/Fox pre-game intro
Joe: “The good folks at DFW Ice Creamery were kind enough to provide us with samples of their very delicious products. I chose vanilla. [licks cone lovingly] Mmm, that’s so good! Troy, what flavour did you choose?
Troy: “You know me, Joe. I’ll always choose chocolate when I’m in Dallas. It always tastes so good! [his tongue dances on the tip of the ice cream cone]
Joe: “Gosh darn it-I can not get enough of this delicious ice cream!” [makes slurping noises]
Troy: “Can’t help but notice I got a larger cone than you did.” [slurps happily away]
Joe: “You know what they say-it’s not how much you can swallow, it’s more important that you’re satisfied at the end. [makes small moaning sound]
Troy: “You got that right mister. I’ve no doubt that we’ll both end up with a bellyful.” [eyes roll back into head]
Producer: [begins to realize what is happening] “CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!”
GB/Dal– Them Cowpokes get a boner, bonus with the return of cb Claiborne after an absence of nine weeks. He’s back just in time to blanket wr Cobb because ace Jordy Nelson isn’t the gritty guy that everyone thought he was. Unlike Joe and Troy he was not able to suck it up. Another Pack wr is going to have to step up and my not-money is on Geronimooooo! (Allison) to jump into the fray and make a difference. I also think that Green Bay needs a half-decent day from te Cook. If he can grab 6-8 for 70-80 yards that will take some of the pressure off the outside guys and create a wee bit of hesitation on the part of the Dallas D.
The Cowboys just need to keep doing what they’re doing and they’ll be okay. There’s no reason to think that Eezy-Zeke will be thwarted in his efforts and that will limit the number of possessions that the white/lava/scorching/witheringly [runs out of breath] hot Rodgers will have to put points on the board. In addition, qb Prescott doesn’t seem to be the ‘rattleable’ type and the Pack’s D-Line isn’t a scary bunch with a lot of “Oomph!”. (says the old white guy from his couch) All in all, more things have to go right for Green Bay than Dallas-I think it should be close for most of the game but them Cowboys might pull away in the fourth. This is not my desired result, by the way.
Done. LET’S GO GET IT, POTLICKERS!!!
fuck clay matthews
gee, Dak! sure looks phased by the moment. Better get somebody white in ,, smh
Alright, I’ve got a drink in my hand, an empty house, and a shitload of unhealthy snacks. I think I’m officially ready for some football. How the fuck you doin boys?!
Artist’s rendering
I have plenty of food already, but I’m going to make chili anyway, because football always tastes better with chili.
Wait, I mean… no, actually, that seems about right.
I have a big Dutch Oven full of the stuff simmering away in the oven. The Mrs is about to make her cornbread muffins…you are correct in your observation.
Yoiks! Emmett Cleary warmed up with the first team instead of Tyron Smith.
I was at the grocery store earlier buying…supplies. This is clearly a Cowboy town as for every 1 Texans(?) T-shirt/hat/koozie/sippy cups for beer, there were at least 10 similar Dallas items.
Pretty much a reflection of the status of Texas NFL representation.
There was a Texans thing?
A few…and at drastically reduced prices.
Wasnt EA just in the sttudio wearing something different? And another thing, isn’t Strahan on some morning show with a Kelly on abc? What kind of multi national media conglomerate loyalty is that? He’s a traitor.
That was pretaped. She has been wearing that on the sideline through all 9 hours of pregame coverage.
/ Fuck you, there is no way that was a half hour.
Howdy folks. At least I get to watch the first half of the early game today in peace.
May BOLTMAN come for my family, and may BLEERGH be with us all tonight.
Trump thinks the LA Chargers are people who tunnel in here from Tijuana.
Let’s do this Cowboys!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pCv7k_Hzvg
No Jordy Nelson counts as an asterisk to Packer fans.
Not this one.
“I don’t know why, I’ve always found asterisks to be kind of…sexy.”
– Aaron Rodgers
This could be the last Sunday before the apocalypse, and by fuck, at least I had a nap. Catnap with a cat, the best of naps (after the power blackout).
I’m at the age where a good nap is almost better than an unscheduled blowjob. Almost…
you’ll get there, don’t give up!!
Welcome to Jerryworld!
I guess it’s not a pocket around Aaron, but more of a closet.
Cancel the Academy Awards, everybody. We’re giving them all to Jay Glazer.
Never thought I would ever say this, but Los Angeles fans did a good!
http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/watch-los-angeles-chargers-logo-booed-mercilessly-at-clippers-lakers-game/
How in the hell are the Steelers considered an “upset” over the Chiefs? Didn’t they murderdeathkill them in Week 4 or something?
