Lesser Footy to Ease the Suffering

Day Two of living under the First Reich. Assuming we are not yet dead, here are the fixtures we shall use to kill off time until we are (and until Chelsea are inevitably crowned champions in May).

Liverpool, newly knocked out of 2nd (huzzah!!) by Spurs on goal differential, will host Swans to kick things off (7:30, NBCSN). The Shite have struggled with lesser foes at times, but usually on the road. So sleep the fuck in.

The 10:00 window is less shitty than it has been, or I am just biased because Everton are there, on the road against putrid form Palace (CNBC). Stoke will host, and try to frustrate the fuck out of, United (NBCSN). That could be a tricky matchup for the Red Devils coming off an emotional, salvaged point against the Shite, don’t be surprised if they at least start slowly.

Multiple adequate options in Extra Time as well, but I’d guess that Watford/Bournemouth is your best bet at quality for laptop backup match streaming. Assuming one is so inclined.

Tottenham have a challenge on their hands if they want to keep 2nd position, travelling to a very wounded and likely angry Man City side (12:30, NBC), coming off the 4-nil drubbing on Merseyside. That loss represented Pep’s biggest managerial defeat EVAR. If City don’t respond to that, forget about Top 4, start wondering if they freefall to where maybe even Everton can catch them for 6th if they get really hot.

Sunday brings a proper NBCSN triple-header, as Jeebus surely intended. Soton and Leicester surely didn’t expect to find themselves in 13th and 15th position, respectively. But here they are, and the road to recovery needs to start at St. Mary’s (7:00), if at all.

Arsenal, forever defending their beloved 4th place, are up next at home against Burnley (9:15). Burnley are in 10th, and outperforming most expectations. This would certainly be a signature win for the Hornets/Moose.

The aforementioned inevitable champs get to close things off with a home thrashing of poor Hull City (11:30). The luckless Tigers had been showing signs of life, even possibly climbing out of the immediate relegation zone (if not the danger, obvs). But they’uns likely running into the cold, brick wall of reality here.