GENERAL: Mr. President, Agent Scotchnaut is pinned down in Bucharest and can’t post the Open Thread this afternoon!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [pulls up pants] I’ll handle…wait. This seems familiar.
GENERAL: He’s getting 418’d! THERE’S NO TIME!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, fine, sheesh. You know, when my Russian handlers coerced me I signed up for this job of my own free will I didn’t realize I was going to have to work weekends too.
Okay, so we’ve got the Seahawks. Oh, wait, no, Green Bay. Oh, wait, no, this is the AFC. Goddamn, why can’t I remember anything that happened to me last night? It’s like I didn’t get any sleep at all. My brain feels like a big bowl of clam chowdah. As far as this game is concerned, against my will (which seems fitting), I’m rooting for (and picking) the Steelers. The Patriots defense hasn’t been tested in any meaningful way, and I think the Steelers are going to be willing to sacrifice a good 45 yards worth of field position to take cheap shots at Tom Brady and ruin his cadence at the line after he loses his voice screeching at the officials. But you’re not here for hot takes (mmm…hotcakes) – you’re here to make jokes. Get to it. Make with the laugh laugh!
So I had a conversation at work, I’m going to try to remember it line for line as much as I can:
Me: I just hate the fact i’m relying on the falcons
Buddy: yeah the falcons, pauses to thing where do they play again?
Me: exactly, wait what? (he played fantasy this past year) they’re in atlanta
Buddy: that’s right, you know I forget this things.
Me: uh huh.
so then I get the bright idea to ask him to write down as many team as he can. he gets 27. amazingly the houston texans, and the L.A. Chargers because apparently he watches the espn snapchat
Me: So you forgot five: The La Rams, the Philadelphia eagles, the buffalo bills, the Jacksonville jaguars, and…… the atlanta falcons….
that sums up my feelings on the superbowl
So the only good news from today is I don’t start school tomorrow like I thought I did. I never finalized my classes because my financial aid didn’t go through til today so I checked and it is Thursday. I need those 3 extra days as I am still sick trying to sleep for like 20 hours a day, getting like 2, overdosing on cough medicine and got talked into taking 2 year old antibiotics (that actually seem to be helping a bit)
If it turns out that antibiotics would help even though I obviously have a viral infection, I’m going to be pissed.
How do you know it’s viral?
Assumption because it’s followed the same pattern of symptom as when I’ve gotten sinus infections before.
However, it is an assumption and I could be making myself worse.
You’re right, it’s viral. The hashtag is trending on twitter.
Never realized you were such a big Packers fan, Moose
Ha, yeah sure, what ever floats your boat.
http://media.giphy.com/media/12dA9Gei6U4in6/giphy.gif
This is now my official headcanon. Moose is a humongous Packer-backer
ANYTHING that would knock the P*ts off. I’m sure you somehow think that is insulting or something, if it makes you happy; go for it.
I’m not trying to insult you; I’m a Packer fan myself. I may have been trying to aggravate you by deliberately misinterpreting your GIFs, but not insult you.
Perfect
Speaking of sandwiches (see Rikki’s comment below), have you ever seen the masterpiece mashup of culinary and comedy abominations that is this article?
http://www.sbnation.com/2014/5/27/5754202/sandwich-debate-indiana-miami
FRIED PILE OF INDIANA
/Finger kisses
I can’t decide if I should chunder or have a heart attack. My word.
Ooh! New episode of Taboo.
I gotta be honest. The Pats winning the AFC has happened so many times that it doesn’t even register for me anymore as annoying. Kinda like how you can’t taste your own tongue cause it’s just always there.
Great, now I’m gonna have nightmares about Boltman slapping together a picnic’s worth of tongue sandwiches.
¡LENGUA!
STOMP STOMP … SLAP
STOMP STOMP … SLAP
STOMP STOMP … NEXT
Jesus christ, spilly
Hm. That’s not what I was replying to. That seems to happen alot lately.
I really, REALLY dislike New England.
That said, even as the dipshit Yinzer I am, I can’t be disappointed with this season as a whole. They won eleven games, captured another AFC North title, and got to the final four. Getting to the semi-finals of anything is a successful season. Once again, the DREAMBOAT-Belicheat duo proved to be sublime in the playoffs. The GREATRIOTS really are a complete team. I suppose there’s no shame losing to them.
