2016 Quotables (Week 9 – Results)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

This is it folks. This is your return to normalcy. The normalcy you want. The normalcy you don’t want. The normalcy that simply is. Regardless of how your feel, taking your plight to the most dickiest-jokiest corner of the internet may very well be the least effective way to exact your agenda [Deleted joke about the Clinton campaign thinking DFO was a good place to campaign instead of Michigan.] but, by all means, if your riff about politics is hilarious or footbally (or both!) then continue to bring the action.

Now, I’m not here to tone police (quite the opposite, actually) but if you’re sitting out of college classes because of the trauma you’ve experienced this week, I am here to share one thing with every single kommentist still here:

You are all funny.

Really funny, actually. The best of the best from old site. We’ve lived through Spygate, Colts Playoff Banner-gate, Kaeperknickgate, Janaygate, Falcons Speakergate, and even Browns at Ravens as the NFL’s return to the quest for high ratings now that the World Series and Election 2016 are over.

So, I ask again: who the fuck are the clowns handling scheduling at the NFL?

Different kind of funny, I guess. Anyways, just something for you all to keep in mind when you decide to quit your day jobs and become CNN/FoxNews/MSNBC analysts. Okay then — here is your Week 9 results!


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“That’s sad, he prolly don’t even remember that he’s a rapist no more, smh.” -King Hippo

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“In The United Saints of America, huge boobs always reign supreme.” -Enrico Pallazzo

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“If you know the name of the player hilariously ruining the interception for Prince Amakamura, press ONE.” -Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“I knew having vanilla yogurt instead of my usual plain yogurt would throw my game off.” -Lemonjello

“White people love Marquette King because he makes Wayne Brady look like Malcolm X.” -Senor Weaselo


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“The ugliest part of this play is Carson Wentz’s stats on the bottomline, and that’s saying something.” -Bloody Lethal

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“I’m Out of Order?! You’re Out of Order! You’re Out of Order! The whole game’s Out of Order!” -Redshirt

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“On the one hand, Pizza Hut does have shitty pizza. On the other hand, you’re on their e-mail list. On Randy Moss’s hand, there’s an aphrodisiac for Ellen DeGeneres.” -SonOfSpam
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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Lothar of the Hill People
Member
Lothar of the Hill People

http://i1.wp.com/giant.gfycat.com/AlarmingReadyIndri.gif

I just wish Charles Tillman was there to rip the fish out of Randy Moss’s hand.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

I almost made the same comment but I was worried it was too Bears-specific.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

I strained for a few minutes to make a Vikings and boats and fish joke but it never conceptualized and someone please do it for me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I will if you fix your avatar (go into your profile page and reupload your image – images hosted at gravatar don’t work right).

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

I hadn’t even realized.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Member
ThursdaySkyGoddess

Holy Christ, Son of Spam!

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Once again, it’s proven that SonofSpam is the funniest motherfucker I’ve met.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

He really is very funny.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Oh SonOfSpam!

jjfozz
Member

Last night I kept a young kid from getting his ass kicked. He was hammered and had managed to antagonize a duo that included an ex-cop and a poor man’s Roberto Duran.

I grabbed him by his jersey – Raven’s #55 – and said, “Come on, Suggsy, it’s time to leave these guys alone.”

I may have saved the life of the guy who goes on to cure cancer! Or maybe he’ll be another idiot who will vote for Trump’s son in a few years . . .

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

It’s clear that the Browns mascot Chomps has full understanding of the command “sit” but simply cannot handle “stay”.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Now if Chomps could teach the team to stop shitting all over the rug…

entropy
Member

I’m actually kind of proud for giving SonofSpam the opportunity to make that joke. Well done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It certainly was WAAAAAY better than my “Smell Randy’s fingers” joke.

yeah right
Member

We now return to our regular dick joke programming.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

One under analyzed aspect of this election is that there’s finally a contender to challenge Roger Goodell for biggest national disgrace.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Maybe it can be like professional wrestling and there will be a “National Disgrace” belt but also an “Intercontinental Champion” disgrace belt.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

I would like this too much.

jjfozz
Member

Holy fucking shit, SonofSpam, thats got to be one of the funniest fucking things I’ve ever read on this site or the Site That Shall Not Be Named.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

It’s poetry in motion.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Jason Pierre-Paul doesn’t think it’s so funny.

Enrico Pallazzo
Member

Current Facebook look-in:

Dumb person: “You know that I don’t like to get political here but (absolutely terrible take(s) about still supporting the country or rejecting the results). Sorry but that’s just the way that I feel.”

Followed up by way dumber people arguing about the bad take.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

So, in other words, a day in ending in -y on Facebook?

Senor Weaselo
Member

I bet their not even strong takes, smgdh

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