Aaron Rodgers did 9/11.
He didn’t like the other two rent boys.
Hello all. Which DFO dialogue program are we using?
Harf/rape/fat/what’s a clock/ribs?…no that’s later.
Hatred that could power worlds/umm? No, last night.
9-11/bubbles/jesus/uhh? Nope, yesterday again.
Ah! Must be the yeehaw/dakham/gay game!
Yeah the Alex Smith jokes come later.”
Who is coming? – A Rodgers.
What the hell is Erin wearing? – Rodgers
Apparently Charles Manson is going to die soon…
of anticipation waiting for this game. HEYOOOOOOOO
Oh my that is so bad, it is kinda good.
I don’t know why Trump is getting ragged on for going after the guy that called him illegitimate.
/ Remembers who Trump is and who’s he’s going after
Nevermind. I was still going by the assumption that Presidents have at least one redeeming quality. My mistake.
He was fathered in a test-tube with 4chan and Steve Bannon being the donors.
On a depressingly serious note, this is an example of an effective technique used by fascists to undermine democracy. By getting people who believe in the democratic process to question it, fascists gain the advantage of further legitimizing their position that it doesn’t work.
This is bad. This is very bad.
Fuck me this is actually going to happen, isn’t it?
Worried?
I don’t have any beer but I do have enough whiskey to pickle a British Admiral.
If that’s a pre-1900’s admiral, then that’s a lot of booze.
Sticking with beer here to avoid the potential self-induced fatality, but what I thought was enough yesterday clearly won’t be sufficient after all.
“I have met five black Mormon Cowboys fans in my life, and they were all economics majors in college!”
I wonder what long repressed deep secret Aaron Rodgers is keeping from his family?
A Gacy of corpses in his shed?
“Aaron Rodgers might be gay, but we know he is not a fan of mechanical pencils!”
Don’t point your fucking finger at me Buck!
Emmitt Smiff!
I want to see Sean Lee execute Aaron on the field today.
Afternoon everyone, I might have woke up at 2:30 but I’m raring to go!
/Blames it on jetlag
//It’s actually from going to sleep at 6
I wish this game were in Green Bay so Jerry Jones could stay warm by putting his hands inside an 18 year old UW Stevens Point co-ed.
Now is the sense of dread that annually creeps in when you realize every Sunday will be this goddamn boring for the next eternity.
Said that to Mrs Cola. She responded with, little cola is here in April, you will be plenty busy. Fuck.
I blame the Curse of the 1994 Chargers for all acts of terrorism.
Aaron Hernandez and OJ Simpson have one thing in common: a predilection for peach cobbler!
Zeke has come onto the field
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBOZQGa5nbQ&t=72s
And here comes Romo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbyGA3CN0Dk
Because of the Patriots win last night, I ended up cracking the second of two imperial beers ensuring that I’d sleep like shit and wake up with a headache. I’m pretty pissed at myself for succumbing as I’m sure Brady and The Hoodie feed off our misery.
I hit refresh on this chat more than Aaron Rodgers hits block on calls from his family.
It’s like Mr. Clean went to the wrong side of the tracks to see Mrs. Smurf in high school.
“Not my desired result” is also the NFL’s preferred euphemism when players’ “new friends” talk about sexual assault
Folks!
Ready for the hate Spur?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQyhmd7Gk4U
I can take it as much as I dish it.
Ah, I see you found a photo of the elusive Bandwagon Smurf
Packers and Cowboys, sounds like NAMBLA’s annual Texas convention.
As of today, the Raiders-Texans game still remains as the closest playoff game played this year. Think about that.
The second closest game? Picking how many drinks it will take for my Uncle Mike to start dropping n-bombs.
Semi-tangential: Do you think some bartender somewhere has created a drink called The N-Bomb? And if so, what would be in it?
Ennui and a lot of red and blue.
What do I like like an altar boy remembering my trip to Happy Valley?
“As a person of color, I must say….”
That circle on his neck is called the Dahmer Hole.
Who’s drawing the pentagram?
During this fucking wait I have decided to make Yeah Right proud and am making my own kimchi! You think waiting hours for the games is torture, staring at the beautiful jars for over a week will be torture.
Good job! It goes really well with kalbi style ribs or grilled bulgogi.
Let me know how it turns out.
Ohhh. Bibimbap!
The Israel PMs reggae band.
Yep, that is my thought. Super cool Korean market down the way from here, K pop blaring and everything, bought some fun stuff there, including that Israeli reggae album, have no idea how that got in my basket.
Still over an hour…