Is Bad NFL better than No NFL?

As I write this, we are in the Saturday before Week 8 of the 2016 Regular Season.  We started out with the treat that was the high-chroma matchup of Thursday Night Turdball poster children, the Jaguras and Titans.  Luckily for Bortles and Jaymes aficionados/fantasy football owners, the Garbage Time King did what he do and provided for his followers.  For Jags fans, not so much.

As we were standing around pantsless by the DFO water cooler/beer fridge, someone who shall not be named to protect their innocence (porque, mi amigo, porque?) said that crappy NFL was better than no NFL.  Granted, I have discovered a great way to spend the offseason (and I do apologize for not telling you who won the Grand Final.  It was Western.  I do have a good reason, though…), so my perspective on the vast wasteland that is the offseason is slightly skewed.

Anyhoo, in response to this bold statement, I made a bold statement of my own:

“I will vigorously disagree that bad football is better than no football in the same way that bad sex is better than no sex.  No, it is not.”

I stand by this statement.

Of course, discussion ensued amongst the DFOers and so I felt compelled to do some research and make my case.  Interestingly enough, the reasons why Bad Sex is worse than No Sex are the same as why Bad Football is worse than No Football.  Let’s explore them, shall we?

#1 Reason for Bad Sex/Football

No wonder Viagra and Cialis are the biggest NFL advertisers!  Impotence has got to be the biggest contributor to bad sex experiences.  As the football equivalent, I present to you

Try as hard as they might, those two just couldn’t get it in.    Now, obviously that particular game is an outlier, but the situation where your team cannot, for the love of all that is good and kind, cannot do what it wants to do is familiar for every other team.  Too many times, teams that should be able to score at will (my Steelers being a prime example) shit the bed and can’t get anything going to save their lives.

The converse is when your team’s defense couldn’t stop your grandmother in a walker from crossing the street.

It is extremely frustrating as a fan to watch your team not able to execute.  And being unable to do anything about it.  No wonder Cialis pills are a color somewhere between orange and brown!

Reason #2 why Bad Sex/Football is worse than No Sex/Football

Have you ever had sex with someone that had absolutely no idea what they were doing?  To the point that they did something that really hurt?

The football equivalent is

Having your team’s coach call a stupid timeout or challenge a play that was clearly called correctly or not call a timeout when he should is akin to your partner taking a bite out of crime, so to speak.   It just takes you out of the moment.  Things are going good, there is hope for a good outcome and then

Honestly, at that point you wish that you hadn’t even gotten started.

Reason #3 why Bad Sex/Football is worse than No Sex/Football

Lack of effort.  In the bedroom, this can manifest itself in many forms:  no foreplay, no imagination, no mental connection.  In the football field, I give you

Neither of these teams have done anything to try to improve the on-field product and yet they expect the public to love them and give them all their money.  You know what that’s like?

Now, considering it all, don’t you think it’s much better to just

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0t_56ck18g8

My name is Balls of Steel and I approve this message.

I welcome dissenting opinions/bad sex stories in the comments.