A New Yorker’s Postmortem on This Election

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

Well, this election has come and gone and taken years off our life with its vitriol. Colbert was right, too much venom and it feels like we all ODed. By the last few weeks I just wanted it to be over and after I went and voted I sat in the living room in silence for a good 10 minutes. I didn’t want to hear a damn thing about whatever was going on. And then I came back from whatever shit I did Tuesday, actually it was eating dinner, and the news just kept getting worse and worse. I got nervous, I got scared, I almost pulled a fucking surrender cobra. And I didn’t even like Hillary that much, it’s just… ugh.

I come from a county that is the most ethnically diverse in the country. No, the world. I’m doing a quick check, and it says 48% of Queens is foreign-born, and I’m trying to see how many countries are represented here, but it’s over 100, easy. I’m not saying I know someone from every country in the world, I’m not in Jackson Heights much, but I’ve lived in my childhood home for my entire life and I have seen the demographics change, and we’ve always been cool with our neighbors, except the people across the street who occasionally park their micro Scion in front of our house, and you can only fit one car there between the driveway next door, the hydrant, and the corner. Fuck that car and the people who drive it and park in our spot, you have your own sidewalk without a hydrant across the street by your own damn house. But anyway, yes, Queens is the true pavilion of nations, not Epcot.

You know what else is from Queens? Fuckface Von Clownstick. Sorry, PRESIDENT-ELECT Fuckface Von Clownstick. (That’s more proper, right?) So every kid’s like, “When I grow up I wanna become President of the United States,” so I should be prideful, the next president being a kid from Queens, right? Yeah, about that…

giphy

What they said.

I’m sorry, part of the country who heard this man talk and want to run screaming. I fear that I’ll be sorry again, part of the country who thinks a man who outsourced his campaign caps’ll bring the manufacturing jobs back. I saw a couple people happy about the outcome post that this was the first time that the Republican Party took the White House and both chambers of Congress for the first time since 1928. And how was the Hoover administration?

I’m… actually, I’m not sorry, people who think this means all the—anyone got a handbook on every single slur? I mean all of them, is there a slur for residents of Monaco, for instance?—are open season for those “Real Americans.” First of all, go fuck yourselves. Is that un-PC enough for you, or am I now a whining little librul crybaby and you a gutless hypocritical prick because you can’t take someone calling you something without feeling attacked? I am a white non-Hispanic American, but I’m of darker complexion, and I’ve gotten the pat-down from TSA, I’ve been stopped by a cop in a foreign land and been scared shitless (and ich spreche kein Deutsch). I have been asked what country I’m from because I have “that look” (though mostly by the halal guys on the street). So if someone tells me to go back to my country, if someone attacks a white guy for looking different, if it becomes white-on-white discrimination, will it be the point where maybe this shit cli—no, it won’t, then I’m a gypsy wop whose ancestors should have been wiped out by the Turks, still not a real Amurrcan. And if someone physically attacks me… hopefully I remember enough of my years of martial arts to defend myself, but I hope I don’t do anything I’d regret.

(This is the now part where I’d play “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist” from Avenue Q, except people actually are worried about people committing hate crimes.)


Anyway, let’s talk, Donny. Can I call you Donny for a bit? Come on, Queens boy to Queens boy. Don’t fucking start that Manhattan tycoon shit, you’re from Jamaica Estates. As far as Queens goes, yeah, it’s a little secluded, a little hoity-toity, definitely unlike Jamaica Jamaica, but it isn’t Royal Ranch or Douglaston Manor. It’s not like the only way to get there’s by taking the LIRR because it would be two subways and three buses to get there from Midtown. Also LIRR is one word, right? You don’t say every letter, time is money and fuck the MTA for thinking I’m going to say that mouthful, or for most other things. I’ll give them the return of the W train, that’s the best news I’ve gotten all week. Anyway.

