Your “Seattle Doesn’t Care If Stafford Has A Thorn In His Paw” NFC Wildcard Game Open Thread

Det/Sea– Let’s be honest. We’re all pretend friends here, right? Does this not look like a Seahawks win etched in stone? Detroit has lost three in a row. They’re one and done the last eight times they’ve donned cleats for an extra game. Qb Stafford is 1-23 (1 and 23!!!) on the road vs. teams over .500. WOOF! The Lions D is dead last in the rankings despite having the finest living room accessory/head coach in the league. I’d like to see Andy Reid emulate a throw pillow! Grit Monster Zach Zenner is going to give it his best but throwing pearls before swine don’t win football games.

GIVE IT YOUR BEST SENTIENT HUMANS!

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Dunstan

A dump pass to Mulligan on 4th and 1? I bet the Lions would like to take that play over.

King Hippo

Regular Jim would also like Jim Bob’s spleen roasted on a shishkabob, if the sideline shots are any indication.

...

Goddamn it Lions.

Unsurprised

Team motto for over a century

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s nice that Nationwide has their commercials open with their jingle, giving me just enough time to scramble to find the remote and change the channel.

King Hippo

GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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King Hippo

Jim Caldwell’s thinky face. Long FG in the cold, or white RB off-tackle??

fleshwound_NPG

wtf was that, t-mobile

Brick Meathook

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

In my mind Zack Zenner gains over 100 pounds in the off-season, takes over at center and is so transcendent at the new position that it is subsequently renamed after him.

No, you really don’t want a peek inside my mind.

Brocky

does he also became extremely skilled in the cuisine of various south-eastern asian countries?

I got to know man!

Doktor Zymm

It sounds uncannily like mine, but less lazy and lair-oriented

Spur

Go for it!

Spur

Yay offense!

Unsurprised

Someone might want to share this on Sill’s twitter. http://i.imgur.com/d0kNURK.jpg

Gratliff

We’re down to “eating whipped cream out of the container” level of football snacks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oooohh….that reminds me. I’ve got Cool Whip in the freezer.
Thanks man!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Shit! Me too!!

Unsurprised

I’m calling for an air extraction. Hang tight.

fleshwound_NPG

GRITTY BLITZ PICKUP

Curse of Marino

Wrapped around your finger by the police. Very clever by NBC

Doktor Zymm
King Hippo

I like intermingling the DESTINY with Heathers, a piece of cinematic gloriousness severely underappreciated by our society.

Doktor Zymm

One of my favorite movies as a tween.

King Hippo

oh, I taped it off HBO and watched with little brother and sister, to parental consternation. BUHLEE DAT!!

Brocky

so watching the game on mute, makes the x-ray segment that much more interesting.

now in this exact joint is where the worst of his premature arthritis will manifest…

Spur

You guys know Stafford has a hand injury?

King Hippo

You know Ronnie Lott is furiously watching over whiskey, fuming “you mean that little bitch could just cut the tip off and be fine??”

JustStopDude

“The important thing for Stafford is that even when wearing the splint, he can still operate a vehicle in Detroit. If it was his ring or index finger, the splint just would not be an option”

Dunstan

Ok, I’ll give the NBC music coordinator a nod for that use of “Wrapped Around Your Finger”

Petronel

Love when they get smartass / dickish with the music.

Curse of Marino

Yep, NBC always does stuff like that

Doktor Zymm

I’ve seen a lot of Chevy ads, has there been a football game?

JustStopDude

Its worse than watching the Manchester Chevys play.

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I’ve always wanted to slap someone with a fish. It’s a lifelong dream of mine.

Brick Meathook

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Spur

God. Let them hit Wilson.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Beastmode Ate My Baby

From your lips to the O-line’s ears.

Brocky

http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTE5NVgxNjAw/z/M9IAAMXQydtTLeEf/$_57.JPG?set_id=880000500F

So I got this at a goodwill in the middle of Indiana.

most forgettable super bowl champions ever?

