the ideal matchup? I assume the Cubs vs?

...

For my desire to see the Cubs bring about the rapture? I wanted Texas because they were a mirage of a team propped up by luck. Of the two remaining in the playoffs? Indians are slightly worse plus I like the misery vs. misery matchup.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS MADISON BUMGARNER I CALL HIM JESUS BECAUSE HE DRIVES ME TO DRINK AND ONLY HAS SMALL HOLES IN HIS GAME

Brick Meathook

PANTHERDOWN!

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Spur

Bumgarner grunts like a female tennis player with every pitch.

Horatio Cornblower

Just finished having some excellent friends and relatives over for corned beef and WAY too much beer. They’re all Red Sox fans and I was the one laughing my fucking ass off.

Court is going to suck tomorrow morning but I regret nothing.

PopeofChiliTown

CONTINUANCE!

LemonJello

Hypnotic.

Romonobyl

I think that’s my car.

Brick Meathook

Have you ever had a sore on your penis that oozed pus and stung like hell when you stuck it in the cat?

Asking for a friend.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BANNER QUOTE

...

No way a human could penetrate a cat. No way would a conscious cat let you try that without claw-extracting your testes.

Senor Weaselo

Me-ow my balls.

Horatio Cornblower

Prove it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re probably right about a cat. Large breed dog tho….yeeesh.
Yes, this is a true life story, the most horrid of my professional career as a veterinarian.

I am not in the correct mood to tell it tonight. But maybe sometime down the road.

Romonobyl

You need to grab that pussy like you mean it!!!!

/The Donald

...

The Madison Bumgarner suck off fest is getting almost Favrian. This angers me.

Senor Weaselo

Except you gotta admit he hasn’t had the Favre back-breaking interception. Yet.

JustStopDude

Its so weird to see Derrek Anderson not getting injured for the Cleveland Browns….

trollsoharduniversity

THESE CAROLINA PANTHERS, I CALL THEM MY IMPOTENCE BECAUSE THEY WON’T EVEN LET ME FINISH WELL IN MY FANTASY

LemonJello

//slow clap

//tips chapeau

//makes wanking motion

Romonobyl

Sorry all, missed the first half making a nice dinner thanks to being home for Smallpox Day. Made a big pile of sauteed chicken with linguine and a cedar-plank grilled salmon with broccoli.

/checks score.

My time has apparently been well spent.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I roasted up some squash and asparagus to throw over some (sadly store bought) ravioli and made an easy (and unhealthy) butter/garlic sauce. The lady friend was appreciative, but not THAT appreciative yet.

Romonobyl

Patience my friend.

PopeofChiliTown

Bsaed on that dinner I would say yes. Actually, if you had bologna sandwiches I would have said yes.

JustStopDude

Soooooo hot….

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Spur

Does Ricky Vaughn still play for Cleveland? I might root for them if he does.

LemonJello

He was sent back down to the California Penal League.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not to be confused with the California Penile League, which is the secret society Aaron Rodgers was in while he was at Berkeley.

LemonJello

“Hey, they said it was a lifetime membership!”

-Aaron Rodgers

...

If the Cubs knock off the Giants tonight, none of the remaining five teams have participated in the last 18 World Series. (Indians 1997, Blue Jays 1993, Dodgers 1988, Cubs 1908, Nationals NEVER!)

Doktor Zymm

The 1901 – 1960 Washington Senators were also referred to as the Nationals, which is where the current name came from, and they won a championship in 1924, so even they aren’t as cursed as the Cubs, despite not existing for a few decades.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Obligatory: Fuck Cito Gaston

JustStopDude

I love this fucking commercial, where the ref calls the game, and then needs a ride…

As if the dad not pulling out a pistol and executing the ref on the side of the road is some big achievement for an American.

Wait…as I type that out…

Senor Weaselo

Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out, Papi.

Spur

The MASSHOLES ARE DEAD.

Senor Weaselo

How many times can I click that this is great?

LemonJello

Not nearly enough.

Kungjitsu

CLEAHLY YOU DID NAWT SEE TAWMMY CAHVE THA FACKIN’ BROWNS INTA FINE POWDAH!

Spur

The children will receive NO BALLS tonight.