You been to your old hood anytime in the past, I don’t know, 10, 20 years? Take the F all the way to Jamaica-179th and walk? I don’t know the demographics myself, but I’m taking a guess that there’s that melting pot that they talk about all the time in this city. And no, not just different shades of white, but black and brown and beige and your hair’d probably be spinning, even if it is real.

You remember why New York’s the greatest city in the world, right? Because we dream big (okay, I’ll give you that considering the giant fucking building with your name on it—sorry, giant fucking buildings, plural, with your name on them). Because as much as this city can beat you down as you work your ass off, you get back up, you do it again, and yeah, you’ve got a chip on your shoulder and tell the rest of the world not to fuck with you and get outta the way because you’re from New York, but at our best we keep an idealism that tomorrow’s gonna be better for us, for our loved ones, for our city. All those immigrants—oh yeah, those people you spent the last year and a half decrying—working so their kids can have it better. And “making it here” isn’t about being rich or powerful, cause there’s a whole bunch of those guys, and for the most part, fuck those guys. It’s about if the city loves you back. Some article I read (I think?) said all you wanted once was to be king of New York. Only way it can happen in this city is if the people love you. So let’s go to the polls, shall we? New York County, let’s see, let’s see… you got booed coming into vote, you got booed coming out, and you lost the county you reside in by 77 points. Well I got some good news, the county of your birth was better. Queens, Queens… you only lost by 53 points. You didn’t even get 10% in the Boogie-Down. Yeah, hometown fuckin’ hero right here.

You know who the king of New York is right now, Donny, or you been stuck in your gilded tower tweeting at 3 AM? No, it’s not you, even though you somehow won the position of most powerful person on the planet. It’s a man of Puerto Rican descent who’s from the Heights. (Miranda 2020, anybody?) And we love him, even though it’s pretty much impossible to get tickets to Hamilton (ah, fuck, there were tickets that opened up Wednesday morning for November 2017, and I just remembered now and it’s definitely too late). And he loves us. We especially love our homegrown and especially if they give us a reason to be proud of them. I’m a performer, I want the same thing to happen to me. And whether we like it or not, barring a million votes magically pouring into the states of Ohio, Florida, Michigan, and denial (which more often than not are the answers to “Where is this bonkers news story taking place?”), or the new movement urging the electors to become faithless which hasn’t happened to such an extent since 1836 and would probably lead to civil war, we somehow have to have to want the same thing to happen for you, to find some way to make us proud.

Personally I don’t have a lot of faith, short of you pulling out a party horn and shouting “Surprise, fooled ya!” I have to believe that you’re going to do a lot of the things you said you would during the campaign because a tiger doesn’t change its stripes, an alligator doesn’t suddenly let you pet it. And if you do, shit, a fraction of them, especially a lot of the social stuff like annulling gay marriages or a woman’s right to make choices regarding her own body, or if you repeal Obamacare and do absolutely nothing to replace it, or if you start World War III by nuking China and the Middle East in one fell swoop, then fuck you. If you didn’t actually mean everything you said but used it to gain easy votes and just emboldened a party intent on doing a lot of those things, then fuck you. As of now, these things are on your agenda, so fuck you. You got four years of at the least a plurality of America since you’re down 300,000 in the popular vote, to stop thinking “fuck you,” Mr. President-elect (hurgh), and come up with something we can all be proud of, so this nation actually becomes one nation; under the deity, deities, or lack thereof of your choice because Congress shall not establish a religion or have one superior to the others, please read the constitutional amendments that are not the 2nd; with liberty and justice for all. So far the only thing we agree on is “fuckin’ de Blasio” and maybe “fuckin’ MTA,” if you’ve taken it at all in the last 10-15 years, though I doubt that. Definitely not the subways or buses.

Oh, and fuck Staten Island, you won there. But let’s be real, no one cares.

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I AM NOT OK WITH PEOPLE CHANGING MY ENTIRE PROFILE NAME in comments, I am fine if they are doing it to being a dick.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Phrased that quicker that be and aweholes. I am going there this morning.

