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JV NFL Schedule/Open Saturday Thread (12 Nov 2016)

King Hippo

/

,

I have no words nor fucks left to give. Games of note:

Baylor at Oklahoma (Noon, ABC/ESPN2)

Scoring.

Kentucky at Tennessee (Noon, SECN)

Wildcats still have reasonable chance to win East with win here.

Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech (3:30, ESPNU)

ACC Coastal would be clinched with VPI win. I can’t believe I’m tying this, but THANK YOU, DUKE.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State (3:30, FS1)

Offense again.

LSU at Arkansas (7:00, ESPN)

Physicality, best SEC West game.

USC at Washington (7:30, Fox)

Just in case, but likely blowout.

Cal at Washington State (10:30, ESPN)

Late night, none of us deserve cheerleaders (apologies to Canucks).

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JerBear50

Story time. As I may have mentioned to a couple of you, I broke things off with my ex a month or so ago and have pretty much been spiraling in a non-upwards direction. Spending a lot of nights pretty numb, though I have discovered that I manage to do pretty well for a guy who hasn’t really been single much for the last 12 or so years, and who is completely tech-deficient.

That being said, after a successful bar pickup last night, I woke up this morning to this phrase: “That was really fun but I’ve got to get to work. Can you give me a lift to the carnival?” I think some re-evaluation of my life is in order.

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Unsurprised

Ended better than my night.

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JerBear50

Also I may need to work on what I consider to be successful.

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Mr. Ayo

I’ll just say that you should be awarded bonus life points for that phrase.

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JerBear50

I wanted really badly to believe that she meant a cruise ship.

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is awesome!

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laserguru

I dated a carney for 2 weeks back in the early 80’s

She had a home made Blue Oyster Cult tattoo and she gave me a critical case of the clap.

True story.

I hope yours turns out better.

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JerBear50

So I guess you could say…
/takes off glasses
She was Burnin For You

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laserguru

To finish this heartwarming holiday story. I knew I had some shit when I was pissing napalm and I asked my brothers to be cool with it until after the holidays.
See, Ma always came out to California in December because she lived in Iowa, Davenport if you must know, and she needed a defrost before Winter got cold as a motherfucker.

I pick up Ma at Ontario, (CA) airport and drive her home and brother DJ Taj says, “Hi Ma! welcome home! yeah right has the clap!”

The next day, I’ve got Ma on one arm and my Auntie S on the other and they dragged my ass to the monthly VD clinic.

It looked like two older milfs trying to protect their investment.

I get in there and there’s a horrifying long cotton swab story that I’m not gonna share and a jab of penicillin in my ass that I apparently did just share.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T79XuHOpWA

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JerBear50

Oh that’s awesome. I actually just looked up where to go get tested just in case.

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Croooow

Wow, Iowa got the ball back in great field position.

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Mr. Ayo

3 of the top 4! Just one field goal away.

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Senor Weaselo

Except not the one we want.

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Mr. Ayo

Culos buenos

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Senor Weaselo

Yay Vesey, 3-0 Ice Giants over Ice Stampeders

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Croooow

Dammit, Hawkeyes.

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Unsurprised

Imgur: Come for the cats, stay for the racism and crypto-conservatism

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Brick Meathook

Martin Sheen, truck driver

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Mr. Ayo

I knew he looked familiar!

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Senor Weaselo

Something, something Jesus take the wheel.

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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

I have no idea how I was able to log in to DFO last night on my phone while drunk. Also, I need to learn to ride a bike.

http://115.imagebam.com/download/d4HjIe-VxQJ22PIIRgjedQ/51459/514588662/mw.jpg

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Croooow

Wow, Washington is in a lot of trouble.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s been said a lot this week I think.

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Croooow

I wish I could like this more than once.

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Senor Weaselo

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In honor of our host, the good (and missed) King Hippo….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIraCchPDhk

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Mr. Ayo

AHPM* is a good starting point.

*Average Hole Per Model

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure if that is on the syllabus·

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Mr. Ayo

Will lube be provided at least?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re pinching my nipple, Captain. That’s illogical. But not unpleasant.

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laserguru

He asked me to my knee off his chest.

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Spanky Datass

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It’s not unusual.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNj9aVmYR_w

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theeWeeBabySeamus

http://i.imgur.com/cywDcHb.png

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Spanky Datass

imgur, still the worst.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. Usually I notice when I drop the link. But I was so excited about ‘batin I didn’t notice.
Wait, let me rephrase that.

