2017 Madness Open Thread – Thursday Afternoon Block

Here we go, kids!  Ready to take your sloth to a whole ‘nother level??  All times EST because Hippo.

#12W Princeton v. #5W Notre Dame (12:15, CBS)

Ivy tourney (yes, they finally gave in and held one) champ and the ACC runner-up.  This game will feature all the 3s, and one presumes lots and lots of weaving.  Perhaps there will be an exchange of wicker baskets at the end.

#12E UNC-Wilmington v. #5E Virginia (12:40, truTV)

Yep, you still have to find this shitty channel for a few MOAR days yet.  The Sea Birds are an overhyped sleeper team that plays very poor defense, and Tony Bennett (despite having perhaps the shakiest side of his tenure, at least since he’s been established) should be able to exploit that mercilessly.  Slave Fucker U to the Round of 32.

#13S Winthrop v. #4S Butler (1:30, TNT)

Oh snap, now we get to our first for reals upset candidate.  Winthrop took awhile to get they sea legs back after Head Asshole Gregg Marshall departed for Scary Wheat, but back they are indeed.  Butler is a solid team that has shown giant-killing ability (Villanova redux) but they won’t overwhelm Winthrop with talent the way a Kentucky would.  One to watch for sure, two very good (if less-hyped) coaches.

#16W South Dakota State v. #1W Gonzaga (2:00, TBS)

I am always sad (as a Son of the South) that this no long stands for “The Braves’ Station” unofficial-like.  And as much as I want to see the 16 over 1 upset…I don’t see it.  Zags are too big for the bunnies.  But they always make me think of this cool song:

#13W Bucknell v. #4W West By God Virginia (2:45, CBS)

I know the square root of fuckall re the Bison, but I have watched the King of Track Suits’ side many times.  They are capable of absolutely anything at any point in time.  Wild card, bitches!!  Hope WCS has ample pills and bourbon handy.

#13E East Tennessee State v. #4E Florida (3:10, truTV)

What I said above also applies to this fixture, except my watching a bunch of Gators’ games.  But as I noted in the regional preview, they are the girl with the golden curl.  In the dance, they are either very, very good…or very, very bad.  The Mocs are just there for the scenery.

#12S Middle Tennessee State v. #5S Minnesota (4:00, TNT)

In a bit of a Freudian slip, I kept trying to pit in the Gophers as the 12.  Serious, I have MTSU winning in every bracket I submitted.  At least I think so.  Perhaps it’s just Pitino Jr’s dopey fucking face, or how shitty the B1G is, or the fact that the Blue Raiders seem fairly athletic…maybe all of the above??

#9W Vanderbilt v. #8W Northwestern (4:30, TBS)

The Commodores (and their rapey-as-fuck mascot) got here on the strength of a tough schedule and being Florida kryptonite.  Chris Collins has guided the Wildcats to their first bid EVAR, so he will need to keep his charges from the “happy just to be here” feels.  Winner gets to beat the piss out of Gonzaga, so there is ample motivation here.

 

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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blaxabbath

I like that SD St doesn’t wear a conference logo. I hope someone asks them about that in the presser and the coach is like, “South Dakota State IS Summit League basketball”.

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/JI6ImqPrvy33Y6AGfDgjbl9Wlkyk8n7sacD4bH8_wHnQje0-bBGlpRyYDaTxKV1hfqh_=h900

blaxabbath

Every time I peek at this game, SDSU jacks up an airball.

Which explains why they’re up on the WCC’s most prestigious program.

WCS

comment image

Heisenberg knows what’s up.

SonOfSpam

Gettin high on his own supply, obviously.

blaxabbath

WHO CARES WHAT SOME HOLLYWOOD LIBTARD THINKS??? STICK TO ACTING OR HOLD THE TOURNAMENT IN YOUR MANSION, BRIAN!

SonOfSpam

Good effort, needs more misspellings.

blaxabbath

Zags bricking the wide open 3.

blaxabbath

Then SDSU airballs their own.

Arizona had better shut out this entire bracket.

Trevor Semen

There’s a guy on Wilmington who’s name is D. Cacok

Trevor Semen

Did anyone have Gonzaga making it to the Sweet 16? Because I know I didn’t

SonOfSpam

Looks like ND gonna survive. That was kind of a meteor game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That potential Baylor-Duke game is the pinnacle of wishful meteor thinking for me.

SonOfSpam

Ignore-rape U vs. Falsely-charged rape U

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, Notre Dame is Ignore-rape U. Baylor is more of an actively-suppress-investigations-into-rape U.

SonOfSpam

I thought Notre Dame was Let-God-kill-non-athletes-and-shrug U.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, I miss being an altar boy.

nomonkeyfun

That isn’t what I meant when I said, the Church shouldn’t sell indulgences.

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SonOfSpam

Eh, go nail another stupid list to a door, heathen.

blaxabbath

Oregon is U of Recruit-Known-Rape

SonOfSpam

Princeton guys don’t drive themselves.

Trevor Semen

I’m wondering why shoot a deep three with plenty of time on the clock to dish it in for an easier shot.

blaxabbath

Manbun?

I hope Virginia’s bus explodes at they’re leaving the stadium.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[turns on Virginia game, is disappointed]

– Aaron Rodgers

Trevor Semen

In any other game Notre Dame would be able to win by out gritting their opponents. It’s just not working against Princeton’s “Blood, Sweat, and Dad’s Money” approach to the game.

blaxabbath

“Excuse me! I’m 18 so the trust has matured. It’s MY MONEY — with Dad’s stipulations.”

– Cocaine Addicted Rapist

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, Verne Lundquist really loves Princeton.