/ Also nice hustle tonight

// Going to let my pup out and other chores for like 10 min

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Cuntler
Member

I see old Orange Blossom is already pulling back from the “lock her up” rhetoric, is appointing lobbyists to head his transition team (even though he promised to drain the swamp of the same), praised Obama after his meeting, and is considering revising (instead of revoking) Obamacare. I’m so confused, you guys. Anyway, happy Veterans Day to all of you former (and active?) military guys.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Active Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The other stuff is too much work; that may save some of us.

Cuntler
Member

Well, the quote didn’t work:

“Wow, you must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Active Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is great, and similar to the range of things I’ve felt. Couple this with high stress at work and a very close relative dying in the last three weeks have been fucking great. Good times, man.

*Sorry for bitching; a lot of people have it worse.

Old School Zero
Member

We love you Moose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

**a LOT worse

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Moose, hang in there. We’re counting on ya.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thank you.

A national treasure.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000540/

ThePirateSloth
Member
ThePirateSloth

Speaking of Portland, there’s a bit of racism and anti-semitism that has reached pearl clutching status in my section of town.

http://patch.com/oregon/lakeoswego/lake-oswego-high-school-roiled-racism-anti-semitism

Now what I find incredibly hysterical: there’s been a lot of comments on local FB pages, the Next Door app, etc; that this type of behavior is not what Lake Oswego is about… except that the nickname of this town is Lake NeNegro. What the fuck do you expect us normal not racist people to think about you and and your children when you claim you don’t teach your children that kind of language and to respect people of color.

And before you ask – yes, there is large, visible support of Trump, has been throughout the election.

Old School Zero
Member

Yeah, Portland would love to keep branding itself as a bastion for progressive progress, but its history and its factuals don’t support this anymore. We’re a playground for new tech libertarians, naive trustafarians, and old money whites who love gentrifying minorities out of valuable neighborhoods. Lake NoNegro is definitely a breeding ground of the next wave of young republican brownshirt commanders.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

“Anymore?” You do remember Vanport, right?

Old School Zero
Member

Oh, yeah. That’s definitely part of what I’m referencing. That and the founding of the state as a whites only destination, the systematic destabilization and gentrification/movement of black communities and businesses.

So, yeah. You’re right. “Anymore” is in correct. “As always” should have been used.

Old School Zero
Member

Thank you for this perspective, SW. And thank you to all the DFO Veterans.

In Portland, angry and unfocused political masochism and masturbation continues as people keep protesting every night and creating public transport and other travel troubles for the people who aren’t the problem, and it’s all over election results–not a stolen election, nor anything anyone’s done yet, but simply the election results. Yes, it’s undeniable that the election results pose a serious threat to a lot of people and to any progressive political gains over the last few years, but protesting now and making ordinary citizens just trying to get out of downtown after a long day of work (three days in a row, no less) is like trying to treat treatable pre-cancerous cells with homeopathic nostrums–you’re only aiding in spreading the anger and the divisions further. If people are serious about doing something about this, what they need to do is something a local alternative weekly editor talked about here–get together at a local level and support each other’s causes. Like Sep says, leaving it to old white male democrats to argue these causes for us hasn’t worked, so it’s time to get together and unify the opposition, instead of continuing the infighting and other-blaming, especially from within.

Of course, last night, some dumb fuck anarchists decided to show up to the protests and start bashing things with bats. Because that’s gonna help. Fuck you, Portland, and fuck you, homeopathy.