PopeofChiliTown

Not related to anything but I know there are a lot of dog lovers on this site.. My dog is roughly 16 years old and starting to lose some; mobility-back hips and leg to be specific. tonight he went out to to take a a dump and the lost control of his legs and plopped right down in it. we washed him him off and he’s seems fine but does anyone have any helpful tips for dog health in this area?. Been giving him glucosomine tabs but i think it’s not helping at this point. Otherwise he is totally fine-except for the ungodly farts

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ashley Manning probably has some ideas

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(Also I’m sorry to hear about your dog. I am a horrible person. Hope he recovers completely.)

PopeofChiliTown

There’s nothing to recover from. He’s just old. The sad circle of life and all that. I’m just not ready to take him to that farm upstate where he can run and play, etc.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t dash my hopes of a cure for old age.

LemonJello

I read that as Ashley Madison at first, but who know, she may offer some help too?

PopeofChiliTown

she might offer me some help. Probably not the dog though. Although I’ve never checked out the site so you never know

Horatio Cornblower

There is no cure for old age and at 16 your dog is ancient. Spoil the shit out of him, be incredibly patient and when your dog loses interest in food be prepared to send him to that clearing in the forest where his path ends, (Stephen King), which sucks ass but which every pet owner has to confront.

Vaya con dios man. I’ve been there.

Doktor Zymm

Please tell me those 6 pts are the result of a missed extra point, or safteykakke, and not just two boring field goals

Senor Weaselo

Sorry Dok. But there’ve been two missed field goals too?

JustStopDude

Of all the inhabitants of the inferno, none but Lucifer knows that hell is hell, and the secret function of purgatory is to make of heaven an effective reality.

JustStopDude

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LemonJello

Is that from the Fister Roboto line?

Spur

So i guess this means the Broncos broke the Panthers.

Senor Weaselo

Can we call it a missed FGkakke yet?

LemonJello

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JustStopDude

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED WE HAVE ANOTHER FUCKING HALF OF FOOTBALL LEFT!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

…..another fucking half of shitty football left!!!

FTFY

Spur

Massholes have life.

JustStopDude

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LemonJello

Flags for the Flag Gods!

Spur

Color me shock, Koetter doesn’t know the rules.

JustStopDude

Quick…hurry up to the line so we can get a false start!!!!

JustStopDude
...

I just saw a commercial for Skip Bayless’ FS1 show and the interrupted him to ask me if I wanted to hear what he had to say.

Seriously. They thought I wanted to hear Skip Bayless speak.

No really!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Still awesome.

Senor Weaselo

The ref busting his ass is also underrated during that play.

JustStopDude

You know its a fucked up situation when Winston was the only classy person (only counting sportsmanship and NOTHING else) on that Florida State team after the game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Guess who has two thumbs and whose new mini-tower arrived today, poorly packed and with a HD not bolted down?
I’m not even gonna fire it up tonight. I don’t want to find out ’til tomorrow how fubar’ed that thing is. This is gonna get ugly and after the past few days my blood pressure needs a break.

LemonJello

That sucks. I was going to ask if it was a solid state drive, but if it bounced around in transit, who knows what was damaged.

Rage inducing, to say the least.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s not SSD. I have 2 new SSD’s to go into it, the 2 gig seagate it came with was going to be for backup. But I kinda expect that’s a thing of the past now. And when I raise hell over it, if those dicknuts think I’m paying to ship this piece of shit back to them, they can rot in hell.

herodotus450

2 gigs, whoa watch out we got a badass over here

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have a bad habit of not deleting even terrible photos I take. Hundreds a day at 9+ mb per tend to add up quickly unfortunately. Sadly, I have to take hundreds just to get 1 or 2 which don’t suck. But then I can’t bear to delete the majority which do suck. I need therapy. And booze. BRB.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry…I mistyped before.
2 TB.
Smartass. 😉

JustStopDude

This fucking game….

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LemonJello

I can’t like this enough.

Spur

Do I have to watch baseball?

...

Do you like Boston schadenfreude? Because we’re teetering on the brink of Boston schadenfreude.

Spur

I love watching Massholes cry.

LemonJello

What sins are your atoning for?

PopeofChiliTown

I was going to but just can’t after last year. I missed my Royals World Series win because I was in the hospital. After 30 years you think the infection could have waited but no

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