Trevor Semen

White guy with neckbeard’s favorite move is easily the double between the legs pull up from NBA range with a hand in his face

Trevor Semen

And he did it from mid range

WCS

Hey, Hippo and Seamus, Tom Crean’s got nothing to do now.

blaxabbath

That’s crazy. Sean and Archie in the same state would be interesting.

blaxabbath

Sean is going to jump to the UNC gig when it opens.

blaxabbath

I doubt that is the reason.

Miller throws that shade though.

http://www.espn.com/video/clip?id=18881203

blaxabbath

Virginia-UNCW looks more like a (10)/(12) game.

Trevor Semen

You told us they could come out of the East you lying sack of shit

Trevor Semen

I haven’t looked at the rosters, but between Princeton and Notre Dame there’s at least one Sam, Doug, or Alex

Trevor Semen

Shit, but I did find an Alec, and about 4 different versions of Steve.

Fronkenshteen

Princeton still with only 3 fouls.

SonOfSpam

They play The Right Way. Not like those other animals.

blaxabbath

Looks like butler is gonna put away winthrop early.

blaxabbath

Who?

Trevor Semen

Please, do tell.

SonOfSpam

Well, I can’t beat off to THAT story. Thanks for nothin.

Unsurprised

Have I mentioned how much I love The Americans?
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blaxabbath

Taco Bell is weird. Like every item they have can be both a meal or a side. I don’t like that lack of clear cut division.

WCS

Everything on their menu is just the same thing in a different order.

WCS

IT’S THE GREATEST FRIGGIN’ DAY OF THE SPORTS YEAR

Unsurprised

I wonder if Ted Cruz is pandering to his fellow hu-man Princeton alumni.

Fronkenshteen
Unsurprised

It’s from chugging all the cocks.

jjfozz

Dear every potential employer,

Go eat a bag of broken glass, you demon spawn.

Love
Fozz

SonOfSpam

Verne pretending he learned “Jambo, jambo” (Swahili) while traveling to Tanzania…look, fucker, you learned it the same way we all did, from “All Night Long” in the mid-80s. Thank you, Lionel Richie for teaching us all to be a little more multicultural.

Unsurprised

You all know the holiday is tomorrow, right?

Unsurprised

I can’t help being an asshole

Unsurprised

And bidness is good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Princeton runs backdoor cut, CBS announcers have on-air orgasm.

SonOfSpam

They sounded like they were fingering their own back doors.

“Oh, God, that play was just so…PALE!!!”

blaxabbath

Wait — there’s a BIGGER Big Mac now?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Unsurprised

I’ve eaten one. It’s pretty good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…based on the new slant* of the Ghost in the Shell ads they have given up on selling it as a high-concept film and are instead pitching to the Taken crowd. Lovely.

*”Could we maybe replace that with a term that’s more, ahem, Caucasian?” – sleazy Hollywood producer RTD

SonOfSpam

Looks like their marketing team has a chink in the armor.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I typically pick Duke to win the whole thing as a hedge against them actually winning (if they win I have the money as consolation). But the pool I’m in is too big (like $600 for the winner) that picking them actually encourages me to ROOT for them. I’m not really on board with that.

SonOfSpam

“If Princeton comes back to win, the eating will be legendary!”

http://www.thelosscolumn.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/2600.jpg

herodotus450

“OH! The floater goes”
-Something I hope to say every morning

jjfozz

My oldest son forced me to fill out a bracket this morning. I picked Bugs Bunny as the champion. He was not amused.

blaxabbath

You know, you can turn it off sometimes….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks at Kentucky’s roster]

“More like THUGS Bunny, amirite?”

– Colin Cowherd

blaxabbath

I count 4 black guys on the court.

This is how I know neither of these teams are going to the Final Four.

Trevor Semen

Everyone on the floor for Wilmington is black right now

blaxabbath

Oh I have on IRISH v GARRETTS

blaxabbath

I feel like the first 1-seed to lose to a 16 seed should get the death penalty.

Fronkenshteen

That’s some Rollerball shit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve always insisted that expanding the tournament field is idiotic and pointless until a 16 seed beats a 1.

Trevor Semen

Virginia is 312th in scoring offense in division 1. I didn’t even know there were 312 teams in Division one.

blaxabbath

How many did you think there were, MISTER Obama?

Trevor Semen

Like maybe 150. I didn’t think there was any way more than 200 teams were in D1

Unsurprised

There are only 100 or so D1 football programs, but basketball is way, WAY cheaper to run.

blaxabbath

“When I see lots of weaving, I know it’s time to trade that chick’s husband.” -Chip Kelly

Unsurprised

What an Indian giver.

laserguru

Time to finish washing the morning dishes and get ready for work.

It’s cool, I’ll be home in 9 short hours!

Fuck!

Fronkenshteen

Slave fucker U. seems to be stabilizing.

SonOfSpam

Oh, you mean the immigrants looking for a better life who got free room and board???

Fronkenshteen

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I didn’t get a harrumph outta that guy…

herodotus450

We need a Gus Johnson tracker for the tournament, just highlighting when and where he’s calling a game. He does call tournament games right?

The Maestro

It’s not even an hour in yet and already looking like everyone’s brackets gonna be fucked.

Trevor Semen

I feel lied to. I was told in the preview that they would be very good.

SonOfSpam

Virginia’s in trouble. How’re they gonna come back when they only score 40 a game?

SonOfSpam

Also, UNCW has a player whose last name is pronounced KAY-cock. So that’s something.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, is it halftime? This game is so dull that the only way I noticed is that there seem to be more ads than before.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“IT BEGINS…”

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