Your “What Time Is It? Seriously Though.” Sunday Morning NFL Football Open Thread

Apparently we have Napoleon to thank for the image above. Nice going, guy that wasn’t really that short for his time. Dog’s breakfast, English breakfast-whatever. We North Americans are in no position to look down our collective multi-chinned noses at how the British opt to deliver lugubrious substances into their gaping maws. Heart disease, obesity, soaring cholesterol levels and diabetes running rampant through a population is simply a sign that you were once a colonizer. That’s if  you were doing it right. Okay, I’ll get off my stool now (phrasing?) TO THE GAME!

Was/Cin-For those Cincy fans that like to wank on The Red Rifle-he’s currently 7th in passing %, 4th in yards, 3rd in yards per pass attempt and 7th in passer rating. Sure, that’s all because wr Green is a monstrous beast that can’t be stopped but… I kid-Dalton has held up his end of the bargain quite well but the running game isn’t as good as it should be given the talent back there. And who’s to blame for that? The O-line, of course. The O-line always gets the blame. Cincy’s D is a bit strange-their rush D gave up 100 yards to Browns 4th-stringer Hogan last week. Good news for Redacteds rb Jones then? Not so fast, he’s ruled out so it’s Thompson’s turn. He should have a bigly game. Cincy’s pass D generally and de Dunlap specifically will get to qb Cousins at some point. Dunlap has already piled up 13 qb hits and 5 sacks to this point. Washington’s injured fellas te Reed and cb Norman are expected to play.

So that’s it-a shout out to all the West Coasters that are up for this one and also the newer folks from Freeballin’-make yourselves comfy, she’s gonna be a long day (but in a good way). Now…GO GET ‘EM!!!

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LemonJello

Did Bradshaw just have a seizure live on tv?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When he heard you say “seizure”, Warren Sapp just ran and hid behind a dumpster.

Doktor Zymm

You know, it’s actually not that hard to picture exactly what’s happened when Kirk Kirks, based solely on y’alls comments. This is probably better than watching the game!

Shogun Marcus

Ah yes, the strategic intentional pick. Just as it was drawn up.

Gratliff

TIL 3rd & Long is just like a punt.

Gratliff

The safety was like 20 yards back. What was he expecting?

Brick Meathook

PAM: “He has a right knee.”

Yes, Pam. Yes he does. Or did.

Spur

Cousins is a real damp squib.

Did I use that right?

LemonJello

Mandatory: “THIS BENGALS D, I CALL AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING COUSINS LEFT AND RIGHT!”

Gratliff

I appreciate them letting us know that Burfict has all the expected body parts

LemonJello

Good mid-morning fellow cosmic travelers! I’m “enjoying” the [Redacteds]/Striped Kitties tilt until daughter’s el futbol match, then I hope to return here for the afternoon’s pairings before making the trek up I-95. Depending on the Traffic Gods, I may be at my work week domicile in time for the SNF shit show and a couple of Goose Island Octoberfests.

How in the [expletive deleted] are we doing?

Brick Meathook

Aaah, Merry Olde England!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Huh. Was not expecting Nugent to go left.

Spur

Oi! Morning Wankers!

Doktor Zymm

Dak jersey sighting

King Hippo

ahem…DAK!

Doktor Zymm

DAK DAK DAK

Gratliff

So….Cincinnati ball? How do they not mention that?

King Hippo

holy shit what a goal!!!

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

So, I heard that Hillary’s emails have revealed the shocking fact that I don’t give a shit about her emails.

King Hippo

West Ham bitch to the refs worse than Brady’s Massholes

Doktor Zymm

I like how nfl.com capitalizes ‘Upheld’ like it’s some guy. “The play was Upheld, for a gain of 44”

Gratliff

“Upheld, out with a bullshit”

makeitsnowondem

Well shit, Vernon, where was all this competence last year?

King Hippo

SIGH. Of course I benched Vern for Eifert. One had to, right??

Gratliff

Oh hey. Apparently Fox Sports GO isn’t the bag of shit it was last year, so that’s something.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

@Zymm: Ben Kotwica is sympathetic to your inability to stream things the way you’d like.

http://deadspin.com/washington-coach-pulls-out-dong-pees-freely-before-the-1788166113

Fronkenshteen

Morning boys! I’m having a genuine nervous breakdown right now. Can’t stop crying. Can’t talk. Can’t work. Can’t shut my mind off or even downshift it. Trembling. My parents just left to go back to Michigan probably terrified they’ll never see me alive again. My kid’s scared. I failed everyone. And I’m a big guy, so this freaks people out.
Enjoy the games!

