Your “Not Tonight Denver, I’ve Got A Headache” Thursday Night NFL Open Thread

The internets are telling me that NFL viewership is down. How much? Enough to worry some wonks, that’s how much. My solution to this problem of team owners only making hundreds of millions instead of billions involves razor blades and butterflies. Now hear me out!-it goes like this. Uh…umm… Okay I’ll be honest, this is a sort of reverse-engineering thingy whereby I come up with an answer and then try to figure out a way that makes sense of that answer. The reverse-engineering analogy is weak but none of you outside JustStopDude could give a damn. TO THE GAME!

Den/SD-The Broncs are down their HC so it’s “Next Coach Up!” The fella that isn’t being held back by The Migraine Protocol is one Joe DeCamillis. He’s the Special Teams Coordinator that smirks at Wade Phillips every time they pass in the hallway and says, “I wonder why they didn’t make YOU the head guy tonight!” Speaking of coaching changes, it’s a bad sign when you come across more than one article that itemises who the interim coach of the Chargers will be come Monday. I’m guessing it won’t be the personification of failure that is the Chargers DC. Them Bolts give up 28 points and nearly 300 yds. passing on a weekly basis. That’s added up to 17 TDs so far. I guess it’s up to de Bosa to stop the 10 game-strong division losing streak that the other teams out west AFC-wise currently enjoy. In limited play last week he put together 2 sacks and 5 tackles. As far as quick starts by de’s are concerned, he’s got nothing on the Bronc’s Von Miller. The best defensive end in football (suck it, JJ Watts) has 6.5 sacks and will no doubt add to his total ce soir. It looks like Trevor Siemian backers are strutting around after qb Lynch’s play last week. That QBR of 11.7 last week against the Falcons speaks volumes about where he is in his development.

They say that the sincerest form of flattery is typing-SO TYPE!

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makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

Sill Bimmons

Revenant nutria.

packman_jon

Who?

jjfozz

Wow, Philip rivers talked about “cramming it in”, I guess kids 8 and 9 are on their way

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The only good thing I can conceive of about Kevin Can Wait is that it means steady work for Erinn Hayes, who I like.

Gratliff

….Why are the Chargers wearing a new shade of blue?

Gratliff

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jjfozz

Brothers, I apologize for my absence, getting used to the new gig. Now that I have my own office, I can get back to fucking off on DFO all day.

PS
The girl who works near me has an ass that you could eat a peanut butter sandwich off of

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m going to take that to mean she has very good ass hygiene.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s good.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Or that 2 out of 5 kids have a severe allergy to it.

jjfozz

Extra chunky

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT EXPOSED TO FINE ASS AS BABIES AND NOW ARE HYPERSENSITIVE TO IT!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No apologies. Keep it up…. so to speak.

My work and I didn’t have a very good day….. white middle management problems, but fuck I’m stressed out.

http://67.media.tumblr.com/ca05a1807917a04f59afaa4f12807d58/tumblr_oeu3w4TTiI1tvm489o1_400.gif

packman_jon

Flat ass?

Sill Bimmons

Marble.

You don’t even need a cutting board!

Gratliff

The one thing I really hate about modern NHL is how people throw numerous punches without throwing their gloves off to try and goad others into dropping them.

King Hippo

King Laserface could have the first ever MVP season for a 3-13 side

Shogun Marcus

The donks orange isn’t so bad, but the bolts blue reminds me of that ultradense black material. It just absorbs all light around it.

jjfozz

Here’s my sure fire recipe to feed the kids when your wife is gone:

1. Get milk.
2. Get cereal.
3. Pour milk over cereal.
4. Forget bowl.
5. Yell out, “OH YOU COCKSUCKING MUPPET CUNT!”
6. Clean up mess.
7. Feed kids.
8. Bourbon and ice.
9. Pour into glass.
10. Silently curse your wife.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

My morning is 5, 10, 8, 6!