That all said, FUCK NEW ENGLAND, AND LET’S GO FALCONS.
They had a VERY good season those bastards.
So the first hunted couple got busted when they used an ATM at a bus station and then boarded a bus there. Dumb.
What kind of rules/stipulations are they dealing with?
They have remain uncaught for 28 days. It’s treated as if they’re actually suspects so police and go through their possessions and accounts to find leads. They had an hour after being told they’d be chased to pack up whatever they need to flee.
I’d be surprised to see anyone go the full 28 days because almost no one is adept at remaining completely concealed.
I don’t know how you get away from police at this point, especially if you’re dumb enough to touch anything connected to the internet. The speed at which you can pull up real time information now is insane. Then you have cities like Newark, NJ, that are basically built to detect and triangulate anything even remotely suspicious.
It would definitely be hard, but I don’t think impossible if you’re willing to really rough it.
The hardest part I think would be finding a place to hole up for the 28 days, I think.
If you have a big network of people spread out, you could get places to stay.
I pondered the strategy of posing as a homeless person and staying holed up in shelters. The homeless are generally reviled and ignored and if I went long enough without bathing/shaving, I could blend in.
Do they have to do anything at all in terms of “checking in” the way they had to in Bachman/King’s The Running Man?
Not sure. Gotta Google the rules. They are restricted to a certain multi-state area, though.
Hmm. Portland is known for its homeless population, and I’ve seen people describe it as transient or migratory along the coast depending on the seasons. L.A. would be survivable because there’s no shortage of people living off the grid there. If I spoke Spanish better, or maybe because I don’t, I wonder how well I could ingratiate myself within the undocumented community.
So does this include police harassing the shit out of all of the people who might let you couch surf?
The people hunting are professionals but they do not appear to use local law enforcement. Only people directly affiliated with the show.
But yeah, couch surfing was another idea I had. I some friends who could point me in the right direction where I could have places to sleep off the grid.
I’m alive. I think that’s about it.
I was getting better after getting sick last Sunday morning until I woke up from my nap. Plus the fucking P*ts
Anyone still here? I’ve been busy drinking to blot out the disappointment. (I learned how to do that from a Lion’s fan I once knew.)
Well, today was a day that happened. And now it’s done. That’s about the best we can hope for in the coming years.
So this show about people becoming fugitives is fun only because it has me thinking about how I could disappear.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/07/invisible.gif
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So … Dance Party?
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http://www.picgifs.com/reaction-gifs/reaction-gifs/angry-sad-upset/picgifs-angry-sad-upset-6711761.gif
Welp. I’m on Twitter again it’s fueling my inner disdain for humanity.
Idiot
http://www.teen.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/jennifer-lawrence-angry-gifs-jamsessionmb.gif
She’s amazing.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/02/anger.gif
I fucking love that movie.
Its one of those films I was surprised was made in the modern era and not in the 50’s…just because it seems fucking impossible to get films like that made anymore. Fantastic casting from top to bottom. Amazing cinematography and pacing. I could go on for hours about how good the soundtrack is.
Plus that is a great angry gif.
I can’t imagine I couldn’t whip wholesale ass on ‘Hunted’. I have no legitimate web presence and plenty of friends who would put me up in their basement for 28 days in return for a cut of the $250,000.
It would not, however, make for a very interesting show. “Oh look, he’s doing their laundry for them! Now he’s making a sandwich!”
http://31.media.tumblr.com/ef88d152e5102048a538f2cc237cc19e/tumblr_mkqimsIvr61ruw1vso1_500.gif
To sum up the entire 2016 season:
http://117.imagebam.com/download/iqHCPcMC7mW9mXwu3J7OGg/52006/520055627/388263.jpg
http://117.imagebam.com/download/amGEAocL1KuHMhOO2VE7Zw/52112/521116148/1217425.jpg
http://117.imagebam.com/download/qvcloncsMcX7_OzD1-SsgQ/52645/526449702/994911.jpg
http://117.imagebam.com/download/oqktrIaXegk7EQiMmj5nUw/52526/525254768/441039.jpg
I can’t remember ever feeling like Bob Kraft looked just now, and neither will he.
http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/03/Angry-Homer-GIF.gif
I wish I just never woke up
Sportsnet did a wonderful piece about Larry Kwong, the first Chinese player to play in the NHL. Larry played in the NHL 10 years before Willie O Ree and played before Robinson broke the colour barrier in baseball.