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, shit.

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who is your favorite team? Maybe they will soothe your nerves with a steady display of competence today?

Doktor Zymm

Butter is fantastic stuff. It makes even the crappiest bagel good.

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They need to have a marine guard punch that Geico gecko in the face and declare “in Tennessee we don’t tolerate that kind of crap, SIR.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be honest, in Tennessee they don’t tolerate a lot of things.

Brick Meathook

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Redshirt

…and Maualoga is hurt. Damn it, Bengals. I woke away from a deserted island and two supermodels for this game!

Don T

He he he. That colonizer’s nutritional burn is hawt ??.
“Yep”.
-Spaniards

Redshirt

And I still asleep or was Burfict trying to calm people down and be the voice of reason back there?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think my favorite dreadlocked Adam is probably Adam Duritz. Adam Jones isn’t even in the top 5.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Surprisingly competent play by both offenses here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Stupid Corona. Don’t play a commercial about drinking urine at sunset when it’s literally sunrise where I’m watching.

JustStopDude

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Just don’t mention drinking…eating…loud noises…

Doktor Zymm

Ok, there appears to be no way for me to stream this, and the tv here is just playing highlights from last week. I might have to grab a free bagel and head to more expensive pastures

Brick Meathook

I’m on the West Coast and this is the first London fame I’ve seen live EVER.

I didn’t get up early for this, I’m still up from last night. OH YEAH.

Pretty thin comments the last few days. Let’s do better while I’m still awake, and furthermore dhkjyfesxvbbkloikmcssebnnj…………….ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I blame the decline in DFO ratings on millennials.

Doktor Zymm

They can’t even show up to an internet commenting thread on time! No sense of responsibility! Harrumph!

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Do I have ANY reason to care about this game?”

– me, checking my fantasy matchup

Doktor Zymm

I missed putting Reed in before the start, so I get to watch how many points he scores for my bench!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh, you said “putting Reed in”…

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Redshirt

Alright, I’m awake, but I keep wanting to go back to bed.

Judging by that first drive, the Bengals feel the same way.

JustStopDude

Jesus St Fuckballs….this fucking hangover…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Missed reading” is what happened to Vince Young when he had chicken pox in elementary school.

King Hippo

“Mother? Are you my mother?”

– Jordan Reed, to whoever that other dude was on sideline.

Bortleback

I’d be of the opinion that national anthems should only be played when there are two of them being played

Doktor Zymm

Simultaneously, in the interest of efficiency. You do raise a good point though, why do we play the national anthem before games when everyone is from the same country? They don’t play the national anthem before any other routine domestic activities

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And they should include a guitar duel.

Doktor Zymm

Also, we’ll see if they show the game on the lounge. They keep showing footage of some exhibition team, or maybe it’s a college team? Some local Houston thing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Some local Houston thing…

Being overweight?

Doktor Zymm

Don’t forget Fat Rob!

I’m gonna be watching this at the airport. Turns out my hotel had bedbugs, so I checked out at 2 am, should be getting a refund, drove to the airport, turned in my rental car, and am now debating the relative merits of staying in this priority pass lounge where they don’t serve booze until noon, but stuff is free, or heading to a bar where I’ll have to pay for stuff.

Doktor Zymm

Rob Kelley, DCs other RB who should see carries today

Bortleback

Someone figured out that both flags have red, white and blue in them……

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[wakes up in seedy Soho flophouse]

[wraps elastic tubing around forearm]

[injects football into mainline]

King Hippo

NBCSN? Streaming! Must meet the demands of MANDATORY 14-HOUR VIEWING WINDOW.

/plus has the portability advantage in case yesterday’s kale salad and Lagunitas Sucks work their intestinal magic…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Do I have enough self-loathing and lack of self-respect to watch football today? No I do not. I’ve got a lot of both, but not that much. I and my new chainsaw and axe have other plans today. And I promise those plans do not involve Buck Showalter, Ubaldo Jimenez, or Joe Flacco. And probably no errant family members, but that’s up to them mostly.

I’ll be back later to watch the Injuns crush whatever might be left of Cubs’ fans hopes.

King Hippo

I also had a Cherokee college buddy who insisted that squirrel was good eatin’

King Hippo

I am certainly GET HYPE for this one!! Go Tyler Eifert!!!