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

my bedroom teevee is having a stroke from these unis

Beerguyrob

That was a surprisingly tasteful tribute to Dick Enberg.

Plus, the man started Phil Simms’ broadcasting career. That must’ve been some rough times, considering how polished he is now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
packman_jon

Gotta say these are the only good Color Rush unis tonight

King Hippo

Dick Enberg should be calling this game.

And ouch, the Sunkist has burnt mine eyes. TEH GOGGLES DO NOTHING!!!

Gratliff

Never change, Fleury.

Sill Bimmons

Oh, so you’re a Flyers fan?

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Tell me again about Fleury’s problems…

Gratliff

Flyers goaltending is a particularly low hanging fruit. I am not sure that there have been many years since Hextall retired where he wouldn’t be a better option than either goalie on the depth chart.

Sill Bimmons

Did I just see a Duluth Trading ad with the word “grope” in it?!

“Tougher than a bear’s grope?!”

Hmmm…there’s also this:

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Is it just me or is Duluth Trading shitting on the presidential candidates here?

Gratliff

So do I watch a Broncos-Chargers game I don’t care about or hope that I get to see Sid and Ovi somehow end each other’s careers spontaneously in some sort of freak accident?

Sill Bimmons

Four Banners.

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Sill Bimmons

Should’ve been Tanger for Conn Smythe.

Sill Bimmons

Fleury vs. Murray: the best problem in the NHL.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Flower’s more of a tender lover, his upbringing in Quebec ensures that! Murray’s a blue-collar amorous guy, those years in the Soo hardened him in more ways that one!

I love you all!

Gratliff

I kind of regret never watching the Greyhounds play. Even though I lived right across the river from then when I lived in Sault Ste Marie, MI, I never actually went to see them. Could have seen a young Wayne Simmonds murdering unsuspecting kids. All I have now is the Saginaw Spirit and they are shittastic right now.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I see Flint has it together, though, when your shitty owner gets banned for 5 years, it can allow for some freedom.

Gratliff

In a year where the least of Flint’s concerns was its awful hockey team, it somehow still managed to be a well-published clusterfuck.

JustStopDude
Gratliff

And to think, 12 years ago, we were on the verge of the Kansas City Penguins or some shit. Missed opportunities.

Sill Bimmons

Mario is God.

Gratliff

Okay, Pittsburgh. Orion’s a solid choice there.

Gratliff

I always wondered what was with the goofy ratio on NBC’s live streams. Now that they force adblocker off to play, apparently it was for inline commercials. Fuck you, internet.

blackroseMD1

Is this where the wake for Mike McCoy is located?

WCS

Gratliff

Chicago cheering vs. shitty Penguins singer: WHO YA GOT!?

Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons

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Gratliff

What scheduling wizard decided the Flyers should start their season 2 days late and at 10:30 pm against the fucking Kings, and then at 9 pm at Arizona? At least the Chicago game is at a sane time, even if it is 4 fucking days after the season starts. I’ve only got like 8 months of hockey left, people. Let’s get with the fucking program.

WCS

Pete Rose is drunk already.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

+WEIRD+FUNNY+great pot smoking show= pizza ordered

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Sambrailo and Heuerman, inactive. Odds of blocking somebodddday?

SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASED!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Thanks FOAR the slanty thing change, Internet Dad! All glory and honor to Fearless Leader!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and I thought my comment was racist!!

King Hippo

scrolly!

/might be having own stroke, sorry

//giant beer in fridge should help, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9EihQD_iubo/UtQNplwud5I/AAAAAAAAJ58/3sLwYwwEbcY/s1600/269779_218313551538907_3983067_n.jpg

BOLTMAN IS READY TO COACH HIS SAN DIEGO SUPER CHARGERS TO GLORIOUS VICTORY AND BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF THE FALLEN!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One of those days where you just need a damn slice of pie.

http://getinmymouf.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/PeachPieAnimated_w6961.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is the headache in the picture good at math?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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