Sep
Member

Take solace in this: The Democrats can’t move forward with this current iteration. Two groups of old white people yelling at each other doesn’t work, so now a change will come. I can only hope that they (Democrats) and my generation recognize this.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Yea screw who it is as long as they are (insert minority) and (insert a gender)!

litre_cola
Member

Well done Weaselo very succinct a good read and well thought out. I am a pretty white Scottish lad and whenever I go through your guys TSA I get the near handjob petting. A month ago one agent doubted that we actually just were flying through San Fran en route to Sydney as I had a Gigantes hat on, missus is pregnant and we wanted an anchor baby…

Sep
Member

I remember when I told my Father 18 months ago that the Republicans were going to let Donald Trump stick around long enough to be dangerous. I remember a few weeks ago when speaking with a friend that I was voting for Hilary. When she asked me why I didn’t seem very enthusiastic, I told her it was because she hasn’t done anything to earn that vote. She merely put on an attitude that it was her turn, as if the establishment (and the people) somehow owed her the Oval Office. Hilary lost because she couldn’t show people she was the better candidate, only tell them.

Lothar of the Hill People
Member
Lothar of the Hill People

“Hilary lost because she couldn’t show people she was the better candidate, only tell them.”

This is a nugget of wisdom that eludes many (including me, until I read it).

Yes, Hillary was by far a better candidate. But instead of showing us how she was a better candidate, we had endless lines of people (including herself) telling us. The failure of her campaign was not figuring out a way to break out of her robo-candidate mode and actually engaging with people. You know, like she did when she ran for Senate.

Why did people not vote for her? Why was D turnout low? Because people didn’t “like” her or “trust” her. OK, own up to that and change people’s perceptions. Have her appear in public in something other than a fucking pantsuit. Have her hang out on-camera with her grandkids. WHO WOULDN’T VOTE FOR A SWEET GRANDMA WHO WAS A SENATOR AND SECRETARY OF STATE?

Old School Zero
Member

I know there’s plenty of blame to go around, any number of ways to point the finger, but after a lot of thought, I think the democrats lost this thing back in 2008, when they couldn’t band together enough guts to take on the big banks and other rich elite. And throughout the last eight years when they wouldn’t speak out loud enough about the rise of membership in and activity by homegrown hate groups (as regularly tracked by the SPLC) and the continual rise in income and wealth inequality. And from way back when the Southern Strategy took root and was allowed to grow virtually unchallenged via far right news propaganda networks until today we fully bear its fruit. I did think Bernie would have been the best foil for Trump’s populist base, but I still don’t know that it would have been enough to overcome all the history and other forces behind this. As long as this election season was, it in and of itself did not determine the course we’re on. We were already on it, but just taking the scenic route for a while.

Sep
Member

NOFX sang it best, “Dinosaurs will die”

blaxabbath
Member

All Obama had to do was hike up his pants, lean in to the mic, and say the magic words:

Radical Islam.

Old School Zero
Member

THIS TAKE IS TOO HOT

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I have to disagree with that. Any honest person who watched the debates would have agreed that she was a MUCH better candidate than Trump. They just didn’t care, is all.

Sep
Member

True. She definitely wiped the floor with him in those debates, but what about voter apathy?

blaxabbath
Member

Hillary was a better candidate. She was even influenced by Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln as much as I was!

Unfortunately for her, her supporters (if that’s what you call someone who pays you lip service but then doesn’t vote) didn’t think she was good enough to vote for nor was Trump bad enough to vote against. Trump supporters, on the other hand, seem to have a different idea of what a candidate should be (not the epitome of an establishment insider, this cycle).

I saw a news video of Phoenix high schoolers walking out to protest Trump. The still of the video (you had to hover over for it to play) is a couple kids walking down the sidewalk and one is like four feet away giving the camera the bird. I could only think of what Fozz would have to say about that one particular young man.

jjfozz
Member

I would have congratulated him and then bought him a bottle of Mickey’s Big Mouth, along with a pack of Camels and maybe a miniature of Jameson’s.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Active Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Remember when they had those “automatic spill” tops? Good times.

jjfozz
Member

Well done, Mr. Weaselo!

I’m a swarthy fellow too, and when we went on our honeymoon, five weeks after 9-11, I got asked a ton of questions before we got on the flight.

My new wife was shitting eggrolls. I finally said, “Do you see the last name on my license? I’m Italian and Sicilian. We tend to be dark. Jesus Christ, did you ever see True Romance?”

