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25 Questions About….

ballsofsteelandfury

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,

Well, it can’t be the NFL because ain’t nothin’ happenin’ (yes, I understand there was a lot of movement, but others like beerguyrob have handled that masterfully and Horatio’s mock draft was brilliant).  So, in the spirit of the season, we talk about what everyone is talking about today:  The confluence of two epic events that will make the next two days special:  The first two days of the NCAA tourney and St. Patrick’s Day.

The ladies checking out Balls

1- Did you know that, once upon a time in a land far far away, young Balls would take these two days off work and watch the Directv March Madness package all day?

2- And that young Balls would actually pay good money for the privilege?

3-  Young Balls was stupid, wasn’t he?

4- Weren’t we all at one point, though?

5- What’s the drunkest you’ve been on St. Patrick’s Day?

6-  With this group, is that a fair question to ask?

7- I mean, does anyone know the statute of limitations on everything?

8- Do you know the confluence of the first two days of the NCAA tourney and St. Patrick’s Day lasts for two years and then doesn’t happen for another 7?

9- Is that a metaphor for my romantic relationships?

10- Is it lame that I don’t give a shit about college sports anymore?

11-  I mean, I’m all for slave-like labor, but shouldn’t that be confined to producing Iphones?

12- Do you agree that Steve Jobs was an asshole?

13- Although Wosniak seems like a nice enough guy.  How the fuck did those two get together?

14- Do you think Wosniak constantly wanted to kick Jobs in the nuts yet the company was making money, so he held it in?

15- Do you think Wosniak pissed on Jobs’ grave like that Cleveland fan pissed on Modell’s grave?

16- Would you piss on someone’s grave?

17- Or take a dump on it?

18- Would Joe Buck like it if you took a dump on him?

19- Would he tip you?

20- He seems like the type that would stiff you on the tip, doesn’t he?

21- Is it weird that 20% has now become the standard instead of 15%?

22- Have you seen those restaurants that are now using a no-tipping policy and actually paying their workers a living wage?

23- That seems like a good idea, doesn’t it?

24- Or does it simply reward mediocrity and not give workers an incentive to be good?

25- Isn’t that be the NCAA’s defense for not paying athletes?

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King Hippo

I don’t think I could EVAR relax enough to shit on anyone’s grave. Especially at my age. Appreciate the thought, though. Made me smile.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will cook you a proper lunch that will leave you no choice.

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Beerguyrob

21- Is it weird that 20% has now become the standard instead of 15%?

No. Vancouver Asian restaurants have four setting for tip: 10%, 15%, 18%, 20%. Higher minimum wage = lower tip in plenty of eyes.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Reason #538 why I love Vancouver.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

The drunkest I ever got on St. Patrick’s Day was when I went to a friend’s college for a visit before returning to UCONN after our Spring Break. Important to note that UCONN won the Big East tournament for the first time that year. Naturally I had to show all these small-school asshole hicks how we drank in the Big East.

And I did.

At some point I realize that I have lost all my friends and am in an on-campus bar talking to a girl who may or may not have been good looking but was clearly buying none of my charming bullshit at that point. So I stagger off and now, even though there are four dorms on campus and they’re in a square, I am lost. I find myself in the parking lot and decide that, fuck it, I’m going back to UCONN, it’s only an hour away and it’s pretty much a straight line, (no shit, I actually thought this), so I get in the car and sit down and then open the door back up, lean out and throw up all over the ground.

Then I closed the door and decided that, straight-line or not, (it’s not), I would instead just sleep in the car. Which I did.

Oddly I felt pretty good the next morning.

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Horatio Cornblower

I have to go to Court, which is killing my NCAA buzz. But I just took tomorrow off, which should ensure a “so healthy it’s UNhealthy” St. Patrick’s Day buzz.

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entropy

The drunkest I ever got on St. Patrick’s Day… therein lies a bit of a tale.

That year, I convinced my favorite bar at the time to open early, at 9 AM instead of 10, because my friend Sean was coming up from Philly and we had to get things started immediately or he’d get bored and possibly break things (this used to be a feature of young entropy, as well). So, I made it to the bar at 8:50, they let me in and poured me a beer, and Sean arrived at 9:30 shouting, “the Scotsman has arrived to show all you fuckin’ Micks how to drink properly!”

By noon, we were hammered and onto bar #2, a lovely place downtown frequented by off-duty police officers on St. Pat’s. This is important.

So, we’re drinking car bombs and shots and knocking back beers and finally I come to the realization none of the mirrors on the walls are screwed down, which fascinated me. So I grabbed a large (2’x3′) Heineken mirror off the wall, walked outside, and put it in my friend’s Jeep Cherokee while Sean ordered 12 car bombs, for us and the group of off-duty cops who just saw me take the mirror. As he brought the bombs over, I came back in, and we all drank and I was quickly informed nothing would happen if I went outside and brought the mirror back. My friend who was driving was already outside, nervous and fidgety, so Sean said go on out, I’ll be right there.

I’m just about in the Jeep when he comes running out, screaming “GO GO GO!!” Turns out, he told the bartender the cops want to pay our tab, and got them to wave a “yes,” and then ran out the door.

This is 2:30 in the afternoon, and we have stolen property, pissed off local cops, and now scared away our ride for the day with minor shenanigans (these are minor, as I will explain later).

Back soon with part two.

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Unsurprised

You fucking cocktease.

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Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, that’s a fail.

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nomonkeyfun

20. Aren’t we doing phrasing anymore?
Also, he could only get it up if he were watching a commercial for Bosley medical center.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I used to go to Vegas for these two days, but that was before everyone in the world started doing that and now a hotel tonight will run you $500 without even including the hooker.

But damn, being in a sports book at 8 AM, with all those games waiting to be bet on…life was good, you know?

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Enrico Pallazzo

I like to think that I’d shit on Jerry Jones’ grave while he looks up from Hell.

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laserguru

I’ll be able to answer the how drunk question tomorrow since I took the day off to watch hoops and celebrate Saint Patrick’s day.

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SonOfSpam

Same here. But I have to get up at 6 AM on Saturday for an all-day high school lacrosse tournament, so you may have to drink extra. I assume this will not be a problem.

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nomonkeyfun

Isn’t dealing with Lax parents reason to keep drinking all through the night and the next day?

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SonOfSpam

The programs here are pretty new, but I’ve already noticed a difference between last year (everyone’s so nice!) and this year (so-and-so quit because they weren’t getting playing time). So to answer your question, yes,

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Horatio Cornblower

Same here but there’s a poker tournament that night with real money on the line so I have to keep it reasonable.

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Unsurprised

I visited my friend at Auburn over my spring break, which overlapped with St. Patrick’s Day. We went to a great bar and then his girlfriend dragged us to a shitty bar with nasty beer that ended up giving us all the runs all night. That was the last time I ever went out on St. Patrick’s Day because fuck green beer and fuck all the lightweights playing amateur hour.

The most I got drunk was the year before in Spain, which was awesome and probably set the bar so high that future days were already doomed.

Woz and Jobs were hobby computer builders in the same town and that’s how they met, but they teamed up because Jobs alpha dogged the fuck out of Woz.

I would love to shit on plenty of people’s graves, but I know I could never try it without fucking it up.

Re: no-tipping restaurants, they’ve all gone back that have tried it here because everyone involved seemed to agree that the idea sucked. The labor hated it because these were all high end restaurants and they were making less without tips. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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