Ahhh, Mexico City! Did you know that the NFL hasn’t played here since Mahmound Abbas won a landslide victory for the presidency of the Palestinian Authority? Time certainly has flown. Believe it or not, as a Canadian growing up in-you know-I didn’t learn much about The Mexico City! Shall we unpack her? Let’s! Rumour has it that Mexico City is arguably the biggest city in Mexico! Quite some time ago William S. Burroughs taught me that if you want to murder your wife under the guise of playing “William Tell”, the best place to pull it off is right here. This lovely lady of a city has the 2nd largest fresh fish market in the world but also the 27th largest fresh elk market as well! The 1968 Olympics ushered in the tres chic black glove fashion statement. The city has a very generous immigration policy with respect to Canadians because, “they tend to keep the overall temperature down.” The GDP (Gross Dick Pic) of this metropolis and its environs relative to the country as a whole is a whopping 16%! The mayor of Mexico City can cure psoriasis by simply looking at you. Every January 11th, fireworks are stuffed up the butt of Hernando Cortez effigies. What’s with the big grudge, City of Palaces? TO THE GAME!
Hou/Oak-For the smarty-pantses among you (myself included) that thought that the Chiefs were nowhere close to being as good as their record indicated-I give you the Houston Texicans. This whisper-thin “good” 6-3 team has a minus 27 point differential. Sure, they’ve squeaked by lousy teams six times. Huzzah for them! The bad news is that every time they’ve played a good team they’ve been blown out. The wins are not convincing and the losses are disheartening. The secondary is highly ranked but hasn’t faced a wr combo the likes of Crabtree/Cooper so far. Houston can bring the heat against lesser clubs but the Raiders O-line is ranked 2nd in pressure rates (Carr has time to throw the ball) and first in adjusted sack rate (amount of time fooling around with their balls because the athletic cup doesn’t fit quite right) Looks to me that the Raiders will expose themselves to the Texicans.
There you go… HAVE AT IT, MISCHIEF-MAKERS!!!
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Tell us again how tall Osweiler is, ESPN announcer. We hadn’t heard it in five minutes.
I didn’t know they stacked shit that high.
FUCK BLACK FRIDAY.
That is all.
ALL FRIDAYS MATTER
And with the spike, Inanimate carbon rod marinelli!
Dear Lord.
Gott im himmel. Das hypnotic!
She seems nice.
Smart, too
Plunkett and Flores get made love from this Hispanic!
The Mexican Anthem seems like a lot more fun. Like it has built in drinking bits.
Cowboy jersey spotted.
Where are the mexican weather girls…wait was that a cameltoe for the ladies in pink yoga pants?
Apropos of nothing, this has been in my head for approximately 6 hours:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=PonFO-vGesE
And there’s your booing.
¿Quién es Becky G?
Mehicano -Americano uh…. actress-o?
Oh my god, Becky
Someone kneels for the Mexican anthem
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS COMMERCIAL?!
Ok Oakland. 40 pts by Crab, Latavius and you huge D.
“Huge D? Where do I sign up?”
-Aaron Rodgers
I think the guy across from me on this train is trying to eye fuck me in his sleep.
Pfff… at least you’re getting some.
Anyone else think it’d be funny if those “specially constructed locker rooms” were built by imported US union labor? Just me? Ok.
It’ll be really funny when Trump signs some sort of immigration amnesty considering how many “illegals” he has working at his hotels.
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Did Peter King take the Santa Fe Rail to Mexico for the game?
God, I hope he gets kidnapped!
Dear lord I hope so
The first visiting Texans fan to shout “Remember the Alamo!” Is getting shot, right?
We LOST
I find it endearing that you think such a thing matters to your average Texan.
It’s Mexico, so getting their heart torn out on a stone altar is more appropriate, isnt’ it?
Obligatory wall mention?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR5ApYxkU-U
The gif didn’t work.
You know what would make Acela more fun? Authentic hobos.
Your move, hipsters
Drew already covered that. http://www.gq.com/story/millennial-hobo-life
The new “most interesting man in the world” looks like a serial platypus rapist. He can go eat a bag of cyanide antacids.
Yes. He looks like an asshole.