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Croooow

Michigan fumbles the second half kickoff. Holy crap.

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Croooow

And converted yet another fourth down.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I see Wake has reverted to being….well, Wake.

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Senor Weaselo

Hi everybody!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Howdy, motherfucker!!!!!

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Shogun Marcus

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laserguru

Ola Senor!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Stuffed shells were great, btw.
Now it is tWBS who is stuffed.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, I hate cleanup. I’m a clean as you go type, but still.
If anyone would like to be my sexless housewife (as far as you know….roofie ftw) I’ll cook for you if you clean the shit up.

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entropy

I’m in. I like good food and don’t mind dishes (also, rather difficult to knock out chemically, so I’m safe on the sexless portion of the show!).

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sheeit…I would have to roofie you.

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laserguru

I cook for two brothers and clean up is part of their damn job.

And I also clean as I go.

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Croooow

Hawks still very much in it at the half. 10-8 (That includes a Safety!).

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JustStopDude

IOWA!!! Going for it on 4th. Playing with a set of balls!!!

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Brocky

11/18….

I’m not sure if that’s bad or good….

http://www.sporcle.com/games/babymonkee/blonde-actress-picture-click

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Mr. Ayo

4/18 lol

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Unsurprised

17/18

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Unsurprised

This is sad

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entropy

Two random observations from entropy’s Saturday:

1. I have a friend who used to be a Russian Lit professor at Penn State. He put up a post today that I won’t share all of, but the end of it was a bit startling: “Thanks, Penn State, for being such a healing force in our family.”

2. Most lovely thing I’ve read in a while: “I’ve always known your name; I just didn’t know when I would get to say it.”

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laserguru

That’s a great line.

Can’t wait to try it out in Vegas.

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entropy

I’m not sure people will understand if you use the Penn State line there, but it is a gambling town.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That really is a great line.
I might have to use a variation of it in the near future.

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laserguru

I’ve had Jersey on my mind today.

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laserguru

Yep, the original Quik Stop. It’s just outside of Redbank. Buddy took me there with youngest right.
This is about 7 years ago.

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Brick Meathook

https://youtu.be/CiAaEPcnlOg

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Lothar of the Hill People

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Lothar of the Hill People

I found this searching for faceplant gifs.

http://i1.wp.com/memecollection.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sexy-jiggly-gifs9.gif

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ballsofsteelandfury

That is logical. I’d like to plant my face in there.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Hot Tub Time Machine is one of the greatest movies of this decade. Screw anyone that says different.

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Brocky

she’s not mexican though…..

Not that a trump supporter would actually care but I digress…

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Lothar of the Hill People

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Lothar of the Hill People

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Brick Meathook

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The heads. You’re looking at the heads. Sometimes he goes too far. He’s the first one to admit it.

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Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She ruined it for me on Conan when she got all educated and corrected him in a manner of speech kinda rudely and she was totally wrong….. I know a minor thing, but what ever it triggered it was like marrying a douchebag. That said; I’d still put a couple of fingers up her butt if given the opportunity.*

*In a respectuful and non-sexist way OF COURSE.

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Lothar of the Hill People

I don’t want to come off as sexist, but she’s a woman whose voice I don’t need to hear. I’d just like to watch her work out in a sports bra and tight shorts.

And then the fingers up her butt, sure.

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Brick Meathook

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Is there a Ralphs around here?

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Lothar of the Hill People

Targeting in college is like a catch in the pros. It’s a fucking cypher whether or not it exists on any given play.

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Lothar of the Hill People

On advice from a friend, I bought some gin yesterday, too. My experience with gin is limited to my Nana drinking it to calm her nerves during big Thanksgivings. There was the cheap stuff I could’ve bought, but I decided to get the Beefeater, because that’s what I recall my Nana having on the shelf. I’m done drinking tonight, but what should I put my Beefeater in tomorrow?

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Kungjitsu

Jennifer Garner

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Kungjitsu

Serious business, I like gin and tonic with a bunch of lime.

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Lothar of the Hill People

Lime juice, or peel, or just a big fucking lime in the bottom of the glass?

I should be OK on Tonic. I have two of their CDs.

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Kungjitsu

I’ll take 1/2 a lime and squeeze it into the G&T and then drop it in.

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Lothar of the Hill People

True story: Jennifer Garner went to Denison University, which is on the other side of Columbus from where I live. I tried to angle a teaching job there, just in case she ever visited on alumni weekend, so I could put my smooth professorial moves on her.