Here’s a video from a few years ago, talking about his journey
http://www.sportsnet.ca/hockey/nhl/scotiabank-hockey-day-in-canada-the-forgotten-story-of-larry-kwong/
As usual, the Canucks were playing for overtime and it bit them in the ass. 3-2 Ice Bears. Miller and Stetcher got caught napping.
Oh, good. Kraft was trying to get the crowd to chant. I thought he was stroking out on us.
http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Angry-Bruce-Banner-Transforms-Into-The-Hulk-In-The-Avengers.gif
So, are we liveblogging Thursday’s skillz competition?
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/3539231/angry-grandpa-destroys-kitchen-o.gif
Alright
Patriots are favored by 3
Over/Under is 57.5
What do you got?
AIDS, if I’m lucky
Pats by 3? Who’s reffing? Cause if they call it like tonight’s game where the defensive backs can clutch and grab like it’s the NHL deadpuck era, I’d take the Pats to cover.
Guess I’m done with football for the season. If the Patriots win, perhaps permanently.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/f0da8ee482a209f9cc97ce683e449d2b/tumblr_ohz2ejwLxJ1txj6byo2_r1_400.gif
“You’ll be back. They always come back.”
Roger Goodell
Brady is cuddling Edelman extra special tonight
I guess it makes sense that a country that elected Trump is going to have to deal with a Patriots Superb Owl win in the first few weeks of his term.
Patriots have Trump supporters and the Falcons wear Iron Curtain Red.
Superb Owl is going to have its mainframe hacked and the fans will get golden showered.
So, a standard Lady Gaga show?
Fuck you, Steelers. You had one job.
Belichek making out on the sideline.
Welp, now I have no reason not to kill myself.
WE AHHH GOIN’ TO THE FACKIN’ SUPAH BOWLLLL
Woooooo!
Friends! Oh, Imaginary Internet Friends! Lend me your ears as I tell you my tale of woe. Due to my own absolutely piss-poor planning, I was making my weekly trek back up I-95 for the work week during the AFC Championship. I do have XM in the car, so I could listen to the game, but (clutch your pearls) I was stuck with the P*triots home announcers. Jesus fucking me with the cross, but I think if I had seen a P*triots decal on a car during my trip, I would have intentionally tried to run them into a bridge abutment because of these ass-clowns and the constant knob slobbering of all things P*triot.
I’m in my apartment with beer and bourbon, so I’m better now.
I’ve been there. I’ve listen to the Steeler feed for one car trip. I only survived because I crossed no bridges and there was no trees to wrap my car around.
They set me up. I caught the Harlan/Fouts intro, and thought, “Hey, it could be worse.” Then the NSA must have decided I wasn’t allowed nice things and switched it to the NE local chucklefucks during commercials.
Why do they have to keep showing Peyton Manning as a Bronco? What’s wrong with the Colts Manning. Manningbot 1.0 was much better that Manningbot 2.0 and Manningbot 2.1.
I’ve noticed that. My theory is that it’s because Manning bot 2.0 and 2.1 didn’t shit the bed in the playoffs nearly as much, so you can show more clips of him looking happy in the Orange
As soon as the cameras were turned off Cowher kill both of the children who had had the temerity to strike him.
Jim Nantz: We’re pleased to report that President George H.W. Bush will be leaving the hospital after a bout of pnemonia. When reached for comment, President Bush said, “No! No! Let me go! I can’t live with President Trump! Let me die!”
Ice Bears vs Ice Liouns has gotten good. It’s in the 3rd period and the Maple Lions just scored two quickies to tie the game.
I assume there’s 10 minutes left in the 4th
Just hit the two-minute warning actually.
I figured. I was being sarcastic
http://68.media.tumblr.com/9449972a3293c97f758d94e0726e4372/tumblr_oj0zmn7FKt1tjvegro2_500.gif
As long as Brady’s going to stay in the game I can’t see a good reason for the Steelers not to cripple him.
I mean, I can see plenty of moral and ethical reasons not to, but no good ones.
There has got to be a some sort of blacklist letter out there threatening to ban players from hurting Brady because it honestly boggles my mind nobody has ever gone after Timmy Brady when he’s in garbage time and the game is well over.
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