You can’t be interesting if you’re not old and haven’t done a bunch of shit. Right, entropy?
You can be mildly intriguing, at best.
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Reading through the earlier comments, I just want to say that you’re all sick fucks and I love all of you.
/is already drunk
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This guy, he’s the guy.
/hugs , falls over
Which anthem will be first, Mexico or USA? Any chances for some booing?
Oh, it’s guaranteed.
Quarterback grit level mentioned!! EVER BODY DRINK!!!
We’ve been talking about this game all week and I still forgot about it tonight. That’s 2016 football in a nutshell.
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Good thing this game is being played while Obama is still president, because Trump would send the INS to every bar that ever advertised a Cinqo de Mayo special to deport whomever they found.
Well, yeah, and the team playing against the Raiders wouldn’t be allowed back in the country.
“You play for the… Texans? Ha ha, nice try, hombre.”
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He’s gonna deport the Irish?
Leave my people out of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boO4RowROiw?t=32s
Good.
Is that JaMarcus Russell interviewing Derek Carr?
Has there been a bit with Boomer wearing a sombrero yet?
There will be, don’t you fret.
Of course the Texans didn’t base their decision not to take Carr based on his brother’s struggles; they just didn’t want to have to tell his mother they nearly got another Carr brother killed behind that shitty offensive line.
Understatement of the night: There’s just something a little off with Mark Davis.
The spell that allowed Al to possess his body was said by someone with a lisp, so the soul didn’t quite attach properly.
If I were in that room listening to those assholes talk in the Nationwide jingle, I’d need every lawyer on DFO within minutes to craft my multiple homicide defense.
No jury in the world would convict you.
Cornerstone of my defense: “they needed killin’, Judge.”
“Not guilty, you’re free to go.”
So, over/under on bags of urine thrown on the field tonight?
Parlay: number of players hit by those urine bombs?
Gimme the over on both.
Mexicans may not have much, but we have good aim.
Jesus Christo, people in Mexico eat food that is prepared differently than us!
Matron saint looking good as always
The music from setting up my new TV is WAAAAYYYY too soothing.
RTD succumbs to the soothing sound of his TV setup, is discovered weeks later eaten by cats.
I need Raiders 42-0 is everyone ok with this?
RTD just got an erection reading that, so yes.
Seabass needs to kick a 70+ yarder
Not really, but if Carr and Crabs can get me at least 19 points, I can deal.
There are thousands of them.
I’m mounting and hooking up my new TV when I get home, and am looking forward to seeing the world of football through 4K and HDR. Colors will be vivid, the lines more sharp. It’ll almost be like I’m at a game, except I can mute the drunk guy next to me!
/Suddenly remembers that Color Rush games are a thing
So, uh, is there a way to tone colors down on this thing?
So, is there 4K porn? Asking for a friend. That friend, of course, is you.
If it’s becoming the industry standard, then spluhh.
Which one did you get? We got the fancy (SUHD) 55″ Samsung.
The 55″ Vizio I showed you before. And of course it didn’t fit in my car by less than a Woodhead.
/+1 waiting at the curb for a friend to show up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JphZtpafdKY
Ice Giants doing their best to make sure I’m drunk well before kickoff this evening.
Donde esta la biblioteca
El televisor y el tocadiscos. ¡Qué lástima!
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I can’t imagine that anything good happens in a place named “Caligula”
Pac man loves the lunch buffet there. Bulleeee Dat.
Charity has the day off, she’s taking her kids to the doctor. How can I help you?
EVERYTHING good happens in a place called “Caligula.”
Me llamo T-Bone, la araña discoteca.
When the NFL sends their players to Mexico, they are sending spouse abusers, drunk drivers, and rapists. Some, I assume are good players.
Not in a Texans-Raiders game, they’re not.
Evening.
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I, having been born in Mexico City, can attest that everything you said above is true. EVERYTHING. Specially the William Tell part.
SOFA KING EXCITED!
Yes, but are the locals?
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Howdy do, fellow involuntary members of the Fourth Reich.
Is that why I received a brown shirt and pair of jack boots via FedEx* today?
*(UPS wasn’t an option, since “What can brown do for you?” isn’t a question answered lightly in these dangerous times)