Brocky

not this exact one, btw, one that’s just like it. i’m far too lazy to take a picture, and definitely too lazy to put it on ebay.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“There was a Super Bowl before 48?”

-Seattle fans

Brocky

something something steelers refs…

Gratliff

That cup doesn’t say “Liberal Tears”. Get with the times!

Curse of Marino

Every time Rusell Wilson introduces himself during the NFL rollcolls I expect him to say

“Rusell Wilson, Microsoft Surface Pro 3”

King Hippo

Just once, would it kill him to say “NO MOAR white bitches for me!”

Curse of Marino

“Hey Jimmy, I know I got you killed with a shitty throw but try some Nanowater™”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

With Seattle’s front line, Russ needs to hoard his precious nanobubbles.

JustStopDude

And “Best Performance of a TE in Movie, Film, or Blown Play”….

Spur

Even Goodell knew which was the better game to watch today.

Spur

This is the most high budget school play I’ve ever seen. No way that school was in Texas.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is this where the cool kids are hanging out?
Oh….it’s still just you guys.
/sigh

King Hippo

oh that’s good. I bet Dok been drankin!!

Brocky

Brocky thinking to himself

well at lest with the lions there aren’t too many stupid story lines that idiot sportswriters can make up….

remembers that the lions have a white running back with an alliterative name

oh god damn it…

King Hippo

the only upside of a SeaTruther win would be the collective sphincter tightening of the entire DFW metroplex.

Spur

Go FUCK LIONS
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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude

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Curse of Marino

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Curse of Marino

“Insert Skip Bayless hot taek about Richard Sherman being a Ni-Thug here”

blaxabbath

When I see commercials for “Stephen A. vs White Guy” I think of how tough those two editorialists with their studio jobs talking trash about pro athletes would be considered in 1944.

Unsurprised

Why?

Doktor Zymm

If Ryan Fitzpatrick scored a TD and thought about it too much, would he be flagged for excessive cerebration?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Rumors of Fitzmagic’s high IQ are greatly exacerbated.

Dunstan

Only if Hines Ward was the ref

Doktor Zymm

If Zach Zenner scored a TD, and did a Zorro celebration, would he be called for excessive celebration?

Unsurprised

?

fleshwound_NPG

excezzive celebration

Spur

Not if you’re scrappy.

King Hippo

Grit grit grit grit!!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

The Spanish announcers just said Roger Goodell’s name for some reason. I’m going to pretend they called him a cunt.

Unsurprised

They probably did

King Hippo

this is a fine channeling of the Lesser Footy Saturday spirit. Huzzah!!

Fronkenshteen

Quality Young Cusack movie. Great Tim Robbins cameo.

Brick Meathook

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Not a Diggler’s Donuts promo. There’s not enough frosting.

Spur

Don’t you pay JD Power to say you’re the best at whatever you want?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You’re the best, Spur!

That’ll be $50, please.

Unsurprised

(Shut upppp ……..)

Unsurprised

I want Detroit to win because they were my first team (then I became a REDACTEDS fan because I am dumb). And because fuck all the Seahawks fans I know.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Aw, and here you were gonna have a surprise appearance on HRTN next week!

Unsurprised

Yeah, right

Beastmode Ate My Baby

No, no…he’s in it already…

LemonJello

PUNTS FOR THE PUNT GODS!

Doktor Zymm

Also, why do they have them say their school when they introduce themselves? And why don’t more of them take the opportunity to say something fun?

Dunstan

Because the Gingerhammer would not permit it. This is the No Fun League, after all.

King Hippo

they could say they sign and they momma’s name, for instance

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Because not everyone is as awesome as Atari Bigbi.

Shogun Marcus

Is that where he went? You guys take all our secondary.

Brocky

Gffgg acted he’s at he

King Hippo

Look at those FUCK LIONS defend!!

Doktor Zymm

I SEE YOUR HAWKS AND RAISE YOU A NOTHING CAUSE THAT”S A FUCKING STRING BET HOLLYWOOD

Brick Meathook

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