Bye Bye Beary

Los Osos de Chicago entered their week 9 bye week with a DAZZLING record of 2-6, good for last place in the division and an earlier than usual bout of “should they tank the rest of the season or not” debate. Just like last year, this team is TERRIBLE without Jay Cutler and capable of outperforming expectations with him. Also just like last year, the same fans that have experienced talking themselves into the likes of Shane Matthews and Steve Stenstrom as legitimate options under center continue to believe that Jay Cutler sucks and they’d be better off with virtually anyone else, not withstanding the evidence of what happens when the likes of Caleb Hanie, Brian Hoyer, or Matt Fucking Barkley trades clipboard for action.  In the 2016 Preview Post, I posited that the Bears were a terrible team that could possibly feast on the AFC South to eke out a 7-9 or, if they got really lucky, an 8-8 record.  Since then they been battered by injuries, including losing the aforementioned Cutler for an extended period of time due to a thumb injury, lost to the freaking JAGURAS at home, and still could win between zero and five of their remaining games based on shitty schedule, the unexpected awesomeness of Jordan Howard, and a team that looks halfway cromulent when the O Line gives Jay time and the pass rush masquerades the porous defensive secondary. Of course, the fan base had already turned on Cutler to the point of no return, and John Fox is still working under the mistaken assumption that he has years to turn around the ship, let alone a leader to help him captain it. In short, this team is shitty and can’t compete this season.

But none of that matters because the Cubs won the World Series!

 

Fuck you, Lebron!

The parade starts shortly, feel free to kill your productivity watching it LIVE here: http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/watch-chicago-cubs-world-series-parade-friday-live-399898941.html

We are not allowed to complain about anything for a little while, including Da Bears.

This concludes your Bears Bye Week Update.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.

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[…] into room knocking over empty Old Style cans holding a malort bottle in each hand wearing a Cubs championship hat, a Cubs championship shirt, Cubs championship underwear, carrying a bag of various Cubs […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Cuntler
Member

Fuck that shit, Bill Simmons. Nothing is stopping me from complaining about this shitty Bears team. Ryan Pace sucks, and this is John Fox’s retirement money. Ryan Pace is like Theo Epstein’s retarded cousin. Fuck Eddie Accorsi for recommending this Oakley wrap-around and braided belt wearing simpleton. Fucking Bears.

Cuntler
Member

*Ernie, that is. Stupid autocorrect.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

That’s some good hate, right there. Lofty hate, even.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
nomonkeyfun
Member

But what level of the Hall of Fame of Hate does it belong in?

I mean Fozz obviously is in the elite pantheon of the Hate of Fame, but where does it stack up compared to Brenda Walsh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Well it’s not to Johnny Lawrence-level in the pantheon.

NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Congratulations, guys! This is the rare sporting event that makes me happy even though it involves none of my favorite teams.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

These Cubs buses are driving through Chicago about as fast as the Itchy and Scratchy parade rushed through Bumtown.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member
yeah right
Member

One of the things that have manifested since the Cubs win was an unexpected emotional instability.
It can result in sudden unexpected bursts of laughter or sudden outbursts of tears.
It may sound trivial but the only comparison is the birth of a child or watching said child graduate from high school/college.

I have no better way to explain it. Powerful stuff.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

My wife is from Chicago and I’ve absorbed a small percentage of her joy over this and it’s quite special. I can only imagine what it feels like for people who are actually in the city.

blaxabbath
Member

Good for the Cubs.

Are the Bears gonna get rid of Cutler after this season?

jjfozz
Member

Jesus god, that midwestern accent is drilling into my head like Ron Jeremy in a sorority house.

Cuntler
Member

As a native Chicagoan, I say fugk dat gerbage tak right dare.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“What accent?”

-LemonJello (born & raised in downstate Illinois)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Or Dr. David Chao trying to perform his controversial “concussion relief surgery”.

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