And that’s how I didn’t get laid on the first night of my honeymoon.

nomonkeyfun
Member

Your wife shits eggrolls? Now that is a keeper.

blaxabbath
Member

“Every good vacation spot has hookers.”

-Warren Sapp

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“I am interested in this and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.”

-Craig James

Cuntler
Member

Very well done. I am taking a long sabbatical from politics. I am crushed by this shit bag. Articles like this aren’t helping. Netflix is going to get expensive.

http://www.npr.org/2016/11/10/501597652/fact-check-donald-trumps-first-100-days-action-plan

jjfozz
Member

THESE FACTS, I CALL THEM MY KIDS, BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM AND THEY’RE MAKING ME DEPRESSED.

blaxabbath
Member

“I’m of darker complexion, and I’ve gotten the pat-down from TSA”

Veterans’ Day/Fuck the TSA Note: When I returned from Afghanistan we took a chartered flight to the states then flew commercial from Fozztimore to Houston. I was in uniform — back before the digitals so anyone in the desert camo was on deployment orders — with a hundred other uniformed troops (and I use that term loosely for that group of yahoos), all lugging our shit and I got pulled aside for the — I don’t know what they call it — the extreme vetting at the TSA.

So I’m in uniform, pulled to the side, patted down, they run my gear bag for bomb residue (and, amazingly come back with nothing because ‘Illusion of Safety’), and then tell me pop it open. I’m like, “if you make me open this thing, there is no way I’m getting all this shit back in it before my flight.” And they’re just looking at me like I’m trying to pull a fast one. Naturally my CO is too busy fishing for “thanks for your service” ass pats to step in on my behalf but fortunately someone did because a senior TSA person (at least 4 pieces of flair on her vest) came by and told me I could go. I did not end up blowing up that flight so, you know, good job TSA.

ThePirateSloth
Member
ThePirateSloth

I used to know a kid who worked TSA. Every time I’d see him every other week or so – I couldn’t stand the kid, so I actively tried to not be around him – he’d have some new … thing: gadgets, lighters, hot/cold drink containers, watches, sunglasses… all sorts of new odds and ends every time I’d see him. He loved to show them off, then usually try to give something to a girl in our group to impress her.

Except that every single new thing he had was “confiscated” from passengers coming thru his TSA station. Fucking thief was all he was. He’d see something he really wanted, come up with a reason to say it wasn’t allowed thru security… or not even give a reason. He fully knew most people wouldn’t fight it, for the hassle, to make their flight, save embarrassment of being searched in front of the entire airport, etc. He bragged about it, told all of us guys (never told any of the ladies, of course).

Ever since, I’ve always limited what I carry thru security, bunch of fucking thieves.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Active Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think a vast majority of them are OK people who need a job. I’m sure there are several who are as you describe. The ones who are just trying to do their job are constantly bitched at by both sides; people who are generalizing and hate them as you are and the bureaucracy that they work for puts them in a soul crushing, constant beat down environment.

What I’m saying is; I really don’t want to put in my resume.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Active Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The upper management at TSA are happy with the currant NFL rule book.

jjfozz
Member

This happened to me in the Aruba airport. We’re walking through and my wife buys a bottle of lotion – not the good jerk off lotion from my youth – but some expensive shit.

So we are going through the gate, and the guy says, “You can’t take that.”

Wait, you sell stuff in the airport that can’t go on the airplane? It’s lotion, not C4.

Anyway, I wound up having to accept a dry tug job from the 65 year old “flight attendant.”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

TSA must mean “Fucking Security Theater” in some language…

Long before 9/11, I was headed to MOS school from my podunk midwestern airport, in full service uniform. No surprise, I ping the metal detector. Leonidas of the boarding gate wants me to “remove all metal objects” from my body. I look at him and ask if that means he wants me to strip down since every article of clothing I’m wearing has metal in it or attached to it. This stumps our stalwart defender of this glorified bus terminal until a supervisor waves me through with an apology and shake of her head.

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