No luck.

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Lothar of the Hill People

If Jennifer Garner asked me what was in my wallet, I’d show her my penis.

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Kungjitsu

Hey Mr. Garner. I loved you in the Rockford Files. I want to get your daughter pregnant in front of your son-in-law.

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Lothar of the Hill People

My all-time favorite Pixar movies:

1) The Incredibles
2) Wall-E
3) Monsters, Inc
4) Up
5) Toy Story 2
6) Ratatouille
7) Inside Out
8) Toy Story 3
9) Finding Nemo
10) Toy Story

And then I realize, holy crap. Has any studio/producer/director put together 10 movies so fucking awesome? I mean, even if Disney keeps up with Rogue One and the next few Star Wars movies, it’ll be 5 more years before the Star Wars franchise matches the greatness of Pixar.

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JustStopDude

Wall-E blows my mind.

With today’s movie studios, just try to image that pitch…

“So we have a robot that doesn’t say a word except wally. For about 30 minutes it just him. No real dialogue. Then we introduce another robot…that also doesn’t talk. We should have some dialogue with minor characters in the late 3rd act”

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Lothar of the Hill People

A movie about robots that gets me choked up in the last 2 minutes. And the credits are just about the best part of the film. Fucking Pixar was at the height of their powers there.

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laserguru

That’s a solid list but I may have to choose Wall-E.

I love Pixar.

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Kungjitsu

Pixar movies all hold up. The Force Awakens gets dumber every time I see it.

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Lothar of the Hill People

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH! THE FORCE AWAKENS IS AWESOME.

Hey, even if it’s A New Hope remade, I love it simply because my daughter has a female protagonist to look up to who isn’t whored out in a bikini and chained to a giant slug with a nasty tongue.

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laserguru

On a happier note, I did something today that I haven’t done in like 15 fucking years.

I went to KFC!

It was goddamn delicious.

There’s something truly American about fried chicken and beer.

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Lothar of the Hill People

KFC is really good, as long as you don’t have it more than once a year. Sort of like pizza rolls.

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JustStopDude

Ex navy buddy of mine just posted on facebook that Clemson losing was a national embarrassment and that their fans and students should be embarrassed.

Who wants to guess what university he went after he got out of the navy and figures prominently throughout his profile….

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Kungjitsu

I don’t want it to be, but The Incredibles might be my favorite movie. For some reason it hits me in all the feels.

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Lothar of the Hill People

Instead of footy, watching The Incredibles with my spawn. Damn, this movie is great every time I watch it.

We also adopted two shelter kitties today. During the Trump (barf) reign, we are going to do what we can to make the world a better place. Plus, kitties are cute as motherfucking hell.

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Lothar of the Hill People

And I just cracked open a 1.75 liter bottle of Maker’s Mark. Sorry, I like it better than Bulleit.

Because I accidentally bought a bottle of sweet vermouth, I decided to make a Manhattan for the first time. My reaction: Why would someone ruin perfectly good bourbon by mixing it with other stuff?

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Spanky Datass

Rocks Manhattan or up?
Also, rocks Manhattans are what Evan Williams, Noilly Prat and Angostura bitters are made for. Save the top shelf stuff for sippin’.

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Spanky Datass

I should have been more specific. I meant Evan Williams Black and Noilly Prat Rouge … and maraschino cherries!

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Kungjitsu

I use Evan Williams Green Label as lighter fluid.

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Spanky Datass

The Green Label is extra cheap for a reason. 2/10 will not buy.

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Lothar of the Hill People

Went out and bought Angostura bitters specifically for this drink. Maybe I didn’t add enough? My recipe said “two dashes” and so I shook the bottle twice into the drink.

Recipe was rocks. Again, I’m gonna save my bourbon for drinking straight. Neat. Whatever. Just bourbon.

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Kungjitsu

Bulleit Bourbon can’t hold Maker’s Mark’s red wax covered jockstrap. Bulleit Rye on the other hand…

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Lothar of the Hill People

Fuck. Bulleit rye is better? Time for another trip to the state agency, then…

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Spanky Datass

Bulliet Rye is magic in a bottle.
And the 10yo Bulliet Bourbon is tasty and a pretty good value.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Oh wow…I totally wasn’t prepared for this…I want to thank the boosters…the equipment people…my wife “WE DID IT HONEY!”…um Jesus…and of course our dark lord Satan…

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

Sorry, Dabo, “Clemsoning” is a verb again.

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